Five on Friday #69

UNO

Updates about me because well, I like to talk about myself.  Kthx.

• My ankle still hurts from where I slammed it into my chair on Wednesday morning, thanks for asking.

• My lower back and hips and thighs are so sore that I sometimes debate just leaving things on the floor because bending over to pick them up is just too much work.  Chiro tells me I'm being really hard on my body and I may need a break....  I feel like Kathy about Muay Thai right now and I'm all hellllll no body, get your shit together and work so we can do ALL THE CROSSFIT THINGS!  By all the crossfit things I mean, participate and learn and preferably not drop a barbell on my face/head, mmmkay. 

• I rode Mike to work this morning and IT WAS AWESOME.. except for the part when I took off my helmet and my hair was all WTFFFFFFF.  Apparently (wet) curls and helmets don't have a good relationship.  I tried to fix it once I got to work but yeahhhh..  There's no one at work I'm trying to look good for and Teh German has already called me Tim Tam Bob, so really, IDGAF.  #helmethairdontcare

•  I made it through at least 1/2 of the Show Us Your Books linker-uppers (made that up, you're welcome) yesterday.  #likeaboss #soooomanybooks

• I may or may not have almost had a breakdown regarding my dogs and them being let out while we're gone to the Renn Faire yesterday evening, but I think the problem is solved.  

• I take notes for a meeting every day, then send them to the leader of the meeting afterwards for his review/edits, at which point he sends them back to me completely effed up, so I have to correct them before emailing them out to a distro.  WTF is so damn hard about using the same conventions I've already used?  Colons after titles, TWO spaces after a period, not 3, not 4.  1 maybe, but consistency dammit!  Maybe not randomly capitalizing words that shouldn't be capitalized.  This isn't German, we don't capitalize all our nouns.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD!

DOS

We're going to the Renn Faire this weekend!  I'm sure you're tired of hearing about it, don't curr.  I'm so stupidly excited.  We had planned to go on Saturday (so Sunday could be a recovery/snuggle day) but Teh German ended up needing to be at work on Saturday morning.  The silly, silly, VERY silly man thought we'd go without him.  #Scottydoesntknow  Which I realized when he said, now you don't have to worry about someone coming to let the dogs out, which has been my crisis this past week.  I actually laughed in his face.  It was in good humor, I swear, but mostly in a "You're so cute" type way.  I informed him that we would just go on Sunday instead of Saturday and the problem would be solved.

I have 2 ladies coming to meet Phil and Meri this afternoon and they will probably be coming by to let them out while we are gone.  I just need to make sure that our date adjustment works for them.  Of the 5/6 people I called, 2 of the 3 that responded are greyhound people, which brings me great peace.  I know, I know.. I'm such a breed snob.  But sighthounds are kinda weird and they aren't really like regular dogs who have recall and sniff their way home.  Greyhound people know that the dogs need to be on a leash or in a fence and they aren't to be trusted... ever.  Also, the 2nd dude that called me back said the magic words to me, "And I'll give you a discount because you have a greyhound."  Yasssss, please and thank you. 

TRES

Duolingo says I'm 7% fluent in German.  It also asks me if I want to add that to my LinkedIn profile, but I don't think we'll go that far just yet, kthx.
Teh German actually scoffs at the app when it accepts my obviously mispronounced speaking.
IDGAF as long as I pass the lessons.  What this really means is that I try to do my lessons when Teh German isn't around, which is good and bad.  Good because I get them done.  Bad because he KNOWS German and I should be corrected when I'm saying things wrong (JK, I don't like being corrected and I feel silly and embarrassed when he tries to correct me). 
Also, I have serious weakness with German -ch.  Specifically dich.  It either sounds like dick or dich (English pronunciation) instead of deeshh (German pronunciation).
I won't even lie that I had to download the German keyboard on SwiftType so I could access the umlauts and often autocorrect suggests words to me and I totally select them, especially if I have no idea how to spell whatever the Duolingo lady is trying to say.  This isn't cheating, it's using resources wisely, kthx.

I am actually learning some German, mostly vocab and some sentence structure.  I struggle a little bit because on the app, it's just a guessing game.  On the website there are actually notes before each lesson, which is extremely helpful.  It's just too bad they aren't on the app.  I also know that I need to do writing lessons because I learn best by writing it down... repeatedly.  I really should have Teh German talk to me in... German, but I'm not there yet.

QUATRO

I don't know how I feel about this.  Part of me wants to agree with her and part of me doesn't.  Some stories are just better told through different mediums.

Steph posted this about how addicted to our screens we've become.  I think it's awesome so I'm sharing it again.

Sometimes I read Mommy posts that are liked by moms that I'm friends with.  It's like free birth control, what can I say?  Husbands Response to Wife's Photoshoped Boudoir Photos

I didn't realize my man-crush had a new movie coming out...  But apparently he does.  Hopefully, Teh German will understand that I just can't fight my love of Tom Hiddleston.  Side note, wtf is a "Hiddlestoner?"  Update: he's NAKED in the movie!!!  #Imaynotbeabletocontainmyself

I 100% forgot that Grey's Anatomy had started up again until I saw these two articles:
This one
That one
I didn't read either of those articles because the possibility for spoilers is just too much for me at this time.  That said, I need to catch up on the ONE TV show I watch.  #goodjobMegan

 

CINCO

Ten things that made me happy this week:

1. Going from "no me gusta" to "Ich mag es nicht."
2. Completing my Crossfit on-ramp.
3. The Endurance Club being pushed from Thursday to next Tuesday and it starting 30 minutes later than planned. Who cares if it means reflective belts!  It also means pants and long sleeves, bring it!
4. The ability to go to the chiropractor whenever I need/want.
5. Teh German telling me I looked sexy riding Mike.
6. COOLER TEMPS!!!  And by cooler I mean, it was only in the 80s yesterday.
7. Surprise Halloween packages from Teh MD-AR.
8. Not having to take time off on Monday for a kinda "holiday" (Yay for banking that PTO!)
9. Quiet, sappy, pillow talk
10. Memories of first dates when I didn't realize that our jokes were actually "inside jokes" and that I'd fall for the man across the table incredibly hard and incredibly fast and be more confident in all our "too soons" than anything I'd ever experienced in my entire life.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

Linking up with these ladies since it's FFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!

http://meetatthebarre.blogspot.ca/ | http://farmerbell.blogspot.com | http://theflynnigans.com/

Confessions {3/11}

-I woke up last Wednesday thinking it was the Monday after daylight savings time.  I thought I was an hour late to work and I was super confused until I realized it was actually only Wednesday, the time was still normal, and I had teleworked the day before.  Waking up Megan is something on the special side.

-Because it's Charleston the weather got "nice" last week.  By "nice" I mean 75 degrees outside, bleh.  One of my coworkers told me to move back to the Arctic when I expressed my disinterest in summer.  Swell idea, dude.  It was 69 degrees when I woke up this morning at 5:30... AM.  It's supposed to be 85 degrees today.  Let me remind you it is MARCH.  IT'S STILL WINTER PEOPLE!

-Since it has been "nice," I saw someone at 7am with their top down on their brand new convertible BMW.  Really?  No.  It's too early for that mess.  But I have a question about this.  The person driving this BMW was a black guy.  Whatevs.  But then as he's driving down the road, he starts brushing his hair.  At a red light, he runs his hands over it to smooth it down.  It wasn't like he had a huge fro.. it was very close cut.  WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS EXERCISE?

-Mr. Scrooge informed me last week that he was going stir crazy (he hadn't left the house in a DAY after his surgery) so he left the house to go jeans shopping.  I just glared at him.  This man has TWO drawers FULL of jeans, that would be 6-10 pair PER DRAWER).  He said that those didn't fit.  I responded, "Maybe you just need to stretch them out, or do you mean length wise?"  He said, "Length wise."  My response was, "Ok, fine, but if you bring home new pants, we're purging."  He agreed.  Smart man.  This all started because I noticed his "riding jeans" have a hole in the crotch.  I told him to stop busting ass in his jeans and he'd be able to have nice things.  I also informed him that he needed to prepare to part with those jeans and left them on top of the dresser for him to give his final goodbye.  Those were the pants he was wearing to go jeans shopping.  /facepalm  They have since been discarded.

-I found a golden yellow shirt in my short sleeve sleep shirt drawer (moving on) and my first reaction was, "Why the fuck is there a Navy PT shirt in my sleep shirt drawer?"  You see.... Mr. Scrooge has this habit of "putting things away" but they aren't in the correct place, so I end up having to re-put them away.  Buuutttt, he doesn't do laundry (I revoked his privileges with the exception of towels), so I knew it couldn't have been him.  He gave me a confused look as I gingerly removed it from the drawer and started to unfold it to see if it was really a PT shirt.  It wasn't.  It was a hair dye shirt Teh Sister had let me borrow that I accidentally brought home.  I literally sighed in relief.  In other news, the Navy ruined me.

-We've already discussed long tags in women's underwear (click that link, totally worth it, those confessions were golden).. but can we discuss that little piece of crotch cotton that is supposed to idk, do something?  I feel like it's almost always 2-4 inches too far back to be of any use.. unless I was a shitty wiper (get it?).  TMI alert!  For instance, if I were to start my period, that little piece of fabric catches NOTHING.  What's the point in that situation?  I'm already questioning the point unless the underwear are made of something NOT cotton, then I kinda get it, but still...  Maybe this is just me?  I've never checked other women's dirty underwear for this problem

-Why do people like their own FB statuses?  I don't get it.  You posted it, of course you already like it.  If you didn't like it, you probably wouldn't have posted it.  I'm so confused.

Last weekend was really a gem for confessions because people really just fuel my rage... continuing on...

-Last weekend at Kohl's, an associate was restocking the Lauren Conrad Cinderella stuff and we were chatting and she said she was super excited about all the old Disney movies being remade.  I had made a comment about Ariel being my favorite when the conversation first started and when she said, "I really hope they do A Little Mermaid over again.  That would be so awesome!"  All I could think was, How would they do that?  It's mostly "under the sea..."  I tried to keep the confused look off my face, since it can often be mistaken for my "you're an idiot" face.

-I went into PetSmart after Kohl's since the foster dog was on the way and I wanted a smaller bowl for him (and Meri).  I should have known from the gaggle of people at the entrance that I shouldn't have went into the store.  I'm a dog person, Gentle Readers.. but I am NOT so much of a dog person that I will ever go into a huge pet store on a Saturday ever again.  The worst part was that it wasn't the animals that were obnoxious, it was the stupid people who wanted to pet other people's pets and baby talk to them (I don't judge your baby talk to your own pets, I judge your baby talk to stranger's pets).  NO.  Step away.  Mostly, get away from ME.  Unfortunately for me, the bowls were at the back of the store, which happened to be directly in front of the grooming place. This meant that there were lots of people waiting nearby with their pets and lots of crazy ladies who just had to pet the cuddly wuddly widdle puppy (a 50lb bulldog). 

-I stopped at Publix to pick up an item and when I got to the registers they all had lines.  Whatevs, I wasn't in a hurry so I wasn't upset about it.  The guy in front me of me saw that I only had 1 item and offered to let me go in front of him and I told him it was ok, I could wait since I wasn't in a hurry.  He insisted so I went in front of him.  While I had been standing there, I noticed that he had a brochure thing in his hand and the very specific items for WIC (I was a cashier at a grocery store in high school and somethings you never forget.  The code for bananas (4011), the overflowing buggy that includes expensive meats and sodas and sugary snacks with a mom with 3 kids will pay in food stamps 90% of the time, the look of someone who feels embarrassed for having to use government assistance).  Unrelated, but related because I live in SC, the guy was a well-dressed black guy.  When I moved in front of the guy and put my stuff on the belt, the cashier was an older lady who looked at me, kinda smiled, then looked back at the man who had let me in front of him and kinda made a face/rolled her eyes, then smiled at me again.  I just stared at her blank faced.  No lady, I'm not going to cut eyes at the nice man who let me in front of him just because he's using WIC or because he's black.  NO.  I would have happily judged him if he had a buggy full of steaks and little debbie cakes and soda and was using a food stamp card, but I won't judge the man who already seems slightly nervous about what he's going through as he groups his items on the belt.  I'm aware that everyone struggles at some point and WIC isn't really anything to be ashamed of since he's providing for his family and someone already had to make the trip to social services to get the WIC to begin with, for whatever reason. #noshame dude, NO shame.  (This mindset is the true mark of adulthood, no sarcasm font.)

-I had a dream last night that kinda twisted my entire day yesterday together in a freaky way.  Apparently, I had posted a lasagna recipe on Teh Blog.  Nadine and her partner (who isn't gay, but dreams don't have to make sense) had tried my recipe and Nadine had just walked in the door of their apartment and she skyped me to tell me they were about to partake of this lasagna and that they'd had a hard time not burning it.  There were 2 lasagnas in 8x8 metal pans (like what I make brownies in to take to a party) and they might have had some dark brown edges where they were in the back of the oven, but they weren't really burnt at all.  As I was watching them eat the lasagna, they each had their own 8x8 pan and were just eating straight from the pan with a fork, straight out of the oven (not sure how they weren't burning their mouths, but again dreams don't have to make sense...), they started to tell me how good it was.  Between bites they admitted that they didn't use velvetta cheese and they added ricotta cheese and changed a few other changes and right as I was about to get upset (because velvetta cheese is the secret to delicious lasagna), the music they had playing in the background got really loud.  At which point, I semi-came to and thought my alarm was going off, but it was actually Mr. Scrooge's alarm (mine usually goes off first, thus the confusion).  I think this dream was a wrap off of my day yesterday.  I got lots of comments on my book review post and I was unable to go to everyone else's post and make comments and I was feeling like a bad blogger.  I had also Skyped yesterday with a coworker to be able to learn somethings so I could write some documentation.  I have no idea where the lasagna came from.. but I have a feeling I'll be making lasagna soon.

ok, probably not.. except for the someone is going to make lasagna part.

-Restarting running HUUUURRRRRTTTTSSSSSS my pieces.  (Ok, this is less of a confession and more of a whine.)

-I'm a candy hoarder.  I get legit upset that someone else is going to eat all my favorite candies, even though I'm horrible at eating my own candy (and now I'm an adult and can buy more if it gets eaten).  I was known to stash candy when I was a kid in my room so no one else would eat it (particularly those Blue Razz Berry suckers with the gum in the middle).  Then I wouldn't want to eat it because then it wouldn't be there if I wanted it later.  I was the same way about using my Lisa Frank stickers.. once it was gone, it was gone. 

-I brought my Chicks, Bunnies, and Dicks Ducks candy to work but after getting lots of looks while I was eating them in a meeting (I'm assuming I was crunching too loudly), I swapped them for the Starburst jellybeans that were at home.  Last night, I was in the kitchen and I heard the rustling sound of a ziploc bag and then the sound of a handful of candies being gathered and tossed into a mouth and I turned around and wide-eye glared at Mr. Scrooge then in my best purposely whiny voice announced, "BUT THOSE ARE MYYYYY EASTER CANDIES!!!!"  I'm ridiculous.

-I searched for a panties gif at work (you're welcome HR) and my day was made when I found this Tom Hiddleston gif in the results...
 

Humpday Confessions #8

Dear Weather,
Please get your shit straight as I'm over this headache and I started my 1/2 marathon training this week and it's just not working out.  Also, ouch, training.
 

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Confessions:

-I've wanted it to be Wednesday all week just so I could post this blog.  I have started feeling this way every week since I started doing Kathy's link up.  I wish I was kidding, but I'm not.  #bloggerproblems

-I have a genre in my iTunes for just Disney.  Sorry not sorry.

-Part of my job is "motivating" people to renew their security clearances.  It's also the WORST part of my job.  I ALWAYS send a detailed list of directions to each individuals and yet 80ish% of individuals still manage to NOT read the directions and do it incorrectly, causing themselves, and more importantly, ME, more work.  I'm over it.  I'm sooooo, sooooo, soooooooooooo over it.  Why do I bother to write the instructions and send them (sometimes several times) if people continually fail to follow them?  I'm happy to take any suggestions to make my life easier and get people to follow the damn directions.  Anyone got anything???

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-Sometimes, I stumble upon a new blog from some of the linkups I do and I'm all like YAY! new blog to follow.. Then I keep reading and realize that they are too lazy to use the shift button to capitalize letters and choose to ignore most of the rules of grammar and I just can't.  Sorry not sorry.  Not capitalizing the letter "i" when you are speaking of yourself is just not something I can handle.  You can mess up a their/there/they're or a your/you're every now and then.  I'm accepting of faults.  I personally over use the "...".  I fucking love "..."  because I feel like that's how my brain thinks.  Everything is a continuation of the previous sentence.  And sometimes, things are in my head in all caps.  It is what it is.  But there is never anything in all lower case though.  No.  Just no. 

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-I've started making "to-do" lists when I get to work in the morning of all the things I need to accomplish.  This is actually quite helpful so I don't get distracted by all the internets for the entire workday and then fail to accomplish any work, which actually rarely happens, but I did spend a majority of Friday morning catching up on a huge thing that I'd been putting off because I didn't want to deal with it.  For good reason, since it sparked the 2nd confession rant.

-After breakfast nap is my favorite time with the dogs.  I love when Meri snuggles with me.  I love when Phil is completely relaxed.  I love when Olive is calm.  I love when Miley roaches.  It's so quiet and I forget how much of a terrorist Meri and Olive can be.  I forget about Phil's bad breath.  I love watching them have dreams where their eyes and feet and sometimes tails get twitchy and hearing them "talk" in their sleep.  They are so motivational (as in, watching them makes me want to take a nap too).

-Talking to the right person can make a particularly horrible day much, much, much better.  If not for the entire day, at least temporarily, which is all that matters.

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-I'm over seeing crap about Orange is the New Black.  I tried watching the first episode and couldn't get into it.  Apparently I should try again so I, too, can be a fan girl?  But seriously people, just watch it quietly like you were doing before.  It's better that way for everyone.

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-Often, when I use the downstairs bathroom, I make faces to myself in the mirror while I'm doing my thang.  I think it might be the first bathroom where I could see myself while I am sitting on the toilet.  It's really a fun game.

-I act like a "child" in public apparently (per one of my coworkers).  Probably because I do things like chase people around stores wearing a bra over my clothes or pretend like I'm doing things with items in hardware stores.  Pffth.  My life is fun and doesn't involved getting shitfaced every weekend.  I enjoy being ridiculous in public because I'm making myself laugh, if not everyone else who is getting to experience my ridiculousness.  Yes, my actions might be "childish" but I'm fully aware of what I'm doing.  I don't have anyone to impress but myself and I think I'm awesome.

-I find it slightly humorous when I see an Asian person driving a Honda Civic... or maybe I'm just stereotyping.

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-I felt like this post wasn't complete without a Loki gif.  Sorry not sorry.

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Friday, I can haz?

Five on Friday #23

UNO

I signed up for a 1/2 marathon.  In.real.life.  Holy shit.

This is the 2nd crazy thing Teh Motivator has talked me into.  The first thing was the Monster Glow Dash 5k, which happened to be in the dark, in a field.  But we got to wear neon and we didn't have to go out of town and, luckily, no one twisted an ankle and I was already in "costume" to attend a halloween party on the way home.  I even had the smell to accompany my outfit.

I'm doing the DIVAS run in Leesburg, VA on Sept 13th, which I guess means that instead of posting this I should be researching 1/2 marathon training plans, but whatevs.  Excitement first, training second.

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So it will be ALL.THE.THINGS.PINK, which might freak me out a bit, but I figure if I'm going to do it, who cares.  Maybe I'll wear my color run tutu on principle?  IDK.  I'm still overwhelmed by this decision.  WTF was I thinking?!?!

DOS

Life is starting to feel like its racing towards September.  Which is what I want, I think.  Except that I have a million and a half things that I need to do and the countdown keeps ticking down.

-Rewrite my resume (because I need a general one)
-Find a job (in freakin' TN... FML)
-Find a place to live (in TN, where there's only 1.91" of snow on average)
-Schedule my packout (which shouldn't be too difficult, except it will be)
-Survive my packout (my precious, precious things!)
-Potential trip in August (yay vacation!)
-1/2 Marathon in Sept (still, woah)

Me, before the end, I'm certain.
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TRES

I wanted to do a photography challenge this month, but it's already the 5th and I'm like, meh, there's always next month.  And lets be honest, FatMumSlim does them every month now, so as soon as I decided to do it, she'd probably stop.  FML.  My DSLR hasn't been out of the bag in... an uncountable amount of months.  I used to love her so much, and now... not so much.  I'm much more about ease of use than quality.  I've become the cell phone camera lady.  /facepalm.  I've even stopped using my point and shoot.  Some of that was because it was giving me issues and not taking the photo when I would press the shutter release, but most of it was laziness of not wanting to carry around my cell phone and a camera.  Since I got Suzy2, my camera phone is as good as the point and shoot, so why bother?

Because you don't pass up Loki gifs...  EVER.
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QUATRO

Meri got into Teh MD Adult Roomie's motrin on Saturday evening.  We weren't sure if she ate any, but after coming up with 5 missing pills after counting and 2 days of black pudding poops (sorry for that TMI), I assumed that she had at least some and we went to the vet.  $200 later, we came home.  I was pretty distraught that she might not be coming home with me on the way to the vet.  The world was ending.  I was unbearably grateful that she got to come home on Monday.  Except that now, she refuses to take her pills when I "hide" them in her food.  We have to force them down her throat and I wasn't very good at that until Teh Roomie showed me how it's done.  There might have been a Megan Meltdown because Meri kept spitting out her pills when I'd try to give them to her.  Now, we're dealing with diarrhea still and Wednesday and Thursday nights, I was up at midnight:30, 3:30, and 5 with her to take her out to go business since she woke me up whining to go out.

If this is what having a child is like, spare me.  It's really, really good that Meri is cute.  I'm not sure if actual kids could be this cute.  Meri is at least potty trained and I don't have to deal with her poops (usually).

Love my little terrorist snuggler, even if she makes me a million degrees.

CINCO

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Thank Allah it's FRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!  Despite only ending up working 3 days this week, this week had me all confused and I was certain that Thursday was Tuesday even though it felt like Monday and I know that next week is going to be a battle for sure because I have to get my coworkers trained on a program/website that only I use the correct way.  Getting them to set up their accounts has been enough of a battle because I work with all dudes who feel like ignoring/deleting emails if they don't know what they are about is completely acceptable rather than ask the questions.

Is it time for rum yet?

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 Linking up with these ladies since it's FRRRIIIIIDAY:

Humpday Confessions #7

I miss short weeks.  This 5 day work week is for the birds.  Ok, truth is, I didn't have to work yesterday because I had an endoscopy, but I don't consider that a beneficial trade-off.

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Confessions:

-I find it obnoxious that working out makes me less worried and less stressed and happier than anything else, even drinking.  Drinking is so much easier... and doesn't often require a shower (unless you're clumsy.. like me).

-The Ex-Fiance' could sing all the words to One Week by Barenaked Ladies.  I remain jealous of that ability to this day.

bahahah this is ridiculously funny to me.
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-I read somewhere recently that using conditioner THEN shampooing makes your hair more bouncy cause you don't have product weighing it down.  I'm not sure if that's actually true, but I love ALL.THE.BUBBLES! when I use shampoo 2nd.

-Teh Sister has a memory of a steel trap and she's able to remember all these things from when she was SUPER little, like when she was 2 years old, and I'm pretty sure my first memory is from when I'm like 6 or something.  Which leads to my confession, and it's even related to the shampoo confession.  I used to tell Teh Sister that the conditioner was the shampoo and vice versa.  I thought I was "getting her."  Apparently, I was helping her out.  The joke is always on me.  She probably remembers me telling her that the bottle with the creamy stuff was shampoo and the runny stuff was the conditioner.  Steel trap.  I don't even get it.  Teh Mom only caught her once and she just thought she was taking a long time in the bath tub so she kinda got in trouble for taking too long (at least as much trouble as the favorite kid gets into).  HA!  Small victories, people, small victories.

-The McDonald's driveway on base is on the same street as the gym.  I judge the shit out of all the people who pull into McDonald's rather than go straight for the gym.  Especially people who get in the really long line at the drive-thru knowing that its going to take about 30 minutes to get through rather than just go inside.  I'm a judging judger.

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-I usually arrive at the gym around 12:30ish.  I went to the gym at 11:30 one day last week and it's a completely different crowd.  I was in the weight room a little after noon and OMG all the freakin' people.  I'd rather hang out with the old people crowd a little after 1.  No one obviously stares me down, everyone wipes down their machine, every.single.time (TYVM!), there is no rush if I'm on a machine they want to use since there are lots of other free machines, and I don't feel like I don't meet the standards of the other gym goers...  Old people at the gym rock (and make me feel better about myself).

-Dear lady at the gym with your hair cascading down your back in the tank top and size negative 1 yoga pants, zero beads of sweat anywhere on your body, and perfect makeup in the weight room.  GET THE EFF OUT.  No, just get out.  I'm not staring at you, I'm glaring at you.  This isn't jealousy, it's hatred.  You're probably the lady who goes on runs along the side of the street and doesn't put your long hair back in a ponytail.  WHO DOES THAT?

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-I finally started catching up on Downton Abbey (SPOILER ALERT) this past week and I watched the episode where Anna was raped/attacked.  Even when I've been fine for a long while, sometimes, it's still too soon.  It just sneaks up me and I question everything about that night and I always have to remind myself, I was asleep/potentially blacked out drunk (or at least drunk) and shock determined my reaction.  I didn't ask for it, I didn't approve it, and I was too confused to fight it at first.  Essentially, I have to tell myself, "YOU are not at fault."

This was my "asking for it" outfit.
I didn't smile like that for a long time after that night.

-I hate when it's me, not you/them.  As in, for the entire day people have been really annoying and the dogs have been obnoxious and little things that normally don't bother me are infuriating.. and it's me.  #PMSisreal

-I found these in my gif searches and I had to share them here because Loki Tom Hiddleston is my man crush.

Why can't I be here, sans that eye shadow?
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-I think I'm getting the hang of this gif thing down.  #WINNING #Ilovegifs  Except that I spend more time finding gifs than I do writing the post.  #firstworldproblems

This is me about everyone else's gifs:

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-I had an endoscopy done yesterday and I took a selfie when I came to.  I have no shame, Gentle Readers, no shame AT ALL.  Also, to the RN who prepped me, you should get better at your job.  You seemed to have minimal responsibilities.  You bring patients in from the waiting room, ask them questions that they've already answered (and some they haven't), you take their blood pressure and weight, and prep them for their procedure, to include starting an IV.  These don't seem like such hefty responsibilities to me, but I'm going to assess that most of the patients haven't eaten in at least 12 hours, which could result in some hangar (which we know I often suffer from).  So really my advice would be: smile more, pretend like your job isn't herding cattle (which is how I definitely felt), if you're going to "numb" the area where you are planning on inserting an IV, numb THAT area, not somewhere else, because that's definitely what you did to me.  When I say, "OUCH!  That hurts, I definitely felt that."  You should exhibit at least a meager amount of sympathy since you are the one poking me with sharp objects.  When I saw this nurse before and after my procedure she looked at me like I was ruining her day.  I dare them to send me a survey asking my opinion about the services.  PS.  I can't even wait for the huge ass bruise to pop up on the back of my hand.

I even tried to smile around the bite guard.