Shit Teh German Said #33

It's been a while, so here's a late Valentine's gift for my Gentle Readers, because you're all my Valentines.

M (Me): What's a veggie that goes with schnitzel?
T (Teh German): Fries.
M: That's not a vegetable.
T: Fries andddddd...



M: I'd come here again.
T: I give myself 4 stars.
M: why only 4?
T:... There's always room for improvement.



M: Oh no! I tooted and it's stinky! I tried to get it all out when I was in the bathroom. I'll have to take a gas x tonight so we don't die in our sleep.
T: That's not a bad way to go.



Discussing how Americans brought over European germs that have since evolved.
T: You probably brought the sickness home, you're around more people.
M: Maybe, those Cadets never stay home when they are sick.
More evolution conversation.
T: You don't have to always bring back souvenirs.



About CO license plates in The Ranch.
M: We could have those tags one day
T: Yeah, I can recognize them on 26 now.



After a conversation about indoor skydiving, Lyft driver didn't see speed bump, he definitely knew it was there the next time.
Driver: that was better.
Me: I didn't even go airborne.
T: No indoor skydiving.



Me: There's jelly.
T: It's fine, I have tomato jelly. (FYI: ketchup, tomato jelly = ketchup)



I was ordering at McDonald's and the drive through person didn't understand.
T: Are you ordering from the 90s menu?
M: An apple pie and caramel sundae make an apple pie a la mode, if I had ordered an apple pie a la mode, then yes.  But those individual items shouldn't be that difficult.



T to Meri: are you step dancing for us? We're not giving you any money. Even if you do look homeless.



M: Why did it take so long for you to come to bed if you're so tired?
T: I had to finish watching a YouTube video. I don't like stopping in the middle.
M: that's some Megan shit right there.
T: it's like we're rubbing off on each other.
M: If we're not careful we're going to be one of those married couples who look alike.
T: Well, you better hope I get your hair.

Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36

Five on Friday #226

EINS - Random Shit

Real talk, if you are a vlogger, LOOK AT THE FUCKING CAMERA.  Do NOT look at yourself for your entire video (if you are using your cell phone or some media showing device to record yourself).  Jesus Christ, why isn't this obvious?  Talk to ME, your viewer, not to yourself.  I know, it's hard not to watch yourself, but you can do it.  I swear.  If you need to check yourself every so often, that's cool, but watching yourself for a 10 minute video?  I will rip off your arms and beat you with them.

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I might have admitted this before, but it's worth posting again.

It always takes me 3 holes to hang something on the wall that has 2 hangers (a hook on each side).  Every.fucking.time.
Please also note that I hang stuff by the "eh, that's fine" method 95% of the time, which means eyeballing it to see if something is straight or not.

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A few of my bras have a sparkly edging on the cups.  Monday, the dress I wore kinda showed the sparkly area of my bra through the fabric of the dress.  I deemed myself, "Sparkle Tits."

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Does eating frozen yogurt count as taking probiotics?  Asking for a friend.

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Sometimes, I creep on what my Spotify friends are listening to and listen to their playlists that are made for them.  I have learned (and am not surprised by) the fact that Teh Sister and I have very similar music tastes.  Thanks, Sis!

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There are few things worse than the smell of Lowcountry being trapped in your car.  If you cannot relate to this, imagine that you fart your worst smelling fart then open your door and get out of your car and do your thing.  When you get back in your car hours later, it still smells like the fart.  Except worse because now it's warm.  It's a fetid fart.  #HateHateHate

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It's been a hot minute since I posted a Shit Teh German Said (STGS) post.. and I wanted to discuss that for a second.  First off, I will say that there is a STGS post scheduled for this month.  But I often struggle with documenting the hilarious shit he says because... I want to enjoy it.  I don't want to have to stop cackling to text myself the conversation.  It really takes away from my enjoyment of the moment.  So I'm torn.  I know everyone loves those posts, because they are, obviously, hilarious.  But it takes effort for me to laugh, then recall the conversation with perfect clarity and text it to myself.  Effort that I don't always want to put in.

So just know, I'm debating on whether or not to make more of an effort again for STGS posts.  I can't guarentee anything will change, but it's on my mind.

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PITA Professor straight up called me out on doing less good this semester than I did last semester.  HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Senioritis!

"Your performance thus far has been below your normal excellent performance, you can do better!

Also, this is specifically on his daily quizzes and often I mix up 2 definitions, which means that I don't just miss 1 question, but 2 and when a quiz has less than 10 questions, that's a pretty significant portion.  Maybe looking at the material would help, but mostly, IDGAF.  /shrug. And also.. if my average quiz grade is my lowest grade of 3 tests and the final exam, it will get dropped anyways.  #DoNotCurr.

I'm always really affected by disappointment, so while this comment makes me laugh on the outside, it is really getting under my skin.  I know that logically, of course, I am doing poorly because we've had 10 quizzes and I missed 2 of them when I was out sick (and we're not allowed to make them up), so those are probably also dragging my average down.  Like, I understand the LOGIC of why he'd write that comment, but I can literally do NOTHING to improve other than study better for quizzes, which I don't really care to stress myself out over.  I'm not sure why I'm still wrestling with this.

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Dear Spotify,
I haven't listened to Christmas music since December.  You can update my "Recently Played" playlists now... /facepalm

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Teh German is pretty bad about just going on Amazon and buying something, rather than doing any price comparing at other places we shop at (i.e. Sam's Club).  I'm hoping he learned his lesson recently when he paid double for an item on Amazon that he would have paid if he would have purchased it at Sam's.

________________________________________

Dear Chase,
Thanks for free Doordash delivery for a year.  Now I might actually be tempted to use Doordash.

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First, there was just fat week.
Then, there was fat week and skinny week.
Then, there was fat week, motivated week, then skinny week.
Then.. there was fat week, motivated week, exhausted week, then skinny week.

This is all because having a uterus is a punishment.

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Forgetting to turn on the crockpot in the morning is why someone invented the instant (it's not fucking instant) pot.  But for us, it just means a valid excuse to ride the bikes to dinner... which is exactly what happened on Tuesday, despite Teh German getting home later than usually AND me having a test on Wednesday (which meant I need to study the night prior).

I was stressed out about being out late and then Suzi wouldn't start so he had to ride the Bobber (what a rough life having 2 motorcycles to choose from!).. And guess what, it was all fine.  We ended up riding to the Workshop for dinner and I had zero regrets.  We made it home by 8:15 and I was still able to go through the remainder of the test review

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I loved The Ranch.. until this last season.  I'm super disappointed to admit that.  This season, all the jokes felt trope-y, tired, and forced.  I did still have some LOL moments, but mostly, I wasn't sorry to play games on my phone while The Ranch was on the big screen.

Next up: Vikings.
Also, I was informed that I would really like Dark.  My German class loved the show, so I'm curious.

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I almost sent Teh German a cheesy valentine's day beer gift basket to his office on principle to be like, SEEE this is what people that like each other do...
But I didn't because... I'm a petty asshole.
Ya know, in case you were worried about me not being a petty asshole.  I still am.
Additionally, I already purchased a couples massage for us, so I can use my gift certificate that he got me for Christmas/being a good cheerleader during the job change drama and I already paid for his massage.  Soooooo yeah.  Not keeping score.  And also, I don't want to fuel my own bitterness.  Because that's probably what it would do.

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Someone brought in 2 Edward's frozen pies for Thanksgiving and they are still in the freezer since we had wayyy too much food for work Thanksgiving.  Fast forward to February and I've been helping myself to freezer pie since it's fat week.  I'm NOT FUCKING SORRY about it either.

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My Stats professor is the least "Citadel-y" professor I've ever had and I'm not even sad about it.  He straight up told us how to work out one problem during the test and he answered my question, even if it didn't really help me get the answer because something was missing.  I pulled a "when it doubt, c it out" and called it done.

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What it's like to work with me:

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Does anyone else feel like this week took a millionty days to finally get to Friday?  Because I'm confident that's exactly how many days it's been since last week.

ZWEI - Money Shit

-Groceries
-Power bill.  $100 in the winter makes me stabby since that means our AC has been running... IN THE WINTER TIME.
-Denver hotel
-Denver rental car

DREI - From My Phone Shit

New sign after I removed the millionth k-cup before I was able to brew my own coffee:
After brewing, please remove your mold developing k-cup from the machine.
Queen of Passive-Aggressiva strikes again!

Ring selfies.
Not sorry
88 days when I took this.

My new Company hoodie came in.  Small is WAY better than the medium.
Too bad it's too fucking hot here to wear a hoodie.  :|

Saw an APV just rollin' down the street with a non-uniformed person chillin' from the manhole.
Filed under: Really fucking bizarre shit.

When you're almost to the office and realize it's a school day.
Thankfully, work is halfway to school, even if a little out of the way, so I still managed to make it to school in time to get decent parking and in time for my test.

VIER - From the Internet Shit

As much as you have given thought to the way things were before,
you can give mindful grace filled thoughts to the present all the more.
MHN

Who you are right now matters more than you know.
MHN

you do not have to be fearless to be confident.
MHN

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. Learning a new, EASIER, way to do work things.  Thanks to a coworker for taking the 10 minutes out of his busy day to help me and make me more productive and less of a burden on him.  #TeachAManToFish
2. The Chiro.  
3. Freezer pie.
4. Patience.  Even if it's only minimal.
5. Accurate #BarometerHead readings.
6. Looking forward to a massage all week long.
7. Not succumbing to my own pressure to go out for breakfast/lunch.
8. Riding to dinner with Teh German on Wednesday.
9. Baloo being paid off.
10. Chatting with Teh Bestie during our drives, even if our phones sometimes cut out and we call each other back so quickly that we get each other's voicemail. 

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

Shit Teh German Said #32

Teh German (tG) about dinner:  Mmmhmm, I'd eat here again.



tG: I was sad this morning that my cup had the wrong lid on it.
Teh Megan (tM): My bad.
tG: You always say how everything has a place and what goes together.
tM: We've found the one thing I'm not an anal asshole about.
tG: ...Every asshole is anal.



tM: There's this dog I follow on Instagram named Socks.  I wanna name something Socks.
tG: There's a whole drawer over there of socks you can name Socks.
tM: I know there's a drawer of socks there, my socks.  And I have a drawer of your socks.  I put the socks in the drawer, I've rearranged the socks in that drawer.  I'm always dealing with the socks!
tG: Well, that socks.



Teh German farts.
tG: That one didn't pay rent and had to leave.



tM: Is it too spicy for me?
tG: Uhh, probably.  Do you want me to suck the sauce off so you can try the meat?
Teh PT Wife: THAT is true love.



tG to Meri: Your head is very heavy today.  Are you having heavy thoughts?



I laid down on the couch with Teh German.  The dogs, who had been playing upstairs, brought their shenanigans downstairs and both dogs jumped on the couch we were on and were stepping on us while continuing to play bitey face.
tM: Ahhh!  I don't like abusive family time!
tG: That's the only kind of family time in this house.



Teh German, while tucking Pax into bed: Be careful how you put your paw, Big Boy.  When you get old you can't just put your pieces how you want.  Take it from me.



tM: Do you hear that?
Teh German listens.
tM: That's the sound of productivity calling.
tG: I can't hear it.



tM: You have some crazy beard hairs going on.
tG: But it's soft though.
I touch the beard.
tG: Right?
tM: I mean, for pube hairs, sure.
Teh German laughs.
tM: I'm glad you laughed, that could have been weird.
tG: I married you.



I pretend to bite Teh German's elbow.
tG, snatching his elbow away from my mouth: No chicken wings for you today!




Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

Shit Teh German Said #31

Teh Megan (tM): I'm like something out of Hansel and Gretel.
Teh German (tG): We Germans love that shit.  Tell those mean stories to kids.



tM: I made the cabbage too small.
tG: I guess size does matter.



tM, after the Capitals beat the Hurricanes: I love you, even if you cheer for the wrong team sometimes.
tG: Yeah, the winning team.
tM: ooo, sweet burn!




tM: I love this photo of my Monkey Doodle.. with the exception of the 5 gallon buckets in the background.
tG: 7 gallons.

Said photo

A song about "Whiskey Drowns the Memory" was playing on the radio.
tG: Whiskey might drown the memory, but it makes everything you've eaten come back up later...



Teh PT Wife: Max was super drooly last night.  So much so, that he had to be let out of the bedroom this morning to get water.
tG: It's like Max's version of a wet dream.



tG: How should you know how sex works when you're so close to Jesus?



We returned from a walk with the dogs and Teh German farted while taking off his shoes.
tG: There's the turbo!  TOO LATE!



tM: Krispy Kreme is coming out with a new doughnut to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.
tG: Does that mean you need one?
tM: It's probably out of this world.
tG: People probably love it to the moon and back.





Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Shit Teh German Said #30

Teh Megan (tM): The scale says my medals weight 7 pounds.  But I feel like it's definitely more.
Teh German (tG): Emotional weight.



I was vacuuming out the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen.
tG: Are you vacuuming not to do something else?
tM: Actually no, I really have wanted to vacuum the cabinets for a while, but I appreciate that you know me well enough to ask.



We noticed a car had a broken side mirror.
tM: Do you see this car's weird mirror?
tG: It's like Pax ears.



Teh German runs over the rumble strips on the shoulder of the road.
tG: Massage seats!



tM: We had caviar tonight.  That was classy enough for me.
tG: Yeeeeaaahhhh, don't get used to that.



tM to restuarant server: Is that your Slytherin tie?
The server didn't understand so I had to explain Slytherin house was the "bad guys" in Harry Potter.
Server: I'd be a good guy!
tG: That's what all bad guys say!



We walked by a fiddler on King Street.
tG, singing: Where did you from Cotton Eye Joe.
tG: That was a big hit in Germany.



After some intestional distress...
tG: I am bummed such delicious food treated me so badly.



After 5:30 the day of DST change.
tG to Meri: If you could read the clock you'd be pissed!




Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Shit Teh German Said #29

Discussing how we both have Stingrays hats.
tM: Look, we have matching hats!
tG: Yay.
tM: The family that hockeys together stays together or some shit.
tG: STICKS together.



Teh Running Bestie: Dammit, we have to get out of bed to turn the lights off.
tG: It's like 2017!



While playing Cards Against Humanity.
tM: Was that your card?  I knew I shouldn't have picked it.
tG: But I knew you would.



tM: It hurt me in my soul.
tG: Where?
tM: Shut up.

tG: It's like a Nemo bee.

tM: We don't need any "Nemo" fish.  (with a gimp fin)
tG: Hey!  We do rescue!



tM: Our birthdays are next month and I don't know what we're gonna do.
tG: I'll tell you what we're gonna do.  We're gonna get older.
tM: 🤦
(I meant what we were going to do to celebrate.)



tM: I have some bad news.
tG: Bad news with an e or an a?
tM: What? Like n-a-w-s?
tG: An e or an a.
tM: I'm so confused.
tG: Like b-a-d or b-e-d.
tM: Oooo I get iittttt!
*cackles*
tM: That was so bad that I didn't even get it, but you were so confident.



tG: I think I'm over-souped.
tM: Yeah, I'm sorry.  Thankfully, I didn't put the noodles in the soup.
tG: I used to eat noodles with ketchup.
tM: I know people that eat noodles with mustard.
tG: WTF?!
tM: You eat noodles with ketchup!
tG: It's tomato sauce!





Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30

Shit Teh German Said #28

After I criticized an extremely stupid commercial.
tG: They should put the most critical people in advertising.  You should have been in advertising.
tM: Actually... that's what I put on my college application as my dream job.  Making magazine advertisements.
tG:  I guessed it!



I tossed a lid at the sink, it hit the faucet, bounced out, and landed on the counter.
tG: That's such a big sink....



Discussing the fish tank.
Person: What kind of fish are you going to put in the tank?
tM: NEMOS!
tG: Gobblers.
tM: Like alge eaters?
tG: Yeah.

A few days later Teh German is looking at a dive magazine and announces the word he was looking for was GUPPIES.
Nope, they will now forever be known as GOBBLERS.  #NOTSORRY



Discussing a very bad job of lines painted on the road.
tG: That must have been a Monday or Friday job.



tG: Ok, time to release the beast...
...as he walks to the bathroom.



Right after waking up, we're still laying in bed.
tM: Your nostril holes look like kidneys.
tG: Uh... okkkkkk.
tM: I'm just saying if you ever need a special talent and can't think of anything.
tG: Ok, so I have 4 kidneys...



tM: Our birthdays are next month and I don't know what we're going to do.
tG: Tell you what we're gonna do.. we're gonna get older.
tM: 🤦




Discussing the carry-on policy.
tM: There's a no bags policy.
tG: What about douche bags?





Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

Shit Teh German Said #27

Teh German (tG) to Meri, who hadn't gone business the entire day before because it was raining all day: Do you have a big poop brick in you?



Discussing the end of greyhound racing in FL.
Teh Running Bestie: Oooo, you can get another dog!
tG: We're getting fish.



Teh Megan (tM): Would you wear carpenter pants?
tG: Yeah, to work in.
tM: I love carpenter pants.  I'd wear them all the time.
tG:  You probably shouldn't.  Because when you get in your car.....
(Willow is my hippie-lesbian car, I've embraced this fact).




tG: It's a meme with the cat with the hat.
Teh SC Teacher, tM (at the same time): You mean the cat IN the hat.
tM: I LOVE ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE!  SO FUN!



Teh PT Husband: When I go to Germany, I'm going to eat a pretzel every day.
tG: And you can.



tG: What was that banana drink?
Teh PT Husband: The Dirty Banana.
tG: Yeah that one.
Teh PT Husband: You'll be getting those in Barbados.
tG:  I ain't gonna wait that long.  2020 is so far away!



Teh German was looking at the clock over the garage door with a confused look.
tG: Is it 8:45?
tM: No, it's 6:45.
tG: Ohhhhh, I must have turned the clock the wrong way!



Discussing McDonald's having a window sign to indicate if the ice cream machine was working or not.
tG: That would be a lot of money wasted by McDonald's for lights that are never on...




Discussing laundry woes.
tM to Teh Running Bestie: Husband's wraps have bled and ruined other things two times and it pisses me off.
tG: Well, they do say "DANGER".

Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27

Shit Teh German Said #26

I stretched while handing something to Teh German.
Teh German (tG): AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH SAVENYA....  (the intro song to The Lion King)




After cooking shrimp and grits.
tG: OO we should have added kielbasa, then it would have been surf and turf.
Teh Megan (tM): It is often served that way.
tG: Schwein und Shrimps.




tG, very seriously, to Roomy (the Roomba): I would really appreciate if you would stop getting tangled up with that lamp.




There was a tree in a neighborhood we drive through to get home that had put something like aluminum foil over the fruit on their trees.  It was quite bizarre to me.
tM: I wonder what that is.
tG: What?
I point to the tree but Teh German doesn't look.
tG: Eyes on the road!
tM: I'm like a bird, it was shiny and I had to look!
tG: I was more concerned about driving through the sharp curve.  Also, that's how birds die.




tM: Whew, glad you finally gave me something for your post this month.  It was looking pretty bare.
tG: That was a late entry.







Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26

Shit Teh German Said #25

Teh German (tG): Oh no, sauce.  Where do you think you're going?  You stay in that gyro!



Driving through Podunk, NC, we pass a street sign that says "Country Hill St"
tG: Yeah, no shit.



We were merging onto the highway from a right side on-ramp.
tG (reading sign on side of road): Left lane ends.
Teh Megan (tM): That sign said the right lane ends.
tG stops merging: Oh ok.
tM: We're in the RIGHT lane. 
*I cackle*
tG: I get this directionally challenged thing from you. 
tM: It's not contagious.  Nice try.
tG: It is.



In McDonald's drive thru:
tG to the dogs: You guys just have to speak up if you want something.



While watching the qualifying laps for the Darlington race, the announcer was explaining how the car was going slow because of how bumpy the track is.
tG: Of course it is, you're in South Carolina!



tM: (blah blah blah)
tG while rubbing his nipples excitedly: Weeeeeeeeee!
tM: Woah, Sparky, take it down a level.
tG while rubbing his nipples slowly: Woooooooooo.



tM: Make good choices.
tG: I already did.



Teh German asked Siri if we should go out to dinner or not, she did not understand his question.
tM: Yeah, I knew that wouldn't work.
tG: Well, I saw that.... (long pause).. House Robot had new features, so maybe it was something Siri could do too.
tM: House Robot?
tG: Yeah.  I didn't want to say (in a whisper) Alexa, (in a normal voice) because she's always listening.



tG: They must all be sinners with the way they are speeding to church.

tG: It's like an orgy.

tM: I didn't have anything sweet.  So that was perfect.
tG: HEY!  I'm right here!



Discussing something I might buy.
tG: Well, once you've decided on something it’s pretty much already bought, just not picked up yet.
tM: Truth.
*LOLs*






Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25

Shit Teh German Said #24

I had Teh German help me close my bikini top since I couldn't get it closed.
tG: You shouldn't have raised your hand twice for tits.



tG: But did you die?
tM: A little on the inside, as always.
tG: You can't kill what's already dead.



While passing a billboard for a dentist office that shows missing teeth, which reads, "Let's fix that."
tG: Fix what?  South Carolina?




Teh German lit the citronella candles before we started eating dinner out side.
tG: I don't know if this helps against flies, but at least we can call it a candle light dinner.



While eating steaks that Teh German had grilled.
tG: I noticed there was a charred frog in the grill.  So we probably had some frog legs with dinner.



I brought home 7 boxes of mac and cheese from the grocery store.
tG: You need supervision.



I was silly singing.
tM: That's the good version.
tG: I liked the original better.



Teh German to the dogs who were excited.
*note: when their nails need to be cut, they click on the floor, in a very obvious way.
tG: What is this?  A tap-dance competition?






Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24

Shit Teh German Said #23

Teh Megan (tM): Oh I thought you had the TV on.
Teh German (tG): No.  That's the Asian man next door yelling to his ancestors.



tM: This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef. This little piggy had none.
tG: Roast beef?  That's kinda fucked up.
tM: It's roast beef, not bacon.
tG: This little piggy had Uncle Bob.



After being stung in the face by a jellyfish.
tG: Well, you got your hug from Australia.  Seems that Australia hugs a little different.



While waiting in the cable car line in San Fransisco.
tM: There's a puppy in Sephora!
tG: He's getting his nails done.

Teh German throws a caterpillar over the fence.
tM: OMG, that was horrible, why did you just throw it over the fence!?
tG: They're sturdy.  It's fine.



tM: How do you think your food gets so hot?
tG: I look at it.



Teh German to Pax: It's so fucking hot outside.  No wonder you gave up racing.  You probably could have run faster, but it was too hot in Florida.





Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Shit Teh German Said #22

Teh German's bagel was flopping around while he was trying to cut it.
Teh German (tG): Don't fight me.


Teh Megan (tM): Know what would be really cool?
tG: An ice pack.


Discussing mulching the yard and bugs moving in.
tM: We're better off because we have the patio [in front of the back door], so that's a deterrent.
tG: Uhh, bugs crawl under the vinyl to get into the house.  They don't come in the door.


Teh German farted.
tG: There was too much air in the pizza!


tM: How's your head?
No response.
tM: Babe?
tG: I had to listen to my body!


Discussing a German tag on a car we passed.
tG: I wonder if they are military that was stationed in Germany and brought their tag back.
tM: It's probably that or actual Germans who came over.  You people are everywhere!  Invading!
tG: Yeah, since day one, because AMERICA.


One of the dogs was passing some noxious gas while driving to MD.
tM: I notice that you've been letting me vent out the stinky gas on my side.
tG: Well, because you smell it before me.
tM: I think you have ear wax clogging your nose.
tG: They're called boogers.


tM: Damn, apparently I need hearing aids and glasses... at least my sniffer is still good.
tG: Yeah that's usually the case that other senses get stronger.




Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22

Shit Teh German Said #21

tM: Teeth are NOT tools!
tG: They are, we're pretty much monkeys.


Discussing if Christopher Walken was still alive.
tG: He's still ...Walkin.


Drunk tG: Alexa play Chop Suey by System of a Down.
Alexa (verrrrrry slowwwwly): Playing... Chop... Suey... by... System.. of a... Down...
tG: Wow, she really struggled through that.
tM: You didn't really give her a lot to work with.


tM: That's how much I love you, I have explosive feelings for you. (regarding yelling sometimes)
tG: It smells like you explode sometimes too.. (regarding a lingering bathroom smell from earlier)

Singing to Teh German with Alicia Keys.
tM: My hair is on fiiiirrreeeee
tG: My ears, too...

As I was taking the above selfie until I got it perfect:
tG: White girl problems.


tG to the dogs: You guys expecting something?
tM: Yeah, bully sticks.
tG: This is not the Make-A-Wish Foundation.


Kid beside us at a pizza place is playing with pizza dough.
Teh PT Wife: I would take that dough and eat it [instead of play with it].
tG: I would take that dough.. and make it rain.






Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21

Shit Teh German Said #20

Meri releases a noxious fart.
Teh Megan (tM): Meri, you are not a good lady.
Teh German (tG): Look at her role model.


While watching Ninja Warriors, contestant is a "clothing company designer".
tG: I guess they don't design shirts.


While watching Wheel of Fortune.
tM: something unimportant that Teh German didn't hear.
tG: Are you talking about Fortune Wheel?
(sometimes #LanguageBarriers are the best)


Talking about hair.
tG: I don't know much about highlights, but that's OK because I am one.


tG: When you're already hot, jalapenos aren't that hot.


At bedtime...
tM: By the way, the loft lights are on.
tG: Cheaper to leave those lights on than preheat the oven...


At a Stingrays game, All the Single Ladies starts playing.
tM to tG: All the single ladies, all the single ladies, if you like then be sure to put a ring on it... since he liked it, he made sure to put a ring on it!

tG: His name should be Ugly

Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20