Confessions {3/18}

-Whenever I hear Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, I get transported back to Bahrain, when Teh Bear came to visit.  We had deemed Home "our song" and he sang the dude parts and I sang the not-dude parts and it got played almost every time we went anywhere in Bahrain.  Specifically I remember him recording traffic (because driving in the Middle East is crrraaayyy-crrrraaayyyy) as I was driving to brunch and we were singing along.  We were super dressed up and I remember feeling so carefree and happy and stepping outside of myself to just take in the moment.  I've never regretted any of it.

-Cashews are the most delicious out of all the nuts.. Maybe except pistachios, but I hate shelling those suckers.. and paying for them.

-I didn't know that Brazil nuts were called Brazil nuts until college.  My granny was the only one who would eat them and she called them "nigger toes."  I think part of the reason we never really ate them is because we probably didn't know what to ask for since I'm certain they didn't sell "nigger toes" in the grocery store... #raisedinthesouth

-Setting up my work monitor to be vertical brought me the greatest of nerd joys.  Then adding a keyboard and a mouse?  Whhhhatttt!  I'm a laptop stand away from being completely done with my set up.. and by laptop stand, I mean I might just acquire some books to sit it on since it doesn't really need to be anything serious.

-I'm not even gonna pretend like small children yelling my name doesn't bring me great joy.  Mr. Voices and Mrs. Boomkin stayed the night last week as they were making the drive from FL to NJ and they Facetimed with Godson after they arrived.  He kept yelling, "Megan!" when I'd come on or go off the screen.  Then, the next day when Grandma showed him the photo of me and Mrs. Boomkin at breakfast he yelled it again.  This reminds of when I stayed with the family in college and Mess, the youngest of 3 boys, would yell my name when I'd walk in the door.  There is no sweet yelling that that of a small child calling my name because they are excited that I'm there.  Period.

-#firstworldproblem The ice machine in the cafe upstairs is broken and it's put a significant dent in my water consumption.  Not because there's no ice, but because the water from the machine is where I get my water.  There is a water fountain outside of Company suite, but the water tastes like ass and I miss my ice machine water.  Le siiiiigh.

-I recently discovered Handsome Ghost and I wish there was more.

-I finally broke down and bought the 2 books that I've been wanting off my Amazon wishlist.  The newest Postsecret book and the chronological NIV Bible.  I also ordered a new set of earbuds for work since I'm not really a huge fan of the ones I bought in January.  They are great for running, but they are difficult at work.  Now that I think about it, I probably should have just bought wireless/bluetooth earbuds for work...  Good job, Megan..

-I watch myself getting more and more distant, colder and colder, and more and more nonchalant with each disappointment.  I'm sad to see it happen because bright, crazy, happy Megan is an amazing force.  Yet, I know that it's the only way I know how to deal with certain situations.

-Sometimes I get out of the bed after everyone else has fallen asleep and sneak out to the living room and write down all my feelz on paper.  Usually that makes me feel better and helps me sleep.  Recently, it hasn't done either.  I also get that feeling that I'm not the only one who sees those pages...

-I forgot to tell you this funny thing:
When Mr. Scrooge and I went to Carabbas for dinner a few weeks ago, he ordered the Cioppino (shrimp, scallops, mussel soup) and I ordered spiedino di mare (shrimp and scallops).  When we got our food, this happened:
Mr. Scrooge: Would you like to try my shrimp?
Me: No thanks, I have some skrimpies.
mS: Would you like to try my scallops?
Me: Nah, I have my own.
mS: Would you like to try my mussels?
Me: No thanks, I have my own. *as I flex my bicep at him*
Together we giggled at my silliness.  I'm still laughing about it weeks later.

-I often eat my food one thing at a time in a prioritized list.  I always save the best for last.  If I didn't save the best for last, I always save one bite of the best to eat very last.

-I think I'm officially out of my Death Cab for Cutie phase.  Or maybe they changed their sound and I don't appreciate this change.  That said, listening to the "Discover New" music in Spotify has changed my life.

WTF to this .gif.  It was so strange I had to use it.

-I really appreciate the people who come into our workspace and clean.  I also appreciate not having to escort said cleaners or having to do anything at all.  They just come in and on Monday my trash is emptied.  #filthycontractorlife

-When people send me funny videos to watch, I always return the favor.  My go to video is Phil walking up the stairs backwards...  I live with that mess and I just lub him so much!

-I witnessed a motorcycle accident Monday afternoon and there wasn't anything I could do except continue home since I wasn't in the immediate vicinity, but it was like it happened in slow motion.  I saw the car pull out in the middle of the road in my rearview mirror and they were unable to merge into traffic since it was backed up and there is no turning lane at that area.  Then I saw the guy in the motorcycle pass me.  In my rear view mirror, I saw him hit the brakes and the smoke from the tires as he tried to stop to miss the car in the middle of his side of the road.  At which point time slowed down.  I heard him crash into the car, his body and motorcycle hitting the car at whatever speed he had managed to decrease to.  His motorcycle shattered into pieces while his body went airborne over the car.  It was like time paused when he flipped over the car, he was completely spread eagle, his feet were where he head should have been, and his head was maybe a few feet over the sedan.  Then I heard the thud as his body landed on the other side of he car.  I was flabberghasted.  I didn't know what to do.  Then traffic started to move and I debated on yelling to ask if he was ok, but that seemed like a "here's your sign" kind of question.  Instead, I moved on and went home.  When I stopped at the red light, I called 911.  I wasn't really sure what else to do.  It had already been reported, but I was freaking out.  I immediately called Mr. Scrooge to tell him to come home a different way since traffic was going to be backed up the way he normally goes.  As we got off the phone, he asked me, "Do you still want a motorcycle?"  I responded, "Don't ask me that right now."

Truthfully, yes I still want a motorcycle.  I question every.single.moment about what happened.  WHY would that car pull out when they weren't able to merge into traffic, meaning they blocked the lane?  WHHHHYYY?  Not only was it unsafe in general, they had people in the car.  What if instead of a motorcycle, it had been a garbage truck or 18-wheeler or even another car/truck?  Everyone in the car probably would have DIED.  This incident does make me cautious about getting a motorcycle, but doesn't prohibit me from getting one.

-Yesterday's birthday tribute to Teh Worldwide Jesus Lover is probably one of my favorite posts I've written.

-It makes me crazy when people chew on ice.  CRAZY.  I was in a meeting yesterday and it was absolutely silent with the exception of people typing, the person on the phone talking, and the Ice Chewer... WTTTTFFFFFFFFFF....  The sad thing is, he's the most friendly/social person in the meeting, so I don't want to eye-dagger him too hard.

-I really didn't need to wear green on St. Patrick's Day.. my hair still kinda has a green tint.  That said, I still wore green.

-I feel like when I'm running late is when everyone else on the road wants to be the nice person and let everyone out in front of them.. and I get stopped at every.single.red light and no one wants to go the speed limit (or higher).  I'm sure there's some divine reason why I'm being delayed from my arrival somewhere, but still.  I just wanna get there people!

-Since I work near the navy yard and one of the big shipping ports in Charleston, I am constantly dealing with transfer trucks/18-wheelers/semis/big rigs/whatever you want to call them.  THEY ARE CRAZY.  I understand that no one wants to let you into traffic because you are slow and huge and block people's ability to see, butttttttttttt if you could just NOT pull into my lane at 0715 when I'm in rush hour traffic going 45mph that'd be great.. or better yet.. just be patient.

He just couldn't wait for the train to finish crossing.

-This:

Is it really so difficult to get it into that gaping hole?  Really?  REALLLLLYYY??  This really stems from my OCD problem where everything has a place.  It's also how I know that when something doesn't get put back, I'm 95% certain I'm NOT the reason it was misplaced. 

-Teh MD Roomies and I have already discussed going to see Insurgent when they get here because Teh MD Adult Roomie and I need to ogle the skin off of Theo James (and subsequently embarrass the crap out of Teh MD Teenage Roomie with our antics and lewd comments, I'm pretty sure this is what is adulthood is really about).

Let's just pretend I'm her, mmkay??

Catching up..

Within the last few months, most of the bloggers that I follow have talked about being burnt out and needing a direction or have even gave up blogging entirely.  At the time, I was all toots-magoo because I had all the time (and rage) in the world and I was keeping up with my M/W/F schedule like a boss and I was feeling like I'd posted a linkup too many, but that schedule also helped me tell you about the goings-on in my life, which is the point of this here blog, so it was kinda working for me.  I wasn't feeling like the "blogger sickness" was effecting me...

Then it was Christmas, then it was New Years, then it was CA trip, and now it's my "real life" job.. I just feel so life overwhelmed that stopping and spending some time with Teh Blog is more difficult than I want it to be.

You see, I love this space.  I love how inviting this blank white box is for me to fill in all my thoughts.  Then I get to hit publish (which still gives me a little thrill) and it's out there for other people to see if they want to.  But taking the time to fill that white space.. sooo much effort.

In addition, I had some personal drama that was going on that I'd love to talk about here because this is my rant/venting space, but it's not appropriate to air my dirty laundry on the internet (knowing how many people I personally that know read this).  Is it strange to anyone else that I wouldn't mind airing my dirty laundry to strangers, but mind when it's people that know me?  I find that a little ironic/confusing, but it is what it is.  After some real talk, most of that personal drama went away, thankfully.  Granted, there was an unavoidable catalyst that got it started, but in the end, everyone came out unscathed.  Thank Buddha.

I had planned on doing the Friday link up Friday morning, but instead got distracted doing my taxes instead.  Something about dollas in my bank account was more motivating than bragging to you about how awesome my work is, but don't worry, we'll get to that.

After working 4 days, I'm struggling to get into a schedule.  I'm hoping that next week my schedule starts becoming consistent and my life will be better (aka, going to bed at 7pm is desirable).  I did accomplish some great things this week though, the biggest thing being finally getting my SC plates and finalizing my SC registration.  Le sigh.  Teh Sister kinda lit the fire under my ass when she pointed out my NC plate expired in November and the latest you can get away with an expired tag is 15 days into the following month.  Well.. We were a month past that 15 days.  My bad.  I had been driving around completely oblivious too, but the minute she pointed it out, I became paranoid.  Now, I can drive easy again with my crappy paper plate until the real metal one comes.

Side note: Why are collegiate plates so freakin' expensive?  Ugh.  I just wanna be special, not pay an arm and a leg for a pretty tag.  Whatevs.  In keeping with the theme, I went with the SC NCSU plate, because that's what I've had for my NC plate since I got back from Bahrain and before I graduated college until I left for GTMO.  It's a thing.

Moving on, I started my new "real life" job!  It feels unbelievably surreal.  I have my own desk and my own computer and I wear adorable dresses and there's free drinks and snacks and no one is harassing me to do this month's GMT (general military training) and people are offering to help me find things to make my job easier, even though it's not their job to help me, nor do they even have any idea what I actually do, they are just nice people.  When I told my manager I was probably going to work 7-3, he said ok.  I'm treated like an ADULT.  I'm not treated like I'm less than anyone/ignorant/lacking something/inexperienced because of a stupid collar device on my uniform.  I just.. I don't even have words for how amazing it is.  To say I'm thankful and grateful is an understatement.

I keep thinking back to the first time I saw the job posting and the feeling I got when I was reading the company name and the posting and how it just FELT right.  In a way that seems silly, but it's true.  The name alone hit a nerve with me (in a good way).  Then when I was interviewing and they gave me a tour of the office and the one guy (my now manager) who kept saying WHEN I do things, not IF I get the job and I do things.  Finally, when the company from October called with an offer on the first day of the CA vacation and I didn't feel tempted.  I KNEW I had gotten exactly what I had been praying for.

Did I mention that faith is hard?  Yeah.  It is.
See I talk to God sometimes and after the Friday that Company was supposed to call and tell me if I got the job or not (aka the Thursday night that I had barely slept at all, despite having to work at Target on Friday morning, each time I woke up, I'd say my prayer, "Please God, let me get this job," and go back to sleep for another 30 minutes), I vowed to go to church that Sunday, despite the fact that they didn't call, and I had to contact them.  Not that God works on a bartering system, but sometimes you have to put forth a little extra effort to show God you are serious.  Some people fast, I barter.  Maybe it's the Catholic in me.  "God, I'll say 10 Hail Mary's tonight, so please don't let there be horrible traffic in the morning."  And fasting gives me migraines and hangar and many unpleasant things that no one likes for me to experience.

I got up that Sunday morning and got dressed up cute and headed out the door to the church I'd been wanting to try, only to find out they were having a 10am service.  I had made a deal with The Big Man, so I went to the other church that I'd been to once before.  When I pulled in the (empty) parking lot, I noticed their sign said they were doing a 10am service as well.  At which point, I FELT God let me off the hook.  Instead, I went to Walmart and picked up some items while there was barely any crowd and went back home and spent the day (which was a good day in the midst of lots of bad ones) with Mr. Scrooge.  Sometimes, it's about the effort.  2 days later, I got the call that I got the job.

I've never cried from happiness and relief in my entire life until that day.  I didn't hear the end of the voicemail.  I didn't try to listen to it again before calling my HR lady back.  The weight that came off my shoulders from GETTING this job overwhelmed me.  Now that I'm actually working it.. I'm overwhelmed at how I landed such a sweet gig.  Seriously, it's all I can do not to rave on the Facebooks all day about how awesome my job is.  I considered using my Twitter account just to rave about how awesome my job is since I want to tell people about it practically every second.

Awesome job example:
I took a selfie with the laptop and posted it to FB during a conference call on Thursday with my boss sitting right beside me because we were all in a stupor at how the call was going.

I work with people who have nothing to prove because they are awesome at their job and they don't have to be better than anyone else at doing it because it's THEIR job and ONLY their job.  There's no competing with other people in your office for a check in a box on a piece of paper every year.  Even at my lowest point, I've never regretted leaving the Navy.  This job only further cements that feeling.

I still want to show you my Magnolia Gardens photos (which are mostly still unedited) and I want to tell you about the CA adventure.. but I also wanted to admit that right now I'm teetering on burn out and most of that has to do with the pressure I put on myself to blog.  I mean, I have like 5 whole readers (and one of those is Teh Dad) so it's not the world ending (ok, yes I have more than 5 readers, but I'm workin' the drama llama, go with it) if I don't post all the time.

But at the same time, some of the self-pressure is because writing my Monday post to review my weekend is my way of not forgetting what happened.  My Friday post is to kinda review my week.  Wednesday is confessions, and well, you get what you get with that.  It's a mishmash of rants and occurrences that have happened over the last week.

I constantly have a list of things I'd like to do that rarely seems to get accomplished.  For instance:
-Finish the puzzle that has been on my table since... idk when.  For a few weeks now.  I'm ready to reclaim my space... and find another surface to do puzzles on because using the table is KILLING me.  Done.  And then I started another one.  FML, I have no will power against puzzles.

-I want to go take photos in downtown Charleston on a nice day.  The buildings are old and it's good exercise, if nothing else.
-I want some sunrise photos over the (stinky) marshes.
-I want to play the video games I bought back in October that I STILL haven't played yet because I rarely take the time to play video games and Mr. Scrooge refuses to play my games (for a reason unbeknownst to me)..  I think I did unlock all the levels in Katamari, so I get credit for that.
-Continue our weekend gatherings with our SC homies.  Sometimes it seems like a lot of work, but I really enjoy having everyone over or going to their house.
-Workout (I always have good intentions.  Hopefully having a consistent schedule will help).
-Catch up on my Feedly, which wouldn't be so bad if I would just read my subscriptions every day.
-Catch up Teh Blog on missed events (Magnolia Gardens, CA vacation)
-Catch up Teh Puppies Blog and schedule out posts of all the photos I need to share because my dogs are unbearably adorable.

Getting my SC tag was on that list since November, so having taken care of that (ouch, my poor wallet), that kind of relives some serious pressure (what with the fear of getting pulled over and getting multiple tickets).

My "real life" job is hopefully going to take off next week.  My manager and his cohort have been trying to make sure that I know what my job is supposed to be and helping me get that ball rolling since I'm the only tech writer at Company or at least in our office.  I'm also hoping since it will be a full work week AND Mr. Scrooge and I have meals planned for the week, I'll be able to keep a consistent schedule.  That means, go to work, get off work and hit the gym, come home and make dinner, then veg until bedtime.

I managed to get all my errands done this weekend, which sucked, but it's infinitely better than trying to fit it in after work when I'd rather be at home in pajama pants.  We didn't have our normal gathering which was slightly disappointing, but it meant that Mr. Scrooge and I were able to not do anything all.weekend.long. (other than my errands, which I didn't make him attend).

My goal in the near future is to catch up on all the blog things.  The photo editing, the posts, etc.  I'm not sure how successful I'll be, but I'm at least going to think about it on the regular, which counts for something.

Also, I think I've committed to doing a cyber book club in February.  We're reading Where'd You Go, Bernadette which I've never heard of, but I've been looking for some reading direction and this just happened to fall into my lap.  I read while I'm working out, and my goal is to work out at least 3 times a week, but ideally 5 days a week, which means at least 40+ minutes of reading every day.  ANNNDD I'm a fast reader which means that I go through books fairly quickly, so I'm glad to have some direction.  I finished One More Day while on the flight to CA, and I tried to start The Girl You Left Behind by JoJo Moyes, but I knew that One More Year was also on Nook and I could see if Gayle Forman is a script writer like Nick Sparks AND, more importantly, I would be able to know what happened to Willem.. and after reading all about Paris in One More Day, I wasn't sure I was ready to take on another Paris book with The Girl You Left Behind.

What I've learned over the past few months of reading: I'm a sucker for a good book based in the south.  I think part of it is that I know where these places being described are actually located.  I've never been to Paris or London or anywhere in Europe besides northern Scotland, so it is very difficult for me to completely comprehend the setting descriptions.  Additionally, "southern books" that have the dialect written into it make my brain so unbearably happy.  I'm not sure why, since it usually means when I emerge from my reading I'm speaking with an extreme southern accent, but I do.

The other thing I've learned from all my reading exploits over the last few months is that I'm ready for a new ereader.  I want one that is backlit so I don't have to use a light (likkkkeee when I'm on a plane or in the car) and Nook has been giving me some issues with the buttons (which I have to use while I'm working out for some reason since the screen doesn't like when I touch it) getting stuck, then all of a sudden I'm in the middle of a sweat session and Nook is going crazy just flipping pages.  No, bad Nook.  The rage usually takes me over and I worry that I'm going to fall off the elliptical while trying to reset the stupid thing.  Yay self-birthday present!  If you have any ereader suggestions, I'm all ears, but my only criteria is that it works will with Calibre since I download most of my books and put them into whatever format I need.

Any chance I get to use a Disney gif is a good day.

Finally, I'm still on the quest to find that stupid Today is Going To Be A Great Day! 2015 Page-A-Day Calendar that is marked up so high on Amazon.  I actually messaged 2 sellers and said I'd buy it if they dropped their prices.  So far that hasn't happened yet.  The morning after I messaged the 2 sellers, I saw them posted for $15 and I couldn't believe my luck.  You better believe I ordered that sucker RIGHT THEN.  I kept waiting on the shipping email from Amazon and later that night I got an email from the seller saying it was sold out... I wanted to reach through the computer screen and smack a ho.  I still haven't seen the stupid calendar fall below $40, which I still refuse to pay because its.a.calendar.(and this is a #firstworldproblem to the max).  There's always next year, but that's SUCH a long time to wait.  /weep

But now, I think it is time to get ready for tomorrow and go to bed.  If you made it through this entire post, I commend you.  I know it was quite wordy, but I really needed to have a solid word vomit session.  You're the best, Gentle Readers.

Flowers for no reason.  I'll keep him.

I saved the best for last.
If this isn't the cutest thing you'll see all day, then you're super lucky.

Wednesday Confessions....

....ARE BACCCKKKK!!!!

Ok, not officially until probably January, but Melissa has taken over hosting the linkup.. or at least that's word on the bloggin' street.  I'm ready!

I confess:

-I've missed confessions.  I felt like it was my way of updating you on my week in a way.  I also felt like it was a healthy ranting session that helped me get over the aggravations of the week without affecting anyone.. i.e. killing someone.

-I started to run out of things to confess last time.

-I usually have a draft blog that I work on all week long, adding things as they come to me, and finally scheduling it to publish on Wednesday morning after .gif-in' it up.

-I have gotten several items from my 2014 review from my Confessions posts.  Damn it was an interesting year full of lots of frustrations.

-After several interviews, I'm still not feeling very confident about the job situation.

-I have wanted to watch dramatic, girly movies for a while, but whenever I get the chance, I'd rather just not watch TV since Mr. Mystery has it on 24/7 when he is awake at home.  Bleh.  Did I mention I hate TV?

-I'm really struggling with some real life stuff that I can't put on Teh Blog despite how badly I want to talk it to death.  

-I've been adding items to my Amazon Wishlist like crazy.  Anytime I think I want to buy something, I add it to my wishlist instead.  Saving dollas?  I hope so.

-I keep a paper journal.   Yes, people still do that.  For me it's a lethargic process to write something out.  Usually, it drains me, which helps me sleep better and think clearer.  Well, last night after a 1 hour writing session, I realized I'm missing an entry.  As in, I know I wrote on January 8th, 2013 and it's not in my binder.  It was several pages worth of writing and now it's vanished and I know I didn't relocate it.  There is a possibility of 2 people that have seen what is in the binder and could have relocated it.  I know I wouldn't have separated this entry from the others because I have an OCD thing where I always keep things in their spot and in order.  

-I only call people when it's extremely important or when we've been texting for too long and we could shorten this conversation length by at least 50% by just SPEAKING to each other.  Usually, though, it's important.  

TL;DR: If I call you, you should answer.

-I've been a slacker on the job front.  After getting 3 interviews, I've barely applied for any jobs.  I know this is not a good thing.  But I.. ran out of steam.

-Of the 3 interviews, I really want the last job I interviewed for the most.  Not only is a contractor position, which is my goal, but it's also with a small company and they seem to have an awesome work/life balance and the guys that interviewed me kept talking about a fun atmosphere but getting work accomplished was #1 and there was a GAME ROOM.

-I almost had a breakdown on Monday afternoon because 95% of the salons in the area weren't open and my hair was the nastiest shade of blue/red/purple/ugh that I'd ever seen and I had an interview the next day and OMFGGGGGGG(uh).  It took 3 dye sessions to get the blue out.  At least we know I got my monies worth with the blue.

-I was glad it was 2 dudes interviewing me.  A woman probably would have been able to tell that I'd had my hair dyed the night before due to my tinted scalp.

-I took it as a good sign that they wanted to show me around the office.  One of the guys was kinda the reality check while the other guy seemed very excited to talk to me.  My lack of systems development background had Mr. Reality Check less certain of me but the other dude didn't seem to care much.  Orrrr they'd already picked their person and they were just humoring me.  Le sigh.

-I really wanted to quit Target by Christmas eve.  I'm not sure if that's possible.  That crushes me.

-I had planned to go home for Christmas and after seeing my work schedule, I'm not sure it's an option anymore unless I call in, which wouldn't hurt my feelings, but principle.

-I haven't been able to get into the Christmas spirit for the last 2 years.  It sucks majorly.

15 May: Livin' it up Teh Megan style...

Day 15, Wednesday: A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)

Yeah, a photo an hour was a little too much for me.. and my day was fairly boring.  So how about the highlights, eh?

mkkaythx.

These have been deemed my silver Dorthy shoes.
I have a black glittery pair on order (due to them not having my size in the store).
I get to wear civilian clothes to my "get out of the Navy" class all week long!
It's going to be quite difficult to put my uniform on next week...

Writing a letter to Teh Sister..

Finished letter to Teh Sister and my half eaten apple (I got pissed off and couldn't eat it anymore)
Also, best name plate evar.  The other side is boring and only says Meg.
FYI: best trick to get people not to steal your pens:  take the black ink cartridges and put them in colored pens...

Drivin' and listenin' to the 90's on 9, which is 2nd to the Lithium station.

Phil and I hit the pavement for some exercise.

Driving back home.

Waiting at the red light.

Home, sweet home.

Lub presents from Teh Bear!

I sign up for free samples and 2 dishwashing detergent tablets came in this packaging.
Packaging win.

My new terrarium sans the 3 cactus I bought for it that wouldn't fit.
Teh Megan fail.

Chicken and mushrooms and cucumber and some lettuce and cheese with ranch for dinner.

And for the rest of the evening, this happens.

And now you've experienced a day in Teh Life.  I know you're riveted.  It's ok to wish you could be me, Gentle Readers.