About using a condom to make sex last longer:
tG: That would be like listening to music with earmuffs on.
tM: Man, I meant to change my shoes while we were home. My feet are oily from my massage.
tG: So... you're wearing slippers?
tM: Lotion boogers are gross.
tG: The word even sounds gross.
tM: Dem chicken legs...
tG: I'm a chicken walker.
tM: First world problems are the worst!
tG: That's why they are called first world problems, because they come in first.
tG: She must be Barbie.
At a kids's birthday party:
Kid to tM: Hey get this ring from me.
tM: I don't need a ring. I have one. (I flash my engagement ring at him)
tG: Ooooo, burn.
tM: And he doesn't even understand.
Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6