Thursday, May 19, 2011

Facebook land..

Recently, Teh Bear and I watched The Social Network, the movie about Mark Zuckerberg creating Facebook. While it might have not have been all fact, it kept me engrossed and at least mildly entertained for almost 2 hours.  

Its hard to imagine when people didn't have Facebook.  I'm on the site several times a day, and usually most of the day when I'm not at work.  When I'm at work, I have to close the site to save on my bandwidth usage so the bandwidth Nazis fairies don't send me nasty emails saying I'm being interwebz greedy.  In GTMO, FB was blocked entirely unless you had the right connections, like Smelly Ass Man (everyone that worked with me will know who this is), or knew the secrets.  And if you were nice like me caught looking at FB by your Master Chief, you shared these secrets.  That 's' after http is such a champ!

I remember signing up for FB in college, I still lived in the dorms.  I had to have a email account (who probably has the shittiest email host evar, Squirelmail /shiver) to sign up.  I used to add people that I had classes with, because at that point it was about networking and knowing people via Facebook.  It wasn't until Facebook was opened up to everyone that it became an elitist group where it was a competition to see who had the most friends or the fact that you only "friended" people that you personally know or was a member of X number of groups (which now means that you "liked" a group/page).  

Am I bragging?  Oh yes I am.  I'm kind of a big deal.  Thank you.

Meh.  For years my FB page actually had my myspace website linked to it, with the comment, "I'm on Myspace way more than here."  For years, I actually manged both accounts, updating statuses to be the same so it wasn't like I had multiple personalities.  I did appreciate the fact that Myspace had those smilies you could post with your update, especially when you got to choose them, but I'm a sucker for smiley faces.  Anyone who has ever chatted with me online knows, I'm a :) abuser.  I <3 :).  Sometimes I even put :) in my work chats.  Its a sick, sick problem, it makes me seem so damn happy.  ;)

Does anyone know this girl in real life?
(Google images)
Eventually, I got tired of myspace.  All the 13 year old half naked girls takin photos in their bathrooms with turds floatin in the toilet behind them.  You know which picture I'm talkin about.  No worries, I have it for you, cause its priceless and a google search away (thank God for Google, its only bigger than Facebook by default since its find stuff AND people AND Facebook).  With so many glittery, sparkily gifs that made loading the page practically impossible.

I stopped updating Myspace all together and moved to FB.  I could tell thats where the next big thing was because FB finally decided to open its doors to THE ENTIRE WORLD (that would allow it, not pointing any fingers at China, and for a while Pakistan).  I kept my Myspace (which needs a cool abbreviation like MS, not to be confused with the disease) profile, cause I had worked really hard on all those stupid long quizzes that I filled my profile with, and my super awesome background (that doesn't seem to fit right on my blog) :(.  And I was Teh BFF's #1 friend, which was a BIG deal.  

Facebook was IT.  Along came Farmville and MafiaWars and wtf ever other stupid app games there were that I never played.  No jk, ever.  I got tired of seeing the spam from them and the angels in heaven sang joyously when the "block all requests from this application" link was created (if you don't know about this, I'm judging you). I got tired of being asked to donate goats or wood planks or find the pistol or the ace of spades or what the hell ever.  It amazes me that some people still don't know that the block everything from this annoying app option exists.  It amazes me that "app" isn't flagged by spell check.  Zomy, this world we live in (zomy was flagged).  Facebook became over ran with apps instead of statuses, and then links and apps instead of statuses, and then relationship statuses, this person is now friends with these 10 million people posts, more apps, youtube videos, copy and paste statuses about cancer and stupid people and dragons, and even... dun dun dun.. hacker apps, aka viruses.

Those pesky hackers, and Zuckerberg encouraged/s those guys!  I love it when someone clicks on those "watch this girl get caught having sex by her dad"... and then they "comment" or share it with EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE PEOPLE ON THEIR FRIENDS LIST.....  W.T.F.?  Facebook isn't, people need to stop being stupid start using common sense, imo, imo.  

But Facebook is literally tainting my life.  Sometimes I'll be having a conversation with someone, and I'll want to "like" what they said, except.. we're not on Facebook, we're speaking, person to person, face to face..  "liking" something is on the not real, internet world, does that make me a terrible, FB obsessed person?  And since I can't actually click "like", I'll tell them that I would have "liked" it on FB.  Or better yet, I'll post the bit of conversation as my status so other people can "like" it.  W.T.F. is wrong with me?  I need a real life!!!!  (or I need to live in America with all my materialistic happy things (aka cell phone and Target) so I don't have to stalk people's lives via the interwebz.)

Or I'll be asked, hey did you see what I shared the other day on Facebook?
Me: No, I don't click links on FB for the most part, as I'm not a huge fan of being plagued with viruses or looking at girls being caught by their dad having sex.  (Conversation continuing internally, thats just awkward.)
Them: Well, you should check it out, its funny!
Me: Ok.

I have to be prompted.  Otherwise, it is all spam to me.  I hide people that I find annoying, while Teh Bear just suggests that I drop the ax and just defriend them... GASP!!!  WHAT?!?!  DEFRIEND!?!  WOAHHHHHHH sparky.  

1.  Defriend isn't recognized (yet) by spell check, but I'm sure it won't take long. 
2.  Defriending is a drastic option since there is the hide ability.  
3.  Defriending is done when circumstances are beyond hiding, like the person's internet presence in my life annoys me.  
4.  Not being friends with someone you know is almost as awkward as defriending someone and then they refriend you shortly after, or worse, you refriending them.  

All this verbing of nouns is giving me blog ideas.
(Teh Bear via
Last year, I deleted my Myspace account entirely because it was enabling me to internet stalk people, which was good and bad, but mostly bad (the internet stalking part, not the deleting part).  And recently, Facebook started enabling me in the same way, but I'm doing a much better job at resisiting.  The only part about deleting my Myspace that I'm sad about is the extensive years of blogging that were lost.  Gone.  Vamooshed.  /weep.

So, I'm dependent on FB to keep up with life around the world..  I see when my aunt posts about my gramps, when my step-sister defriends me because I'm a bitch (prob her words), when my friends deploy, when people go on vacation, when people get married or make relationships "official" by announcing them on FB, when people have babies (stupid spring freakin fever), when people post how much they weigh (you know who you are, and I've not figured out a way to hide that without hiding you or Twitter, which makes me sad), when people link their favorite photoshopped pic of dead Osama bin Laden, when people do silly "challenges" of songs/photos (see I also make fun of myself)...  

Its amazing to me how far Facebook has come.  Its also amazing how deeply Facebook has rooted itself in my life, hell I'm writing a freakin blog about it.  In my defense, I'm stupidly exhausted.  I'm working on hour 18 of awakeness, and thats just silly.  The best part was that this blog was spawned by the fact that I did one of those copy/paste statuses for the first time ever tonight, and it broke my heart a little, because I'm such a stickler to my Facebook rules (also another blog post).  In my defense, the copy/paste thing was about punching people in the face..  And from those that knew me in GTMO, Drunk Megan liked to punch people in the face, and there was actually an exclusive club for those that had been punched in the face (usually I aimed for the forehead).

Hrm.. I think its time to go check Facebook.  :)

PS.  when you spell google without a capital G, spell check flags it as incorrect and suggests Google.  Apparently they are so big of a deal that spell check recognizes them.  Now if I could get that for my last name, without having to use the "add to dictionary" feature.



  1. You know, I was thinking about this picture the other day and it made me wonder... did she not WIPE after doing that nastiness because I see no toilet paper in that toilet! EW!!!

    1. Despite just accepting your observation so I wouldn't have to reassess the turd situation, I think there is TP in the bowl. It's just hard to see because your eye is so drawn to the big turd.


YAY!! I love comments! Please be aware that I reply to comments via email; please have an email associated with your account so we can chat!