A day late and a dollar short.

Ok, I'm actually not a dollar short, thankfully, but I did miss January 1st on Teh Blog.  Truthfully, I know many of my Gentle Readers are on blog-reading hiatus as the holidays have us shifted into overdrive.  Trust me, I completelyyyyyy get that.

First off, I wanted to say thank you to every.single.one.of.you who commented and liked our engagement announcement.  It was a long wait for me (especially in social media time!) but it was so worth it.  It was nice to ring in 2017 knowing that we had the love and support of so many people, some of who we know in real life, some of who I know through the online world.  Yet, the world is a small place and friends are friends.  I'm blessed and thankful for every single person in my life.

This morning I am off of work and writing this in real time (uhh what?).  Yep, it's true.  I can still blog in real time.  I woke up grouchy at 0400 when Teh German's alarm went off at wayyy too loud and scared the life out of me (almost).  Then Phil needed to check on Teh German in the bathroom, which meant that the light of the sun was coming through the Phil-sized crack in the door (not small).  I was grumbly.  It was early.  I didn't want to be up.  I had stayed up over an hour later than I intended to because I fell down the pinterest hole looking for the wedding dress I've had my eye on since 2005 (that I'm pretty sure is no longer in production).  Then I went back to sleep.

I had a date with Roux's Mom this morning to hit up the city's rec center to work out at 0800 and when she texted to say, let's push it to 0830, I wasn't disappointed because I wasn't ready to get out of the bed.  I also wasn't ready to get out of the bed at 0821 when I accidentally fell back asleep, which meant that she waited in my driveway for 10 minutes because I'm a horrible friend.  Oops.  I brushed my teeth at least!

After our workout, we came home and we walked the dogs.  It's a delightfully wonderful 70°F with 100% humidity (ugh), but it was a good walk and we have tired dogs.  I took the time to water the flower graveyard (for the ones that are still hanging on!) and then came inside.  Before going up to shower, I decided to check the FBs because, ya know, addiction.

I'm scrolling through my feed and I see a post someone has liked about a Charleston hair dresser who worked with an autistic child to cut his hair.  It made me actually think about something Aunt P and I had talked about while she was here.  How "friendly" people are in America/the South.

I don't consider myself a friendly person or a people person, for the most part.  I can be polite(ish) and I know when to keep my mouth shut, even if often I don't practice that skill.  But maybe I'm wrong.  Throughout the years I've learned that a little kindness goes a long way.  For me, this often means saying the things that are on the tip of my tongue to strangers.  It took many years of development, but I'm a pretty positive person.  I often want to compliment people on something they are wearing or laugh with them at something I overheard (because that's what happens when you're talking on your cell phone or to someone else in public, other people can hear you and it's not eavesdropping) and for many, many years, I refrained from doing that.  Maybe it was shyness, maybe it was me not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on.  But at some point, I started acting on those feelings.  I started laughing and making a comment to them, or saying the nice thing.. or sometimes, even starting up a conversation just to make whatever was going on a little more bearable.

Aunt P had commented that Germans always felt like Americans were faking the friendliness.  That people weren't actually that friendly.  But I realized when we came back from Disney, maybe we are actually just that friendly.

When I was younger, I'm sure it was said of Child Megan that she could meet no stranger.  I talked to everyone.  In fact, I won "most talkative" in 4th, 5th, and possibly 6th grade.  While we were at Disney, I often chatted up co-riders on the bus as we made our way to or from the parks.  I've also been known to chat up my seat mates on the bus while being transported to/from races that I've run.  Honestly, I didn't think I was that person, but I often saw Teh Running Bestie chat up strangers and I never saw myself as that person.  She particularly likes chatting up kids, and I'm less good with that, but kids are easy.  Also, kids are the ticket to the parents, so hello, shoe in.

All of this brought me back to the Charleston thing.

I bitch and bitch and bitchhhhhh about Charleston and how hot it is and ugh Charleston traffic and nothing to do except eat and expensive rent and all the fucking bugs and on and on.  But I have a secret I'll share with you to start off 2017 right.  Obviously, I'm full of secrets.

I love Charleston.

There are few places that I've called home.  I'm quite proud to call Charleston home, even if it means I'm a South Carolina resident (that's taking the good with the bad, right there).  If you exclude the shitty drivers, the people in Charleston are awesome.  People are often friendly.  I even think back to the Emmanuel AME shooting and how there was only peaceful protests.  I'm not saying Charleston doesn't have it's problems.  We have race issues and homelessness is rampant, the class divide is strong.

Yet, I live on "International Drive" (our street has a lot of ex-pats from other countries) and our neighbors are some of the best.  Customer service isn't a bad experience every time.  And ya know, our roads rarely ice over and there is a depressing amount of snow, but I can wear short sleeves in January and I won't die of hypothermia.

All that to say, I love my life.

So today, this post comes from a grateful heart and a great life.  We have a support system so awesome, which is something I never dreamed of.  We live in a community where I'm actually happy about leaving my house to hang out with people.  We have a roof over our heads and family and friends that love us.  We even have Phil (with his bad breath) and Meri (with her bad habit of pooping in the guest rooms) who are never disappointed to see us.

I'm at a place in life that I always dreamed I'd be and maybe this is the pouring out of gratitude for all of that.  Also, this is me, writing this down for the next time some asshat cuts me off in traffic then brake checks me for flipping them off or when it's approximately the temperature of the sun in July or when wedding planning has me in hysterics because all the people and all the money and wtf why don't we just go to the courthouse already and pick up Willie Jewel's on the way home?

So again, thank you, Gentle Readers for being a part of this life.  For stopping by and keeping up with my life, even if it's just for the entertainment value, Lord knows, there's plenty of that.

Phil doesn't like to snuggle, so he gets his own picture.
Just the way he likes it.

Catching up..

Within the last few months, most of the bloggers that I follow have talked about being burnt out and needing a direction or have even gave up blogging entirely.  At the time, I was all toots-magoo because I had all the time (and rage) in the world and I was keeping up with my M/W/F schedule like a boss and I was feeling like I'd posted a linkup too many, but that schedule also helped me tell you about the goings-on in my life, which is the point of this here blog, so it was kinda working for me.  I wasn't feeling like the "blogger sickness" was effecting me...

Then it was Christmas, then it was New Years, then it was CA trip, and now it's my "real life" job.. I just feel so life overwhelmed that stopping and spending some time with Teh Blog is more difficult than I want it to be.

You see, I love this space.  I love how inviting this blank white box is for me to fill in all my thoughts.  Then I get to hit publish (which still gives me a little thrill) and it's out there for other people to see if they want to.  But taking the time to fill that white space.. sooo much effort.

In addition, I had some personal drama that was going on that I'd love to talk about here because this is my rant/venting space, but it's not appropriate to air my dirty laundry on the internet (knowing how many people I personally that know read this).  Is it strange to anyone else that I wouldn't mind airing my dirty laundry to strangers, but mind when it's people that know me?  I find that a little ironic/confusing, but it is what it is.  After some real talk, most of that personal drama went away, thankfully.  Granted, there was an unavoidable catalyst that got it started, but in the end, everyone came out unscathed.  Thank Buddha.

I had planned on doing the Friday link up Friday morning, but instead got distracted doing my taxes instead.  Something about dollas in my bank account was more motivating than bragging to you about how awesome my work is, but don't worry, we'll get to that.

After working 4 days, I'm struggling to get into a schedule.  I'm hoping that next week my schedule starts becoming consistent and my life will be better (aka, going to bed at 7pm is desirable).  I did accomplish some great things this week though, the biggest thing being finally getting my SC plates and finalizing my SC registration.  Le sigh.  Teh Sister kinda lit the fire under my ass when she pointed out my NC plate expired in November and the latest you can get away with an expired tag is 15 days into the following month.  Well.. We were a month past that 15 days.  My bad.  I had been driving around completely oblivious too, but the minute she pointed it out, I became paranoid.  Now, I can drive easy again with my crappy paper plate until the real metal one comes.

Side note: Why are collegiate plates so freakin' expensive?  Ugh.  I just wanna be special, not pay an arm and a leg for a pretty tag.  Whatevs.  In keeping with the theme, I went with the SC NCSU plate, because that's what I've had for my NC plate since I got back from Bahrain and before I graduated college until I left for GTMO.  It's a thing.

Moving on, I started my new "real life" job!  It feels unbelievably surreal.  I have my own desk and my own computer and I wear adorable dresses and there's free drinks and snacks and no one is harassing me to do this month's GMT (general military training) and people are offering to help me find things to make my job easier, even though it's not their job to help me, nor do they even have any idea what I actually do, they are just nice people.  When I told my manager I was probably going to work 7-3, he said ok.  I'm treated like an ADULT.  I'm not treated like I'm less than anyone/ignorant/lacking something/inexperienced because of a stupid collar device on my uniform.  I just.. I don't even have words for how amazing it is.  To say I'm thankful and grateful is an understatement.

I keep thinking back to the first time I saw the job posting and the feeling I got when I was reading the company name and the posting and how it just FELT right.  In a way that seems silly, but it's true.  The name alone hit a nerve with me (in a good way).  Then when I was interviewing and they gave me a tour of the office and the one guy (my now manager) who kept saying WHEN I do things, not IF I get the job and I do things.  Finally, when the company from October called with an offer on the first day of the CA vacation and I didn't feel tempted.  I KNEW I had gotten exactly what I had been praying for.

Did I mention that faith is hard?  Yeah.  It is.
See I talk to God sometimes and after the Friday that Company was supposed to call and tell me if I got the job or not (aka the Thursday night that I had barely slept at all, despite having to work at Target on Friday morning, each time I woke up, I'd say my prayer, "Please God, let me get this job," and go back to sleep for another 30 minutes), I vowed to go to church that Sunday, despite the fact that they didn't call, and I had to contact them.  Not that God works on a bartering system, but sometimes you have to put forth a little extra effort to show God you are serious.  Some people fast, I barter.  Maybe it's the Catholic in me.  "God, I'll say 10 Hail Mary's tonight, so please don't let there be horrible traffic in the morning."  And fasting gives me migraines and hangar and many unpleasant things that no one likes for me to experience.

I got up that Sunday morning and got dressed up cute and headed out the door to the church I'd been wanting to try, only to find out they were having a 10am service.  I had made a deal with The Big Man, so I went to the other church that I'd been to once before.  When I pulled in the (empty) parking lot, I noticed their sign said they were doing a 10am service as well.  At which point, I FELT God let me off the hook.  Instead, I went to Walmart and picked up some items while there was barely any crowd and went back home and spent the day (which was a good day in the midst of lots of bad ones) with Mr. Scrooge.  Sometimes, it's about the effort.  2 days later, I got the call that I got the job.

I've never cried from happiness and relief in my entire life until that day.  I didn't hear the end of the voicemail.  I didn't try to listen to it again before calling my HR lady back.  The weight that came off my shoulders from GETTING this job overwhelmed me.  Now that I'm actually working it.. I'm overwhelmed at how I landed such a sweet gig.  Seriously, it's all I can do not to rave on the Facebooks all day about how awesome my job is.  I considered using my Twitter account just to rave about how awesome my job is since I want to tell people about it practically every second.

Awesome job example:
I took a selfie with the laptop and posted it to FB during a conference call on Thursday with my boss sitting right beside me because we were all in a stupor at how the call was going.

I work with people who have nothing to prove because they are awesome at their job and they don't have to be better than anyone else at doing it because it's THEIR job and ONLY their job.  There's no competing with other people in your office for a check in a box on a piece of paper every year.  Even at my lowest point, I've never regretted leaving the Navy.  This job only further cements that feeling.

I still want to show you my Magnolia Gardens photos (which are mostly still unedited) and I want to tell you about the CA adventure.. but I also wanted to admit that right now I'm teetering on burn out and most of that has to do with the pressure I put on myself to blog.  I mean, I have like 5 whole readers (and one of those is Teh Dad) so it's not the world ending (ok, yes I have more than 5 readers, but I'm workin' the drama llama, go with it) if I don't post all the time.

But at the same time, some of the self-pressure is because writing my Monday post to review my weekend is my way of not forgetting what happened.  My Friday post is to kinda review my week.  Wednesday is confessions, and well, you get what you get with that.  It's a mishmash of rants and occurrences that have happened over the last week.

I constantly have a list of things I'd like to do that rarely seems to get accomplished.  For instance:
-Finish the puzzle that has been on my table since... idk when.  For a few weeks now.  I'm ready to reclaim my space... and find another surface to do puzzles on because using the table is KILLING me.  Done.  And then I started another one.  FML, I have no will power against puzzles.

-I want to go take photos in downtown Charleston on a nice day.  The buildings are old and it's good exercise, if nothing else.
-I want some sunrise photos over the (stinky) marshes.
-I want to play the video games I bought back in October that I STILL haven't played yet because I rarely take the time to play video games and Mr. Scrooge refuses to play my games (for a reason unbeknownst to me)..  I think I did unlock all the levels in Katamari, so I get credit for that.
-Continue our weekend gatherings with our SC homies.  Sometimes it seems like a lot of work, but I really enjoy having everyone over or going to their house.
-Workout (I always have good intentions.  Hopefully having a consistent schedule will help).
-Catch up on my Feedly, which wouldn't be so bad if I would just read my subscriptions every day.
-Catch up Teh Blog on missed events (Magnolia Gardens, CA vacation)
-Catch up Teh Puppies Blog and schedule out posts of all the photos I need to share because my dogs are unbearably adorable.

Getting my SC tag was on that list since November, so having taken care of that (ouch, my poor wallet), that kind of relives some serious pressure (what with the fear of getting pulled over and getting multiple tickets).

My "real life" job is hopefully going to take off next week.  My manager and his cohort have been trying to make sure that I know what my job is supposed to be and helping me get that ball rolling since I'm the only tech writer at Company or at least in our office.  I'm also hoping since it will be a full work week AND Mr. Scrooge and I have meals planned for the week, I'll be able to keep a consistent schedule.  That means, go to work, get off work and hit the gym, come home and make dinner, then veg until bedtime.

I managed to get all my errands done this weekend, which sucked, but it's infinitely better than trying to fit it in after work when I'd rather be at home in pajama pants.  We didn't have our normal gathering which was slightly disappointing, but it meant that Mr. Scrooge and I were able to not do anything all.weekend.long. (other than my errands, which I didn't make him attend).

My goal in the near future is to catch up on all the blog things.  The photo editing, the posts, etc.  I'm not sure how successful I'll be, but I'm at least going to think about it on the regular, which counts for something.

Also, I think I've committed to doing a cyber book club in February.  We're reading Where'd You Go, Bernadette which I've never heard of, but I've been looking for some reading direction and this just happened to fall into my lap.  I read while I'm working out, and my goal is to work out at least 3 times a week, but ideally 5 days a week, which means at least 40+ minutes of reading every day.  ANNNDD I'm a fast reader which means that I go through books fairly quickly, so I'm glad to have some direction.  I finished One More Day while on the flight to CA, and I tried to start The Girl You Left Behind by JoJo Moyes, but I knew that One More Year was also on Nook and I could see if Gayle Forman is a script writer like Nick Sparks AND, more importantly, I would be able to know what happened to Willem.. and after reading all about Paris in One More Day, I wasn't sure I was ready to take on another Paris book with The Girl You Left Behind.

What I've learned over the past few months of reading: I'm a sucker for a good book based in the south.  I think part of it is that I know where these places being described are actually located.  I've never been to Paris or London or anywhere in Europe besides northern Scotland, so it is very difficult for me to completely comprehend the setting descriptions.  Additionally, "southern books" that have the dialect written into it make my brain so unbearably happy.  I'm not sure why, since it usually means when I emerge from my reading I'm speaking with an extreme southern accent, but I do.

The other thing I've learned from all my reading exploits over the last few months is that I'm ready for a new ereader.  I want one that is backlit so I don't have to use a light (likkkkeee when I'm on a plane or in the car) and Nook has been giving me some issues with the buttons (which I have to use while I'm working out for some reason since the screen doesn't like when I touch it) getting stuck, then all of a sudden I'm in the middle of a sweat session and Nook is going crazy just flipping pages.  No, bad Nook.  The rage usually takes me over and I worry that I'm going to fall off the elliptical while trying to reset the stupid thing.  Yay self-birthday present!  If you have any ereader suggestions, I'm all ears, but my only criteria is that it works will with Calibre since I download most of my books and put them into whatever format I need.

Any chance I get to use a Disney gif is a good day.

Finally, I'm still on the quest to find that stupid Today is Going To Be A Great Day! 2015 Page-A-Day Calendar that is marked up so high on Amazon.  I actually messaged 2 sellers and said I'd buy it if they dropped their prices.  So far that hasn't happened yet.  The morning after I messaged the 2 sellers, I saw them posted for $15 and I couldn't believe my luck.  You better believe I ordered that sucker RIGHT THEN.  I kept waiting on the shipping email from Amazon and later that night I got an email from the seller saying it was sold out... I wanted to reach through the computer screen and smack a ho.  I still haven't seen the stupid calendar fall below $40, which I still refuse to pay because its.a.calendar.(and this is a #firstworldproblem to the max).  There's always next year, but that's SUCH a long time to wait.  /weep

But now, I think it is time to get ready for tomorrow and go to bed.  If you made it through this entire post, I commend you.  I know it was quite wordy, but I really needed to have a solid word vomit session.  You're the best, Gentle Readers.

Flowers for no reason.  I'll keep him.

I saved the best for last.
If this isn't the cutest thing you'll see all day, then you're super lucky.

Hello? Is this thing on?

This is going to be a random brain dumping post, so hold on for a wild ride read.

Teh Ginger told me when he was editing my resume that 2 spaces after a period is antiquated.  Is that true?  If so, I don't care.  I still hold to my 2 spaces after a period unless I'm writing a paper for a class and I've went over the page limit and I need to tighten it up some.  I'm not a little bit sorry.  And yes I said go OVER the page limit.  It's a common problem I have.

I went to Target orientation to Thursday.  It was strange to me to FEEL overqualified for a job.  I was handling it pretty well until I saw that they scheduled me for 24 hours in a 2 week period.  Then I did the math.  $8.50 an hour (yes, that's what I'm getting paid and yes I'm slightly ashamed) for 24 hours = $204 for 2 weeks.. and that's NOT deducting taxes.  So lets just roughly estimate $175ish for 2 weeks.  There might have been tears when I figured that out.

Additionally, going back to a place that I worked at in college and earning almost minimum wage again has been a difficult pill to swallow.  Some of the people who hold leadership positions at this Target graduated from college THIS year.  As in gradated college with their Bachelor's in 2014.  I graduated college in 2007, did 6 years in the Navy, and started on my M.A. and I'm working part-time for minimum wage under someone that graduated THIS YEAR.  My soul is crushed.  Additionally, listening to the HR manager tell us how much better her life was once she left the floor and got into management didn't help the situation... AT ALL.

To all those people who told me how easy it would be for me to find a job with my security clearance and my job history and already having my B.A.... What were you talking about?!?!?!  What am I doing wrong?  Am I just being impatient?  Do I not have enough faith that things will work out?

I know that with the house and the move, everything fell into place at, what felt like, the last possible minute.  I was hoping to start work on October 20th, so that last possible minute would have been a few days before that.  Is this some type of joke where God's "last possible minute" is November 9th?  Because if that's the case fine, I just need a little heads up so I can fuel a little more patience and put these breakdowns on the back burner.

On the other hand, working at Target means I get to keep my blue hair.  Since it was my first day of work, I wore it in a very "professional" sock bun, per Teh Worldwide Jesus Lover's suggestion.  She doesn't understand just how uncool sock buns are, but that's because she was never in the military.  Additionally, I don't use a sock, I use the As-Seen-On-TV Bun Maker thingy.  It's pretty sweet because it weighs so much LESS than an actual sock, which I have used before... ouch.

My first official day of work was Monday and it was more disappointing than I expected.
The Target that I work at seems to be a shit-show.  If I had been a customer walking into that store when it opened and saw what I saw, I'd have walked out and never went back.  There were all kinds of shopping carts all over the stores with merchandise to still be put out.  That first day, I worked in clothes, or what Target refers to as Softlines.  There were clothes on wrong racks, unfolded clothes all over the tables, men's clothes in the women's section, women's clothes in the kid's sections, gaping holes where merchandise should have been in women's socks/underwear.  It was bad.  Then after we'd finally finished putting the clothes away wherever we could find a place (even if it didn't go there), we moved over to HBA (health and beauty aids, so your cosmetics, hygiene products, etc).  I almost lost it when I couldn't put product out because the wrong product was in it's spot.. because the wrong product was in the wrong product's spot.  After rearranging 3 different types of shaving creams and several different types of deodorant, I was done.

There was another new girl who was working with me and she and I had been told that it was someone else's job to zone (i.e. fix what wasn't in the correct places), so we shouldn't worry about it.  Wait, what?  I shouldn't worry about the fact that I can't put this product out because something else is in the wrong spot?  I can't even.  By the time I left, I was hangry and frustrated.

Additionally, I find it ridiuclous that we were schedule 0630-1030, but they were planning on asking us if we wanted to stay for longer.  Why not just write the schedule for as long as you wanted us to stay?  I can make plans to be at work for as long as you schedule me for.. if I am schedule to work that time.  If I'm not scheduled, then what?  This Target is unbearably frustrating to me.  I don't remember this kind of scenario at the Target in Cary.

Anyone wanna hire me for a "real life" job in the Charleston area?

The afternoon after my first day of work, I posted on FB asking if anyone knew of companies in Charleston that were hiring or had any contacts they could pass my resume onto since networking is the best way to get a job.  I had a few people who offered to pass on my resume and then I had people say shit like, "You should have moved to DC," or "I could help if you were in my location."  Not helpful.  Seriously?  Why would anyone say that?  I'm not moving to DC, I moved to SC for a reason, and yes it was a risk, but I still have faith that it will work out better than I planned... or at least I have a blind faith that it will hope out better than I planned.

I went through motorcycle safety class last weekend and I loved riding a motorcycle.  Now, we didn't go faster than 20mph, and I think that driving on the highway would terrify the bejesus out of me, but maybe one day when I can afford more than the $10 water bill I might be able to afford a motorcycle.  Hahahhaha... /sadface.

I missed my linkup Monday with Britt and Emmy and I feel a little bad about it, but I've just been wiped out.  Between feeling pretty worthless about this job situation and having the determination to even walk into Target and then dealing with things on the homefront, it's just been a difficult time.  We've finally reached a month of living together and rather than just sit back and let things bother me, I've been speaking up about it, so that way it's not assumed I'm ok with things.  Additionally, I didn't really have much of a weekend to review.

Friday was Halloween and I had nothing to do (except for meet Mr. Mystery for lunch and then we went to the Ducati motorcycle shop to size a helmet and jacket for me) until class that started at 5 and was supposed to end at 9.  We got out early at 7:30, which was nice.  I didn't get home till 8 since I had to pick up some candy on the way home since we ran out.  I heard that Meri and Phil were a hit though, even if Mr. Mystery didn't put their costumes on them.

Me: Thing 2
Phil: Drunk Mexican
Meri: Princess Leia

Saturday I was in class all day and when I came home from class, we went to Mellow Mushroom for dinner since we had both been thinking about it earlier in the day.  Sunday was class again all day, then after I got out of class, I met Mr. Mystery at his boss's house to watch foosball.  Around 6, we finally left and came home to feed the dogs, then we went back out for dinner at a mexican place around the corner.

Did I mention I've gained about 10 lbs since I arrived in SC?  All this eating out and not running is absolutely killing me (literally cause fat kills you? get it?  get it?!).  I'm not complaining, but I really need to self-motivate more and get off my ass.  Working out makes for a happier Teh Megan, overall, not just in a yay-my-pants-fit-again-thank-God-because-I-work-at-Target-and-can't-afford-to-buy-more type way.

In Charleston, people rarely go over the speed limit.  Sometimes, people don't even go THE speed limit.  But these bitches are HAPPY to run red lights.  Been sitting at the red light too long and there's no oncoming traffic?  Oh, nbd, just gonna make my turn now, but I just drove down the road doing 35 in a 45mph zone, don't mind me.  #RAGE!

I was shopping at Bi-Lo so Mr. Mystery could get credit towards his gas.  But when I had to pay $2 more for the same beer that I didn't get a Publix, I told him I was done with Bi-Lo.  #sorrynotsorry Also, why wasn't I using the gas credit????  I'm not the one with the motorcycle.  Then again, apparently, the motorcycle requires premium gas.  Whatevs.

I'm so stressed about all.the.things that my hair is coming out.  All this expensive blue hair, just falling out of my head.  /weep.

I have been spending significantly less time on the computer since I got to SC.  Mr. Mystery isn't as technologically superior dependent as me, so I try not to be on the computer all the time when he is home, unless I'm applying for jobs or talking to people or he's playing video games.  This has been detrimental to my blogging... along with my pretty busy schedule last weekend.

We were actually asleep before 9:30 Sunday night, which I only know because I had missed texts from Teh MD Adult Roomie and Teh Sister around that time that I didn't see until I woke up late (i.e. 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave for Target) on Monday morning.  Going to bed that early meant no time for blogging, even though I gave the computer a longing look when I turned off the lights and went into the bedroom, that counts for something, right?

At 2:20 on Tuesday afternoon I started drinking because all of these things, plus dealing with the phone insurance company set me over the edge.  I'm just over it all right now and while I wish this was all PMS invoked drama, it's not even close to PMS time.  Le sigh.

When you're at the bottom, you can only go up from there right?  Riiiiight??????
(Let's just say that was a rhetorical question or that you said "yes" so I don't have a breakdown.)

I started reading The Help the other day and I love it.  I don't know anything about the book, other than it is supposed to be really good and that's not the reason that I love it.  I love it because I can read and comprehend southern dialect and it feels like home in my brain.  As much as I fight the country, reading the southern dialect makes me incredibly happy.  The Help keeps making me think of Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry (I just remembered that title randomly because earlier when I was trying to think of it, I couldn't remember to save my life, take that brain!) that we read in 7th grade English.  Mostly because they are set around the same time and talk about segregation.  Granted I'm only 20 pages into The Help, so I'm sure there will be more to rave about later, but seriously, southern talk makes my brain happy.

I finally put Meri and Phil's jammies on them.  Then I took them out in public on a walk.  We got so many compliments.  Then we ran into a group of boys who were 6-10 years old and 2 of the boys were walking their dogs.  The dogs proceeded to drag them down the street in an attempt to get to us.  I huffed it down the street and around the corner so Meri would refocus and so their dogs wouldn't catch us.  Instead of going down a different street, they followed us and I wanted to slaughter a group of children.  Also, what parents thinks letting their 6-8 year old walk their dog is a good idea?  It's not.  Your 80 pound kid can't control your 80 pound dog.  I know you want both the kid and the dog out of the house, but that's not a solution.  EVER.  I wasn't worried that either dog was going to attack us, they just seemed overly interested and the boys were unable to control the dogs like an adult would have been able to.  It wasn't the kid's fault.  It wasn't the dog's fault.  People make me rage.

I bought Beautiful Katamari for the Xbox 360 since that's what Mr. Mystery has (and since Teh Bear took the PS3 I bought for Christmas with him, yay for unlabled, ambiguous Cmas presents) and I'm still not the best at Katamari.  It doesn't help that with the 360 controller, the joysticks aren't on the same horizontal plane.  I figure with practice I'll get better.  I also purchased Viva Pinata, and Marvel Ultimate Alliance, which came with Forza 2, a racing game.  The purpose of buying all these games was twofold.  1.  They all have a multiplayer function so Mr. Mystery and I could play together.  2.  I was "celebrating" getting the job at Target.

Please note that very rarely do I say I went to work.  I just say I went to Target.  I'm hoping that I won't be working there for very long.  Dear Work Gods, please please please please pleaseeeeeeee bestow a delightful full-time job upon me.  Plskthx.  -Desperate Teh Megan

Fill in the Blank Friday #32

Pretty sure that yesterday's 30 Second Vlog post is my most commented on blog to date!  Thanks, new and old Gentle Readers!!!

I'm already looking forward to next week's vlog!

On to Friday's Blanks!

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1.  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is   stretch and as I'm getting out of bed, I pop my toes against the floor.  

2.  I can hardly wait for   MOVE IN DAY!!!  For so many reasons... but mostly because I'm tired of feeling like I should be packing even though move-in day is far away, but not really since I'm gone for the 1/2 week prior... and what if I need something in the mean time??  Ugggghh, why am I too cheap to hire movers again??  

3.  The quickest way to my heart is   food (chocolate)   because   I'm from the South.  

4.  A little known fact about me is   I have a mild paranoia about mats in the middle of gym floors..  Stemming from when I fractured the growth plate in my left wrist in middle school.

5.  The best part about my job is   it's in America.  

6.  Something I couldn't live without is   colorful stuffs.  All colors make me happy.  

7.  Something useful that I wish I knew how to do is   sew.  

30 Second Thursday #1

I found a new link-up I'm pretty excited about.  Don't judge my addiction to link-ups, sometimes they are just fun!

This one also breaks into something that I've wanted to try for a hot minute, but can't ever seem to find the time/balls/plethera of other excuses to do it.... what am I talking about?  VLOGGING!!!

What is a vlog you ask?
Blog+Video= Vlog.
Obviously, the blogging world is full of very creative people who came up with the term.

So the new link-up is a short vlog of no more than 30 seconds talking about a prompt from our hosts.

Hosts:

Kaitlyn // Wifessionals

Samantha // Hooah And Hiccups

Hallie // Life Oceanside

This week's topic is:
What are the top 3 worst or most annoying things you can think of?

So this was harder for me than expected because I had a LOT more than 30 seconds of things to say about annoying things...  Just saying.

PS.  I hope you're disappointed by the LACK of Southern speech that just happened, because I've been trying to reign that in for years.
PPS.  Isn't it just fabulous how my hair only flips to one side.  Yeah.  No.  Siiiiiiiigh.



So, what did you think of my first vlog?  Are you happy it was just 30 seconds?

Fill in the Blank Friday #6

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1.   The last movie I saw was   Thor.  Teh Bear and I watched it on our 6 hour Skype date!  :) 

2.  I want to   go on a real vacation..  not sure where..  or when.. but eventually. 

3.  Surprises are   awesome.  Sometimes I'm hard to surprise though, and I think that sometimes people just don't want to have to put the effort into keeping things from me, so I don't get surprised as often as I'd like (if we're talking preferences here).  I also love to surprise people.  Example: Christmas 2011 when my family had NO CLUE I was coming home..  And I even cut my hair short and didn't tell anyone so make for even more surprises..  :)  I win! 

4.  The best accessory is   awesome earrings.  I'm really excited about wearing my bomerrang earrings from Australia soon!! 

5.  My favorite warm drink is   either a peppermint mocha or pumpkin spice latte...  

6.  My favorite cold drink is   SWEET TEA, like every good Southerner. 

7.  Currently loving   Teh Phil boy being particularly sweet and awesome.  Except for Tuesday morning when both of his front feet dug into the top of my foot as he stretched...  OOOOUUUUCCCCHHHHHHH.  I'm also extremely particial to his "Dobby ears"...  /swoon.   

My mother's daughter or a true Southerner?

I was sitting in my bed eating (shhh, don't tell Teh Mom) a crushed up brownie with vanilla ice cream.  This is the type of thing I do as an adult.  I'm a rebel.  I break those rules Teh Mom always enforced as I was growing up.  We weren't allowed to have food in our bedrooms (despite this rule I usually had a serious candy stash in a box somewhere in my room).  Other than the points in my life where my room was the same as my "house"..  I rarely break this rule.  Seriously.  I even almost feel a little guilty now that I've told you what I did.

It's like having oreos for breakfast.  Very rebel move.

But, as I was sitting in my bed, enjoying my brownie, I realized... I'm eating to comfort myself (the packout/impending move/hotel stay/dwindling countdown/arrival in America/seeing family again/buying a new car/finding a place to live/being in a new state/dealing with not-hot weather/etc).

Then I had a debate in my head.. Was I eating to comfort myself because I am Southern.. or because I am my mother's daughter?

A few months after I got to Bahrain, I was in the shop and someone said they were having a bad day.  I said, here have some (food that was probably chocolate).  I'm not even sure what the exact food was, but one of the Chiefs that was standing there said, "Just like a Southerner to offer someone food to make them feel better!"  She was of course only kinda joking, either way I laughed, because she was right.

Honestly, I couldn't decide if it was the way I was raised or because I am Southern, which I guess really goes hand in hand.  I don't actually remember having a plethora of snacks/sweets around growing up.  I remember cakes/etc being baked for events (birthdays, holidays, etc), but I don't feel like we usually had cake just hanging around waiting to be eaten (unlike the brownies that are sitting on my stove).  It wasn't like the pantry was on lock down.  If we were hungry, we found/fixed ourselves something to eat if it wasn't in or around lunch/dinner time.  I feel like my usual go-to was cereal, but maybe I just have a bad memory (Teh Bear would probably say so since I often repeat the same stories to him).

This entire train of thought led me to the acknowledgment that knowing I eat to comfort myself is probably the first actualization towards having a better attitude towards food.  The second acknowledgement is that I eat when I get bored.

Since I've been in Bahrain, I've been able to cook for myself (hallelujah).  I've also taken up working out regularly and better-ish eating habits.  My snacks throughout the day include fruit.  I also try to limit "bad stuff" like chips/cookies/entire pans of brownies. I've helped myself by sticking to the 100 calorie snack packs (like fudge rounds, because everyone that knows me understand that I need chocolate in my life, but you can keep your soda).  Yes, I have days where I eat my 6" sub, a snack bag of potato chips, and then follow that up with a Krispy Kreme doughnut.  There are days that I have breakfast, eat an apple, have a sammich for lunch, eat a banana, go work out, and have fairly healthy, controlled portion, leftovers for dinner.  Then there are days where I have breakfast, don't really get hungry for lunch, so instead I "snack" on swiss cake rolls, a pumpkin cookie with cream cheese icing, and half a bag of fruit snack gummies, then later decide that I'm starving for dinner and eat an entire Totino's pizza.    

I then bitch about feeling like a fatty and guilt myself into going to work out.  True story, it happens frequently actually.  Don't judge my motivation for getting to the gym!  Some days I don't even have to guilt myself into going to the gym, I just want to go..  It is a strange phenomenon.

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When I arrived in Bahrain, I weighed around 160 lbs (which was under the embarrassing weight I'd reached in GTMO).  Definitely over my military weight limit.  Now I'm teetering around 145 lbs.  Obviously, I've done something right!  :)  I've plateaued at the 146lb mark and Teh Bear suggested doing some weight lifting to encourage my metabolism to start moving again to mix it up for my body, instead of just doing my workouts.

At the end of September, we had a uniform inspection.  I was pleased that my uniforms (that were fitted in bootcamp) didn't fit like they once did and, thankfully, not in a bad way!  I have wayyyy too much fabric in the butt/legs of my dress blues.  Shoulda Been a Cowgirl was able to grab handfuls of fabric before the legs even started to pull tight!  I personally was impressed with the inches I'd lost, because weight is just a number.  You can have a super low number and still not be strong or healthy.

Teh Mexican and I were having a conversation recently about getting depressed if you don't work out (if you work out regularly).  I agreed with what he was saying because I do start to feel down if I haven't worked out in 3-ish days.  I start to feel anxious and restless.  I find that I can't fall asleep as well as if I had worked out.  Then I get hard on myself, which leads to a guilt tripping myself (like a true Catholic) because I know I've not worked out and I ate this and this and that and I'm going to get fat!

Disclaimer: The "you're gonna get fat" part is really just a mean thing I say to myself.  I don't actually think I'm fat (in an unhealthy way) and I do not have (nor have I ever had) an eating disorder.

When Teh Mom used to see me roaming around the house, then staring into the pantry/fridge like I was looking for something but couldn't figure it out, she would ask me if I was bored eating.  It didn't happen too often, but it led me to come up with a clever remark, "Nope, just checkin' to make sure all the food is still there."  This worked out in 2 ways.  She helped me see my behavior.  When I would say my clever comment, I would realize that Teh Mom was right, I wasn't really hungry, I was just bored eating, and I needed to find something to do, besides eat.  This worked out because instead of her just telling me what to do (which general led to opposite results), it became my own idea to walk away from the food (usually).  To this day, I still get bored and roam around my kitchen.  Usually around closing the 2nd cabinet and opening the 3rd, or the fridge then freezer, I'll say to myself, "You're 'checkin' to make sure its all there'," then make myself leave the kitchen to find something to entertain myself with instead of eating.

But back to the main question...  I definitely know two ways that makes me my mother's daughter.  I love the idea of gifting food.  Probably due to the memories of making coconut and/or peanut butter balls almost every year to give as Christmas gifts.  The second is that no holiday is complete without a family meal, which can be a gift in and of itself.. hey, food isn't cheap ya'll!  Just bringing deviled eggs isn't a serious contribution to the overall meal (price-wise), despite how much the kids love them... just sayin.  This meal wasn't just Teh Family, but Teh ENTIRE Family.  Cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, friends..

So.. maybe its both?  :)


I'll leave you with a disturbing image...

I'm so grossed out right now.  Who thinks this is appropriate?!  This person hopefully doesn't have the ability to reproduce..  Because that would be inhumane... for the children to learn these practices of inappropriateness!

Preparing for the future

If you weren't aware, November 4th is quickly approaching, hallelujah.  But before November 4th is October 24th and before that is October 4th.  You don't really care about these dates, but I do.  Because Oct 4th and 24th are the days the movers are coming to take my belongings, and you have no idea how NOT excited I am about smelly arabs being in my apartment.

Yellow = moving days, Green = for Courk, Red = VERY IMPORTANT, Black = MD, :) = America!

Do YOU remember?

The only date Teh Sister cares about in October is the 10th.  It's her birthday.  She'll be 21.  It's cool that she was born on a year that ends in zero, because that means whatever number year it is, plus however many decades old she is, that's what number her age is.  It's pretty much the only way I have of keeping up with what year she was born, besides those annoying 10-10-220 ads in the late 90s.  Teh Bear is the same way, sans the born in 1990 part.  Lucky me.

Recently, I made a list of things the movers can take in their first sweep and things that needed to stay behind for the last 20 days.  I have to say, its really hard to sit in your bed and think of all the things you want to have packed away until further notice.  There are also things that are hard to remember, like my big blue circle chair.  I was staring at it the entire time I was making the list, and still didn't see it as something that could be packed, although it can be.

The biggest things area of things that I want to keep for the last 20 days is kitchen stuff.  When I told the personal property guy (PPG) this he said, "Your apartment didn't come furnished?"
tM: Yes.
PPG: It didn't have pots and pans?
tM: ...It had a pan and a dirty spatula, spoon, and small knife.
PPG: Your building owner sucks.
tM: Tell me about it.

The Navy could save a lot of money by reducing money they give sailors in Bahrain for housing.  We can't pocket any of the money, so it all goes to the building owners, unlike with BAH in America.  As an E5, I pay 756BD a month for housing.  Oh, you want that in American?  $2011.96.. EVERY MONTH.  Locals would pay no more than 400BD for the same exact place, but because they know that we're military, they charge as much as we are allowed to get.  Who says that military members are the only ones committing waste, fraud, and abuse?

So because my building owner sucks, I'm having 2 packouts.  PS, I still love my apartment, sans the bugs.

The first one will be stuff that I don't need.  Which will include the love seat and recliner (that have been serving as booster chairs for boxes in the storage room), decorations, picture frames, books, hopefully candles, the floor lamp, big blue circle chair, wrapping box, uniforms that I won't be needing anytime soon..  There's probably more stuff hidden away that I could find to be packed away.  The first shipment is supposed to arrive in MD mid-Nov, so anything that I would like to have as soon as possible should be sent with the first packout.

The 2nd packout will be anything remaining that doesn't get mailed home or packed in my suitcases.  It isn't set to arrive in MD until mid-Dec.  I'm, again, planning on doing the suitcase living for at least 2 months.  Rah.  That should include all my kitchen stuff and whatever clothes don't get put in suitcases.  I'm mailing the uniforms that I'll need in MD to NC, so that way they will be there before I arrive and I can just throw the entire box in the new car with my suitcases, essentially saving valuable suitcase space for more important things.. like pants and sweatshirts.

The difficult part about the entire process is the waiting.  I feel like I can make it sound so simple.  I can plan it out and have everything done before hand if I wanted.  But, it all relies on others, which I super struggle with.  I'm a Type-A control freak.  I'm sure as soon as the movers enter my apartment and start going through everything I'm going to want to freak out on them... instead I'll just light some candles and mutter under my breath while saying, NO that doesn't go.  They will then do their bobble head thing and probably wrap it and put it in a box anyways.

At the end of September, a guy from the moving company stopped by to do a survey on what I'll be moving, so that way he knows what the movers will need to bring for packing stuffs.  He spoke pretty good English, but I doubt any of the movers will understand any of the Southern Drawl that pours from my mouth.  He asked that I have the stuff that I want in the first packout separated so that way its easier for the movers.  What I took that to mean was, they probably won't speak English, so anything you say to them, sans pointing, will be met with the bobble-head-nod and a noxious cloud of body odor.  Grand.

When I had my packout in GTMO, I didn't do anything.  Actually, I just sat on my bed to stay out of the way.  4 Jamaican men were jamming stuff in boxes so quickly that I was mostly in awe.  So this time, I apparently have to help?  Meh.

An organized mess, this is what my dreams of moving look like.  (image)



 *HHG = Household Goods, which can be used interchangeably with personal property..  aka my shit.

McDonald's... the Arabia kind.

Sometimes I like to tell myself "I need protein" (in a food, not in a dirty way, you pervs!) and then find it with a side of delicious McDonald's fries.  It's complicated.  But the fries are delicious and burgers have protein, right?  So, the other night I was debating in my head what I wanted from McDonald's.  I mean, they deliver until 3am (since its Ramadan, otherwise they deliver 24 hours), so it was really a matter of what did I want.

So, since most places on American Alley have fairly navigable websites, I figured I'd search for Bahrain McDonald's and see what came up.  Hello, McDonald's Arabia.  I did the work and went to the Bahrain page, but if you click on the McDonald's logo it will take you back to the first page that shows the Arabian Peninsula.

I usually just get the Big Mac meal, because its delicious no matter what country you're in.  But, the McArabia is also pretty delicious.  So I was torn.  I kinda wanted a Big Mac, but didn't really.  So I went to the menu link on the site, which was pretty handy dandy.  I knew I wanted fries, so a value meal it was.  This is probably the most advanced site I've been to that deals with anything Bahraini, no jk.  I ruled out the McArabia, because I really wanted a burger.  But I didn't want a Big Mac, and a Quarter Pounder or McRoyale (yeah they call them that here), they were just too much burger.  But 2 cheeseburgers with fries and a drink?  Perfect, cause I could eat one burger for lunch and one for dinner!  Win.

So, I called them up and placed my order.  Madam Megan waited for her food, but since I was on the site, I decided to poke around a bit more.  I was definitely amused by the Kids drop down menu, where Grown Ups was the bottom link.  But then it turned out to be stuff for parents related to kids, so it wasn't as amusing as I thought.  I was hoping it was like kid stuff for grown ups, like cool complicated coloring pages or something.

Since I had nothing better to do, I clicked on the absolute truths about McDonald's.

Click if you want to read it

Pretty much it said McDonald's in the Middle East are better than the one's in America, in a nice way.  It also talked about how they don't interefere or support any political/religious activities and they have halal certificates.  I had no idea what that was.  It sounded... middle eastern, or Islamic, I couldn't really tell which since one is not ambiguous of the other and vice versa, despite common beliefs, but I clicked it anyways, because I was curious by now.

click to read

It pretty much said, we have standards, bitches.  Sans the bitches part.  And I could view the certificates to prove it.  Again, curious, I did.

Chicken one

Beef one

Fries one

I'm not going to lie, this was probably way more interesting to me than to any of my Gentle Readers.  But, I found it so interesting that I knew that a FB status update just wouldn't suffice.  Hello, ingenious blog idea!

All the time you hear about how entire chickens are ground to make chicken nuggets, which is really some type of freaky paste stuff, breaded and fried, and Americans consume chicken nuggets like there isn't a tomorrow.  I personally don't really do chicken nuggets, and if I do, its because I stole one from someone, and I'll usually de-bread it before I eat it.  I'm strange like that.  I don't eat the chicken nuggets here, but maybe they are better because they are prepared according to Islamic standards, which I'd assume are way better than American standards.

I mean, some Muslim man literally takes a knife, says the magic words, and cuts a chicken to kill it before it can be prepared.  Can you imagine doing that all.day.long.?  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  "Bismallah, Allahu Akbar."  cut.  For each chicken.  I don't even begin to fathom how many chickens are killed a day by the Muslim man.  Is there a shortcut for this process?  Because that seems like it would get old.  Like maybe there's a machine of sharp knives in a room and there's a man on a microphone that stands in the room, or the microphone is projected into the room of cows or chickens prepared for slaughter and he says it once and he pushes a button on the machines and all the animals are cut at the same time?  Either way, its effort that I doubt any non-Muslim American would do.

Or so I assume.  I mean, I'm not in the chicken killin' business, but I know there's a Tyson plant not far from where my recruiter's office was.  I'm sure that eventually I'll go on leave or be in America again (haha, see that foreshadowing about America, not about leave..) and I could go ask 'em.  "Oh, excuse me, I was just wondering the steps you took in killing the chickens.  Do you bless them first?  How do the Atheists feel about that?  Do Christians think its blasphemous?  Do Muslims even look at your heathen chickens?  Do you just use a machine?  Do you euthanize them?  Do you cut off all their heads with a massive saber?  Is it a test to see who can kill chickens the fastest?"  I feel like the saber option is probably the most fun.  It's like chicken hockey..  except the purpose is.. cuttin' off chicken heads.  The person who cuts off the most heads the fastest with minimal injury to other parts of the chicken wins.  Sometimes, its so glaringly obvious that I was raised in the south.  heheheheheehe.

So yeah, McDonald's in the Middle East.. They haz standards, yo.  That still doesn't explain why the ketchup packets have to taste so weird though.....

Oh and since its Ramadan, the call center man made sure to offer me an apple or berry pie to go with my meal.  I think my favorite part is that on the ad they offer them a la mode, which if you haven't had an apple pie from McDonald's (heated), with ice cream and caramel... you need to.  One of the few things I learned from the ex-fiance' was that McDonald's did Apple Pie a la mode if you could talk them into it, most employees now don't even know its offered until you tell them, some outright refuse.  Sometimes, they also have brownies a la mode too, that was a good time in my life.. :)

 


   

"You can't fight country" Part 2

So we left off last time with the story about TC and TT driving The General Lee across the street to see Teh Dad and getting pulled over on the way home..  That was last summer.  1 year ago.

Map and Key in case you forgot:

Red Diamond = where all the action takes place.  It is actually the end of the road I grew up on.  When Teh Dad bought a house, he bought a house literally across the street.  

Red Circle = VERY bad place to pull out into traffic.  You can't really tell from the image, but its actually halfway down a small hill, meaning when you turn out onto the street, you have to gun it and hope that no one is coming.  Have I/we pulled out in front of people before?  Yes, often.  Its a REALLY bad place to have a driveway.

Orange Arrow = Teh Dad's house

Yellow Arrow = TC/TT house

Green Line = Directions from Teh Dad's to TC/TT's house.

My family (apparently)...  Bo, Luke, and Rosco...  /siiigh (image)

Part 2...

Let me back up and say that both part 1 and part 2 were relayed to me on Father's Day 2011 over Skype.  So this is just me retelling the story...  for your entertainment, to show you the wounds that haven't become scars yet on my psyche.

Teh Dad is a pretty good handy man when it comes to getting things done around the house.  But, because he's been in NC for so long and started to assimilate to the redneck ways, he's become more... "imaginative" in ways to get things done.  This hurts my soul a bit.

So, The Day Before Father's Day 2011 (TDBFD11)....  Teh Dad decided that it was the day for the dead/dying tree to be removed from the yard.  "It only had about 20 green leaves this year," was his proof that it had kicked the bucket.  I didn't fight it.  It isn't my yard and the 2 times that I've visited in the past 2 years, I didn't really notice the dead/dying tree.  His prerogative.     

Teh Dad:

I had to decide how I was going to get rid of this tree.  I could just saw it down and then cut it up, but then I would have to deal with the stump.  And this is a big tree.  I couldn't pull that stump out on my own.  So, I decided that I'd just get the truck and pull the whole tree over.  So that's what I did.  I put a chain around the tree and hooked it to the truck.  I started spinning a little bit, but finally the wheels caught and the whole tree, stump and all were leaning over.  I was glad the the stump had come out.  But now I was stuck again.  I had to figure out how to get this tree out of the yard.  I could cut it up and bring it to the neighbor's (meaning across the street to the relatives), but that still left me with the stump and it wasn't a one man job.  So, I thought about calling TC to see if he could come help me with it.  Then I had a better idea...

At this point, Teh Dad burst into giggles and was laughing so hard he was crying.

Me, laughing at Teh Dad laughing: Oh no.  This isn't good..

tD: Since the tree was already hooked up to the truck, I figured I'd just drag it to the neighbor's.

Me, not laughing: You WHAT?!  (I get that "WHAT" straight from Teh Dad, so its only fair I get to use it on him)

tD: I was going to drag the whole tree to the dump.  (Which is located on the neighbor's (by neighbor he means his uncle and cousins) property)

Me:  Behind the truck?

tD:  Well, yeah, how else?  Let me finish!

Me:  I'm scared.  

tD, chuckling the entire time:  Since the tree was already halfway tipped over and out of the ground, I figured I'd just drag it across the street.  I figured by the time I got it up our road, that it would have a flat place on the bottom, so it would drag just right.  

Me: Riiiight.

tD:  So, I decided I was just gonna do it.  The truck's tires squealed, but I got started up the hill.  Then I realized that if I stopped at the top of the hill for the stop sign, I was going to have some trouble getting started again, so I checked to make sure there wasn't anything coming from the right.  There was a car at the top of the hill, but I knew I'd be ok.  And since you can't see the other way, I figured if I gunned it, hopefully they'd have time to notice and stop..

Me, giggling:  Before they hit a tree?

tD:  Well.. yes.  Anyways, I gunned it and made the turn and I guess I underestimated how flat the tree should have been on the stump from dragging it up the road, because that tree just kept rolling across the road.  The car was still coming down the road, but they had slowed down.  Which was good, because at this point the tree was blocking the entire road.  

Me:  Apparently, that wasn't supposed to happen.

tD:  Well, no, the flat place wasn't very flat.  So I straightened out and finally got the tree behind me, but by this point the car had stopped.  I turned on my signal and turned onto the neighbor's driveway.  Then I looked up and realized that the car that had been stopped was turning around on our road and put blue lights on and was headed for me.  

Me: /face palm.  

tD: It was the sheriff's deputy (SD).  I just stopped at the end of the driveway, because I knew there was no point in trying to keep going.  He got out of his car, inspected the tree on his way to the truck, and said, 'You wouldn't happen to be related to Bo and Luke would ya?'  I responded, Well, sir, my last name is Roscoe.

At which point, he paused and began laughing till he cried again..  and simultaneously, I realized he had made his own Dukes of Hazzard reference.. to get out of a ticket... by purposely pronouncing our name wrong.  /face palm #2 with attempted suppressed laughter to not encourage Teh Dad, and to mask the slight irritation that he's purposely said our last name wrong just so he could make a Dukes of Hazzard reference to get out of the ticket.

    SD:  Excuse me?  

    tD:  One second, I'll show you my license.

    SD:  Well, I'll be damned.  What the hell are you doing dragging a tree down the road?

    Teh Dad then recounted the story of pulling the tree out of the yard, and added in how it was just easier to pull it across the street than have to cut it up, struggle with the stump, which was not a one-man job, and then haul it all across the street.  But he did offer to stop dragging it if the officer wanted to wait for him to unhook the tree, go across the street to get the chainsaw, he'd cut it up...  If the officer would help him put the stump in the bed of the truck.  

At this point, my mouth is hanging open.  These people are my relatives?  NO WAI!

    SD:  I'm going to have to stop coming this way.  You and your cousins, Bo and Luke, are gonna get me killed one day.  Just get rid of this tree, and don't do this again, Mr. Roscoe.

    tD:  Yes, sir.

Cue mouth hanging open even more.  Same officer, 2 ridiculous acts, neither of them got a ticket.. WTF?  Teh Dad did mention that dragging the tree down the dirt road had really smoothed it out.  And he considered dragging it up and down a few times to  "get it really smooth."  When we lived there, it was always an adventure to dodge the potholes, because there were ALWAYS potholes in the driveway.

Me:  Tell me you didn't.

tD:  No, but I seriously considered it.  Just going up and down the driveway once or twice, turning around at the top of the driveway.  But I didn't want the sheriff's deputy to see me and think I was playing around, so I just took it too the dump.

Me:  What a good idea.

Or he'll kick a tree's ass.. But still, so redneck hardcore.... (image)

I retold this story to Teh Bear a day or so after Teh Dad told me.  I don't tell it as funny as Teh Dad does, but then again, I wasn't crying when I retold the story.  Apparently, teh Stepmom did NOT approve of Teh Dad's antics.  She immediately asked if any of their neighbors had seen him and said she couldn't believe he would do that.  Which of course, made me laugh, because, being the older child, I revel in things that aren't approved of by parental figures.

I really wish I had an audio recording of Teh Dad telling this story because it was hilarious, one of those stories I could listen to and it would always be funny.  His reactions to his telling of the story and the ridiculousness that was part 1 and part 2, the fact that part 1 directly related to part 2, even though it was a year later.  The fact that even though I didn't want his redneck ways to be funny, they really were, which was even more funny when teh Stepmom didn't approve.  

The entire time Teh Dad was telling his story, I kept thinking about a conversation Teh Bear and I had a few months prior where he made a sign that said, "You can't fight country" because I was trying to prove to him that just because I'm from NC doesn't mean I'm a redneck.  Apparently, you can't argue with a sign.  What kind of yankee logic is that?

The final thing about the story was that it made me further embrace when people say my last name wrong, which has been a difficult thing for me over the last 25 years.  

Side story:

Since I joined the Navy, I have pretty much given up on correcting people when they say my last name wrong, sad but true.  When I was in boot camp, I was chosen to help with an inspection and was given a bravo zulu for doing a good job.  The Chief I had assisted asked me what my name was and I told her.  My RDC (drill instructor) was standing there, and said, I've been pronouncing your name wrong this entire time?!?!  

Me: Yes, Petty Officer.

RDC:  Why didn't you correct me?

Me:  Well...  

RDC:  Nevermind.  Go away, (correct last name).

Me, with a smile:  Yes, Petty Officer.

She never pronounced it wrong again after that.  :)

PS.  You can definitely fight country.. Just not if you have relatives like mine..  /face palm #3.