Wednesday, May 23, 2018

The Start of Megan's #GirlPower

I'm going to bring you back to the 90s with a Gatorade commercial and tell you how it changed my life...


I remember this commercial from middle school.  I know it was 7th grade distinctly because I would go around singing this commercial and when someone would respond, "No you can't!"  I would yell, "YES I CAN!"  (I was a real gem as a 13 year old).

But my point is... this little jingle meant more to me than I would realize until years and years later.
To this day, when someone says, "No you can't," I still respond with, "YES I CAN!"

I honestly believe that this commercial was the start of the woman I am now.  The woman who doesn't back down.  The woman who believes that, "Anything you can do, I can do better."  I don't need to be able to do things better, but in my world, I can do anything anyone else can do if I want to.  This commercial is essentially my theme song and I want to remind YOU:

Anything I can do you, you can do better.
Anything you can do, I can do better.




Friday, May 18, 2018

Five on Friday #150

EINS - Random Shit

-I hated everyone by 0800 on Monday morning.  The week went exactly as Monday morning projected....

-I had a massage on Monday (Thanks Teh WJL!) and there was construction going on next door and I just powered through it.  Fortunately, it was intermittent during my massage, but I was told that the appointment before mine was pretty bad because it was constant construction noise.  Least favorite thing after a massage?  Being asked to spend more money.  It's one thing if you ask me if I want to schedule another appointment, but asking me to buy a subscription package or special group prices doesn't relax me.  You gave me a massage, not a lobotomy.  Nonetheless, I did fall asleep on the table, so it was definitely a good massage.

-New range finally arrived.  It has scratches on the glasstop.  I wish I was kidding.  I am also being SUPER anal since this is a replacement for a damaged range to begin with.


-I bought an insulated water bottle.  I won't lie.  It's ridiculous.  I went for the 40oz bottle which is awesome and stupid.  Awesome because it holds FORTY OUNCES.  Stupid because it doesn't fit in Yurtle's cup holders... /rolleyes.

Yes, this bottle is bigger than my head.

-Bathing suit update!  The final bikini came in and it was a DEFINITE keeper.  I didn't get pics because I was too lazy to go upstairs to fetch the bottoms, but the top has underwire AND provides SUPPORT and damn deese titties were lookin' fiiiiiiine..  So in the end, I kept the fine titty top and matching bottoms, the colorful bikini, and the blue tankini top (which I will match with bottoms I already own).  Good bye bikinis I've had since GTMO (no, I'm not kidding.  That would be circa 2010).

-I have a coworker that sometimes nods off at his desk and it makes me laugh.  I'm not one to judge, having fallen asleep at my desk more than once, but when another coworker needed to ask the sleeping coworker a question, I suggested he try again in 20 minutes.  We laughed about it and within 20 minutes, sleeping coworker was functioning again.

-Mother's Day gifts were a hit.  Of course.  #LikeABoss

-Sooo I unintentionally bought a new computer on Tuesday....  What had happened was... before school ended, I had packed up my stuff to leave work and my bag (with my laptop in it) fell and hit the floor.  Oops.  Sometimes, weird shit happens and everything is ok, I had a feeling that this was not that time.  I was right, I took out my laptop and it was dented on the edge and the bottom frame was cracked and wouldn't seal back shut.  Fantastic.  This wasn't doing anything to affect performance, so I told myself that when school had ended for the semester, I'd take it to Best Buy and see about getting it repaired.

Side note: You better believe I paid for that "we cover everything" insurance from Best Buy.  Thus, taking in my computer for damage wasn't a question of if, but when.  I also had a cluster of bad pixels on my screen, so I had been planning on taking it in for that prior to it's fall.

Since I know that I won't need my laptop while we are on vacation, I decided that right before we left would be the perfect time to drop it off at Best Buy.  So I went by on Tuesday expecting to drop it off.. and then the lady told me that they wouldn't repair it, but replace it.  AND THEN... they no longer carried my computer, so I ended up with a new baby.

I had to pay $300 more, but for the upgrades and the lighter weight, it was worth it.  I only "used" $100 of the insurance plan I originally bought, and I got the entire refund for the Asus computer that I originally bought and the prorated amount for the unused insurance.  You better believe I got another warranty plan with the new laptop.  Now it just needs some stickers.

Just carrying this box around like a cool kid.

-I've been considering a new radio for Yurtle.  One that includes navigation.  But I'm supppperrr cheap and one that integrates with my steering wheel controls and uses my current back up camera is my preference and that seems like a unicorn idea.  I was going to talk to someone at Best Buy about my options yesterday but there was only one person working in the department and he was on the phone for waaayyyy too long for me to keep waiting on him, so I left.  Teh German said something about a place in West Ashley we could go talk to, so maybe when we get back?  It's not a high priority, but I'd like to know my options.

-While packing for Australia I stumbled upon my World of Warcraft installation discs for vanilla and Burning Crusade.  I'm donating them.  The new computer doesn't even have a disc drive.  #Welcometo2018

-I kept my mobile wifi device that I purchased when I was in Australia in 2012.  I'm not sure if it will still work, but I'm bringing it with us and if it still works, that'd be awesome.

-With the new computer, came some changes.  I migrated (back) from Firefox to Chrome.  I haven't decided which browser I actually like better.  I think Firefox works better for my personal stuff and Chrome works better for DoD/work things.  The only thing that I'll ever use Edge or Internet Exploder for is if it's a work link that will NOT work with Chrome or FF.  No.  Just NO.

-Is it weird that I sit at my desk with my little tooth brusher after eating lunch?  #DONOTCURR
I did at least make sure that no one was around before I started pickin' at my teefs.


-On Wednesday, I went by the pizza place a few doors down from my office to get a "woe is me, my vacation starts tomorrow, but first I have to survive today" brownie.  A guy walked up to the counter and asked how he could help me and I told him I needed the biggest brownie they had.  He said there might be a corner still available and I said, no no, I need the gooeyest middle piece.  He told to me take my pick.  I explained that my vacation started on Thursday but first I had a project to finish today and I needed a brownie to power through it.  He started to walk away and said, Oh, then you really need this brownie.  It's on the house.  Take it.  I protested and said I'd pay for it and he said, "Too late, I've already walked away."  Faith in humanity restored.

-Meri has to get medicated for long distance drives....  She was sooooooooo high for our drive to MD.


ZWEI - Money Shit

-Sam's Club things
-Things for the back porch (rug, pillows, etc)
-groceries
-dog food (oops)
-The labor for Yurtle's unicorn horn to be replaced (aka her radio antenna)
-dog nails clipped
-new leash for Mer-Mer
-insulated water bottle (because peer pressure)
-new computer... oops
-Gas
-KFC
-another insulated water bottle for Teh German (dammit Amazon for making shopping so easy)

DREI - From My Phone Shit

In honor of upcoming Australian adventures...
What kind of music do kangaroos listen to?
Hip Hop

This makes me so fucking stabby.
They removed a pretty median and repaved the intersection...
BUT THEY DIDN'T FINISH REPAVING THE ENTIRE FORMER MEDIAN.
asdlfkjeg;oerjg;ofivefoiefofvalkdjf;lejg;oierfjv;aodvjadsf UGH!

Avocado toast with shrimp and mushrooms...
Breakfast was avocado toast and lunch was supposed to be shrimp and grits.
FIXED IT.

Then there's there guy...
Fun fact, he used to fly S-2's in the Navy...

Goodbye sweet ROG laptop.  I will miss you.
We had a good run.
I'm sorry our relationship ended sooner than we anticipated.

Went into Kirkland's to look around and found the PERFECT pillow for Teh German.

And a self-representing candle.

And a ridiculous pillow for myself...

I've had this hat since 6th grade.
Teh German will likely be wearing it on our dive cruise to protect his ears.

This is what packing looks like.... FML.

I love when I surprise myself with snacks!
I had forgotten that I had put applesauce in my bag when I left work for the trip.
SELF-FIVE.

#ChallengeAccepted
One does not leave just a few Oreos in the package to go stale while you are away for a few weeks.
NO.


I won't lie.  I might have made some inappropriate noises while eating my KFC on our drive to MD.

VIER - From the Internet Shit









FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

  1. Most excellent audiobooks and the awkwardness that is listening to a sex scene with anyone else in the same room...
  2. A tittastic bikini top
  3. Sitting outside at work
  4. Accomplishing pre-vacation tasks
  5. 4 days until vacation
  6. 3 days until vacation
  7. 2 days until vacation
  8. 1 day until vacation
  9. 0 days until vacation
  10. HONEYMOON ADVENTURES!!!!!

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.




Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Shit Teh German Said #21

http://www.canidecideanotherday.com/search/label/Shit%20Teh%20German%20Said




tM: Teeth are NOT tools!
tG: They are, we're pretty much monkeys.


Discussing if Christopher Walken was still alive.
tG: He's still ...Walkin.


Drunk tG: Alexa play Chop Suey by System of a Down.
Alexa (verrrrrry slowwwwly): Playing... Chop... Suey... by... System.. of a... Down...
tG: Wow, she really struggled through that.
tM: You didn't really give her a lot to work with.


tM: That's how much I love you, I have explosive feelings for you. (regarding yelling sometimes)
tG: It smells like you explode sometimes too.. (regarding a lingering bathroom smell from earlier)


Singing to Teh German with Alicia Keys.
tM: My hair is on fiiiirrreeeee
tG: My ears, too...


As I was taking the above selfie until I got it perfect:
tG: White girl problems.


tG to the dogs: You guys expecting something?
tM: Yeah, bully sticks.
tG: This is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation.


Kid beside us at a pizza place is playing with pizza dough.
Teh PT Wife: I would take that dough and eat it [instead of play with it].
tG: I would take that dough.. and make it rain.






Shit Teh German Said Edition 123456, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Monday, May 14, 2018

Weekend Review {5/14}

FRIDAY

Friday was work.  I left after lunch time because I couldn't handle it anymore.  Teh German had to give me a pep talk to get out of bed.  I NEED a vacation ya'll and it's farther away when you're in the single digits than when you're in triple digits.  YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

When I got home, I took a nap, because I'm an adult.  Also because PMS, but mostly the adult thing. 

When I woke up, Teh German was home and he was chillin' on the back porch.  He had brought in the mail and I had some packages to open. MOAR swimsuits.  Actually, this was just one swim suit in multiple sizes.  Jessica Simpson swimsuits so fancccy they come on hangers.  Well ok then.


Uhhh no.

This swim suit was soooo uncomfortable.  The scalloped edges were SUPER ROUGH and scratched my skins!  Additionally, this is the XL top.  Teh German said maybe for laying out in the sun, depending on how much it cost?  I said, it cost too much for being something I just lay around and sweat in.  Sooo it will be going back.  Still waiting on the final bathing suit to arrive today to make my final determination on what will be going back and what will be staying.

Because I'm an adult, I had Oreos for dinner (since I was going to eat them anyways and I saved calories by NOT eating actual dinner #MeganLogic) and Teh German made gnocchi with pesto and ham, yes it was as weird as you'd imagine.  We were just hanging out until Teh German went inside and was like WHAT IF WE COULD WATCH HOCKEY?!?!

The Caps were playing and with the power of Teh Dad's DirecTV sign in, we were able to watch the game.  We were also able to reinforce the fact that I absolutely HATE commercials.  Especially if they are the same commercials replayed over and over and over and over.  I feel like there should be a minimum time between commercials.  Teh German then pointed out that I could MUTE the commercials with my phone and that made the last period of the game MUCH more enjoyable.

Seriously, though.. For a comm-media major, I fucking hate commercials. 

Someone pointed out how perfect the caption was for this photo
"through the perilous fight" (from the National Anthem)

After the Caps won, we headed to bed.


SATURDAY

Saturday, the dogs woke us up early (assholes) but we decided to get up and accomplish things.  I had to drop Yurtle off to get her antenna fixed and then we went to breakfast and ran some errands.  Teh German said ok to going into Target and we ended up buying an outdoor rug and the outdoor pillow that I was looking for (well, my 2nd choice since the silly flamingo pillow wasn't to be found).


After Target, we went to PetSmart since I had a #MeganFail and shipped our dog food auto-ship to Teh Running Bestie for Meri and Pax while they are there.. which meant that we ran out of food after breakfast on Saturday.  Ooops.  After PetSmart we headed to Sam's for some random shit, and then we headed home.

I talked to Teh Dad while sweeping the back porch to prepare for the rug.  Teh German helped me roll out the rug and put the furniture back.  Before Pax would just roam around listlessly.  Now he will settle on the carpet.  Meri will settle on the carpet, but she will also lay on the dog bed.


Since it was a mabillionty degrees (96°F in May, you snow shunners) outside, we went inside to pass the time until Teh PT Wife's birthday shenanigans started.  I've been talking about doing a puzzle for a million years and so I finally started one.  I'm hoping that I can have this baby finished before I go back to school in July.  Although, some awesome audiobooks have encouraged me to have puzzle time, so I don't think the goal is too lofty.

Disney puzzle that Teh Running Bestie got me this year.  :)

Shortly before 1, we headed over to Teh PT House for birthday fun.  There were no pictures, but it happened.  We were too busy having fun and hanging out.  Teh German left around 9 because he was tired and because the conversation turned to golf and he was over it.  I stayed for a while longer since we were playing Cards Against Humanity.  Eventually though, the party winded down and I left before 11:30. 


SUNDAY

Sunday was a slow start.  We didn't really have anything planned for the day, which was nice.  Teh German got up with the dogs and came back to bed, but we ended up getting up within the hour.  After chatting with Teh German about his plans for the day, I got motivated and decided to give the dogs a much needed bath and then take them to have their nails cut.

After dog baths, there was coffee.
In our awesome mugs, I may add.

After coffee, I dared to take BOTH dogs AT THE SAME TIME to the pet store.  It was ok.  Thank God.  Because last time I made a solo trip to a pet store with 2 dogs, it was a disaster.  I dropped off the dogs to get their feet cut off, picked up a new leash for Meri (since her old one is frayed) and 2 treats for them and paid.  I put everything in the car and then went back to get the dogs.  They were less clicky.  We managed to make it out of the store without incident.  We also managed to make it home without incident (since the last time I bashed myself in the head with a cargo door).


Teh German did some yard work outside and then did something with one of the bikes and then went on a ride.  It was too hot for me, so I stayed home to puzzle and audiobook.  I got bored with puzzle (this is a 2000 piece puzzle and there's not enough room on my table and I'm overwhelmed doing it by myself) after I finished my audiobook, so I took a break and decided to go to the pool and lay out for an hour or so by myself. 

Nothing makes you feel more like a pedo than going to a pool by yourself as an adult where you know there are children.  You just have to hope that the other adults realize that you aren't creepin on their kids.  I was smart and put on sunscreen this time!  And I was even kind enough to text Teh German and warn him that the shower would probably be slippery because I sprayed it on myself in the shower so that way it wouldn't be all over the floor.  #SmarterNotHarder

I went home around 5:40 to shower and get ready since we had dinner planned with Teh Dental Hygienist and Teh AF Maintainer.  We went to Famulari's for dinner and I made a poor life choice and had the wings for dinner.  I didn't know this was a poor life choice until Monday morning.  Ugh.

After dinner, we headed home and I worked on puzzle and started my new audiobook (book 2 in the series) while Teh German YouTube-ed.  After 9:30, we finally headed to bed.


______________________________________________

I was sad that the weekend was over.. buttttttttttttt IT'S A SHORT WEEK FOR US!!!!!!!


We're leaving on Thursday for MD. 

This week also includes:
-A massage appt today
-A delivery from Lowe's (we will see about that)
-A trip to the post office to mail a box to Teh Sister so we don't have to carry CA clothes with us through our Australia adventures.
-A pack walk
-Sitting on the back porch.
-Working from home on Thursday until Teh German gets home.


3 days until ADVENTURES!

Friday, May 11, 2018

Five on Friday #149

EINS - Random Shit

-We are going to mulch the backyard and it's like... annoying AF.  Because not only do I need to find someone to deliver wood chips to us, apparently we also have to kill the weeds under the mulch, per Teh German.  UGHHH.  In good news, we've already started a collection of card board from the pergola.

-This:

-I actually linked up with the SUYB link up this month (like the winner I am).  Don't worry, I was as surprised as you were.

-I'm trying to plan out my book schedule for honeymoon.  I need to acquire enough audiobook and ebook options to keep me entertained for 2 weeks.  I'm not counting on having wifi access once we leave the US on principle.  I know we will have wifi in Sydney, but we won't before we leave for our dive trip, so I need to have my book situation straightened out before we depart.  #MeganProblems

-I might be stressed.  I keep shopping.  It's really not helping.

-I have had 2 tasks to do this week and haven't done either.  I'm not interested in either.  And when my Thursday call accidentally ended itself (for reasons I'm still not sure of since I wasn't touching my phone), I had zero fucks to give about it.

-Faaaaccckkk this was hilarious to me this morning:

I realized after some hilarity and confusion that the poster meant DOG...
But now I think I've just started calling Pax and Meri dongs on principle.
#MomOfTheYear


-I can't find an ebook I want to read between now and honeymoon time, which means I'm probably going to start reading honeymoon books early.  #YOLO.

-I bought bathing suits.  A few of them.  2 came in yesterday and I'm waiting to see the others before I make a final determination.



-I'm still fighting with Lowe's about this fucking range.  Seriously.  A coworker suggested loading up the current range on the truck and taking it back and getting our money back.. except that I got the best deal from Lowe's which is why I got it there to begin with.  I've never been disappointed by Lowe's before so I didn't expect this fucking shit show.  I'm just at my wits end and I'm not sure what to do and I should have just told the manager I spoke with on Wednesday to give me a 50% discount on the range and I'd keep it.  I know 50% is not reasonable, which is why I started with that after he tried to offer me 25%.  I love this range so much and it makes me sad that it's been such a debacle.  Maybe if I let an angry German handle the situation it would be resolved quicker?  I've been trying to be nice and patient throughout the whole ordeal but I'm finally starting to lose my cool and I've felt the asshole seeping out with each person I speak to, but I can not longer hold myself back.


ZWEI - Money Shit

Holy Lawd the money I have spent....  I'm afraid to even open up my $$ sites to check the balances.  Honeymoon prep is hard.

Teh German and I had a "sit-down, let's have a serious conversation about money" chat, which we hadn't done in a while, so I knew it was bound to happen soon.  We have agreed that our goal is to always have extra.  I'd say we live pretty lavishly, but we do not live beyond our means, which is our most important money rule.  Teh German struggles with my goals of saving money for particular things and being unable to touch that money.  I also don't think he quite understands my use of certain accounts for certain things (i.e. house things are paid for by the house account).  He really likes seeing large amounts of money in his checking account, while I am not of the same belief.  Whereas I like to see large amounts in my savings/money market accounts and small to moderate amounts in my checking account.  I also believe this is a smart decision in this era of identity theft.

Honestly, the chat didn't go as well as I had anticipated, but within 24 hours things had been worked out and we were speaking to each other again and all my suggestions had been put into actions.

-Swimsuits.  Mine are tired and I'm in the market for some tops with underwire that cover these fucking massive blobs of fat while not making me have saggy titties.
-Swimsuit covers
-Dive things (emergency floater, arm slates, noise makers, reef-safe sunscreen)
-Shipping
-Groceries
-Household things
-Gifts
-Yurtle's 100k mile dr. visit (ouuuuuuuuch)
-Thank you gift for Teh Gardener



DREI - From My Phone Shit


I bought a hat.
I love it.
PS.  It's from Monsters University

New mugs which I could not resist purchasing.
#SorryNotSorry

Butt plug? Bath bomb?
Who knows?

Spending evenings out here changes my life.
Also, I'm kicking out the dog beds and putting the hammock back here.
Teh German said that he knows where to find me now...
(asleep in the hammock)  #NotSorry

Peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and BACON, on a steamed bagel.
YAS PLEASE.

Pax Nose Boops!

Steak and brussel sprouts =
forever day after cooking bacon meal
(We use the bacon grease for the brussel sprouts)

When you're trying to have a serious adult conversation and Husband conveniently finds the time to do every project ever that doesn't involve him participating in said conversation.
This is my ABF.. active bitch face.

Went ahead and set my out of office message.
#NotSorry

Have you heard about the band 1023MB?
They haven't had a gig yet.

Taking care of Teh Gardener's hard work!


Literal pork trifecta.
Ham, salami, bacon.

Bought myself a bath caddy that came with a pillow and a drain stopper to go with the bath bombs I bought last weekend.
#NotSorry

This bad mamajama is awesome.  Now my boobies might actually be covered if I'm not sitting up reading!


VIER - From the Internet Shit


Teacher makes himself into memes and it's fabulous.

Memes that sum up married life are usually on point.  Although I don't think there was a meme for my marriage this week that I can put on the internet.... (I don't mean that dirty, you pervs)

IMHO... What does the H mean?

America is hard for others.. and they aren't wrong.

If you like Dr. Pimple Popper, this is for you.  It's an entire 6 video series of this guy with like a mabillionty blackheads around his eyes and lawd it was good.


FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

  1. Evenings spent under the pergola.
  2. Evenings spent laying in the hammock under the pergola.
  3. When bugs get zapped by the bug zapper.
  4. Flowers.
  5. Friends who listen to your problems to ensure that you're not being unreasonable.
  6. Bath time.
  7. The word dong.
  8. The ability to fuck off all week and accomplish shit on Friday.
  9. The relief of an argument that has been resolved.
  10. Sitting outside at work.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.