Five on Friday #204

EINS - Random Shit

I have a confession to make...

I was well into my 20s when I realized that I would not be arrested for removing the tags off blankets and pillows,. as I am the consumer....  For real though, as I kid, I read on a blanket or pillow the part about "Under penalty of law this tag is not to be removed...." and never read the end part because I was afraid I'd get arrested, so I always just left the tags on, despite how annoying they were.

You're welcome for this useless knowledge.

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It's almost 2020 people.  We've had cell phones with cameras in them since 2002 so it's been EIGHTEEN YEARS.. and before that all our mamas and daddys had cameras and/or video cameras or you've at least been in front of a camera at some point in your life (I make some assumptions because it is 2020 and you are reading this on some type of electronic device with an internet connection)... so LOOK AT THE CAMERA LENS PEOPLE!

It makes me irrationally angry to see people looking at themselves in their phone rather than looking at the camera lens.  I often have to do more than one selfie/group shot because the first one everyone is looking all wonky eyed and then I announce, "Look at THIS spot!" and we retake the photo and no one is wonky eyed and it's great because it's a good photo.

Fun fact, after you take a selfie looking into the camera on your phone, you can then pull up said photo and stare at yourself for as long as you like.  Literally, like we used to say, "Take a picture, it lasts longer!"

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Apps for iPhone only or Android only make me irrationally angry.  Like, I get it, they are different platforms, but again, it's 2019.  #EqualOpportunityForAllApps!

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I ordered 3 of my textbooks for the Fall 2019 semester this week.  I have feelings about it.
1- I'm grateful for my most pain in the ass professor who had the books selected and shared with the bookstore over a month in advance.
2- I'm depressed because books for school.
3- I'm confused because the bookstore charges so much money for the same books that other places are offering for significantly cheaper.  Like, sometimes more than $50 cheaper... Uhhh why?

That leaves books for my other 2 classes that I will have to get closer to the start of the semester.  This is annoying because then the demand will be higher and books will be more expensive and potentially not available.

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More in shit that makes me irrationally angry:
Restaurants that I would really like to try out (despite having recently come to the decision that we are going to try to lighten up on how often we go out to eat) only having business hours Monday through Friday from 0600-1400 (2pm).

So I was scrolling through the menu, anticipating the brunch plans that Teh German and I were about to have when I checked out the hours and was completely crushed.  Additionally, this place is in a super inconvenient (for us) location, which means that unless it's a week day we both have off, it's not likely we'll ever get there.  #RUDE

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When I was at DCA waiting for my flight back to CHS, I went to the 5 Guys at my terminal and got a delicious strawberry oreo milkshake.  Since then, I've been craving said milkshake.

Fun fact: Only "participating locations" sell milkshakes.
Another fun fact: None of those "participating locations" are in the Charleston area..
SO FUCK YOU 5 GUYS.

Siiiiiiigh, I'll just go to Cookout and eat my milkshake with a spoon.
Or maybe I'll try and see if Ye Old Fashioned can make something similar that isn't too thick to drink via straw.
#MeganProblems #FirstWorldProblems

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THERE WAS A COLD FRONT THIS WEEK THAT CAME THROUGH CHARLESTON.

It took me by surprise on Wednesday, but I made sure to message the Outside Sitting Coworkers and let them know that when I arrived after class, it was outside time.  Concurrence was given.  That evening, Teh German and I agreed that we'd be riding the bikes on Thursday.

It was fucking GLORIOUS.
I'm not used to not being oppressed by the heat.
Like, I was on Bageera, in the direct sunlight, NOT sweating my non-literal balls off, AND I was SMILING because I was HAPPY.  Me being outside in July, smiling AND feeling joy is an extremely rare occurrence.  Because in addition to hanger, I also suffer from Heatrage.  If that's not a term, it is now.  I just made it up.

Being hot makes me ANGRY.  I mean like.. to an extreme.  I'm uncomfortable and my optimum conditions are NOT being met and this makes me angry.. but the hotter it is, the more uncomfortable I am, and the longer I'm uncomfortable, the angrier I get.  So when I sit outside with anyone at a time when it's over "feels like 90°F?  Those are lucky and potentially unlucky individuals.  It's a high risk situation.

And I know y'all Northerners share those "Why do I live where the air hurts my face?" memes in the winter.. but let me tell you something.. You live there because you do NOT want to live where everything becomes moist by looking outside during the summer.  You do not want to spend 6 months out of the year with wet underwear from just walking to/from your car, inevitably fighting off a yeast producing factory.

I should create a meme that says, "Why do I live where I need gills to breathe?"  Because that's what it's like when it's 98°F and 100% humidity.  When you walk outside and you literally struggle to breathe because the air is so hot and wet (and not in a sexy way, trust me and my swamp ass).  Give me that thin mountain air any day.

Also, to the Northerners who endured that heat wave last week.
Welcome to our EVERY.SINGLE.DAY during the summer.

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On a serious note.  In the realm of mental struggles and brain things.  Maybe this will sound vague, but maybe someone else has the same problem or understands what I'm trying to say and can help me construct my thoughts better.

I suffer from "clear" and "not clear" days.  This has become more and more obvious the longer I'm in school.  It also happened before I started school, but it was less obvious then.

There are the "clear" days that I show up and I rock out everything.  Every question I answer is correct, problems aren't a morale defeating struggle, complicated topics are still understandable.

But "not clear" days are rough.  Nothing the teacher says makes any sense.  None of the topics that I learned on a "clear" day can be waded through without great difficulty or even at all.  All my answers to questions are incorrect.  Often, I can't even follow step-by-step instructions.  These days are generally back-to-back and often cause me to have an extreme spiral into depression over how stupid I am, how I should just give up doing school because I'm no good at computer science.. if you've been here long enough, you've seen the exposé-s on this.

This has become extremely obvious during my chem class when my professor has noticed my "clear"/"not clear" struggle.  I think she thought, at first, that I was just joking around when I told her that I was having a "good" (clear) day or a "bad" (not clear) day.. and this week, she finally got it.  But it was when she said to me during lab on Thursday that she could tell I was having a "clear" day that I realized, this is actually a thing.

Up to this point, I thought it was just a matter of timing and things going on and my being distracted and maybe medications and maybe sometimes the phase of the moon or mercury retrograde..  But I'm starting to think it's something more, but IDK what.

I will admit that there's something to the distraction of taking multiple classes that causes problems and how busy my life is.  It's nice to take one class at a time to be able to focus on a single topic.  But, even with being able to focus on a single topic, I'm still having "not clear" days.  Also, my medications haven't changed in over a year, so I don't think it's the medications I take (which is actually just LoLoestrin for my hot flashes, nexium for the GERD, and a handful of supplements (biotin, multi-vitamin, probiotic) causing the problems (and also I have the IUD for no babies).

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If I hadn't been 100% clear on the fact that I hate summer since April 2011, when I started this blog.. I fucking hate summer.  It's hot, I'm disgruntled, as I get older I'm more disgruntled.  BUTTT Gentle Readers... when July and August roll around and I receive our power bill... I am validated about why I hate summer.

Our power bill was $209 this month (which is from 20 June - 20 July, or something like that, it was a 32 day period, which was weird also).  I'm not sure if it's because the fish tank or the heat or what.. but I actually made the decision to turn the AC up from 73°F to 75/76°F.  We were actually COLD in the house and we were wearing long sleeves and pants and I seized this opportunity to run the AC less.  Teh German didn't have an issue with it. 

Please also know that I'm bitching about this expense in relation to our other power bills.  I know there are people that pay WAY more based on where they live/the size of their dwelling/etc factors.  Also, in the winter I can just set the heat to 67/68°F and then pile on blankets.. I could actually turn the heat down more, but I wasn't willing to make the change last winter, although I did consider it.

BUT FOR REAL.
FUCK SUMMER.

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Teh German and I went to our first date place, Home Team BBQ, on Thursday night to commemorate our 4th dateaversary.  I know, 🤮.  Not sorry.

Here's the real facts.  It's such a rare treat for it NOT to be "feels like 100°F+" during the summer that we were already kinda celebrating by riding the bikes to work in the AM.  I know that Teh German likes getting to spend time on his bike(s), which often means riding out to dinner.. even if it's on a school night.  I enjoyed my ride from school to work sooo much that even I wanted to spend more time with Bagheera.  Also, sometimes I like to do spontaneous things.. like celebrate our dateaversary a week early.  Also, I've been wanting to go to Home Team for a while, but it was a low key desire, so I've put it off for several months for other options, knowing that our dateaversary was coming.

We got "our" parking spot, the same spot we parked on our first date, which always makes going to Home Team feel extra special.  Going out to dinner meant that Teh German got to ride BOTH his bikes in the same day, so he was pretty pumped about the opportunity.  We took the long way home because the Bobber bike is a super rough ride, so Teh German tries to avoid I-26 at all costs.. but ya know, it looks cool.  I guess this is the man version of high heels?  IDK.

When we got home, it was fish tank time for Teh German and study time for me.

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I woke up at 0100 on Wednesday morning in a fucking RAGE about the fact that my windshield wipers didn't traffic correctly anymore.  Like, irrational rage.  AND IT WAS ONE AM. WTF?  I had to literally talk myself down from being so mad... and it's 1am.

Rage: How fucking hard is it to put something back the way you found it?!  You had a simple job to do and at least 3 hours to do it.  Take the 3 fucking hours and DO IT PROPERLY.  Not only did I have to be out of the office to get the damn thing replaced, I had to be out of the office to go back the FIRST time to get the windshield washer fluid working again... and NOW I have to be out of the office, yet again, to get this issue fixed.
Sanity: You can telework, it's not that bad.
Rage: I'm already "barely" in the office as it is.  It just doesn't look good to not be in the office.
Sanity: It's 1am, do we have to discuss this right.now?
Rage: YES WE FUCKING DO.  I'M SOOOO ANGRY ABOUT THIS, RIGHT NOW.
Sanity: Is it really the time?
Rage *blank stares at Sanity*
Sanity: Siiiigh, fine.  Tomorrow, we'll go to the place and have it fixed and then the problem(s) will be resolved and it will be fine.
Rage: I don't WANT to go back to that place.  They should come to me to fix it.
Sanity: Do you want to call Safelite right now to schedule it?
Rage: No, I'm tired and they probably aren't open.
Sanity: I'm tired too, which is why we don't need to be doing this right.now.
Rage: YES WE DO.  No, we don't.  You're right.
Sanity: We'll just deal with it tomorrow.  You're making a bigger deal out of this than anyone else.  No one really misses you in the office.  You're there as often as you can be.
Rage: THIS IS IMPORTANT!  The visibility through the windshield was affected and IT COULD BE DANGEROUS, MEGAN.  YOU NEED TO TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
Sanity: I am serious.  Seriously tired.
Rage: Fiiiiiiiiiine.  Tomorrow then.
Sanity: Tomorrow.  Now go back to sleep.
Rage: Can't sleep, blood pressure too high.
Sanity: You suck.

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In addition to new watch bands, I also ordered a case and screen protectors for my watch, which I installed last night.  Uhhh, here's the difference between when Teh German does something and when I do something, in this instance, installing a screen protector...

It will take me 2 tries.  It will only take Teh German 1 try. 
Oh well.  There were 4 screen protectors in the pack.  I used 2.  I got it done.

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Since switching to Google Fi, when I have an incoming call, my phone rings, my watch rings/vibrates, and if I'm on the computer, the Gmail tab will also ring.  It was a bit overwhelming, but I didn't think to see if there was a remedy the first 10 times it happened.  Well, I finally fixed Gmail not to ring when I have an incoming call, and I feel like I've earned my IT Gold Star for the week.

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There's a girl in my Chem class who is just home for the summer and taking Chem at the Citadel.  We often try to tell the non-Citadel students, there are 2 or 3, about Citadel life.. but they don't really get it. 

I think it finally hit home just how different The Citadel is from other schools when 3 of us referred to another student as "The Wrestler" because none of us knew the guy's name.  She knew his name.  She called out "The Baseball Player" (whose name I actually know because he's a CS major) since she thought they were friends.  I had to clarify for her that they had the athlete bond, not a friendship.  Totally different. 

I didn't have the heart to tell her that The Wrestler just wants to gets in her pants.  I saw it the first time he actually talked to her.  Whatevs, not my business.

BTW, I do know this girl's name.. but only because it's so fucking weird.  Like, I think her parents were hiiiiiiigh.  But other than the other transit female (who has a common, but weirdly spelled name) and the other CS majors, I do not know the names of anyone in my class.  Including the vet student who was stationed with me at VX-1.  Sometimes, I'm lucky to remember the professor's name.  Sooooo, that's a thing.

ZWEI - Money Shit

This weekend we had a money discussion to better allocate money to savings/money market accounts because free money via interest, interests me highly.  Additionally, my spending has been, one might say, a bit excessive, not really, but it feels like it, which means that I need to better allocate dollars so funds are NOT where I can see them.  That seems silly, but it is what works for me.


-Principle payment on Willow.  Might be more of these in more of these in the near future because, ideally, I'd like to have her paid off before school ends, when that GI Bill money dries up.  It's bittersweet.
-Car wash subscription
-Groceries
-Watch screen protector and face protector
-Shipping for a return of the Sparkle Skirt capris
-Bojangles for Monday.. and Friday breakfast. 🤷
-Audible subscription, which I forgot to cancel.  UGH.
-Textbooks for Fall 2019 semester (which was quite alarming when I couldn't figure out what those charges were on my credit card statement)
-Walmart things.  I had a coupon code for $10 off a $50 order and I made it a Grocery order so we can just pick it up.  Money spent and money saved.  All the items were items that we actually use/needed (dishwasher tabs, sunscreen, creamer, Nexium, decent sized (larger than 1GB) USB drive), so I didn't feel bad about spending the money just to use the code.
-360° rotate/tilt stand for the Amazon Show.  I used cash back rewards to purchase it, so it cost me $0, which was the plan all along... Thanks Prime Day purchases for all dem rewards.
-Thursday sweet tea, since someone was willing to deliver it since they were already going to Chickfila.



-Received the return $$ from my Fossil smartwatch I sent back at the beginning of the month... after having to call them to ask where my money was... andddd thennn... on Wednesday, I came home to a box on the counter with a "warranty repaired" Fossil watch.  Uhhh wut?  So now I have to decide if I'm going to do the honest thing and return it back to Fossil or just try and sell it on Marketplace without a box or instructions.
-Returned the Garmin smartwatch.  That was a happy $300 back to my account, unfortunately the return hit before the rewards could hit.. but ya know, that figures.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Former Coworker Snapped this to me because she gets me..

Thanks, Brit!
Apparently you can't use beef stew as a password.
It's not stroganoff.

When someone shares a photo of you with their newborn from 5 years ago and posts a photo for current reference and you respond with your current reference photo.  I crack me up.

There is a bag at the gym.
#GameOn
I brought my gloves with me on Wednesday and got some punches in.
It was extremely satisfying... until my torso started getting sore from going too hard.

This is still cracking me up.

The "I'm too lazy to make dinner" x2 (1x from Megan, 1x from Teh German).

I did a beef stirfry type of thing another night to make up for cereal night.

When a classmate doesn't want his entire biscuit and you help him remedy the problem.
#NoRagrats

It's like in the summer, the hamper becomes a magical reproduction place and more clothing than normal generates between washes.  Really.  I used to do a few loads of laundry on one day per week.  Now I do 1 load of laundry every other day just so the hamper doesn't overflow.  Ugh.  I hate summer.

When the trash bag just collapses on itself in the bin, I get irrationally angry and refuse to fix it.

Snuggles with Meri during Tuesday night's thunderstorm.
See also: That one time when I stupidly allowed myself to be mosquito bait and had welts on my legs and feet for the next week.

When the dry erase markers are a knock off brand and don't erase...

VIER - From the Internet Shit

Cosmo is life.
Also, Cosmo is a borzoi, which part of me still wants, despite the shedding.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. 93 on my Chem test last week.  Wewwwtttt.
2. Surviving this week.  IDK why, but Wednesday, it was a test of will to get out of Willow to go into the building for lab and class.  
3. A motherfucking COLD FRONT IN JULY.  Filed under: Shit I never knew I needed.
4. An early date-aversary celebration with Teh German. 
5. Helping a coworker not waste food by eating all the watermelon.
6. When someone else's plans falling through gets me an invitation to go to Hall's Chophouse for dinner.  BISON STEAK AND TRUFFLE BUTTTTTTTEEERRRRRRRR... YYYYASSSSS.
7. Seeing that the succulent babies that I took from the CS/Math teacher lounge are about to make more babies!  It means that I'm thinking about transplanting some to the outside succulent box, I just don't know if they are strong enough yet....
8. ONE more week of Chemistry.
9. Planning an NC weekend.
10. Solid playlists on Spotify.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

It's Ok #2

I'm already makin' changes...  I think instead of It's Ok Wednesday.. It's just going to be Brain Dump Wednesday around here.  Mostly because I'm trained in the way of confessions and It's Ok was limiting me a bit too much for my liking...  #myblogmyrules




-It's ok...that I realized that many businesses have super sales in the summer to encourage people to buy shit.  Summertime is often for vacation and people realize they need to start saving for Christmas shopping.  Sales = more people shopping.

-It's ok... to make fun of people who park like assholes.  Especially if they do it in the parking spots closest to the entrance.  This situation was so obvious that the driver was either blind or purposely did not give a fuck.  #Ihateeveryone

-It's ok...to be angry at people for self-harm or committing suicide.  Heath Ledger, Chester Bennington, Robin Williams...  I'm pissed at all of you.

-It's ok...that most of my clothes make me look like I am way larger than I actually am.  People are going to think I'm suuuuuper skinny in my wedding dress!

-It's ok...that I refuse to pay someone a mabillionty dollhairs to do my hair and makeup for the wedding.  Looking at different websites so far I'd pay anywhere from $250-$500 for a trial run and the day of make up and hair.  YOU GUYS, I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT HAIR AND MAKEUP.  SERIOUSLY.

-It's ok...that I had a hard time picking out a collar for Pax.  In my mind, all the big collars I have are "Phil's".  I'm even struggling with the holiday ones.  I feel a little bit of guilt that Pax is wearing Phil's "gentleman" collar, but Phil isn't using them and I paid good money for those collars and they should get worn.
TL;DR: Grief is complicated.

-It's ok...  that I got frustrated with Teh German on Sunday night.  I was exhausted and I didn't sit down other than for dinner until 8pm.  Even after I did the dishes for him, he didn't bother to offer to help me clean up after dinner or with the laundry.  I felt he was being extremely selfish and my struggle was real.

-It's ok... that I took a lorzapam on Sunday night because I was so angry and Teh German and I were having a silence off (different than the silent treatment because in a silence off, you don't want to be the first one to break the silence by having to point out the obvious (that you're angry) or you don't want to ask what is wrong (because you know you caused it)) and I wasn't going to get to sleep with any promptness without the aid of medicine.

-It's ok... that the lorzapam gave me the IDGAFs all day on Monday.

-It's ok... that I have to make a goals list and mark things off the list as I go to actually accomplish things.  Everything swimming in my head is ineffective.

-It's ok... that I can't eat just one Reese's Cup.

Gluten free = healthy, right?

-It's ok... that I am tempted to go down to the pizza place and buy one of those delicious brownies.. every.single.day.

-I confess that I find it disgusting when people cut their fingernails at work... Except that I clean out under my fingernails regularly with the clippers I keep on my desk.  Equally nasty, but without the sound.

-I confess that sometimes my associations with things are a wee bit distant which means that other people don't often make the connection.. Like when I sent Teh WJL this photo of my Kindle earlier this week because I knew the dude was from Saved By the Bell...

-I confess that I don't really want to keep paying $45 per dance lesson.  Butttt, I really want to have a not prom-dance first dance, so I'll stick with it.

-I confess that I requested for another estimate for a screened in porch.  This time I'll have our plot in hand so the estimator can look at it and see if we can get around this easement issue that is 4 ft from our back door.  Seriously.  It's killing my juju to hear how badly Teh German wants a screened in porch and we don't have one.  It may also kill our wallets but it is the ONE thing Teh German would like to do to the house on the outside and I agree that it would be awesome.

-It's ok... to encourage a 10 year old to "run" with the dogs to drain both their energy stores.

-It's ok... that I started my commute to work and hit traffic within 5 minutes of leaving home and turned my ass around to telework for the morning because #aintnobodygottimefordat

-It's ok... that my library books expired before I could finish them.  Except that I was 2 hours from the end of my audiobook and that's kind of a bummer really.  But I requested them again and I will finish them.  In the meantime, I started Beartown.shop

-It's ok... to take selfies at the doctor's office for blogging purposes.

Despite that face, I was actually at the dermatologist, not the dentist.

It's OK #1

I'm switching gears on my Gentle Readers..

For years and years, I've done Confessions on Wednesday, but recently, I've found I don't really have as many things to confess.  And let's just be honest, mostly it was just a catch all post with me bitching about/telling you things that have happened in the last week.

More and more recently I've realized that I need to let myself off the hook for things I do.. or don't do.  I need to let things just be ok, so that's what these posts will be about... and maybe with some confessions.  #myblogmyrules

So this week... It is OK that:

...Sometimes I forget that I PayPal-ed money to myself and it just sits in a PayPal account.  This sucks because I'm not earning interest on my money... BUUUTTT it means that there's a very nice surprise waiting on me when I discover it.  This is applicable because I had Teh Sister order my new laptop so she could get the Best Buy reward points (since she has let us use her rewards several times) and I sent her the money through PayPal.  When I signed in to one of my accounts (I have 3 for the 3 different checking accounts I have, yes I'm ridiculous), there was $1000 just chillin' there.  It was like I had been saving that money for a new computer all along and I didn't even know about it.  So I bought my new computer and it didn't affect my account balances and I feel like a winner.

...that I let Sweet Tea on the couch.  It wasn't a fight I was willing to have and she already mostly hated me.

...that I also let Edie on the couch.  Even if it meant I had to spot clean the couch because her mouth was bleeding from treats I gave her...

...I bought 2 Kindles.  It means Teh PT Kid might get a new Kindle... and Teh German doesn't have to deliver a package to the UPS store.

...I haven't read a WW2 themed book in months.  I think.  It's nice to get out of "my" genre every now and then.  It also means I'm plowing through my challenge books.

...today is an "off" day.  We went to sleep late last night and I woke up late this morning.  I opted to wear a cute dress that I don't normally wear (hooray surgery diet).  As I was walking out the door, I dropped my full cup of tea and it spilled all over me and the floor and the runner.  Also since I was late, I had to deal with extra stupidos in morning traffic.  I'm afraid to even say out loud that it can't get worse, because it always can.

...that I was ready to give up on Parks and Rec.  We finally finished Modern Family and now we're back to watching Parks and Rec and after a miserable slog through seasons 1 and the first half of season 2, I'm finally catching myself LOLing ANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD Rob Lowe has finally made his appearance and holy shit is he hot. 

...that it took 2 seconds of Rob Lowe being on the tv for me to admit to Teh German that Rob Lowe is my old man crush.  That said, do NOT read Rob Lowe's books.  They aren't that good.  #Illsaveyou

...that we've been thinking of Phil a lot this week.  Teh SC Greyhound Neighbor took Edie to the vet on Monday and Edie has now journeyed to the Bridge (aka her mom let her go/eased her pain/had her put to sleep).  My heart hurts for Teh SC Greyhound Neighbor because she was extremely close with Edie and because our own grief is still fairly fresh.  We cried for Edie and her Mom and Phil and then we hugged Pax and Meri extra tight.  As I told Teh German, we choose to love knowing we are entering into eventual heart break but that will never stop me from opening my heart to loving a pet. 

...that I didn't change my dress after I spilled tea all over myself this morning.  I just wiped myself down and cleaned up the mess and carried the fuck on. 

...that I wore Minnie leggings to work.  #Imanadultdammit

...that I ordered 3 sheets of Villains stamps.  #worthit

Confessions {6/28}

-I had a meltdown Monday night over life.  Ok, really it was because of my crutches, but it was a perfect storm and there were ugly tears.  I was trying to do laundry and the hamper needed to go back to the closet but I was trying to use 2 crutches (because rules) and it's hard to drag something while holding 2 crutches.  But the real problem was that I had undressed to put my clothes in the washer and I put my hip brace in the hamper and then the hamper fell over and when I was trying to pick it up, I dropped one of the crutches.  I managed to get the crutch and put the hamper upright again, and then the mother fucking crutch fell again and I lost my shit.  "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  I FUCKING HATE THESE GOD DAMNED CRUTCHES!!!!!"  Pax was so scared that he didn't know what to do with himself because he thought he was in trouble (#newdogproblems).  I stood there, naked in flip flops, with one crutch under my arm, one crutch and the hamper fallen over on the ground, sobbing.  Teh German was just as skeptical as Pax, but eventually, I heard him walk over and he handed my my missing crutch and hugged me.

I know the countdown to crutches is dwindling, but seriously, I'm over the fucking crutches and being helpless.  Teh German asked if this was better than the pain that I was having before and I admitted that yes, it is, since it's a means to an end, but I am over ALL of it.  I am over the hip pain then the surgery pain and now the recovery pain and the mother fucking crutches which are always banging on things and getting in the way and falling over and not being able to do physical activities.  Next time someone tries to give me crutches, I'm asking for a walker because at least that stupid thing can stand on it's own... and I can put tennis balls on it and be like Mr. Fredricksen from Up.

-I have a coupon code for $45 off groceries if I use Instacart to deliver my groceries, which is great for someone who can't drive.. Except that when you add in the service charge and the delivery tip and the fact that you aren't shopping sales prices and everything seems to have the price a little bit inflated on the website, it's like I'm not saving anything other than my effort.  At this point, I'd rather just go get my groceries myself and save myself the hassle of not being able to pick exact items that I want.  #alwaysincontrol

-Just kidding.  I placed an order with Walmart Grocery and I'll just go pick my items up since there was minimal produce.  I'll put away the cold stuff and then have Teh German help me bring in/put away all the other stuff.  #convenienceiscritical

-I put a christmas tree smelling air freshener in the living room and I love that it smells like christmas tree in my house.

-There are days that I don't shower because I have a very hard time stepping away from the computer for work once I've sat down, even if I'm not actually doing work.  #admittingmyfaults

-After my PT appointment on Monday, Teh German and I went by Shoe Carnival so Teh German could find some new shoes.  I'm glad to see these babies hit retirement because they are falling apart...

-Roomy the Roomba gets stuck in the stupidest places and it makes me want to drop him down the stairs.  Also, WHY must he bang into my chair/the couch over and over?  PS. I know there are ways to make him not go to places.  I keep trying to talk Teh German into programming him to run overnight, but he keeps saying no.  Maybe I'll just reprogram him myself.  Teh German won't notice anyway, he sleeps like the dead.  The real concern is Meri hearing Roomy banging around and she'll start barking at it in the middle of the night thinking we have an intruder.  She's only a guard dog when she's unable to escape the space she is in to find out who the visitors are..  #RobotVacuumLife

-Oh yes, I'd love to PAY to defer my payments.  Are there people really this fucking stupid to take "advantage" of this offer?  Ya know what, I'd rather not know.  My next payment for Bagheera is due in 2020 but I know that I'll be closing that loan out by the end of the year with another large payment.  #makeitrain

-TVs at gas pumps make me irrationally angry.  If I wanted to be talked at during this inconvenient time of my life, I would have left the radio on or chatted up the person on the other side of the pump.  #STFU #IDoNotNeedaScreentoEntertainMyself

-Meri wanted to sleep on the bed with us last night which was strange.  Makes me wonder if my girl is not feeling well.  I'll be keeping an eye on her today.  #SickBabiesWanttoSnuggle

-I have a list of things to do that I haven't accomplished anything on in over a week.  #Unmotivated

-I've started walking around without crutches.  Just short distances like from the stove to the fridge or from our bathroom to the closet, but I feel like this is probably better than just stopping using my crutches all at once.  #weaningmyself

-I changed my Walmart Grocery order no less than 5 times after placing the original order.  #notsorry

-Sometimes I put forth effort towards dinner to make up for all the times I DNGAF.  Last night was meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans, from scratch.

-The juices from the meatloaf ran over while it was cooking last night and now I have to clean my oven and it makes me want to violence something.  How well does self-clean actually work?  HOW does self-clean work?  We also have a steam clean option.  Maybe I should just read the instruction manual to the oven that I hate with all of my being. 

-I've really been wanting sweets lately.  Like a lot.  like all the Oreos and ice cream and brownies and smores and cookies and none of those things keep me in my "perfect" state... #MeganProblems

-I bought all the ingredients and made a shower spray last week.  It leaves streaks in my shower and we still have to squeegee.  I hate everything.

Confessions {6/21}

-I'm ready for this CPM to be out of my house so I don't feel obligated to sit in it while I'm working at home.  Since it's a new week, I got more degrees of motion and the 0-90° (at the knee) is absolutely killing my back.  #Iamold

-I'm ready for a visit to the Chiropractor.  #Ineedsthepops

-The not rainy weather makes the rainy weather give me a headache.  I'd rather it just be rainy all the time.  #IntheMinority

-I have one more wedding invitation to print out.  Everyone else hears about it through word of mouth.  I'm over it.  #SinglePointofFailure

-I haven't told my boss yet that I still "can't" drive.  Not that me being in or out of the office affects much, but just the principle.  I'm already going to be needy with my school schedule and now this?  Oops.  Technically, I could have Teh German drop me off at work before he goes to work and pick me up when he gets off, but no one wants to do that, me, Teh German, anyone I work with.  Nope, nope, nope.  Additionally, Teh German works 9ish hours per day, which would be fine, except that he'd probably want to leave earlier to drop me off so he can be there at his "on time" and then he'd come and get me later since he'd come after he gets off work, which isn't a consistent time.. and well, I can only imagine how stressed that would make me, so no, that is just not an option we will consider.  #teleworklife

-Sometimes I make food on the weekend to eat then, but we don't end up eating it for various reasons until the week.  #OneLessMealtoPlan

-I want to do ALL THE PUZZLES right now.  I may have accidentally purchased more puzzles since I had a 20% off code.  Total, I got 1- 750 piece, 8- 500 piece, 1- 2000 piece.  All Disney. All for $35.  #savingdollas #DisneyLife #PuzzleMaster

-I may have accidentally hit Teh German in the face (like square on his nose/glasses) on Monday after my physical therapy while I was putting on my hip brace because he doesn't normally help me and I didn't expect him to be where he was (assisting me with the leg part of the brace).  Oops.  Part of me assumes that maybe he was being helpful because we were in an office full of dudes.  But, the reasonable part of me is just going to let it go with, he was just being my Teh German and being helpful.  #accidentprone

-Why wasn't Google Calendar in my life when I was at NC State?  I was able to add all my classes to a Google Calendar and share it with my boss and Teh German and Teh Running Bestie and anyone else who needs to know where I'm at and when.  I should add Teh Mom and Teh Dad on principle, just like the old days.  JK.  I had to send them a list of my class schedule and they still never managed to get it right.

-I need a new laptop because mine has a busted hinge and I can't close it, which really means I have a desktop.  The question is, do I just use my work computer for school or do I bite the bullet and buy a new laptop?  #goodbyedollas

-I'm way ahead in my payments on Bagheera because I drop large amounts on the loan rather than pay monthly for the next 3 years.  I decided that I would make another payment this week.  I had everything set up to come out of my checking account, all I had to do was hit submit, then I had a light bulb moment.  If I made the payment with my credit card, I'd earn rewards, and I could go in and schedule the same payment to my credit card rather than to the loan company.  Which is exactly what I did.  Makin' my dollas work for me.  PS.  My next payment is due January 2020.  #wayahead

-Dear Audible,
FUCK YOU.  I got an email this morning that offered a year's membership for $100, saving $50.  Then I read the fine print... "This offer is not available to existing Audible members, or customers who have been paid Audible members in the past 30 days."  Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.  #howtopissmeoff

-I've seen people watching the new live-action Beauty and the Beast on at home and I thought it was on Netflix, but when I went to find it.. it was not there.  Riddle me confused...  Instead I watched Atlantis: The Lost Empire.  It was full of inconsistencies but overall kept my interest and then I followed that up by the live-action Jungle Book.  Guess I should probably just go ahead and place a Disney Movie Club order...  #FOMO

Not even close, Amazon.  Give it up.

Confessions {6/14}

-Promo codes for free groceries and free delivery at a time when I'm not allowed to drive?  #fate

-I bought new toys for Pax and Meri.  I was hoping to get super large toys.  I did not purchase wisely.  Also, I seem to have no concept of measurements.  #mathishard

-I added the toys I intended to buy to my Amazon wish list.  They will be there when I need them.

-I need to take care of some stuff for school, preferably before classes start in the fall, but not being allowed to drive is kinda cock-blocking progress.  I need to request a waiver for some required classes in lieu of work experience and other classes that I've already taken.  I'm hoping it is an easy yes, otherwise I have to take an English and History class that I do not need.

-Per my insurance website, the Ortho charged $66,500 for my hip surgery.  That's just his part.  That's not what the hospital charged me, or the pre-op labs, or the anesthesiologist/etc ologists that I haven't been billed for yet.  Hello, $100,000 ass!

-I got to move my CPM machine up to 15/75° from 30/60°!  It's progress!  Since the CPM is for knee patients, the degree of my hip is actually less than that, but it's continuous motion, so ya know.. movement is movement.

-After my sprint on Sunday, I was feeling a little bit sore.  Not enough to take meds.  I feel like not taking meds keeps me in check on doing things I should/shouldn't be doing.  If it hurts, don't do it.  Duh.  #realitycheck #UnmedicatedLife

-RSVPS!!  Teh German's parents have finally RSVPed for our wedding.  As if they hadn't already purchased their plane tickets and made hotel reservations last month.  So at least all of our parents will be at the wedding.  There are a few other big ticket individuals we'd like to get a yes from, but we're standing by to hear the decision.

-We attended Company's open house event last night and Lowcountry Boils never make my belly sad.  On the other hand, peeling skrimpies before I eat them because legs, makes me very sad.  #MeganProblems

-My surgery charges were audited by my insurance company to make sure the surgery wasn't due to an accident or work related injury.  Nope suckas, you gotta pay that!  Also, how about a FUCK YAAASSS to meeting my out of pocket deductible and not having to pay no mo!  #winning Well, winning if you exclude the $2000 I paid out of pocket for medical expenses this year.

Confessions {6/7}

-Not being in the office to glare at people means our daily meeting takes double to triple the amount of time it did when I was in the office.  #Ihateeveryone

-Being home on rainy days is the absolute best.  #teleworkingrocks

-I spend 95% of my work day with my leg in my CPM machine.  This is primarily because if I'm not in my CPM machine, I have to be in my hip brace and that thing fucking sucks.  #optionsarelimited

-I miss regular business trips.. aka going poop.  All the drugs in my system have me backed up like a mofo and the laxative/stool softener (sorry for that TMI) just isn't cutting it.  #Ijustwanttopoop

-One positive side effect is my new "post-surgery diet plan" where I'm not really hungry.  My goal is to eat at least one meal a day.  Preferably with a vegetable with fiber.  Lord knows, I NEED the fiber. #oldladystatus #givemethefiber

-I have accomplished ZERO reading since being at home.  Teleworking kills my audiobook time.

-I am almost caught up on my Feedly.  Unfortunately, most of the posts were super old, so I didn't bother to comment on most of them.  But at least I can say I know what is going on again!  Kinda.  #shittyblogger

-I emailed Dan Ryan about our 1 year repair list on April 27th.  A response email said someone would contact me within 48 hours.  A MONTH later I finally emailed back and said, it's been 48 hours.  An email response said someone would be calling in 48 hours.  A week passed.  I emailed again saying no one had called me, the situation is ridiculous, and asked if I should just start calling every day to see results?  An email response said someone would notify the supervisor.  REALLY?  WTF IS THAT GOING TO DO FOR ME?!  Life lesson: If you build a house, make sure EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG is to your liking BEFORE you close.  After you close, shit will not get done.  Period.  #lessonlearnedthehardway

-It's been raining for days.  The threat of poop on my carpet is going up exponentially.  At least Pax peed outside, Meri is still holding out.  She gets her bladder strength from her Mama.  #CamelBladder

-I've been trying to do everything that I'm supposed to regarding the equipment I was given for post-surgery, but last night I finally gave up and said FUCK the stupid DVT leg cuffs I'm supposed to be wearing.  I am over all the cords while I sleep.  I had to get Teh German to take them off in the middle of the night after the alarm woke me up twice because the cords were kinked.  I'll be more excited to lose the hip brace, but I can deal with that as long as I'm not tethered to shit and can't move around without being tugged on or setting off a stupid false alarm.  #overit

-Teh German is an excellent nurse, but he hasn't stayed home with me during this week, despite what he told everyone.  This means that I'm pushing myself to be more self-sufficient than I probably should be, but I would probably do that anyways.  I'm really wondering what happens when everything goes back to normal.  Will he continue to help me do all the things he had to do that I couldn't?  Or will it go back to me doing everything, getting frustrated, us having to have the conversation again, then some help, rinse, repeat....  I'd like to pretend things will be better, but I know they won't be.  It is my least favorite thing about our relationship.  Siiiiigh. 

-Not wearing underwear is one of the more awkward/unpleasant things about hip surgery.

-I wish there were more non-surgery items on this list, butttt that's pretty much my whole life right now.  #yougetwhatyouget

-PS, I'm too lazy for .gifs.  I took a shower and that sapped all my energy.  #gimplifeishard

Confessions {5/31}

Today's confession: I am busy at work and with life to actually write a full post.  

Expect more of the same for Friday.

My surgery is tomorrow and I have approximately a mabillionty things to do/remember between now and 0800 tomorrow when they put me under for my surgery.

I appreciate all your positive thoughts, vibes, prayers, and general thinkin's about my hip and I.

For your sacrifice, my Gentle Readers shall receive a Snap selfie. 

You're welcome.

Teh German says it's creepy when I make my eyes do this.
That's when I like to switch which eye is crossed on him or make it roll around.
#WomanOfManyTalents

Confessions {5/24}

-My heart is still weeping from how awesome the Happily Ever After show was (the nighttime Disney show on the castle).  Seriously.  I need to see it again and again... and again.  #disneylife

-Pax attacking Meri really upset me.  Not enough to consider returning him, but enough to do some significant research on how to make dogs like each other.  I'm really hoping this is just a blip.  #helicopterparent

On the car ride from MD to SC.

-I'm starting to get nervous about my surgery.  The pre-op appointment yesterday did not help alleviate any stress.  Mostly I'm concerned with the ability to wipe my own ass.  #helplessisnotmyjam

-In the last week it has rained almost every day.  I love it.  #IknowImweird

-IDK why they installed the TP dispenser in the women's bathroom at work so low.  It's like someone picked an arbitrary spot on the wall and said, "yeah here."  Rather than sit on the toilet and make a logical decision where to place it.  #somepeopleskids

-I have a super long to-do list and I need to actually accomplish those things within the next week.  Ugggghhh.  #presurgerylife

-I don't think the new computer I received was supposed to be used for this purpose.. buttttt oh well.  While they raised my desk to standing height, it is still a few inches too short, so my keyboard needed some lift.  They can have the computer back on May 31st.  #notsorry

-Have I mentioned lately how much I love my People?  I do.  Seriously.  My greyhound/dog people are especially amazing.  When we got home from MD, there was a package waiting for me from Sprink, a necklace with Phil's ear tattoos on it.  I cried.  I love it so much.  I've worn it every day since.  It "matches" perfectly with the bracelet that Roux's Humom gave me with Phil's photos on it.

-To add to the Phil thing.  I've strongly considered getting Phil's number as an inner ear tattoo.  I haven't decided yet.

-When we got home from MD our flowers were blooming like crazy!  It's funny how little you notice when you see them every day!  Our passion flower vine is out of control!!!  I love it!

-This is a truck of magical happiness.  If you can't see it, it's the Amazon Prime truck.  This one is not on fire, thankfully.