Books Books Books! 1st half of 2020

Because I was late posting last time (and yet again), these are actually Feb-now's books. Which is pretty much Winter-Now.  /shrug  What the fuck ever.  I read some shit ok.  It was hard enough with just school, but toss in a helping of stay-at-home and my brain was D.U.N., done.

I'm 3 or 4 books behind on my Goodreads challenge and I'm about to give it the 2020, fuckyoualotamus, because principle, and I don't like to stress myself out about trivial shit these days, when I have PLENTY of other major issues to focus on.

I've actually started listening to my audiobooks while I play WoW.  Talk about a real multitasking adventurer, that's me, Gentle Readers.

Me + Anxiety.

Ultimate TLDR** 
Definitely Read:  

• Untamed by Glennon Doyle
• I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown (because if you are white and not self-educating about race issues, you are part of the problem).

Maybe Read:  

• Recipe for a Perfect Wife by Karma Brown
• What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon 
• The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan

Rating scale*:

1/5 - Hated it, DNF (did not finish).
2/5 - Tolerated it on principle to finish, didn't like it.
3/5 - Eh, didn't love it, didn't hate it. Had some good parts/kept me interested/finished it on principle.
3.5/5 - I liked parts of it.
4/5 - I liked the whole thing.
4.5/5 - I liked it a lot, but not sure I'd read it again.
5/5 - I LURVED it and I'd read it again.

*Subject to change based on my mood, the phase of the moon, or other unpredictable variables.
PS. Possible spoilers included in reviews.

Regretting You by Colleen Hoover   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)  

I was torn between being impressed that this wasn't overly YA and then feeling like it was too YA. Roller coaster. Overall, I enjoyed the story though and I appreciated the solid resolution at the end.  That said, who ever the narrator was for the Mom had a voice that absolutely drove me up the wall.  IDK why, but it did.

Where the Desert Meets the Sea by Werner Sonne   2.5/5 (Kindle, ebook)   

This book probably would have done better as a screenplay because of the way it is written in short bits then moves on to another character. I didn't feel any attachment to any of the characters other than a curiosity about what would happen to them, but I didn't care either way. Things that seemed like they were supposed to feel significant just felt like, huh, ok that happened, moving on now.

This review accurately surmises how I felt about this book:

"The history is correct, but the story told through these fictional characters is very bland and melodramatic. It flip flops all over with hyper hot-headed Arabs and Jews massacring each other while the British smoke cigarettes and ignore the mess that they have created by their 31 year Mandate in Palestine. Israel's history is complicated, and deserves to be told in a more balanced story where the people are more than paper dolls wanting to survive. In this book, everyone is the "bad guy" and that's just not how it was."  ~Mollie

It might be relevant to mention that this book is written by a German author and translated into English.  Experience has taught me that authors from other cultures don't always write in the same styles as English-speaking authors.  Specifically, Swedish authors aren't my jam and I have had to accept this life.

The Twelve Lives of Samuel Hawley by Hannah Tinti   3/5 (Kindle, ebook)

I didn't love this book like everyone else did.  I wanted to, but this is also part of why I wait until the hype has died down for popular things.  My interest was piqued from the beginning, but as more of the story was told, I was less and less interested.  Sam (which is what I will call him despite everyone calling him by his last name for 99% of the book) was a shady character that I 100% could not relate to.  He got shot for valid reasons that were self-inflicted so I had zero sympathy for him.  Throughout the chapter about how he felt no attachment to Loo (which I will get back to), I was like, I'm only finishing this to find out what happens, I don't even care anymore about why/how he he got 12 bullet wounds.

Loo vs Lou.  FUCKING STUPID.  Because I listened to this book, I just thought the girl's name was Lou and that was fine.. and then there was the part in the book about the spelling of the name, which probably cleared up the confusion if you were reading the book, but did zero things for me except make me question, WHY name your child something that you hate?  Ugh.

Finally, I didn't like the ending.  Everything in the book was so certain and then the end was like, did they live?  Did they die?  YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW.

Life and Other Near-Death Experiences by Camille Pagán   2/5 (Kindle, ebook)

As a queen of being over-dramatic about shit, I get you.  But this book was over over-dramatic-ed.  We get it, you were wronged.  I hate books where the crux of the issues in the book are purposeful lack of communication, it's just a simple crutch to use and feels lazy to me.  Maybe that's the over-communicator in me.

Mostly, this book annoyed me. I get that Libby wanted to handle things her way, but maybe someone should have told her that being obsessed with another person in the way she was obsessed with Tom was mmmmaaayyybee a little bit unhealthy? IDK. And her "Devil Wears Prada" job felt cliche. The end felt wholesome, but also like a relief to finally be done with Libby's shit.

Daisy Jones & The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I love TJR and this book was SUPER hyped up, so I was skeptical because I don't always LURVE what everyone else is raving about.  Someone else stated that they felt like they were watching a VH1 behind the band type of show (or whatever it's called) and that is what it felt like, so for that, it was a win.. But I've never been into the drug, sex, and rock 'n roll life, so it was hard to hang with some of the things that occurred.  I get that's the rock 'n roll life, but it's not that appealing to me.

I do remember feeling satisfied when the book was over, so there's that.

Recipe for a Perfect Wife by Karma Brown   4/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I didn't think I was going to like this book, but I ended up liking it. I didn't really love the way it ended, but I didn't hate it. I appreciated that Nellie's story was closed. This was actually a pretty quick listen since I spent a lot of time in the car. I was surprised I listened for as long as I did while driving because generally after an hour or so, I lose interest. Maybe it was the dual timelines that really helped. 

I appreciated the history "suggestions" for women and scoffed after most of them, but I know that times change... and APPRECIATE THAT.

Recursion by Blake Crouch   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I listened to this and the last 2 hours were recursively painful. Otherwise, I very much enjoyed this book. As a computer science major, I know of recursion, so I was curious how this would play out. 

Helena and Barry made for a good story and I didn't expect the end to be what it was.

Call Your Daughter Home by Deb Spera   4.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

Listened to the audio version and loved everything except Anne's Canadian "o" sounds with her southern. It was distracting, otherwise, LURVED the narration. Felt like being in South Carolina. 

The story was fantastic although I was disappointed by the end and how everything was just solved and no one cared that this poor white woman just shot a rich white man... also the hunger strike? Meh

Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orïsha #1) by Tomi Adeyemi   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

Ever read a book that you know you are supposed to like, but just can't get into? That was this book for me.  I understand the symbolism that was happening and how extremely relevant it is RIGHT NAOW.. but I didn't love the characters or story really.  IDK.  

Watchers by Dean Koontz   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

This was a recommendation and I wasn't sure at first because there was a lot of murdery things happening and that's not really my jam. Ultimately though, I got into it despite the killing.  I also felt like the symbolism of The Outsider being the ugly things about humanity was solid.  Also, the main character being a dog didn't hurt my heart.

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon   4/5 (Kindle, ebook)

I didn't love this book at first. It took me a bit to get into, but once I was hooked, I was hooked. Anne travels back in time after going to scatter her grandfather's ashes in Ireland. This book was like a history lesson with a hug and it gave me the happy ending I wasn't sure I was going to get... and THAT is the real reason for 5 stars, I got a happy ending that I wasn't actually sure would happen.

I gave this 5 stars on Goodreads but had to go back and look at my review to write this, so while it was good, it was good at the time although not overly memorable.  /shrug.

The Keeper of Lost Things by Ruth Hogan   4/5 (Library, audiobook)

Cute. It started off slow and throughout most of the book I was confused at how these stories were going to be related, but it came out in the wash.

The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates   2.5/5 (Library, audiobook)

Maybe I just needed to pay more attention, but I didn't feel drawn into this book. Maybe Hiram was too distant, even for the reader. I was interested in what happened to him at first, because my heart-strings were tugged on, but then after that, I mostly just got confused with the flashbacks and his rather comfortable life.

Untamed by Glennon Doyle   10/5 (Library, audiobook; hard copy, own)   

Sometimes a book comes to you when you NEED it and that's exactly what happened with this one.  I'ma be honest, I had never heard of Glennon Doyle before but I had heard good things about this book and I loved the cover, so I requested it from the library and waited 29482921023 weeks and DEVOURED IT.  I loved it so much I bought a hard copy.. and not like an Amazon hard copy delivered to my door, a local bookstore hard copy that I had to venture out of my house during the quarantine period to pick up.

Also, straight up, I had NO IDEA what this book was about.  Didn't even realize it was nonfiction.  Just hoped that several other bloggers wouldn't lead me astray.  

I loved that Glennon talks to herself and calls herself by name (like I do).  I loved the way she framed things.  Yes, some of the conversations with her kids were like, do you really talk to your kids like that?? Nahh.. but maybe?  IDK.  It's not my business.  I'm in it for the words on the page and those words SPOKE TO MY SOUL.  I listened to this book during one of my runs and I was sobbing and running at the same time.  Kinda makes it hard to breathe.  

I actually re-listened to about half this book because my app didn't sync up with the computer and so I was hours behind when I started my run and I didn't want to be skipping through the book during my run so I skipped some of it and then just re-listened from there.  

I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness by Austin Channing Brown   4/5 (hard copy, own)

I bought several race conscious/education books in 2018 and never got to read them because #School.  Rude.  Anyways, after continuing to fail at reading White Fragility, I finally pulled this book off the shelf and read it instead.  Good life choice, Megan.

Brown writes about the un-obvious obviousness of being a woman of color.  Some of the topics were items I had considered within my own female view (being the only female in a room of males) and as someone who cannot identify with but could understand, being a person of color or a woman of color.  These are the topics that need to be discussed.  

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert   1/5 (Library, audiobook)  

DNF. Couldn't handle more than 30 minutes of the audiobook, read the summary and wasn't interested in the sex life of someone in the 40s. Life's too short.

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson   4/5 (Library, audiobook)  

I needed a palate cleanser after so many socially conscious books and a DNF and this quickie was perfect.  This book was under 10 hours, which made it feel less tedious (maybe I really should start reading shorter books).  At first I thought the book was going to be too weird to finish, but once we finally met the fire kids, everything panned out.  I was sometimes annoyed by Lillian's flippant way of being, but she was ultimately redeemed. 

This was a good, quick listen. 

The Book Woman of Troublesome Creek by Kim Michele Richardson   3.75/5 (Library, audiobook)  

Sometimes, I felt bashed over the head with the "early 1900s in Kentucky" setting (abuse of women, poor mountain people), but ultimately powered through.  The absolute worst thing about this book was the narrator's pronunciation of Appalachian (which was wrong, siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh).  I appreciated how Cussy sacrificed so much for everyone else, even if I never could get used to that name.  

I will say, this book felt very similar to The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes,

The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton   1.5/5 (Library, audiobook) 

Truthfully, this was a hate listen. I hated this book. I hated being so confused for so long at WTF was happening, but I stuck it out for the premise of the book and then the twist at the end had me rehating everything. When the library took this back I almost didn't even bother to renew when I was at 75% complete, that's how disgruntled I was. 

Everyone raved about how good this book was, but I didn't like it.




Currently Reading:  

• Me and White Supremacy: Combat Racism, Change the World, and Become a Good Ancestor by Layla F. Saad  (Kindle, ebook)
• A Beginner's Guide to Free Fall by Andy Abramowitz (Kindle, free ebook)
• The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo (Audible, audiobook)

**TLDR: To long, didn't read.

Books Books Books! Fall 2019 Edition

Ok, so I'm month late on this one.  Mah bad.  There is a reason though.  So you see, what had happened was, last semester was... rough.  And subsequently, that meant not keeping track of my reading and also not achieving my Goodreads challenge (and accepting it gracefully with a no fucks given attitude) and not even creating a draft for this post (fret not, the "Winter 2020" draft has already been created).  Truthfully, something had to give me for me to stay afloat and reading really took the hit.  I made straight A's though, so I guess #WorthIt?

Audiobook and Run.
It's totally a thing.

I'm linking up with Steph and Jana for the Show Us Your Books linkup, because I needed motivation to post this post after being a slackass.


Ultimate TLDR** 
Definitely Read:  

• All Along You Were Blooming: Thoughts for Boundless Living by Morgan Harper Nichols
• Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane

Maybe Read:  

• Crossing Tinker's Knob/And Then You Loved Me by Inglath Cooper
• The Institute by Stephen King
• The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes

Hard Pass:  

• True West by Sam Shepard

Rating scale*:

1/5 - Hated it, DNF (did not finish).
2/5 - Tolerated it on principle to finish, didn't like it.
3/5 - Eh, didn't love it, didn't hate it. Had some good parts/kept me interested/finished it on principle.
3.5/5 - I liked parts of it.
4/5 - I liked the whole thing.
4.5/5 - I liked it a lot, but not sure I'd read it again.
5/5 - I LURVED it and I'd read it again.

*Subject to change based on my mood, the phase of the moon, or other unpredictable variables.
PS. Possible spoilers included in reviews.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
October/November 2019:

Oathbringer (The Stormlight Archive #3) by Brandon Sanderson   3.75/5 (Audible, audiobook)

This is the book that killed my ability to complete my Goodreads challenge.  When I started listening to this "gem" I was 4 books ahead of schedule.  When I finished, I was one book behind, WITH completing this book.  FML.  Other comments I wrote included the fact that I wouldn't continue on if book 4 was over 40 hours long, it wasn't a commitment I could make.

My actual review:
The story was good.. but LAWDDDDD this book trudddddged on and on and on and on and on and on.. and I don't need to know that the spheres are dun if you tell me someone ran out of Stormlight. I GET IT.

I guess was "DUN" with that shit.

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals by Rachel Hollis   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I struggled with this book because there were things I couldn't really identify with (mom life, entrepreneur dreams, etc), but I was still able to take away some solid points. The bonus portion at the end of the audio book from a Rise event was a solid choice.  It actually made me tear up, but that might have been the affects of PMS.  I didn't love this one nearly as much as Girl, Wash Your Face, but I think GWYF came at exactly the right time, where this one didn't.  This mostly had to do with the fact that I had just finished Oathbringer and I wanted something that wasn't 55 hours long.  This fit the bill, even though I knew it wasn't the right time.  Oh well.

I think the biggest reason this book didn't resonate with me is because I am 110% ok with NOT being the boss.  I don't want to own my own business and I'm totally ok with the peon, be-told-what-to-do, life.  I like being able to go home at the end of the day and be DONE.  As a boss/manager, that's difficult to do.  Work/separation balance is extremely important to me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
December 2019:

A Fire Sparkling by Julianne MacLean   3/5 (Kindle, ebook) 

A historical fiction story that involved sister twins, life during WW2, and a modern timeline too.  This book had me hooked pretty quickly and I didn't hate it, but parts of it felt unbelievable.  I also still have no idea how much time actually passed in the modern timeline.  I will say I didn't expect what happened to actually be what happened, but it was logical as you went on.  Also, the drama of the modern timeline was unnecessary and childish, IMO.

Crossing Tinker's Knob/And Then You Loved Me by Inglath Cooper   3.75/5 (Kindle, ebook) 

IDK why Goodreads has this listed with a different title than on the cover of the book, but whatever.  I enjoyed this book but felt that parts of it pushed believability, or maybe not.  I never decided.  Emma's decision was a relief to me because I was tired of that storyline.  The mom made me hate her quick.  Becca started to get on my nerves but I couldn't help but like her.  I finished this pretty quick, so I was hooked right away and couldn't put it down/had a lot of free time.

Dark Age (Red Rising Saga #5) by Pierce Brown   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)   

This book was extremely gory and 85% of the book was battles while the remaining 15% was character interactions between characters with Roman names.  It had been so long since I read the prior books that I had no idea what side anyone was on anymore.  It ultimately sorted itself out, but it was pretty distracting for a while.  Part of me wants to know what happens to Darrow and Virginia and Sevro and Victoria, but after having to slog through parts of this, I'm not sure I am committed enough to find out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
January 2020:

You Can Thank Me Later: A Novella by Kelly Harms   3/5 (Audible, audiobook novella)  

A Thanksgiving novella from Audible, a freebie.  This was a meh for me.  Not bad, but not good.  Despite not being very long, it got repetitious quickly; family gathering for Thanksgiving, some in between life, family gathering for Thanksgiving (same drama), in-between life, family gathering for Thanksgiving.  /rolleyes.  Cute premise but it just wasn't my cup of tea.

I understand it's a novella and supposed to be short, but we spent a long time on repeating what had already happened and then it was like, OH YEAH, sorry we didn't pay you attention all these years because we were more focused on someone else... THE END.

True West by Sam Shepard   1-DNF/5 (Audible, free audiobook novella)  

This was so stupid that it was intolerable.

Ask Again, Yes by Mary Beth Keane   4.5/5 (Audible, audiobook) 

I was hooked by 15% and that's unusual for my hyper-critical self. I appreciated how this book ended, even if every single issue wasn't tied up perfectly. This story felt REAL which is probably why I enjoyed it so much.

The Institute by Stephen King   4.5/5 (Kindle, ebook, won from SUYB!)  

This book had me hooked by 10%, which is rare. Luke is a child prodigy with special skills. Tim is a not-cop in Podunk. Ultimately, their stories will come together. I appreciated the realistic rawness of the story-telling, even if sometimes vulgar and almost unbelievable (it's fiction, so duh). It has been many years since I read a Stephen King book and I can't remember why I stopped now.

The Giver of Stars by Jojo Moyes   4.25/5 (Audible, audiobook)  

I listened to this on audio and was not disappointed by the narrator's voices for the different characters and her KY accent. I was disappointed that Alice's inner voice wasn't with an English accent, but oh well.

Story wise, this story felt like historic fiction based on real life events, like these people could have actually lived. I was quickly drawn into the story, always a relief not to have to trod on and on waiting to get to the part that hooks you, and was genuinely curious how this would end, even though I had a solid (correct) hunch.

I did get a little tired of hearing how much sex everyone but Alice was having, but otherwise, very enjoyable.

All Along You Were Blooming: Thoughts for Boundless Living by Morgan Harper Nichols   5/5 (own, hard copy)  

MHN's new poetry book.  I preordered this the same day she sent the email that said she was releasing a book.  I had favorite "stories" but can't remember off the top of my head which ones they were.  Guess that means a re-read is in my future.

That said, I feel like this would have been better on the Kindle because then you can zoom in to read some of the tiny cursive and, depending on your device, you can screenshot and share.  Because it's not a standard book, it's a quick read.

There will be days when you do not feel
fearless
and you choose to get up
and go out anyway.

And my friend,
let me tell you,
that is what it means to be breave.
It is that gentle shove toward the water
that says "I will go,
and I will go afraid."

It is not a feeling.
It is not a thought.
It is that inward wind that pulls you out of sleep
and says "I will go forth,
with all I have now;
a breath, a dozen steps,
and a pocket full of fears,
but no matter what tries to pull me back,
I will find the strength to be here."
(Morgan Harper Nichols)

**TLDR: To long, didn't read.

Books Books Books! Summer 2019 Edition

Considering how busy life has stayed since my last book post, I'm impressed with how much I've read this summer.  In fact, Goodreads says I'm FOUR book ahead of schedule to meet my goal, which doesn't really surprise me.  I'm not strict about my Goodreads challenge, but it does get under my skin when I fall behind... irrational, I know.

Because I happened to plan this well, I'm linking up with Steph and Jana for the 5th anniversary of the Show Us Your Books linkup.


Ultimate TLDR** 
Definitely Read:  

• The Art of Racing in the Rain
• How to Walk Away

Maybe Read:  

• Warbreaker
• The Ragged Edge of Night
• Things You Save in a Fire

Hard Pass:  

• The Weight of Ink

Rating scale*:

1/5 - Hated it, DNF (did not finish).
2/5 - Tolerated it on principle to finish, didn't like it.
3/5 - Eh, didn't love it, didn't hate it. Had some good parts/kept me interested/finished it on principle.
3.5/5 - I liked parts of it.
4/5 - I liked the whole thing.
4.5/5 - I liked it a lot, but not sure I'd read it again.
5/5 - I LURVED it and I'd read it again.

*Subject to change based on my mood, the phase of the moon, or other unpredictable variables.
PS. Possible spoilers included in reviews.

Warbreaker (Warbreaker #1) by Brandon Sanderson   4/5 (Audible, audiobook)

It took a bit to get into this book.  It didn't help that I also started listening to this while I was in Germany and taking the train to/from school, so I was only getting in 20 minutes or so at a time.  By about 20% though, I was hooked and wanted to know all the things.  I really dislike initial confusion, but it was all resolved rather quickly.  As with most of Sanderson's books, this will be a series.  Yay/Ugh.

The Weight of Ink by Rachel Kadish   3/5 (library, ebook)

The prose of this book is beautiful, but I really struggled with the main characters who have secrets and refuse to let themselves be vulnerable.  UGH.  This book is set in 2 main times, the 1600s and current time.  I was more invested in the 1600s timeline than the current timeline, but I was often grateful to switch back to the current time when the 1600s got too heavy or tedious or boring.

That said, the problems of the current day characters were stupid, IMO.

How to Walk Away by Katherine Center   4.5/5 (library, audiobook)

Maggie is left paralyzed after a plane crash and this is the story of post-crash.  I enjoyed Maggie's sense of reality and the relationship with her sister and Ian helped pushed the book along.  Yes, the ending was a bit too tidy, but for such a heavy topic, I appreciated a happy ending.

Also, if you don't hate Chip, you're dead to me.

Mrs. Everything by Jennifer Weiner   3.75/5 (library, audiobook)

I didn't expect the characters to end up where/how they did based on how the story started ramping up.  I'm sad and glad about that.  I would judge this book as "a solid beach read".  There were parts that were tedious, but I was invested by 65%.

Even Tree Nymphs Get the Blues by Molly Harper   3.25/5  (Audible freebie, audiobook)

A short freebie that was described as "hilarious"...  I definitely wouldn't say this book is hilarious by any means, but there were some snort-induced amusement parts.  A newcomer arrives in a strange town and sets about making her new place her home and finds love along the way.  This is actually a novella set between two other books in the series, which I didn't know until after the fact.  It was entertaining, but not so entertaining I'm going to seek out the rest of the series.  #SoManyBooksSoLittleTime

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein   5/5 (library, audiobook)

A reread that never wastes my time.  My heart always breaks for Denny, even though I know what is going to happen.  This book changed the way I think about my dogs when I first read it in 2013 and reminded me why I am the way I am in regards to my dogs to this day.  I hope the movie does the book justice, but just in case, I'll keep my expectations low.

Customs of the World: Using Cultural Intelligence to Adapt, Wherever You Are by David Livermore   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

Audible had a B1G1 sale on lecture series and I had a millionty credits I needed to use, so I selected this one because I enjoy traveling and because I live with someone from a different culture.  There were some parts that were very interesting to me, but the over-arching point of this 12 hour lecture was to be aware of your own cultural mentality/training and don't apply that to other cultures because that will only create unrealistic expectations that will not be met.

And honestly, that's a life lesson that should just be applied in general, not just to people of other cultures.

I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusak   3/5 (own, ebook)

I had high expectations of this book since it's Zusak, but I can't say they were met.  There was some lingo that was lost on me because I'm not from the regions Zusak wrote about, which annoys me in general.  The concept of the book was interesting at first, then just annoying.  Like, if you don't know why you are doing these things and you have become self-aware that your life is wasting away, then why don't you just change things and stop doing the actions that you are being "forced" to do?  IDK.  I just struggled with the cards and the actions after a while.

Just One Night by Gale Forman   3/5 (own, ebook)

A novella that fills in some blanks of the Just One Day series.  It had been so long since I'd read the series that I struggled with the characters clicking back into place at first.  Then with the weird Netherlands names, oh the struggles.  This book has been in my library for years, so I finally decided to read it on a whim since it was short.  Meh, could have lived without.

Rivals!  Frenemies Who Changed the World by Scott McCormick   3/5 (Audible freebie, audiobook)

This was a freebie from Audible so I figured why not.  Why not?  Because it wasn't THAT interesting.  That said, the narrator did a good job with dry subjects and the sound effects made me laugh sometimes.  For some folks, you might learn some history, but I think I knew about all the stories in this one.  There is a 2nd book in this "series" if you're truly interested.

A Gentleman in Moscow by Amor Towles   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

A book friend HIGHLY recommended this book and I immediately used an Audible credit on it and listened to it and was super disappointed.  Nothing happens for 18 hours, mostly.  But apparently, I missed something crucial.  I'm willing to be educated about why I was disappointed by this book, but based on the Goodreads reviews, I wasn't the only one.

This book about a Russian Count who was under house arrest for the majority of his life.  He meets some interesting people at the hotel where he is under house arrest, as that is where he lived when the sentence was passed.  We do find out why he was under house arrest, eventually.   I still don't understand the end.  I didn't love this as much as everyone else.  Oh well, I'll be the minority.

I Was Here by Gayle Forman   3/5 (own, ebook)

Another book that was in my library for years.  Meg kills herself and her bestie, Cody, goes about finding out WHY Meg killed herself.  I caught the huge hint that was dropped in the first third of the book and from then on, the main character missing the obvious (to me) things was annoying.  Cody was also a real PITA when it came to Meg's friends/persons she knew.

I struggled with the fact that Cody was portrayed as so young, but she was old enough to "sneak off" to confront a stranger about some random shit.  It was weird.  The climax of the story annoyed me more than anything, but I was ready for the book to be over, so I trudged on.

A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I think 2 less daughters would have been sufficient to make the point that the grandmother was anti-girl baby... instead, 4 daughters later, grandmother is STILL anti-girl baby and I'm tired of hearing about her comments.

I always appreciate multiple timelines/perspectives, so that was a plus for this book.  I also appreciate the portrayal of cultures different than my own, so another plus.

The Ragged Edge of Night by Olivia Hawker   4/5 (Amazon Prime freebie, ebook)

Anton is a friar turned solider turned husband.  Elizabeth is a widow with 3 kids.  Set it Germany during WW2, my ideal story setting.  I get immense joy from knowing German words that are used in books.  While the ending felt rushed, overall, I enjoyed this book.

Things You Save in a Fire by Katherine Center   4/5 (Audible, audiobook)

After reading How to Walk Away, I wanted more Center, so I put myself on the waitlist for this book and a millionty years later, it finally came.  A #GirlPower book about a female firefighter who is a beast, but she enters a world of woman-hating men when she has to move away from Austin.

Part of me was annoyed that she went into the new situation with such bias after being warned of "those kinds of men" from her Austin fire chief, but at the same time, it worked, so whatever.  The slow burn with the Rookie started to get on my nerves because Cassie was emotionally stunted from something that happened to her when she was 16 and she refused to tell anyone about it.  In fact, of all the things that annoyed me the most... Center never comes out and actually SAYS what happened to Cassie when she was 16, only that it was "very very very bad" or something to that effect.  Saying what happened gives a victim more control over the situation and that was the worst #GirlPower moments of the book.

Sapphire Flames by Illona Andrews   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

I wanted more Nevada, but ended up with Catalina.  Ugh.  The slow burn between Catalina and Alessandro annoyed the shit out of me.  Emotionally stunted, I can't, but I want to, characters are my least favorite.  Either you do or you don't, shit or get off the pot.  Also, making assumptions about others is the best way to make an ass of yourself.. but this is fiction.  Another reviewer (on Goodreads) mentioned that this book read like a YA slow burn, and I think they were right.

Also, the Nevada bombshell at the end felt completely out of left field.  WHY?  As set up for the next book?  No thanks.

Everything You Are by Kerry Anne King   3.75/5 (Kindle freebie, ebook)

This was an Amazon Prime free book and I wasn't disappointed.  It was an easy read, but I really get tired of dancing around character's problems for over half of the book.  It's tedious and tiresome and I need to find books that create tension in some other way than failed communication.  That said, the story kept me interested and I ended up breezing through this book fairly quickly for an ebook. 

The ending felt rushed, like King was just tying up loose ends, but it also worked.  IDK, it was a weird feeling.  Also, I hated the fact that Phee was made out to be such a weirdo.  The weird curse thing was weird.  That was my least favorite thing about the book.

**TLDR: To long, didn't read.

Books Books Books! First Half of 2019 Edition

Uhhh, y'all.. I haven't written a book post since DECEMBER.
I guess this just shows how much my life is no longer under my control.

I've definitely been reading, but my reading time has significantly decreased mostly due to school reasons.  ONE MORE YEAR of that shit though, Gentle Readers.. one.more.fucking.year. and hopefully my life will resume the previous state of laziness and boredom that I never properly appreciated.


Ultimate TLDR**
Definitely Read:  

• The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic by Emma
• Verity by Colleen Hoover
• If you're into Jesus and don't mind "bad" words (which I assume you don't if you're here), The Very Worst Missionary: A Memoir or Whatever by Jamie Wright

Maybe Read:  

• Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate
• Educated by Tara Westover
• Wishes and Wellingtons by Julie Berry

Hard Pass:  

• Sweet Tea Tuesdays by Ashley Farley

Rating scale*:

1/5 - Hated it, DNF (did not finish).
2/5 - Tolerated it on principle to finish, didn't like it.
3/5 - Eh, didn't love it, didn't hate it. Had some good parts/kept me interested/finished it on principle.
3.5/5 - I liked parts of it.
4/5 - I liked the whole thing.
4.5/5 - I liked it a lot, but not sure I'd read it again.
5/5 - I LURVED it and I'd read it again.

*Subject to change based on my mood, the phase of the moon, or other unpredictable variables.
PS. Possible spoilers included in reviews.

Magic Strikes (Kate Daniels #3) by Ilona Andrews, Magic Bleeds (Kate Daniels #4) by Ilona Andrews, Magic Slays (Kate Daniels #5) by Ilona Andrews, Magic Rises (Kate Daniels #6) by Ilona Andrews, Magic Breaks (Kate Daniels #7) by Ilona Andrews   3.5ish/5 (library, ebook)

(I read these books over the last 6 months, but grouped them all together to write this review.)

I read this series to pass the time.  They weren't the worst, they weren't the best.  I wasn't really devoted to Kate in the same way I was devoted to Nevada (another, similar character series by the same author).  I found the relationship between Curran and Kate trying.  Kate is a badass mercenary who cleans up monster/demon/other sci-fi/fantasy type of characters when unfortunate accidents occur and she has a secret that is hinted at for several books, but you don't actually find out what the secret is until like book 4 or 5 or something way too far into the series for me to not be annoyed by it.  

The series focuses on Kate's work, then on Kate's relationship with Curran, then the final books (I have to assume) are about the impending Daddy battle. 

Magic Shifts (Kate Daniels #8) by Ilona Andrews   1/5 (library, ebook)

DNF.  Honestly, I lost interest.  Kate and Curran annoyed me with their they-ness.  Is that even a thing?  Because they annoyed me.  They always wanted the same thing, but never communicated about these goals so they could actually work together towards a goal.   IDK.  Didn't not like, finally quit.

After I Do by Taylor Jenkins Reid   3.5/5 (library, ebook)

I had to look up the ending of this book when Brittany posted that she read it so I could make a comment, so I guess that represents kinda how I feel about this book.  On Goodreads I gave this 4 stars, but I remember feeling that the dealing with the emailing reading was unrealistic, but I think after the end of the semester (when I read this book), I needed a happy ending.  

I read a review on Goodreads when I was looking up the ending that essentially said how I felt:

-the characters were completely immature, despite being married for so many years.

-the ending is unrealistic because things will fall apart again unless things are actually discussed and resolved.  That's how marriages work.

And my biggest issue was the trust violation that took place.  Holy fuck, so much rage.  When is that ever ok?

Home Front by Kristin Hannah   3.75/5 (library, audiobook)

Military themed book with 2 main female best friends who deploy together.  One comes home broken and one doesn't come home at all.  This book needed an editor or a better editor SO BAD.  So many continuation type flaws.  It was a bright, sun-shiny morning, no clouds in the sky.. then 45 minutes later it was pouring rain.  Also, it needed a military-savvy editor.  I've never met a Warrant Officer that was called "Chief" ever.  In the Navy or in the Army or any other branch.  I asked some Army folks about this and they confirmed my knowledge.  I get it, it's fiction, but you're portraying a VERY real topic that is probably a "too soon" or a lot of veterans, get it right and up your credibility.  It's super simple.

Betsy almost ruined this book for me.  The kid's behaviors were the thing that stuck out in this book.  I can't understand how such a disciplined person would allow their kids to behave in that way.  But what do I know, I don't have kids.

This book discussed a very relevant topic in the US, so in that regard, I enjoyed this book, but it had many things that irked me.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead  3/5 (library, ebook)

A millionty years late on reading this book.  Slavery books are important.  We should never forget what we came from so we can keep moving forward.  But, this book was like reading a Jeff Shaara book.  Lots of research into the time to create believable situations and a very close retelling of history, but you don't feel an emotional investment in the characters.

Also.. I really hope that people don't believe that the Underground Railroad from history had an actual train.

Dear Aaron by Mariana Zapata   2/5 (Audible, audiobook)

Letters to a solider type of story that develops into an actual story.  A story with the most annoying female lead character ever.  I listen to audiobooks when I run and drive.  I listened to the airport scene while I was running and it lasted for.fucking.ever.  It was painful.  Like... YOU HAVE A CELL PHONE JUST FUCKING CALL.  It's that not that fucking difficult.  I thought that I had definitely went at least 2 miles during that scene.  Nope, less than half a mile.  That's how long the scene lasted.  FML.

In the end, as you suspect, they end up together.  But the story felt contrived and it was painful in too many places to be enjoyable.  So many times I almost gave this up, but because I purchased it, I wanted to finish it.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter #3) by J.K. Rowling   4/5 (library, audiobook)

It's HP.  It's a reread.  YAY Harry has a relative!  The reveal scene feels like it takes half my life, but maybe that's the time changer also working in my Muggle life?  IDK.  Also, they were so mean to Hermoine and that always pisses me off.

Before We Were Yours by Lisa Wingate   4/5 (Audible, audiobook)

Dual story line.  Tennessee orphans during the 1940s.  South Carolina political family in present time.  I used a credit on this one, so I was glad that it turned out to be a good listen.  The accents helped.  So what happens is, the children are stolen from their home since they were poor and then brought to an orphanage where they are abused and neglected and sold to the highest bidder by a shady orphanage director.  I wouldn't be surprised if some of this is based on a kernel of truth.

Present day characters are obviously involved and by the end you figure out how.  It's not as a shocking as it could be.

Educated by Tara Westover   4.5/5 (library, audiobook)

This was like watching a train wreck.  You can't stop.  You just need to know what other crazy shit is going to happen.  Assuming the story isn't embellished, it's crazy to think there are actually people who are this way (Doomsday preppers to the extreme).  I was disappointed with how the story ended, but I assume that if she stuck to the facts, once she left the family, the drama in her life significantly decreased, which is why the ending was uneventful.

Written in My Own Heart's Blood (Outlander #8) by Diana Gabaldon   2.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

A "short" 45 hour Outlander book... and with this book, I might just be done.  Technically, there are no more books right now in this series, but book 9 is forthcoming at some point in the future.  It was the fistula that finally made me realize that these books are just endless babbling between Claire's random medical cases that sometimes really stretch the bounds of what is believable for the time period.  The fistula was described in all the detail that I knew I didn't need.  And I almost just stopped at that point, but there were so few hours left, compared to what I had endured, so I had to carry out.

When Roger went back, I tried to remember if there had been stories of a strange visitor from the other books, but it wasn't worth my time and probably didn't even matter.  As always, the Bree/Roger storyline was completely stupid... not what was happening but the fact that Roger just went back in time with no way to communicate with Bree and then what?  How fucking stupid.  I had predicted it would resolve itself exactly the way it did.

I was more relieved than Claire to finally get back to the Ridge because it meant the end of the book... and also the Revolutionary War stories were very confusing for me because I couldn't keep up with what side we were on at any given time.

Why do I insist on hate-reading things?  Ugh.

Becoming by Michelle Obama   3.5/5 (library, audiobook)

I almost put this book down about halfway through because I was tired of hearing about Barak's life.  If I wanted to read about Barak's life, I'd read a book he wrote.  Thankfully, gears switched and we finally got back to Michelle's life.  Honestly, it wasn't all that interesting.  She's a kid who was properly supported as a child, didn't come from a life of struggle or extreme poverty (as someone who thinks in stereotypes might assume because she is black and from Chicago). She went to Ivy League schools and was a successful lawyer.  Obviously, none of that is worth scoffing at, especially considering the time and that she is a black woman.. But she was the First Lady and she was good at it, and the discussion of that time was interesting to me.  If you're very anti-Obamas, don't read this, but if you're interested in what life is like in the White House, maybe start reading from about halfway.

The Mental Load: A Feminist Comic by Emma   5/5 (own, book)

This is actually a graphic novel by a French comic that I found through a friend via Facebook.  The friend shared an article about Emotional Labor (the term for all that planning and shit that people (mostly women) do that goes unacknowledged) and one thing led to another and I bought the book for myself for my birthday.  #SorryNotSorry.  It was totally worth it.  There were several gems in the book, to include reproduction, an anatomy lesson of the vagina to point out the clitoris, work place harassment, and the emotional labor comic.  1000% would recommend.

Damals war es Friedrich by Hans Peter Richter   3/5 (own, hard copy)

This was required reading for my German class.  We read the book over the entire semester, so if you watch my updates on Goodreads and saw me update 2 pages at a time.. that's because the book is written in German.  Kthx.  I tried to read the book, and then would transcribe sections into Google Translate to help myself out so I could complete my homework.  Let's just say, I'll be sticking to English books, no matter how badly I want to be super awesome at German.

We Were the Lucky Ones by Georgia Hunter   3.5/5 (Audible, audiobook)

A rare book about a Jewish family during WW2 that was separated and actually survived.  Part of me was like, this isn't a good WW2 book because people aren't dying and I realized just how fucked up that was and started to appreciate the struggles the family did face.

A Mind of Her Own by Paula McLain   3/5 (Audible, audiobook)

A story about Marie Curie.  This was an Audible freebie and it was only a few hours long, so I figured, why not?  I'm not sure if it was true or not, but it was entertaining enough for a few hours.

Wishes and Wellingtons by Julie Berry   4/5 (Audible, audiobook)

This was another Audible freebie and I was almost put off by the childish/ya theme, but figured why not, since it was free.  This ended up being a super adorable book that I really enjoyed.  A rebellious girl at a boarding school finds a genie and adventures abound.  Heartwarming finish, even through the tribulations.

A Beautiful Work In Progress by Mirna Valerio   3/5 (Amazon Prime, ebook)

Meh to this book.  Mirna is an Ultra distance runner.. or whatever they call those crazy people who run distances over a marathon.. and I thought the book was going to be about running.  It was mostly a book about her life with some running stories sprinkled in.  The story really only left me with more questions.. Specifically.. Who in the fuck was watching her son while she trained for all these runs?  Like, I know how long it takes to train for a HALF marathon and that's only 13 miles.  To train for 26+ is obviously longer and requires a LOT of dedication.

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero   2/5 (library, ebook)

I wanted to like this book, but I really didn't.  Conceptually, I like the idea of believing what you think you deserve will get you what you want.. but realistically?  Not so much.  Also, I feel like it's 100% shit advice to tell someone to go out and buy the car of your dreams without the means to pay for it, rather than a car within your means.  That's just one example she used, but I hope she enjoys her Audi.  I'll be driving my Subaru that was within my means.

Verity by Colleen Hoover   4/5 (own, ebook)

I had a credit from Amazon for a book, so I was like.. I'm gonna take a risk.  I read a millionty reviews before I clicked place order on this book.  The reviews were all over the place.  You either loved it or hated it.. and the biggest warning was that this book is not Hoover's standard fare.  So I took a risk.. and I was 100% hooked by the first chapter and loved it.

I did have some annoyance with the main character's lack of confidence, but that's not unusual for me.  It only took me a week-ish to read this book, and considering the happenings at the time (end of semester, Germany, etc), that's a record.

Sweet Tea Tuesdays by Ashley Farley   2.5/5 (library, ebook)

I found this book or it was recommended to me when I was searching for Southern themed books.  In fact, this book is set in Charleston and I felt that it was ultimately a frivolous setting.  I think it was supposed to show that these were classy women, but instead all I could see was the vanity of the women who live right off the Battery.

I mean, there are probably nice people who live by the Battery, but most of them that I've come across are rich, snobs.  It is what it is.

This book was like a match between the characters over who could be more stubborn.  Farley seemed to have some good topics to cover, but it was all such a mess that nothing felt explored in any solid way (sick parent, homosexuality, coming of age, marriage, dating, being older).  And also, the ending felt contrived.  Southern women are not forgetters.  They will hold a grudge till they die.  Sweet tea or no.

Before the Broken Star (The Evermore Chronicles #1) by Emily R. King   3/5 (Amazon Prime freebie, ebook)

This is probably the first Amazon First book I've ever read.  I usually download a book per month (because who turns down free books?), but never get around to reading it.  Ooops.  This was a YA book with some sci-fi/fantasy stuff going on.  I didn't full comprehend the clockwork heart thing, but the main character literally had clockwork to make her heart run.  She was supposed to be full of mystery, but seemed mostly just filled with angst about people finding out she wasn't normal.

This is obviously a series (based on what I found in Goodreads) based on the ending.  I really struggled with how she treated Callahan.  The mythology story made zero sense to me because it was told in sections as stories and I couldn't keep it all together.  Oh well.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter #4) by J.K. Rowling   DNF/5 (library, audiobook)

Teh PT Kid complained that this book was chugging and dragging and he wasn't wrong.  I was listening to it on audiobook and I got annoyed with it before the Quiddich World Cup ended.  I think it was a matter of bad timing, but I let this book go back to the library at least twice and I've finally given up the fight for now.  Maybe at another time, I'll pick this back up or if Teh PT Kid asks me about it, but I was hoping we'd read Harry Potter together and get to nerd out together... But he's way too cool for me and he's also a preteen male, so talking to a female is so uncool.

PS.  This was a reread (or whatever the term is when you've already read a book, but decide to listen to the audiobooks for the "reread").

And Every Morning the Way Home Gets Longer and Longer by Fredrik Backman   3.5/5 (library, audiobook)

A novella by Backman, who I love-hate.  This is a novella about Alzheimer's and I read in the reviews that it would shatter me.  Every Backman book that I've been able to read has shattered me.  At only one-ish hour long and available on audio from the library, I had nothing to lose.  It wasn't a bad story, but it was told in a very confusing way, that maybe would have made more sense on paper rather than via audio.  I wasn't as shattered as I expected to be.

The Very Worst Missionary: A Memoir or Whatever by Jamie Wright   5/5 (library, audiobook)

Exactly what I needed when I knew I needed it.  I've been hunting this book from the library for a while because the audio version is under 10 hours.  I've followed Jamie for many, many years, like when she was still in Costa Rica, that many years.  I'm not even sure how I found her blog all those years ago, but she is authentic and that's something I also strive to be, so I felt like we were kindred spirits.

This book talks about her struggles with her faith and with missionary work and how the system might be broken and there's cussing that people didn't like.... but for real, I almost started crying while driving down the interstate with Teh PT Kid in the car when she was talking about how little struggles add up when you're living in an unfamiliar place, attempting to speak an unfamiliar language.. it was like she was living my life, but in a more Jesus-centric way.






**TLDR: To long, didn't read.

Five on Friday #199

EINS - Random Shit

I have a lot of random thoughts I didn't share from our vacation, so these might be #LaterGrams or whatever the cool kids call them, but I just need to get this shit off my chest.

_________________________________________

First things first...  My European adventures.
While I am 10000000% grateful for the opportunity and the scholarship and the experience.. for almost the entire trip, I wasn't comfortable.  I was uncomfortable?  Maybe that's not the best word to describe it, I'm not really sure how to describe it.. Maybe more like, I couldn't settle.  I described the situation to Teh German like perpetually having a rock in my shoe or wearing incredibly itchy, uncomfortable clothes.. for probably 5 out of the 6 weeks I was in Europe.

That really wears a person down.
Eventually, minor inconveniences and small problems build up and there were a LOT of minor inconveniences (all my shit being unplugged, some of my clothes being turned pink) and small problems (public transportation).  I'm hoping that with time, I can look back fondly on my study abroad experience, but right now.. I'm still just so tired.

I made a friend and I got to hang out with our German family and friends and I ate ice cream regularly and discovered boba tea and ate delicious food and tried beers and finally traveled to a place all by myself and learned better German, which was the entire point of going, and I have ZERO regrets.

But, right now, all I can focus on is how tired in my soul I was.

I wasn't sleeping well because Europe experiences a millionty hours of daylight in the summer.  I am NOT shitting you when I say that it wasn't truly dark until after 10:30 at night and the daylight started before 0500.  And also, in Düsseldorf, there was a street light right outside my room and the mask I brought 1- had velcro on the strap that pulled my hair, 2- was uncomfortable on my ears (the strap, not the mask, duh).  Also, sleeping on the floor must be an feeling that Germans enjoy for their beds because almost every bed I slept in was so hard, my hips ached in the morning and if I didn't sleep with a pillow between my legs for some propping, I wasn't able to get comfortable because I was having to hold myself upright.. whatever it's complicated for a side/stomach sleeper with big boobs to sleep on a hard bed, ok?  OK.  Moving on.

Oh yeah, and I was sick the first week.
And then I coughed for a week and a half later, much to the annoyance of my host (which still makes me giggle).
The third week was definitely the best week, when my host lady was away and I nothing had to be unplugged, I was confident in my ability to use public transportation, I was in a groove.
The 4th week was chaos because my class ended, Teh German arrived, and I had to take that stupid exam that counts for literally nothing and I had been stressed about it for a MONTH.

Oh yeah, and the internet was slow as fuck which was like a spike being rammed into my brain every time I tried to do something like upload photos or upload a video for my Citadel German class or use the internet in a browsing type of way.  I can't imagine if I would have wanted to play some type of internet game.  Video chat was also painful, but I tried to just endure it since the time duration was set.

But this, what feels like, never ending list of shit that was mildly irritating grew and grew and grew and ultimately overshadowed my good experiences.

It was cold and rainy, which was actually enjoyable for me, but that meant it was cold in my room and my host lady didn't want me to turn on the heat and I was cold for so much of the time.

Oh yeah.. and there was no shower head holder and I had to hold the shower head while I showered and WTF?

And the tiny, tiny showers.  I hate touching cold wet things when I'm naked.. even if it's a place like the shower, especially in the shower because it's extra cold and it's always my nip or something (big boob problems) and that just makes me so fucking irrationally angry.  Then I've got like one hard nipple and it hurts because it's cold and I just don't like it.  #KeepingItRealUpInHere

There was no microwave at the flat where I stayed so I cooked one time because reheating food in a pan was not within the limits of my patience.  The one time I cooked was before I realize there was no microwave.

The hand soap at the flat was NOT pleasant smelling.  This doesn't seem like a big deal, because it really isn't, but it IS for me.  Smells matter since I'm super sensitive to smells and unpleasant smells are extremely distracting to me.  Eventually, I started using a body wash to wash my hands with in the bathroom because the smell of the hand soap was no longer tolerable.  Since I was sick, I was washing my hands all the time, so smells definitely mattered.

While I could communicate with people who knew me, it was very difficult for restaurant staff or shop workers to understand my German.  Often, I'd have to ask them to repeat what they said and they'd immediately just switch to English.  This is frustrating because I was trying to communicate in German.  I know that people were trying to just make it easier for both of us, but it was disappointing.

There, grievances aired.  Moving the fuck on.

_________________________________________

I need to figure out a new gym situation.  Decisions need to be made.  Do I sign up for our local gym for $60 a year or find a gym with classes included.  Work pays $25 per month as a benefit, so it cuts a chunk out of a membership fee, which opens up my options some.  I'm a little sad I won't be going back to 9 Round, but that bridge has been burned.  All he had to do was tell me I would have had to pay for the month of May anyways when I tried to cancel and I'd still be a member.  FUCK YOU, BRO.

_________________________________________

We finished watching the available episodes of Vikings, so we started watching The Americans (again).  Teh German and I watched one or two episodes back in 2015 when we first started dating and the rape scene in episode one was an unexpected trigger and I couldn't watch it after that.  I think we tried, but I couldn't do it.  This time, I was prepared.  And I also realized that she got her retribution, which helped me move past it.

I've heard such good things about the show, I'm excited to actually watch it.

_________________________________________

I am having angst about my tattoo appointment tomorrow.  Not in like a regret type of way, but in a "fuck this is going to hurt and it's a serious commitment that will require multiple appointments and lots of money" type of way.  I did send the ideas email on Wednesday, so hopefully that goes through.  I'll be in Charlotte at 12 on Saturday.. if anyone wants to come provide moral support while I go through all the stages of shock.  Hopefully, this time won't be as bad as my foot....

_________________________________________

Wednesday, I went on a book spree.  This is what happens when I have unused Audible credits.  I'm thinking I may have to relax my strict rules about using Audible credits.. or maybe I'm just being weak, lol.  I've put a few books on hold at the library and I'm pumped.

I won't lie, bringing Teh PT Kid to camp this week has been interfering with my audiobook time.  He likes to chat in the mornings and by chat I mean, verbalize all of his thoughts and wonderings out loud.  Mostly, I just nod and smile and give an appropriate answer when a question is asked.

But after my book spree, I decided to listen to an audiobook with him in the car, as a test to see what happens. So now, Teh PT Kid is listening to The Very Worst Missionary (by Jamie Wright) with me, and he seems to be suffering less (as am I, thanks for asking).  I actually think he's kinda interested in the book, but I'm super lame-o, so he would never admit it to me.  Although, Thursday morning when he got in the car, I told him that I hadn't listened to my audiobook without him so we could listen to it together and he kinda perked up.

_________________________________________

I finally visited the bookshop that opened near my office.  The owners of the bookstore are the same people who own the mobile book store (aka book trailer) that used to park at the coffee shop across the street.  In fact, one of the cadets in my Networking class is the brother of one of the owners.  #SmallWorld.  I successfully went in and came out without buying anything, although there were many temptations.

_________________________________________

Our luggage arrived a day earlier than expected (ya know, if you don't consider that whole, was late by a week, thing).  🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

Nothing was stolen and nothing was broken.   🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌

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Teh Running Bestie had collars made for the beasts.. I'm worried about the whiteness and how short of a time that will last, but I do really love these.

It's hard to see, but it's the SC palmetto tree in a pastel/rainbow-tie-dye color pattern.
Originally, this print was only for Meri, but we couldn't find a more masculine color for Pax, so he got a matching one.
#YOLO bitches

_________________________________________

The exterminator came this week to treat for spiders and bugs and shit... and when I went outside and noticed the MASSIVE spider web/nest still in the patio furniture, I almost called to complain.  I didn't because I've been extra bitchy and this might be PMS.  But also because, maybe patio furniture isn't covered?  IDK.  I'm still annoyed.

It's kinda hard to see, but if you click it to enlarge, you'll definitely see the hole between the chair and the cushion.
This beast goes from the screen to the chair and through the tree.. and well... it's outside, so I'm not gonna kill whatever it is.
But that's a big fucking web and I'm not really interested in finding out exactly WHAT lives in this.
I'm kinda hoping that Teh German will vacuum the patio furniture this week and this issue will resolve itself (for me).

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I ran a 5k last weekend and the photos of me are remarkably terrible.  Just wanted to share these gems because they are so unappealing and made me laugh. 

I ran the last 1/2 mile with the lady in the photo.
She is a marine who struggles with endometrosis, which is why she was running so slowly.
We bonded over endo agony and she kicked my ass for the last 1/2 mile when I wanted to slow down, but keeping up with her meant going faster than my normal pace.

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It's PMS/shark week and I cannot get enough quiet.  Like in a general way, but also in a "be still and know" way.  But it also feels scary because this quiet is dark and twisty and maybe not so healthy.  There was a long time that I was bright and sunshiney and, when I look back on the time now, full of life.  But now.. IDK.  Something has shifted and life doesn't feel bright right now. 

Life feels heavy and subdued. 
I woke up one morning before the alarm this week and an incessant stream of only things that has pissed me off or things that DO piss me off coursed through my brain and I was helpless to stop it.  There was zero reason for it.  The fact that every time I tried to redirect my thoughts I was unsuccessful, only served to piss me off more. 

I know it's probably a season, but it's dark here and I'm not really enjoying it.
I know that I'm anxious about the remaining year of school I have to endure/struggle through.
I have some suspicious that Teh German is dealing with something that he hasn't really shared with me.  Not in a bad way, just in a strange behaviors type of way..  specifically the spending of money on items with high price tags.  Based on my own behavior, I tend to shop when I'm stressed out or when I need to deal with something difficult.  I'm not saying that his spending is the same as when I spend, but we often deal with things in similar ways, so I'm moderately suspicious.  I think it's time for a heart-to-heart, but that conversation is always difficult to initiate when you live with someone who would (also) rather just ignore the problems until they go away (and they never do). 

Additionally, Teh German has been in a stellar mood since we got back home.  Like, SUPER happy, and I don't want to potentially kill that vibe with his angst after I tell him I have some potentially awkward shit to talk to him about (aka, "We need to talk." but in different words so man-brain doesn't meltdown).

For real, the last time we had a heart-to-heart, he told me next time maybe we could have these discussions at a different time, as I often chose when we are laying in bed about to go to sleep to bring these hefty issues up.  When I asked when a better time was, his only suggestion was, "Not before bed?".. and I had to explain to him that there wasn't a better time because he didn't like having the conversations at all so there was never a more convenient time for him. 

During dinner after we've already had stressful days?  No thanks.  While we're getting ready in the morning and time is short?  No thanks.  In the evening when I'm fighting the homework monster?  Nope.  While we're out to dinner?  I don't like having these conversations in public because these are often private matters.  On the weekend during the slow start that is supposed to be relax time?  These conversations are not relaxing for either of us, so that defeats the purpose of the slow start and sometimes these conversations piss one or both of us off (to have to have them (me)/to have to participate (him)), so that's not really the way I want to start a weekend...

Lawd, why is marriage/are relationships so hard?  Ugh.

But for real.. if anyone has wisdom or a secret to make it easier.. I'm all ears.

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I'm 100% planning on stopping by Krispy Kreme tomorrow on my way to Charlotte to try this new doughnut they are releasing.  In fact, I've already checked the locations map to find the ones off the interstate for my convenience.  #NotSorry #FatKid #PMSwoes

ZWEI - Money Shit

-Groceries, duh.
-Screen protectors for my watch
-New harness for Meri, that will be returned because it's too big around the neck and almost too small around her chest.  #SighthoundProblems
-Power strip and outlet extender with USB ports since apparently including the electrical plug for charging cables isn't a thing anymore....
-New fun watch band
-Boba tea straws
-Utility bills
-Gas
-City gym membership
-Dentist bill
-Bojangles for breakfast on Wednesday
-Impromptu groceries

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Thanks Waze for capturing that MPH speed on the Autobahn.
If you can't read it, it says 113 MPH.

Duolingo understands my European internet plight...

Tits McGee needed to be shared again because she makes me cackle.
Thanks Vatican Museum for this gem.

No ad has ever spoken to me directly as much as this one, good job European Charmin.
The only way to buy super sized rolls like this in America is from stores who sell to businesses and that's always crappy TP (toilet paper).
I actually buy 2 different types of TP because of the size.  The smaller rolls go in the downstairs bathroom because 4 rolls will fit in the drawers and the guest bathroom because the large rolls are only for our bathroom.  #TPsnob

I don't like 3 Musketeers in general, but this is the special Easter version.
Thanks to Teh NY Chef for this Easter gift that I discovered when I got back!

Set up my mini-figs from Teh Running Bestie and Teh Chief Smartass.
L to R: Edna Mode, Hunkules, Hades.

The return of the white board jokes, back by request.
I walked down the street and the houses were number 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K, and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.

Bought a new travel soap dish.
Maybe since this one is green and not clear I won't lose it?
Fingers crossed.

I tried to make my own boba tea at work.
Lesson: Do not add regular creamer to boba tea to make it milk tea.
That's not how it works.

IDK why he doesn't appreciate my afternoon radio sing-along.  I listened to him chatter away each morning.
Although, once he falls asleep, I turn on my audiobook... I mean, I'm benefiting here.

I made salmon patties for the first time ever.
Super simple, if you don't include the part where I had to debone the canned salmon.

Lawd, I missed snuggles with my Monkey-Doodle.

Literal street art.
By Patch Whisky, based on a general assessment of other works around town.

When your mexican street corn sauce becomes HOLY FUCK CILANTRO mexican street corn...
Oops, #SorryNotSorry

After a week's worth of experiments and adjustments and purchases (no bend straws)..
HOMEMADE BOBA TEA HAS BEEN PERFECTED!

VIER - From the Internet Shit

And here you are,
after everything you endured for far too long.
You did not know you could be this strong.
You did not know after all that went wrong,
you had the courage and strength all along.
-MHN

And as for as the mountains up ahead?
I cannot tell you where they will lead you but I can tell you,
grace will meet you,
and give you the strength to make it through.
-MHN

For all of the things that were never said and all of the places you would rather be instead,
there is a reason you are here and why you made it another year.
Through all your weary wonders,
and things you did not know,
Light is shining on this path and there is still more road to go.
MHN

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

1. My routine.  Well kinda.  I've been toting Teh PT Kid to and from summer camp at The Citadel this week, but that's not really be a disturbance to my regular operations.
2. Bojangles gravy biscuit for breakfast after Teh German forgot to go by Sam's to pick up my breakfast sammiches.  AND they have Tap-To-Pay and I didn't have to fetch my wallet from the backseat.  #GameChanger
3. Signing up for the city gym.  I can pay more for classes if I want to commit to going at specific times or not.  
4. Having to leave work by 2:45 to pick up Teh PT Kid.  Shorter days don't hurt my heart.
5. A coworker letting me borrow a Security+ study guide.  I don't have to have this certificate yet, but I will need this certificate eventually.  Also, I no longer have the ability to NOT do things when I'm not swamped with doing EVERYTHING.  
6. Sitting outside at work.  Despite the swamp ass.  Getting to chat with my lady coworkers.  We're not super close, but we're close enough to be able to share things, which is always nice.
7. The Very Worst Missionary: A Memoir or Whatever by Jamie Wright.  This is the book I needed RIGHT.NOW.  It's got Jesus and cussing and struggles... and I'm not crying, you're crying... because we're not alone when small things add up to be too much to handle.
8. Boba tea.  Simple things.
9. REUNITING WITH OUR LUGGAGE.  Look, I was playing it cool, but on Thursday night, I realized my engagement ring was in Teh German's suitcase, in my bathroom bag, in a tiny little container.. and I 100% refused to tell Teh German that it was in the lost luggage until the luggage was returned or it was officially missing.  He was already stressing me out stressed out enough about the liquid shit in the suitcases being broken.. I couldn't handle more of his angst with that additional kernel of knowledge, so I kept it to myself until the situation was resolved.  Thanks to Teh Running Bestie for keeping my secret... and also to Royal Air Maroc for getting our shit back to us...
10. It being Friday.  Fuck this has been a long ass week.  Almost as long as the final week of class/first week of exams.. and that was a LOOOOOONG week.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.