Friday, May 29, 2015

Meet the Canines!

I have to tell you something, I have two priorities in my life: food and dogs, and not always in that order.  Some of you Gentle Readers who have been around a while might already know that, but you should be be reminded because it's the truth.

I totally stole this idea from TexErin-in-Sydneyland (who had a linkup for this a while ago, but I missed the cut off date and still wanted to post this).

Have I ever mentioned that my puppers have their own blog?  Oh they do.  It's not been updated since January April because I don't sit down at my laptop at home for extended periods of time like I did before moving to SC #sorrynotsorry.  That doesn't mean that I don't still take ALL THE PHOTOS! of their cuteness as often as possible.  In fact, my entire instagram account is dedicated to Phil and Meri... ok 98% of it.

Let's meet the contestants!

As a Gentle Reader, you are aware that I name all the things.  Well, Phil and Meri both have lots of nicknames, so be prepared... PS. It was extremely difficult to limit myself to these few photos.

Philbo Baggins

Phil is a retired racing greyhound who raced as Pals Spot Light at a track in Daytona, FL.  When I adopted him in February 2012, I was going to name him Pixel, but after his foster mom called him "Pixy" it was quickly changed to the backup plan, Phil.

This photo accurately conveys our relationship.

I've learned a lot about Mr. Baggy Pants over the last few years.  He has an addiction to gluten and peanut butter and gets crazy eyes over marshmallows and getting to clean out the PB jar.  He is smarter than me.  He knows how to work my locking trash can.  He rears back like a horse when he's excited over meal times, which often ends with me yelling at him when he lands his not-light paw/claws on the very sensitive, top of my foot.  He knows when I yell to go lay down somewhere out of my vicinity.  He has breath that could peel paint.  He can set his head on short (non-counter height) tables and he is able to reach stuff on the counter without too much effort.  He has taught me that one does not question greyhound/sighthound comfort.  I am only the gateway to his REAL forever family, Teh MD Adult Roomie.  Philbo didn't actually pick ME, but Teh Bear, and then the poor dog ended up with me by default.  SUCKA.  That said, Phil LOVES men.

That evidence won't hold up in a court of doggy law, Mom.

And this, this is doggy abuse, Mom.  Seriously.

At 80 pounds, Mr. Beggins isn't a small dog.  He is big and mighty, but is afraid of slippery floors (it's a greyhound thing apparently), and because he has no shame, he wears rubber booties and bowties and is well-known for his thing with mustaches because he is a gentleman.  He didn't get on the furniture until a year after I got him, and it wasn't because he wasn't allowed, he just didn't.  Now his favorite place is his guest bed, after that is my bed, then the couch.  Phil doesn't sit, despite my best efforts, but he can lay down and stay and go to his house like a pro.  He also learned to catch treats which brings me much joy.

Philbo is ALWAYS ready to go on a ride.  It doesn't even matter where to.  Phil used to visit a nursing home in MD as a therapy dog.  A limited number of times, I've gotten Phil to roo (which is like greyhound talking) but I always have to get him started with videos of other greyhounds rooing.  He's in his element when he's with other greyhounds (greyhounds tend to be breed snobs, but I assume this is because they are around only greyhounds for the first 2ish years of their lives). 

Mr. Pants rarely plays with dog toys and anytime he does, I try not to interrupt him because it's so rare.  He doesn't understand the concept of fetch.  Watching him run at full speed is breath-taking.. and not just because you think he's going to run into you, but he's SOOO fast!  He's not ran into me once, he always dodges me at the last minute as long as I don't move.  He used to love coming up behind me and putting his nose between my legs.  Now, he comes up to me for pettins and sticks his nose between my legs from the front.  He sometimes groans when I rub his ears because he likes it so much.  Every year I spend a lot of money to get Phil's teeth cleaned because that stanky breath of his.  It doesn't help, I know this because he takes great joy in coming up to me to yawn in my face, then walks away.

Philbo Baggins is kinda quirky sometimes (thus his primary nickname) and I have video evidence of him backing up the stairs and backing up at random other times because that's his way of dealing with slippery floors.  This action is often accompanied by my beeping at him like when large vehicles backup.  I once spent several hundred dollars when Phil had a limp and it turns out he's just a drama queen who didn't like a specific sweater that I had bought for him.  As soon as I took it off, he stopped limping (ok and he started taking a joint supplement).

Phil competed in 37 races.  I looked up his stats and he won 1st place 6 times, 2nd place 4 times, 3rd place 4 times, and the remaining 23 races were 4th place and below.  I've watched videos of him racing and even when I know what happens, I'm still cheering my boy on.  The wreck he had with another dog in one video makes me cringe to even think about.  It matters not to me, Philbo is always a winner in my book.  Born October 11, 2007 (the day after Teh Sister's bday), #Philalicious is my oldest, most handsome, stinkiest breath puppy-luppy, who is my favoritest of all the puppies ever and I remind him almost every single day of these things.

Radar ears!

Dobby face

I can't take him seriously.

The most adorable begging.

Meridoc Brandybuck

After I noticed that Phil would get depressed when our foster greyhounds would get adopted, I started looking into getting a 2nd dog.  I had a very specific list of criteria that the 2nd dog had to fit: Galga (a spanish greyhound), female, smallish (under 60 pounds), black, preferably a fuzzy (shaggy hair).  I knew the next pup would also have a Lord of the Rings themed name, because by that point, Phil had morphed into Philbo Baggins.  When I saw a photo of (then) Cadbury on the FB page of a rescue group in DC, I was immediately smitten.  Within 10 minutes of it being posted, someone else had tagged me in the comments and someone else had messaged me about her.  After a very brief discussion with Teh Bear (who was living with me in MD at the time), it was decided.  MINE!

I put a deposit on her and then it was a matter of waiting for her to get a ride from Spain to the US.  2 months later, she finally came home.. only fully meeting two of my very strict criteria: she is a she and she weighed less than 50 pounds.  She is a Podenco (or Ibizan Hound depending on who you ask) from Spain (so half credit on that one),  and she's brown, not black (quarter of a point for being a dark color).  If you aren't sure what a Podenco/Ibizan Hound is, let me explain it to you: they are kangaroos that bark, essentially.

Meri-Meri has been my silly girl from day.  She always needs to be played with or loved on, always.  She tried for a while to get Phil to play with her and everyone but her knew that wasn't going to happen.  Sometimes she still tries, but rarely.  My monkey girl (from the way she climbs all over everything and everyone) is very sensitive.  If you yell at her, she pouts.  She's horrible on a leash.  She chases anything that flies through the yard.  She likes to run up and down the fence with both neighbor's dogs.  She is a digger and dug 5 holes in the yard within a week of moving to SC.  As much as I wanted it to be me, Mr. Scrooge is Meri's person.  She will curl up with him anywhere and be happy as a clam.  She uses him as her body pillow when we are on the couch and every morning she jumps up on the bed and snuggles with him before he gets up.

Meri likes going everywhere Phil goes.  She does NOT like being left at home when Phil gets to go to work with me.  Despite how unattached to Phil she seems (and vice versa) they miss each other when the other isn't around.  She would rather fetch her mousies than a ball, but sometimes she's not picky, but when she's tired she won't fetch at all.  She likes to chew on hands, but never too hard.  We play a game where I grab one of her canine teeth or her tongue and she fights to get away and when she succeeds or I let go, we start all over. She gives me crazy eyes over butt scratches and knows what "do your tricks" means if I have marshmallows (she will sit) and she's also a peanut butter addict.  I spent at least $13 a month on a 6 pound tub of peanut butter for the dogs.

#merimeriquitecontrary is my menace girl.  She's always getting into something.  She's eaten Motrin (which thankfully didn't kill her), my shoes, other prescriptions, Phil's muzzle, Mr. Scrooge's IRS refund check, my HSA pin number, my tricare documents, and she's assisted with the eating of bread and other various trash items.  When she doesn't feel good, I know immediately because she slows down.  My little kangaroo girl usually bounces or bounds across the yard at full leap/speed.  Pods are known for their jumping ability and some have been known to clear 6 foot fences, but please don't tell Meri that, mkay?  She is a social butterfly who just loves lovin and gettin her butt scratched all the day long.  I look forward to her being my old lady one day because I'm sure she's gonna be sassy and delightful.

"Hi, I love you, please let me in." -Meri

Gratuitous Doggy Porn (aka photos of Meri and Phil being adorable together)

We won most awkward first family photo for SHUG.

Their first ride together.
My Monkey-Girl was sooo little!

She still goes under Phil now that she's grown.
He tolerates her so well.

Freshly shaved Meri and Phil in his favorite place (Yurtle).

The only time they ever snuggled.
I needed to squeeze something because the cuteness was almost too much to handle.

He likes to pretend to be all macho, but he really likes his sister.

It's rare to have both of them so close to me, it must always be documented!

Or I force them to take selfies with me like every good Mom.

I love my Meri-Meri and my Philbo Baggins.  They are my whole world.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Confessions {5/27}

-How the fuck is it already May 27th?  I know how much I refuse to acknowledge the month of May, but usually it's way more painful than this.  #soconfused  #thatwaseasy

-I ordered a villains mystery pack from and it was kinda expensive but it was TOTALLY WORTH IT.  I got the Maleficent, Red Queen, and Ursula shirts.   #runninghabitsareexpensive #worthit #Disneyaddict

-Remember last week when I said I was sad about one of my quadrant-mates leaving Company and how it was making me wonder what other jobs were out there for me?  Well, it goes hand-in-hand with the fact that sometimes, I miss "the fight."  I miss the mission of the military and no, it's not like we always did good things, but there was always something going on.  That thing last week with China and the US surveillance aircraft (P-8 Poseidon)?  I was stationed at VX-1 with a guy on that flight.  I actually flew in the P-8 to Scotland.  I miss discovering new places overseas and being the first to know something. #missthemission

-Why is it that a majority of the free e-books are erotic fiction?  I never realized that literary porn (literally) was a huge market.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good smut book every now and then, but it's just overwhelming.  #pornistakingovertheworld

-There's a girl who I grew up with, she's a few years older than me, but I've seen her in the photos of SEVERAL dude FB friends over the years (in what insinuated more than just a friendship relationship (yes I'm judging)).  In addition to the knowledge of all the dudes she dated while we were in middle/high school, it's just overwhelming that I know so many people she's dated.  Have I ever told you about how glad I am that I no longer live in Home, Home?  #smalltownlife #everybodyknowseverything

-I almost got hit by a kid on a bike on my run yesterday morning because the fool was staring at a cell phone instead of paying attention to where he/she (couldn't tell it was dark and so were they..) was going.  They were weaving all over the sidewalk and I knew what would happen if I didn't say something.  I said, PLEASE look up! as I approached them and they barely registered anything in the half second it took me to say it, so I followed it with a, "HEY!" at which point their head jolted up and they barely avoided hitting me as the bike wobbled under them.  WTF people.  LOOK UP FROM YOUR FUCKING SCREENS EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE!  Not only is it courteous, it helps you do things.. like pay attention to your surroundings.  #lookup #runnerproblems

-Before a meeting, my boss was telling us that his daughter came home from college wearing a 2004 Reggae concert shirt and he was all WTF? to her.  She explained that she got it at Goodwill.  One coworker commented, "I hope she washed it before she wore it."  Boss said, "Hopefully at least twice."  At which point, another coworker chimed in, "Tide doesn't wash away shame."  #mycoworkersareawesome #tidedoesntwashawayshame

-Sometimes before my afternoon workouts, I am super exhausted.  So... I'll take a quick nap in my car prior to going on a run or going into the gym.  #sleepfuelsme

-I'm calling my new plan to run in the mornings and go to the gym in the afternoons Project Flab Extermination.  #Ishouldhashtagthat 

-The first day of Project Flab Extermination, I was within .2 miles of my house after a 4 mile run and had a flooring realization that I had left the dogs loose in the house and the garbage can had pork roast scraps/fat in it.  The prayers were quick and fervent that Phil hadn't gotten into the trashcan (as he is known to do).  I was expecting the worst.  When I came inside, the trashcan was unscathed and my dogs were innocent.  It was proof that miracles happen. #blessed

-It was a good weekend, but I didn't feel like blogging about it, so I didn't.  Teh Sister and Teh Utah Specialist came  to Charleston with my Nephdogs to visit and it was good.  We took the dogs to the beach the day they left and I almost thought my dogs were dead after we got home when they didn't move or beg for our food in anyway because they were passed out during human dinner time.  Then Monday was spent cleaning/doing yard stuffs and watching Game of Thrones and going over to a neighbor's house for dinner and listening to Marine sea-stories.  #whyisnteveryweekend3days

WTF?  Seriously.

-I'm having all the struggles with the last 2 episodes of GoT due to the Sansa storyline, and not in a good way.  #isGeorgeRMartindeadyet? #istheseriesevergoingtoend?

-I'm ordering a medal rack for my race medals and I'm choosing fonts and the struggle is real.  There are 13 different font options and I want to use 3 different fonts and ALL THE CHOICES!  Fortunately, the seller is known for being awesome and super helpful when it comes to previewing what you're getting.  I messaged them and asked for previews for 5 different font combinations.  Hopefully I'll have a new rack (hehehe) soon!  #boobjokesmakemelaugh

#Hashtaghumpday @ Life with Lolo

Friday, May 22, 2015

Military vs Civilian Life

In honor of Memorial Day this weekend, I give you a list of things that vary between the military lifestyle and the civilian lifestyle.  Even if you've never served, some of these might still make you laugh.

Military: "Oh, I see you have a tattoo, what is it?  Why did you get it?  How many tattoos do you have?  Can I see them?  I have 17 all over my body want to see?"
Civilian: *no one cares*

Military: *coworker randomly starts doing pushups/jumping jacks/a short calisthenics workout in the middle of the work space*  "I'm doing this challenge where I do 20 push-ups every hour.  The PRT is coming."  (PRT = physical readiness test)
Civilian: no one ever randomly starts doing workouts in the workplace.

Military: Haze new members by sending them on pointless tasks that aren't accomplish-able.  Having someone find the ID10t form, looking for a piece of flight line, etc.
Civilian: Show new person around and introduce them to their team members/coworkers and acquire the equipment they need to do their job and let them start working.

Military: "Hey, fucker!  How was your night last night?  Did you get fucked up?  Man, I'm so tired, my old lady and I fuckin' all night long." *while walking to quarters*
Civilian: "Good morning."  "Good morning."  *work*

Military: Let's spend an entire day on "safety training" and waste an entire work day on mindless briefs that are common sense.  Don't rape/sexually harass people, don't be racist/sexist/any-ists, use proper protective equipment to do your job, don't tell classified secrets, don't go to paycheck loan places for money, don't hit your significant other, use a condom, talk to someone if you're feeling sad.
Civilian: You're an adult, make good decisions.  We'll even let you figure it out on your own.

Military: "Hooyah/Hoorah/Hooah/(whatever the Air Force says)!"
Civilian: "Hey."

Military: *When talking to someone higher ranking than you* "Yes, Sir.  No, Sir.  Good idea, Sir.  I'll get right on that, Ma'am."
Civilian: *When talking to your boss/manager* "Yeah, Steve.  I'll get right on that."

Military: Let's gather in a large group and stand "at attention" for long periods of time so everyone can hear everything that doesn't apply to them and we can take a head-count to make sure everyone arrived to work and give everyone back problems at the same time!  Also called "going to quarters."
Civilian: Where's Megan?  Not sure, send her an email, she'll get back to you.

Military: *Junior enlisted person squinting hard at every single person in uniform that passes them to ensure that they salute officers*
Civilian: *wave a people you know*

Military: The CO/Admiral/Chief/Important Person is coming, time to field day!  (Field day in the military means to deep clean every.single.thing.ever, this is almost always done by the lowest enlisted people and officers are almost always no where to be found during said field day, having "more important things to do" like nap.)
Civilian: My kid's have field day today so I'll be missing work. (Field day to mean participating in activities in a large field outside, in the sun, usually an all day event.)

Military: Announced at quarters: "Physical fitness is important so we will be running 6 miles tomorrow starting at 0600.  Be there at 0545.  Report to work at 0900."  Half of the command shows up for the run, several are slightly intoxicated, the other half report to work because they couldn't hear the message at quarters.
Civilian: Your employer might give you a gym membership, but probably not.  You're still gonna work all your hours and if you wanna work out you do that on your time.

Military: Let's wear the same thing every day and critique each individual that walks in the door on their appearance because they don't meet specific regulations that say we all have to look the same.
Civilian: Are my genitals covered?  Check. 

Military: If I ensure that my pants are tucked into my boots/bloused, I definitely will help better combat terrorism today.
Civilian: Who the hell tucks their pants into their shoes or blouses their pants?  That looks so stupid.

Military: "Well, it's only 1230 and our safety briefs are complete and it's a holiday weekend.  Looks like it's beer:30!"
Civilian: "But if I leave at lunch, I have to take time off...  Nah, I'll just stay here and not go to the doctor.  It's not big deal if my leg falls off, right?"

Military: "Went to medical for whatever this sickness is.  They gave me 800mg of Motrin and told me to drink more water and get back to work.  This is why our healthcare is free."
Civilian: "Went to the doctor for whatever this sickness is.  They gave me an antibiotic and a sick note and told me to stay home for the rest of the week.  It only cost me $500."

Military: "Hey, I'm gonna run to the head.  If I see that fucker in the p-way I'm going to kick his ass.  Want me to refill your water bottle at the scuttlebutt?"
Civilian: Goes to bathroom without telling anyone, doesn't threaten anyone, and refills their water bottle at the water fountain.

Military: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but let's get BAH and call me baby."  (BAH = housing money and a ticket to not live in barracks)
Civilian: *doesn't get extra money for being married/having kids*

Happy (long) Weekend!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Confessions {5/20}

-After all the encouragement (and being unable to "attain") All the Bright Places, I signed up for a library "card".  Technically I didn't get a card, but I did register with the library on base.  I really had no excuse not to.  I walk by the library each time I go to the gym (which has been frequently lately since it's been so hot/humid in the afternoons) so it was just a matter of taking the 5 minutes to fill out the paperwork.  #bookworm

-I've been wanting to make panna cotta since labor day 2014 when Mr. Scrooge came up to MD to visit me and we went to Olive Garden and I had it for the first time ever.  I looked up recipes and got overwhelmed at gelatin so I never bothered.  I did more research last weekend and kept reading about how easy it is so I bit the bullet and purchased all the ingredients.  Then I waited because I'm lazy.  The process of making it took 10 minutes.  The process of eating it could have taken less if I didn't have such amazing will power.  #foodismyweakness #therewerenophotos

-I get the "bye Felicia" thing, but I didn't GET it, so after seeing the below photo, I did some research and watched the video from the 90s where "bye Felicia" came from and I 100% get it now.  #byefelicia

-There is a chair fairy that comes in the office every single day and fucks up all the chairs in the conference rooms so they aren't where people actually sat.  It makes me crazy.  #putthingswhereyoufoundthem

-Related to the above, Mr. Scrooge puts things in different places each time he uses them or moves stuff that has a place all the time and it makes me crazy.  Crrrrrraaazzzzyyyyy.  So when I was trying to tell him that something was on the "beer shelf" in the fridge he was confused because he had put the beer on a different shelf since there wasn't room on the beer shelf at the time for the beer.  The beer always goes on the same shelf when I'm putting things away....  He said to me after I had to get up and physically hand him the bowls that he couldn't find because I was describing them on the beer shelf, "And you say I'm a control freak!"  #thisisnotOCD #organizationworks

-The blankets on my bed HAVE to be tucked under the mattress.  There is no laying the comforter over the bed all pretty.  No, no.  Apparently, I have a death wish in my sleep and I am constantly pulling the covers up.  The problem with this?  If the covers aren't tucked under the mattress, I end up with all the blankets around my head and my toes are freezing and I'm asphyxiating because I can't breathe because all the blankets are around my neck/face. #blanketstrytokillmeinmysleep

-Songs with obnoxiously long/high pitched guitar/trumpet sections/solos are my least favorite thing and guarantee I won't make it to the end of the song.  #kthxbye #noisepollution

-Now that it's sweaty summer time, after I blow dry my hair, I change the settings to cool and then blow dry the sweat off my body.  I especially like to put the dryer up the back of my shirt and down the back of my pants.. if I'm wearing clothes when I dry my hair.  If I'm not wearing clothes, it's game on all over for a cool blow.  Teehehee, sorry I couldn't help myself.  #hairdyersaremultipurpose #SometimesIPointTheHairDryerAtMyFaceAndPretendToBeInASuperModelPhotoShoot #noshame

-I've been using hair oil since January after pretty much raping my hair trying to get the blue out.  When I had my hair cut at Home, Home, my hair dresser commented on how soft my hair was and I was like #fuckyesbitches.  I love when shit works. #bluehairrocks #bleachedhairsucks

-I may or may not have stopped after the burial ceremony at my hair dressers place since she was right down the street from the cemetery, even though we were supposed to be going to a luncheon for the family.  I felt way less guilty about it after I arrived at the church after getting my hairs did and no one had eaten yet because the immediate family hadn't arrived yet.  #thepriceofbeauty #dontjudgeme

-Mr. Scrooge keeps a hatchet beside the bed.  It kinda freaks me out.  He claims it's for if someone were to ever break in...  Mmmmkay, sparky.  #selfdefense

-Mr. Scrooge has this ridiculous thing where he doesn't like messy eating/eaters... and I get it.. but holy shit if he tries to wipe my mouth again or hand me a napkin (because he thinks I don't have one when I do, I just haven't had a chance to use it because whatever messy food I'm devouring is too delicious to worry about the corners of my mouth at that moment/my hands are too messy to bother/I haven't had half a second to pick up my napkin), I might physically abuse him.  It's not like I've been sitting there with shit all over my face for a solid amount of time.. No no, this is like I take a bite and he immediately offers/attempts.  #wtfno  #iamanadult #icanwipemyownmouth #tyvm #rageescalatestoviolence

-I thought it might be slightly awkward to eat corn on the cob for lunch while sitting at my desk...  Yes I brought my own holders.  #donotcare #NothingComesBetweenMeAndFood

-18 days into May, I realized that my watch date was a day behind.  I haven't made the effort to fix it yet...  #daylateandadollarshort

-Speaking of 18 days into May, how the fuck did we already get through half of this month already?  #wheredoesthedaygo

-Sometimes when I'm looking at word documents that aren't for my work, I get very confused why they feel so cluttered... then I remember that I have proofmarking symbols on.  No proofmarks really clears up a document quick!  #techwriterproblems

-One of my quadrant mates has a new job and I'm a bit sad about it because he's the only person close-ish to my age at Company who can share military stories with me and understand my plight in life.  The other reason I'm all the sads is because it's making me wonder what other jobs are out there for me, which leads me to not wanting my clearance to expire which leads me to "do I want to do tech writing for forever?" "do I want to get back into the intel world?" "what about the shitty schedule/shift work that comes with the intel world?"  Just all the considerations and all the things. #workingwoman #firstworldproblems

-Company uses SharePoint at work as a file management/sharing system and I really struggle with people who don't understand how to use it.  Leaving a file open in your browser means that you're the only one who can make changes and if you don't respond to your tech writer for several hours, she starts to get pissy when she's being cock blocked by your retardation.  #l2technology

#Hashtaghumpday @ Life with Lolo