Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Confessions {3/11}

-I woke up last Wednesday thinking it was the Monday after daylight savings time.  I thought I was an hour late to work and I was super confused until I realized it was actually only Wednesday, the time was still normal, and I had teleworked the day before.  Waking up Megan is something on the special side.

-Because it's Charleston the weather got "nice" last week.  By "nice" I mean 75 degrees outside, bleh.  One of my coworkers told me to move back to the Arctic when I expressed my disinterest in summer.  Swell idea, dude.  It was 69 degrees when I woke up this morning at 5:30... AM.  It's supposed to be 85 degrees today.  Let me remind you it is MARCH.  IT'S STILL WINTER PEOPLE!

-Since it has been "nice," I saw someone at 7am with their top down on their brand new convertible BMW.  Really?  No.  It's too early for that mess.  But I have a question about this.  The person driving this BMW was a black guy.  Whatevs.  But then as he's driving down the road, he starts brushing his hair.  At a red light, he runs his hands over it to smooth it down.  It wasn't like he had a huge fro.. it was very close cut.  WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS EXERCISE?

-Mr. Scrooge informed me last week that he was going stir crazy (he hadn't left the house in a DAY after his surgery) so he left the house to go jeans shopping.  I just glared at him.  This man has TWO drawers FULL of jeans, that would be 6-10 pair PER DRAWER).  He said that those didn't fit.  I responded, "Maybe you just need to stretch them out, or do you mean length wise?"  He said, "Length wise."  My response was, "Ok, fine, but if you bring home new pants, we're purging."  He agreed.  Smart man.  This all started because I noticed his "riding jeans" have a hole in the crotch.  I told him to stop busting ass in his jeans and he'd be able to have nice things.  I also informed him that he needed to prepare to part with those jeans and left them on top of the dresser for him to give his final goodbye.  Those were the pants he was wearing to go jeans shopping.  /facepalm  They have since been discarded.

-I found a golden yellow shirt in my short sleeve sleep shirt drawer (moving on) and my first reaction was, "Why the fuck is there a Navy PT shirt in my sleep shirt drawer?"  You see.... Mr. Scrooge has this habit of "putting things away" but they aren't in the correct place, so I end up having to re-put them away.  Buuutttt, he doesn't do laundry (I revoked his privileges with the exception of towels), so I knew it couldn't have been him.  He gave me a confused look as I gingerly removed it from the drawer and started to unfold it to see if it was really a PT shirt.  It wasn't.  It was a hair dye shirt Teh Sister had let me borrow that I accidentally brought home.  I literally sighed in relief.  In other news, the Navy ruined me.

-We've already discussed long tags in women's underwear (click that link, totally worth it, those confessions were golden).. but can we discuss that little piece of crotch cotton that is supposed to idk, do something?  I feel like it's almost always 2-4 inches too far back to be of any use.. unless I was a shitty wiper (get it?).  TMI alert!  For instance, if I were to start my period, that little piece of fabric catches NOTHING.  What's the point in that situation?  I'm already questioning the point unless the underwear are made of something NOT cotton, then I kinda get it, but still...  Maybe this is just me?  I've never checked other women's dirty underwear for this problem

-Why do people like their own FB statuses?  I don't get it.  You posted it, of course you already like it.  If you didn't like it, you probably wouldn't have posted it.  I'm so confused.

Last weekend was really a gem for confessions because people really just fuel my rage... continuing on...

-Last weekend at Kohl's, an associate was restocking the Lauren Conrad Cinderella stuff and we were chatting and she said she was super excited about all the old Disney movies being remade.  I had made a comment about Ariel being my favorite when the conversation first started and when she said, "I really hope they do A Little Mermaid over again.  That would be so awesome!"  All I could think was, How would they do that?  It's mostly "under the sea..."  I tried to keep the confused look off my face, since it can often be mistaken for my "you're an idiot" face.

-I went into PetSmart after Kohl's since the foster dog was on the way and I wanted a smaller bowl for him (and Meri).  I should have known from the gaggle of people at the entrance that I shouldn't have went into the store.  I'm a dog person, Gentle Readers.. but I am NOT so much of a dog person that I will ever go into a huge pet store on a Saturday ever again.  The worst part was that it wasn't the animals that were obnoxious, it was the stupid people who wanted to pet other people's pets and baby talk to them (I don't judge your baby talk to your own pets, I judge your baby talk to stranger's pets).  NO.  Step away.  Mostly, get away from ME.  Unfortunately for me, the bowls were at the back of the store, which happened to be directly in front of the grooming place. This meant that there were lots of people waiting nearby with their pets and lots of crazy ladies who just had to pet the cuddly wuddly widdle puppy (a 50lb bulldog). 

-I stopped at Publix to pick up an item and when I got to the registers they all had lines.  Whatevs, I wasn't in a hurry so I wasn't upset about it.  The guy in front me of me saw that I only had 1 item and offered to let me go in front of him and I told him it was ok, I could wait since I wasn't in a hurry.  He insisted so I went in front of him.  While I had been standing there, I noticed that he had a brochure thing in his hand and the very specific items for WIC (I was a cashier at a grocery store in high school and somethings you never forget.  The code for bananas (4011), the overflowing buggy that includes expensive meats and sodas and sugary snacks with a mom with 3 kids will pay in food stamps 90% of the time, the look of someone who feels embarrassed for having to use government assistance).  Unrelated, but related because I live in SC, the guy was a well-dressed black guy.  When I moved in front of the guy and put my stuff on the belt, the cashier was an older lady who looked at me, kinda smiled, then looked back at the man who had let me in front of him and kinda made a face/rolled her eyes, then smiled at me again.  I just stared at her blank faced.  No lady, I'm not going to cut eyes at the nice man who let me in front of him just because he's using WIC or because he's black.  NO.  I would have happily judged him if he had a buggy full of steaks and little debbie cakes and soda and was using a food stamp card, but I won't judge the man who already seems slightly nervous about what he's going through as he groups his items on the belt.  I'm aware that everyone struggles at some point and WIC isn't really anything to be ashamed of since he's providing for his family and someone already had to make the trip to social services to get the WIC to begin with, for whatever reason. #noshame dude, NO shame.  (This mindset is the true mark of adulthood, no sarcasm font.)

-I had a dream last night that kinda twisted my entire day yesterday together in a freaky way.  Apparently, I had posted a lasagna recipe on Teh Blog.  Nadine and her partner (who isn't gay, but dreams don't have to make sense) had tried my recipe and Nadine had just walked in the door of their apartment and she skyped me to tell me they were about to partake of this lasagna and that they'd had a hard time not burning it.  There were 2 lasagnas in 8x8 metal pans (like what I make brownies in to take to a party) and they might have had some dark brown edges where they were in the back of the oven, but they weren't really burnt at all.  As I was watching them eat the lasagna, they each had their own 8x8 pan and were just eating straight from the pan with a fork, straight out of the oven (not sure how they weren't burning their mouths, but again dreams don't have to make sense...), they started to tell me how good it was.  Between bites they admitted that they didn't use velvetta cheese and they added ricotta cheese and changed a few other changes and right as I was about to get upset (because velvetta cheese is the secret to delicious lasagna), the music they had playing in the background got really loud.  At which point, I semi-came to and thought my alarm was going off, but it was actually Mr. Scrooge's alarm (mine usually goes off first, thus the confusion).  I think this dream was a wrap off of my day yesterday.  I got lots of comments on my book review post and I was unable to go to everyone else's post and make comments and I was feeling like a bad blogger.  I had also Skyped yesterday with a coworker to be able to learn somethings so I could write some documentation.  I have no idea where the lasagna came from.. but I have a feeling I'll be making lasagna soon.

ok, probably not.. except for the someone is going to make lasagna part.

-Restarting running HUUUURRRRRTTTTSSSSSS my pieces.  (Ok, this is less of a confession and more of a whine.)

-I'm a candy hoarder.  I get legit upset that someone else is going to eat all my favorite candies, even though I'm horrible at eating my own candy (and now I'm an adult and can buy more if it gets eaten).  I was known to stash candy when I was a kid in my room so no one else would eat it (particularly those Blue Razz Berry suckers with the gum in the middle).  Then I wouldn't want to eat it because then it wouldn't be there if I wanted it later.  I was the same way about using my Lisa Frank stickers.. once it was gone, it was gone. 

-I brought my Chicks, Bunnies, and Dicks Ducks candy to work but after getting lots of looks while I was eating them in a meeting (I'm assuming I was crunching too loudly), I swapped them for the Starburst jellybeans that were at home.  Last night, I was in the kitchen and I heard the rustling sound of a ziploc bag and then the sound of a handful of candies being gathered and tossed into a mouth and I turned around and wide-eye glared at Mr. Scrooge then in my best purposely whiny voice announced, "BUT THOSE ARE MYYYYY EASTER CANDIES!!!!"  I'm ridiculous.

-I searched for a panties gif at work (you're welcome HR) and my day was made when I found this Tom Hiddleston gif in the results...

Making Melissa


  1. LOLOLOL that dream is so messed up and makes no sense. NO SENSE!

    And ummm I want to go to see the Cinderella collection. I love LC and Cinderella so it sounds perfect! And no one eats my Easter candies damnit!

  2. Oy. That cashier. It's impossible to judge a person's situation when they're paying with assistance because you don't know why they're using that assistance. What if they're picking up food for someone who's homebound or they work somewhere that people get assistance? Sure, there are examples of people abusing it but to assume? WRONG.

    That dream was weird. Weird dreams are awesome.

  3. OMG I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS THE CODE FOR BANANAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I swear it is forever imprinted in my mind.

    Boo rude cashiers. Also, if it's WIC he could have been fostering or adopting- those children are wards of the state so they are automatically on food stamps & Medicaid (at least here in NC) regardless of the income of the foster parents.

  4. completely serious they're totally doing a Little Mermaid remake...

    i'll just leave this here haha..

  5. You crack me up. Seriously what is the point of those? I call them dental floss because they pretty much serve no purpose.

  6. Rude cashiers are the worst -- I hate when people judge others, you never know what they are going through. It is obvious that man was not thrilled with having to use it. Underwear are so annoying.

  7. it's been really nice here too but 8C and sunny...certainly not nice enough for convertable cars to be driving around with their top down...although i did see people here in tshirt and capris walking around like it ain't no thing #onlyincanada


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