Friday, April 29, 2016

Sh*t Teh German Said... #1

I've seen many bloggers around the "'sphere" do "shit my significant other said" posts and I've been encouraged to do my own.. Don't expect these often as I'm horrible about remembering what we've said because I'm usually laughing so hard.

At the Bridge Run expo, Teh German proved that he knows me well...

Me: Oh my that scared me!  All I saw was stick.
tG: I'll protect you.
Me: That was totally an opportunity for a dirty joke and you went sweet.  Awwwwwww.

tG: Oh, that's a nice [Chrysler] 300.  It even has a spoiler.
Me: Maybe they want to go fast.
tG: Once.

Teh German's texts with Teh Dad always end like this:

Me: Sorry I'm a bad girlfran.
tG: Don't worry, everyone has room for improvement.

Teh German walks into the kitchen and see Phil in his crate cleaning out the empty yogurt container.
tG: Good thing Phil has a long nose.

At a hockey game, All the Single Ladies starts playing and I start dancing without really recognizing the song (which isn't unusual for me).
Teh German: Hey!  Put your hands down!
Me (with the song): If you like then be sure to put a ring on it.
Teh German smiled and looked away.

Teh German to another driver washing his windshield: Dude, you should just stop.  You've been trying to clean your windshield for over a minute!
Me: You can't even judge!  You did the same thing earlier.
tG: I did.  I did and I won't even take it back!

Teh German starts making crazy gun noises.
Me: What are you doing?
tG: There's a bug.
Me: Did that help?
tG: Yes
We watch the bug fly towards the fan blades.
Me: So go kill it!
tG: I don't want to get close to the rotors.
Me: Don't be a chicken.
tG: I don't want to be nuggets.

Teh German: Bacon is art.

I was cooking butternut squash in the crockpot because I'm lazy.  While Teh German was doing dishes, I get this text message while I'm laying in bed:

Me: Haha, it's a comic about hell and the caption is, "Oh man, the coffee is cold!  They thought of everything!"
Teh German: Yeah, that is the worst.
Me: Babe, anything being cold is the worst for you.
tG: Yeah, that's why I have such a hot girlfriend.

tG: I ripped my shirt.
Me: How did you rip your shirt?
tG: I flexed.

Promotional message about Teh German: check him out on instagram.
PS.  He didn't tell me to tell you this.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Confessions {4/27}

-When I called customer service to return a bag of dog food that gave Meri some of the worst runny butt I've ever experienced, they told me to donate it to a local rescue or a neighbor and they refunded my money.  Also, on the 3rd ring, A PERSON answered the phone.  Then, after 3 minutes on the phone, she was apologizing for taking so long.  #tooimpressedtocare #awesomecustomerservice

-The Marshmallow (Android) system update included the ability to add more to a screenshot, to eliminate the need to stitch photos together after the fact.  #PraiseAllah

-Last week, when the Prince announcement went live, my FB feed went from nothing to BOOM ALL THINGS PRINCE.. and I x-ed out that bitch like a boss.  #donotcurr

-When I got the email about our closing date for sure being 5/3, I forwarded it to Teh German and texted him to check his email NOW.  He was excited then immediately asked me about the screened in porch and I almost lost my fucking mind.

Back story: I discovered there may be an issue with putting a screened in porch over the patio slab on the back of the house because of easements or some ridiculous bullshitary.  I told Teh German about this.  Big mistake, HUGE (you're welcome for that Pretty Woman reference). since then he's brought up the damn screened in porch.  In fact, we actually had a fight after he said he would refuse to move in House if the screened in porch was not an option.  I have already signed a contract with someone to build the screened in patio, so now we have to wait to close, so the paperwork can be submitted to the HOA, at which point we will find something out one way or another.  Guess what.. I told him in early April.. that's like almost a month of hearing about this screened in porch and him saying how House would be completely perfect with the screened in porch, blah blah blah.  It will still be good without, but with would be unbelievable..  The fact that I didn't lose it on him before this point should be impressive.

This conversation ended up happening and then I felt guilty because maybe I was "too mean" and then my OMG YAY CLOSING DATE high was gone and I was pissed again.  This is not the first time that Teh German has killed my "buzz."  That shit is getting old.  Can I just have my fucking moment please?  #dontruinthisforme  #thetruthhurts 

-More about the shared document drama.  The last week of the project, the govt rep was on vacation Tues-Thurs, then our engineer went on leave on Friday, the last day of the project.  They finally handed over the documentation for me to fix on Thursday afternoon.  About 2 hours into it, I discovered that some significant changes had be lost and I was pretty much on my own to find them.  The best thing about saving things to the cloud?  Version review.  #letscomparethesesidebyside #wastinghoursofmylife #techwriterproblems

Turns out, the tech had made those changes and failed to communicate that until the following Monday.. when I was going through and remaking those changes that he had changed back to his changes on Sunday night.  WTF?  USE YOUR WORDS.  Actually, I knew he'd been messing with the document because my mother-fucking headers were messed up again.  #icantevenwithyou

-I found #techwriterproblems on Twitter and it's like there are people that understand me and my problems.  It's CRAZY AND WONDERFUL and no one else cares about margins and styles and paragraph spacing.

-Yesterday was our final walk through inspection.  I was seriously all crazy lady up in there.  Turning on all the faucets and appliances and flushing toilets and inspecting corners and walls and doors, oh my.  I know I will forever praise my builder, but #worthit to go through the entire thing like the OCD lady that I really am.  #LetYourOCDShine

-I counted 45 light bulbs currently in House.  That's not including lights for fans that will be installed.  All those lights will be LED.  #savingmoney  #LetThereBeLight

-I've ran 2 days of the past 4.  That's progress by my book.  #runnerlife #itsformedals

-I think I'm going to be the new leader of our daily morning meeting.  Those poor unfortunate souls.  #AgileSucks #DSUarestupid

Linking up with:
Life with Lolo
Humpday Confessions with Nadine and Kathy

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Happy Birthday to me!

PS.  This would explain why Google has "Happy Birthday" on my calendar...

Monday, April 25, 2016

Weekend Review {4/25}


We pregamed the weekend a little bit with the first at home playoff game the Stingrays were in.  I bought the "pay as we play" tickets for the playoff series thinking it was only 4 home games.. Turns out, I was wrong and that I might be charged a mabillionty dollhairs over the next few weeks, but at least we'll get to watch hockey.

We invited over Teh German Girl 1 and her parents since they are visiting from Germany.

YOU GUYSSSS... at some point during the haze that was my migraine last Tuesday, I decided I wanted to cook, which is super annoying to me.  Not just cook, but I specifically wanted to make spaghetti and meatballs.  Yes, I could have went the easy route and just bought sauce and noodles and frozen meatballs, but who does that?  Food terrorizers, that's who.  I made meatballs from scratch on Weds night, then Thurs morning I put all the meatballs into the crockpot with the spaghetti sauce that I also made from scratch (aka combining certain cans/spices/etc).  There are no pictures of the final product because it was so delicious no one even cared to take a photograph.  Teh German was so happy with it that he kept telling me how excited he was to bring leftovers for lunch on Friday.

We'll be sitting in these same seats for the rest of the playoffs and I am pleased with my life choice.

As for the game, we won.


No one was more ready for Friday than me.  The worst part was that I didn't really get to leave early because I actually had work to do.  For the life of me, I couldn't remember why I was dreading work so much, but then I opened up the shared document that the tech and I had been working on and remembered that many changes had been lost so I had to go through the previous versions to find the changes and put them back in (good times were not had).. AND I remembered that tech had been trying to go with my emphasis convention except he didn't really help much, in fact, he pretty much butchered my convention and I had to comb through the entire document fixing things.  I didn't really get to do much finalizing of the document like I had planned.

Seriously, why aren't all pants made with an elastic waist?
Finally at 3, I gave up on the document.  I was just so over it and my brain was melting and we had decided to go to House.  Originally, I had planned on doing a picnic style dinner, complete with camping chairs and a cheesy candle, but then Teh German Girl 1 invited us over for a cookout.  When Teh German got off work, we headed up to the house with Teh German Girl 1 and her mom so they could see House.

The first thing we moved in: a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks to Teh MD-AR for that suggestion!

Woot, top rack rinse!!

Really?  Just 2 baby shelves?  WTF am I supposed to do with that?  Ughh.

My fixtures are so prettttay

Giving it a test drive.

Our house is definitely huge and different than German standards, so German Girl's Mom was in awe of it.  Everyone loves our dark flooring and is definitely excited for us, which makes us even more excited.  After we had toured House, we all left.  Teh German and I went to pick up Phil and Meri at Teh SC Greyhound Neighbor's house, where I had dropped them off that morning before work for "doggy daycare".  It is really awesome that Edie just loves having Phil and Meri to hang out with!

After picking up the beasts, we headed home to feed them and then we headed to Teh German Girl's apartment for the cookout.  The food was delicious and I was able to understand some of the conversations that were happening, 95% of which were in German if they weren't directly to me.  I felt mostly lost, but sometimes you can pick up on the topic without understanding.  Some of it I actually understood, but it was rare.  I did try to communicate some in German, but it was difficult for me.  I definitely did a lot of Germglish.  I would know a few words in German but would have to supplement with English.  Obviously, this is more than I would have been able to do last September, but I still feel like Germany might be a struggle.  I know it will be fine, but in unrealistic-Megan-expectation-land, I wanted to be fluent enough to understand most of the time and communicate with moderate ease.

That said, Teh German Girl's Mom did say she was impressed with some of my vocabulary and she pointed out how I knew words she wouldn't have expected a beginning German speaker to know.  Seriously though, if I had unlimited free time, I'd finish up my Duolingo trees and conquer that German text book so I can learn how to properly use past/future tenses.

It did start to rain right as the grilling was completed, but it was ok because we'd relocated to the apartment's screened in porch since it was too breezy at the pool/common area.  We hung out and drank beers (bitch beers for me, tyvm) and chatted for several hours.  I had brought a few games that maybe we could play, but we didn't end up playing, booooo.

Finally around 1030, Teh German agreed that it was time to go home.. after I'd been yawning incessantly for the prior hour.  I'm old, I can't help it that I have an old lady bedtime.


Originally on Saturday, I had planned to go to boozy yoga, but really needed some downtime and it cost money, so yeah I save money!  With pressure from Teh German, I opted to stay home in bed after he got up and left for work.  I slept in as long as I could.  I had so much guilt, it was obnoxious.  Guilt about all the things I should have been doing, picking out fans, lights, trees, cleaning, doing laundry, walking the dogs, doing a puzzle, doing my German lessons, sleeping more, relaxing, considering starting to pack, and a million other things that weren't absolutely necessary at that exact moment.. Thanks Brain!

Oh and, I was getting a headache.  So, I did what any reasonable person would do.  I got out of bed about 30 minutes before Teh German was supposed to come home, took care of some stuff around the house, then threw on some running gear and went running.. THEN I had guilt that I didn't bring the dogs with me and that I didn't call Teh MD-AR while I was out.  I had to talk myself down.  I needed some ME time.  NEEDED.  I needed to just put some music on and pound it out on the pavement.  I needed to NOT have my arm jerked out of socket and be tripped up by Phil and Meri.  I needed to just be with my thoughts, despite how much I wanted to call Teh MD-AR and tell her about stuff and things.  When I came home, huffing and puffing and mostly out of breath, Teh German was making leftovers for lunch and was slightly concerned at my state.  Then I explained that I maintained a 9:30/mile pace, and he got it.  Also, did you know that you can run so many apps without mobile data?  That's what I learned on Saturday.  Sadly, I had used a lack of mobile data as an excuse not to run on Friday morning #dontjudgeme.

My headache wasn't gone when I got home, but it wasn't worse, which was important.  In my persistent guilty state, I drove the dogs around the neighborhood to at least get them out of the house for a few minutes.  When I got back, lunch was ready.  We quickly ate and showered and headed towards downtown for our 2nd brews cruise.  I brought along a bottle of adult juice for myself since I wasn't drinking beer and I was planning on driving us back since I knew Teh German would be pretty schlotzed.  We were right on time.  I thought we might be late since I didn't realize we were picking someone up on our way.  Oops.  The bus was actually a few minutes late, so it didn't really matter.

Our first stop was Coast Brewing, which is right beside Company.  He even went the same way I go to work, which was kinda trippy for a Saturday.  Right as we were finishing up at Coast, a school bus unloaded way too many people for us to stay there much longer.  We high-tailed it out of there since we knew it was going to start getting even more crowded at one of the smallest breweries in town.  Our next stop was Holy City, which I was pumped about because they served food and I didn't really have much for lunch because I wasn't really hungry yet from my run and it meant that Germans could assess the pretzels.  I was able to get a sweet tea and ordered some food for everyone to share.  I did fail at closing out my tab, but I saw the sign that said they'd add 20% gratuity to tabs that weren't closed out, which is what I would have left anyways, so it was fine.  We were at Holy City for about an hour, then we headed downtown to Palmetto Brewery.  I instantly got distracted by the book houses set up to be painted right at the entrance.  I pretty much deserted our group to paint a book house.

PS. A bookhouse is essentially one of those bird house looking things but instead of being for birds, it's got books in it!  It's like a magic little library.  I love them.  There is actually one near shitty house, I've checked it out once or twice, sadly didn't find anything, but I guess I could have donated book to that box instead of anywhere else.  *I'll remember that for next time.*

unintentional matching.

Teh German was pretty drunk by this point because he kept coming over for kisses.  The group went inside the brewery for a tour so I gave up on my painting and went and joined them for our last little bit at the brewery.  Our guide realized that several in our group were getting pretty drunk, so it was time to call it quits.  It was around this point, I started forcing water on Teh German, who was actually drinking it, much to my happiness.

We made it back to the Visitor's Center and the rest of the group decided to go drinking somewhere else, at which point, Teh German and I parted ways with them and went home.  We still had a hockey game later to attend and Teh German was on the brink of being too drunk to endure.  When we got home, I made dinner and Teh German struggled through washing the dishes (his choice).  He had lots more water and noms and then I talked him into laying down for a quick nap.

Around 6:45, I went to wake him up and he was groaning at me and generally not acting like he was going to get up for the game, despite my best attempts.  At which point, I started surveying a few friends to see if they wanted to go with me since the ticket was already paid for.  No takers so I headed out on my own.  I'm a big freakin' girl, I can do it myself.  About 10 minutes after the game started, Teh German called me asking me where I was.  Grrrreeeaaattt.. He told me to come pick him up and I was like, NOPE.  I ended up getting an Uber for him (since he didn't have an account (fixed that shit with a quickness)) and he met me at the game.  He was still drunk, but significantly better than the state I had left him in.

The game was most excellent.  Stingrays won 5-1.  Which saved me money since that means they advance to the next round and we don't have to have 2 more games.  As someone who may have at least $200-300 worth of potential hockey game tickets on my counter, I am appreciative to have saved $80 by advancing to the next round.  #priorities

After we got home from the game, we crashed hard.


Despite Sunday morning being a slow start, I was awake at 06 and unable to go back to sleep, which was completely annoying to me.  I got up and started drafting this post and messing around on the internets.  We had committed to going to a pool gathering/cookout at Teh German coworker's apartment complex for brunch at 11.  We had said we'd pick up pretzels from Holy City for brunch (because ya know, Germans), but turns out, they don't serve pretzels on Sunday.. only their brunch menu.  Yeah, wouldn't have guessed that ever.  Thwarted, we went to the party empty handed.  It wasn't that big of a deal, but I was disappointed.

I was amused that the brewery had Jesus TV on.

After trying out some white german sausage (not a dirty euphemism), I threw on my suit and the ladies decided to lay out by the pool.  The water was pretty chilly, so the only time I got in was when I was overheating.  Apparently, sunscreen is cool now, so I reapplied several hours into my laying out.  The ONE place I didn't apply sunscreen?  Under my boobs.  Guess who has an underboob sunburn.  This girl.  Only me.

Also, yay for finally getting to wear my new swim suit.. although it's really less of a SWIM suit and more a be cute suit.  It's made for laying and standing completely still.  No activities at all really.  The real problem is that my boobs fall out the bottom when I move around, but I love the suit so I don't want to return it (and I'm not sure I still can).  Also, this would be how I achieved getting an underboob sunburn.

Around 3 we finally left the pool gathering and we headed up to House to count light bulbs.  I want to install all LED bulbs.  I counted 43 light bulbs and that's not including lights in the fans that have yet to be purchased/installed.  I also really want the Phillips Hue system and I'm not going to waste money on LED bulbs for those sockets, knowing that we're going to replace them in the very near future.  The real push for this is that Shitty House's power company offers discounted LED bulbs and I want to use that before it's no longer an option.

Enjoying the soft carpet.

After House, we went by the Commissary where I finally picked up some veggies and more meat for the freezer.  YAY for not needing to go to the grocery store other than for fresh items for another month.  By the time we got home, I had to keep myself going otherwise, I would have fallen asleep.  I put away the groceries and made dinner and prepped dog dinner/breakfast.  After dinner, I sat down on the couch and was falling asleep doing a puzzle.  Eventually, I got up and got ready for bed.  Teh German gave me a quick back rub before we fell asleep.

Overall it was a good weekend, but really, I'd like a nap and a coworker already pointed out how much I've been cursing already this morning.  In my defense, the headers in my document disappeared for the mabillionty-ith time and I'm just so over this overdue project.

That's ONE WEEK, Gentle Readers.  I can handle life for the next month.. I can do it, I can do it.  The next month because Closing = Moving.  Then guests are coming, then packing, then drive to MD, then Germany.  Stuff and things.. I got this.  More backrubs would probably help.

Linking up with these ladies:
Meg @ Life of Meg
Biana @ BLovedBoston

Friday, April 22, 2016

Five on Friday #85


House update (since it's been a hot minute):

Plumbing and fixtures and yard and shower doors and dishwashers, oh my!

Bathroom selfie!
"Get in the shower with me so I can take a photo!"

This is private business!

Laundry room sink!

Garage sink and Hurricane panels for the windows (SC requirement).

"Help!  I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Also, why we can't just share a mailbox stand with the neighbor is beyond me, poor mail person..

The rear speakers were moved back so Teh German and I wouldn't have to have a couch placement debacle (again).


He was so excited to play with the fridge.
Why Megan can't have nice things: The first thing I did was test to see if the water dispenser worked.. It does.

My tub is complete!!!


Blind slats selfie!

Is it crazy to anyone else that we will be in House within the month a few weeks?  I keep telling myself we'll close on the 10th instead of the 3rd, just in case there is any delay (there are a few issues that are still outstanding), so I won't be disappointed because my disappointment runs deep and wide.  Granted, I have been saying "6 more months" since November, so maybe that is part of the time lapse.  I keep telling myself 1 month and we're already at the end of April.. so maybe more like 2 weeks.  WTF?  YAYYYYY!!!

Oh yeah, it's official... We'll be closing MAY 3rd!!!!


If you've been a Gentle Reader for a while, you might remember that I often don't acknowledge the month of May.  IDK why, it's a me thing, but it's real.  Teh Bear sent me this powerpoint once and it still applies.

I don't think I'll have that option next month since so many big things are happening.  Mostly House and moving related things, but also I need to start prepping for Germany.  I needed to finish out my Duolingo tree (I'm so close it hurts and I haven't had extra time to work on it to finish it out).  I need to pack, unpack, and then pack for 3 weeks of vacation (DC/Germany/DC).  I need to order dog food and have it sent to Teh MD-AR so Phil and Meri can eat while we're away.

I also need to wash every.single.item in our closet to get rid of any lingering mold issues, as well as wipe down ALL my shoes which is infuriating.  All of Teh German's clothes that never got unpacked after he moved out of The Closet also should probably be checked/washed before we leave, uuuuggghhhhh.  Did I mention that the washer at Shitty House bangs really badly on the spin cycle because the owner didn't want to get it fixed when I moved in after I reported it as having an error?  Yeah, well, it's off balance even worse now that it was before.  BTW.  I'm NOT the one who washed a dog bed in it.  Just sayin'... my dogs don't have long black hair.

Oh yeah, and Shitty House Owner wants to come and "make a new list of repairs to be made" (which sounds a lot to me like "find issues to blame on the tenant to keep her security deposit") the 2nd weekend of May.  Mmmkay.  Whatevs.  I'm hoping to have the house completely empty by then and he can take his Shitty House and shove it.  He agreed to let us us terminate the lease a month early, but only one month, not May and June, which is slightly irritating, but whatever.  That just means that I can use the house as a hotel if enough people come to help us move.  I'm assuming he needs the money for the repairs?  IDK.  I'm just over the entire situation and house.

Is it May yet?


Iz funnies for jou:

My entire day at work ^^


Well that escalated quickly...

I think I'll just start calling myself part of the Oregon Trail Generation...

It is still a shame that Harry Potter isn't real.

Turk and JD made bromance acceptable.

Funnies found here, here, and here.

Depression is hard.  #whatyoudontsee


10 things that made me happy this week:
  1. Giving my builder a handle of rum for dealing with us me.  I owe him so much more.
  2. Being reunited with Meri and Phil after a weekend of being away.  Being away from them for almost 3 weeks while we're in Germany may kill me.
  3. Snuggles with my Meri-Meri
  4. Receiving an appraisal value for more than we are paying for the house.
  5. Texting with Teh German in German and only having to look up a few words.
  6. Stingrays playoff tickets... even with dog teeth marks.
  7. Homemade meatballs, homemade spaghetti sauce, and meeting new people.
  8. Technology offering previous versions of that stupid shared document that magically lost MANY changes after I stopped working on it on Wednesday.
  9. The ability to draft this post at work.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.
Linking up with these ladies since it's FFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!