tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1581436032352728193.post6738877410318302562..comments2024-03-25T03:06:09.432-04:00Comments on can I decide another day?: Keepin' It Real: On Rejection.Teh Meganhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13715128040792877195noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1581436032352728193.post-36311765289279954092018-07-13T10:37:03.393-04:002018-07-13T10:37:03.393-04:00Girl, I feel you on a LOT of this. My issues are:
...Girl, I feel you on a LOT of this. My issues are:<br /><br />1- When stressed, my (already apparently high-for-a-female) goes up even more, because sex works as a stress reliever. This almost offends the husband, like he doesn't want to be "used," but also...stress makes his drive go down. This is not a great combo.<br />2- While I am naturally insecure person anyway, sex rejection feels even worse because our culture acts like all women are sirens and irresistible and we must be kept at arm's length or men will immediately want to fuck us at the slightest hint of cleavage/short skirts/lipstick/whatever. So when all you hear is "men are pigs who want sex all the time" and then your man doesn't want sex...it feels like it HAS to be personal...even when in reality men are people and SHOULD have the right to say "Look I'm not feeling it." But literally 98% of sex advice is focused on women-want-less/men-want-more scenarios so like, WTF?Brittany Alwayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09886277401522534205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1581436032352728193.post-27529979358356234752018-07-12T22:32:21.331-04:002018-07-12T22:32:21.331-04:00I can relate SO much to your post, girl. I’ve been...I can relate SO much to your post, girl. I’ve been rejected a few times in the last month or so and I take it so personally. Like what in the F is Erin with me?! <br />You’re not alone Megs... xoxo The Flynniganshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877002799914008086noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1581436032352728193.post-38252275090053259802018-07-11T08:55:39.848-04:002018-07-11T08:55:39.848-04:00I am the exact same way when I'm with someone....I am the exact same way when I'm with someone. I just assume that if they don't want to have sex, or aren't trying to have sex when I think they should/normally would, that it's something wrong with me or that they just aren't into me/the relationship anymore. It's something I also really need to work on. Hopefully before I get into another serious relationship.Briannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15343989978472064388noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1581436032352728193.post-10488604183355453472018-07-11T08:42:16.358-04:002018-07-11T08:42:16.358-04:00You sound a lot like me.. and we are both in relat...You sound a lot like me.. and we are both in relationships with Germans. So much coincidence!<br />Anyway... for the last 2 or 3 years of living in Germany our sex life was basically non-existent. Jan was always either at work, at home but still working (sometimes until 1 a.m.) or stressing about work. According to him that was why he never felt like sex, but my mind translated it to "if he found me attractive he would still want me even with everything else going on". Also I always had a higher sex drive than him anyway so I was much more likely to notice how long it had been and freak out, whereas when I mentioned it to him he'd be like "That long? Huh, yeah.. I guess so". After *many* arguments we worked out that, like you, I need intimacy in my relationship - and not just physically, but in terms of feeling like I'm actually part of his life (since the only thing he did besides work was choir practice once a week and I can't sing a note I felt like he didn't care about me/I was his last priority) and he's not taking me for granted - even though I was guilty of taking him for granted as well. And we also discovered that he thought he was always the one to initiate things... apparently I was too subtle so when I tried he didn't even notice. Huh. SO then he wouldn't initiate because he got annoyed feeling like that was his "responsibility" as the man. Things did get better after that talk, mostly because I started actually telling him I was feeling neglected before it got to the point of "you haven't touched me in *three whole months*. Clearly you no longer find me attractive", but in terms of actually having more frequent sex things got slightly better when we moved to Basel and he had most evenings to himself again and felt less stressed. But honestly we didn't actually start having a lot of sex again until we started trying for a baby 2.5 years and go and were forced to do it at least once a month ;-) It seems sex begets more sex because it also spontaneously happened a few times when it wasn't "necessary". But even in times when we aren't necessarily intimate for a while I seem to be better at not jumping to conclusions and assuming it's all about me while he has got better at being just generally affectionate and making me feel wanted without that necessarily being about sex.<br /><br />Phew, sorry for the huge, massive essay. I have no idea whether any of it even made sense. I just wanted you know you're not alone. Those unhelpful negative thoughts can be beaten. Not saying it was easy, and I definitely still jump to conclusions/escalate things, but you will get there.Confuzzled Bevhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01471749871770054481noreply@blogger.com