Friday, June 21, 2019

Five on Friday #199

EINS - Random Shit

I have a lot of random thoughts I didn't share from our vacation, so these might be #LaterGrams or whatever the cool kids call them, but I just need to get this shit off my chest.


First things first...  My European adventures.
While I am 10000000% grateful for the opportunity and the scholarship and the experience.. for almost the entire trip, I wasn't comfortable.  I was uncomfortable?  Maybe that's not the best word to describe it, I'm not really sure how to describe it.. Maybe more like, I couldn't settle.  I described the situation to Teh German like perpetually having a rock in my shoe or wearing incredibly itchy, uncomfortable clothes.. for probably 5 out of the 6 weeks I was in Europe.

That really wears a person down.
Eventually, minor inconveniences and small problems build up and there were a LOT of minor inconveniences (all my shit being unplugged, some of my clothes being turned pink) and small problems (public transportation).  I'm hoping that with time, I can look back fondly on my study abroad experience, but right now.. I'm still just so tired.

I made a friend and I got to hang out with our German family and friends and I ate ice cream regularly and discovered boba tea and ate delicious food and tried beers and finally traveled to a place all by myself and learned better German, which was the entire point of going, and I have ZERO regrets.

But, right now, all I can focus on is how tired in my soul I was.

I wasn't sleeping well because Europe experiences a millionty hours of daylight in the summer.  I am NOT shitting you when I say that it wasn't truly dark until after 10:30 at night and the daylight started before 0500.  And also, in DΓΌsseldorf, there was a street light right outside my room and the mask I brought 1- had velcro on the strap that pulled my hair, 2- was uncomfortable on my ears (the strap, not the mask, duh).  Also, sleeping on the floor must be an feeling that Germans enjoy for their beds because almost every bed I slept in was so hard, my hips ached in the morning and if I didn't sleep with a pillow between my legs for some propping, I wasn't able to get comfortable because I was having to hold myself upright.. whatever it's complicated for a side/stomach sleeper with big boobs to sleep on a hard bed, ok?  OK.  Moving on.

Oh yeah, and I was sick the first week.
And then I coughed for a week and a half later, much to the annoyance of my host (which still makes me giggle).
The third week was definitely the best week, when my host lady was away and I nothing had to be unplugged, I was confident in my ability to use public transportation, I was in a groove.
The 4th week was chaos because my class ended, Teh German arrived, and I had to take that stupid exam that counts for literally nothing and I had been stressed about it for a MONTH.

Oh yeah, and the internet was slow as fuck which was like a spike being rammed into my brain every time I tried to do something like upload photos or upload a video for my Citadel German class or use the internet in a browsing type of way.  I can't imagine if I would have wanted to play some type of internet game.  Video chat was also painful, but I tried to just endure it since the time duration was set.

But this, what feels like, never ending list of shit that was mildly irritating grew and grew and grew and ultimately overshadowed my good experiences.

It was cold and rainy, which was actually enjoyable for me, but that meant it was cold in my room and my host lady didn't want me to turn on the heat and I was cold for so much of the time.

Oh yeah.. and there was no shower head holder and I had to hold the shower head while I showered and WTF?

And the tiny, tiny showers.  I hate touching cold wet things when I'm naked.. even if it's a place like the shower, especially in the shower because it's extra cold and it's always my nip or something (big boob problems) and that just makes me so fucking irrationally angry.  Then I've got like one hard nipple and it hurts because it's cold and I just don't like it.  #KeepingItRealUpInHere

There was no microwave at the flat where I stayed so I cooked one time because reheating food in a pan was not within the limits of my patience.  The one time I cooked was before I realize there was no microwave.

The hand soap at the flat was NOT pleasant smelling.  This doesn't seem like a big deal, because it really isn't, but it IS for me.  Smells matter since I'm super sensitive to smells and unpleasant smells are extremely distracting to me.  Eventually, I started using a body wash to wash my hands with in the bathroom because the smell of the hand soap was no longer tolerable.  Since I was sick, I was washing my hands all the time, so smells definitely mattered.

While I could communicate with people who knew me, it was very difficult for restaurant staff or shop workers to understand my German.  Often, I'd have to ask them to repeat what they said and they'd immediately just switch to English.  This is frustrating because I was trying to communicate in German.  I know that people were trying to just make it easier for both of us, but it was disappointing.

There, grievances aired.  Moving the fuck on.


I need to figure out a new gym situation.  Decisions need to be made.  Do I sign up for our local gym for $60 a year or find a gym with classes included.  Work pays $25 per month as a benefit, so it cuts a chunk out of a membership fee, which opens up my options some.  I'm a little sad I won't be going back to 9 Round, but that bridge has been burned.  All he had to do was tell me I would have had to pay for the month of May anyways when I tried to cancel and I'd still be a member.  FUCK YOU, BRO.


We finished watching the available episodes of Vikings, so we started watching The Americans (again).  Teh German and I watched one or two episodes back in 2015 when we first started dating and the rape scene in episode one was an unexpected trigger and I couldn't watch it after that.  I think we tried, but I couldn't do it.  This time, I was prepared.  And I also realized that she got her retribution, which helped me move past it.

I've heard such good things about the show, I'm excited to actually watch it.


I am having angst about my tattoo appointment tomorrow.  Not in like a regret type of way, but in a "fuck this is going to hurt and it's a serious commitment that will require multiple appointments and lots of money" type of way.  I did send the ideas email on Wednesday, so hopefully that goes through.  I'll be in Charlotte at 12 on Saturday.. if anyone wants to come provide moral support while I go through all the stages of shock.  Hopefully, this time won't be as bad as my foot....


Wednesday, I went on a book spree.  This is what happens when I have unused Audible credits.  I'm thinking I may have to relax my strict rules about using Audible credits.. or maybe I'm just being weak, lol.  I've put a few books on hold at the library and I'm pumped.

I won't lie, bringing Teh PT Kid to camp this week has been interfering with my audiobook time.  He likes to chat in the mornings and by chat I mean, verbalize all of his thoughts and wonderings out loud.  Mostly, I just nod and smile and give an appropriate answer when a question is asked.

But after my book spree, I decided to listen to an audiobook with him in the car, as a test to see what happens. So now, Teh PT Kid is listening to The Very Worst Missionary (by Jamie Wright) with me, and he seems to be suffering less (as am I, thanks for asking).  I actually think he's kinda interested in the book, but I'm super lame-o, so he would never admit it to me.  Although, Thursday morning when he got in the car, I told him that I hadn't listened to my audiobook without him so we could listen to it together and he kinda perked up.


I finally visited the bookshop that opened near my office.  The owners of the bookstore are the same people who own the mobile book store (aka book trailer) that used to park at the coffee shop across the street.  In fact, one of the cadets in my Networking class is the brother of one of the owners.  #SmallWorld.  I successfully went in and came out without buying anything, although there were many temptations.


Our luggage arrived a day earlier than expected (ya know, if you don't consider that whole, was late by a week, thing).  πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ

Nothing was stolen and nothing was broken.   πŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ


Teh Running Bestie had collars made for the beasts.. I'm worried about the whiteness and how short of a time that will last, but I do really love these.

It's hard to see, but it's the SC palmetto tree in a pastel/rainbow-tie-dye color pattern.
Originally, this print was only for Meri, but we couldn't find a more masculine color for Pax, so he got a matching one.
#YOLO bitches


The exterminator came this week to treat for spiders and bugs and shit... and when I went outside and noticed the MASSIVE spider web/nest still in the patio furniture, I almost called to complain.  I didn't because I've been extra bitchy and this might be PMS.  But also because, maybe patio furniture isn't covered?  IDK.  I'm still annoyed.

It's kinda hard to see, but if you click it to enlarge, you'll definitely see the hole between the chair and the cushion.
This beast goes from the screen to the chair and through the tree.. and well... it's outside, so I'm not gonna kill whatever it is.
But that's a big fucking web and I'm not really interested in finding out exactly WHAT lives in this.
I'm kinda hoping that Teh German will vacuum the patio furniture this week and this issue will resolve itself (for me).


I ran a 5k last weekend and the photos of me are remarkably terrible.  Just wanted to share these gems because they are so unappealing and made me laugh. 

I ran the last 1/2 mile with the lady in the photo.
She is a marine who struggles with endometrosis, which is why she was running so slowly.
We bonded over endo agony and she kicked my ass for the last 1/2 mile when I wanted to slow down, but keeping up with her meant going faster than my normal pace.


It's PMS/shark week and I cannot get enough quiet.  Like in a general way, but also in a "be still and know" way.  But it also feels scary because this quiet is dark and twisty and maybe not so healthy.  There was a long time that I was bright and sunshiney and, when I look back on the time now, full of life.  But now.. IDK.  Something has shifted and life doesn't feel bright right now. 

Life feels heavy and subdued. 
I woke up one morning before the alarm this week and an incessant stream of only things that has pissed me off or things that DO piss me off coursed through my brain and I was helpless to stop it.  There was zero reason for it.  The fact that every time I tried to redirect my thoughts I was unsuccessful, only served to piss me off more. 

I know it's probably a season, but it's dark here and I'm not really enjoying it.
I know that I'm anxious about the remaining year of school I have to endure/struggle through.
I have some suspicious that Teh German is dealing with something that he hasn't really shared with me.  Not in a bad way, just in a strange behaviors type of way..  specifically the spending of money on items with high price tags.  Based on my own behavior, I tend to shop when I'm stressed out or when I need to deal with something difficult.  I'm not saying that his spending is the same as when I spend, but we often deal with things in similar ways, so I'm moderately suspicious.  I think it's time for a heart-to-heart, but that conversation is always difficult to initiate when you live with someone who would (also) rather just ignore the problems until they go away (and they never do). 

Additionally, Teh German has been in a stellar mood since we got back home.  Like, SUPER happy, and I don't want to potentially kill that vibe with his angst after I tell him I have some potentially awkward shit to talk to him about (aka, "We need to talk." but in different words so man-brain doesn't meltdown).

For real, the last time we had a heart-to-heart, he told me next time maybe we could have these discussions at a different time, as I often chose when we are laying in bed about to go to sleep to bring these hefty issues up.  When I asked when a better time was, his only suggestion was, "Not before bed?".. and I had to explain to him that there wasn't a better time because he didn't like having the conversations at all so there was never a more convenient time for him. 

During dinner after we've already had stressful days?  No thanks.  While we're getting ready in the morning and time is short?  No thanks.  In the evening when I'm fighting the homework monster?  Nope.  While we're out to dinner?  I don't like having these conversations in public because these are often private matters.  On the weekend during the slow start that is supposed to be relax time?  These conversations are not relaxing for either of us, so that defeats the purpose of the slow start and sometimes these conversations piss one or both of us off (to have to have them (me)/to have to participate (him)), so that's not really the way I want to start a weekend...

Lawd, why is marriage/are relationships so hard?  Ugh.
But for real.. if anyone has wisdom or a secret to make it easier.. I'm all ears.


I'm 100% planning on stopping by Krispy Kreme tomorrow on my way to Charlotte to try this new doughnut they are releasing.  In fact, I've already checked the locations map to find the ones off the interstate for my convenience.  #NotSorry #FatKid #PMSwoes

ZWEI - Money Shit

-Groceries, duh.
-Screen protectors for my watch
-New harness for Meri, that will be returned because it's too big around the neck and almost too small around her chest.  #SighthoundProblems
-Power strip and outlet extender with USB ports since apparently including the electrical plug for charging cables isn't a thing anymore....
-New fun watch band
-Boba tea straws
-Utility bills
-City gym membership
-Dentist bill
-Bojangles for breakfast on Wednesday
-Impromptu groceries

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Thanks Waze for capturing that MPH speed on the Autobahn.
If you can't read it, it says 113 MPH.

Duolingo understands my European internet plight...

Tits McGee needed to be shared again because she makes me cackle.
Thanks Vatican Museum for this gem.

No ad has ever spoken to me directly as much as this one, good job European Charmin.
The only way to buy super sized rolls like this in America is from stores who sell to businesses and that's always crappy TP (toilet paper).
I actually buy 2 different types of TP because of the size.  The smaller rolls go in the downstairs bathroom because 4 rolls will fit in the drawers and the guest bathroom because the large rolls are only for our bathroom.  #TPsnob

I don't like 3 Musketeers in general, but this is the special Easter version.
Thanks to Teh NY Chef for this Easter gift that I discovered when I got back!

Set up my mini-figs from Teh Running Bestie and Teh Chief Smartass.
L to R: Edna Mode, Hunkules, Hades.

The return of the white board jokes, back by request.
I walked down the street and the houses were number 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K, and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.

Bought a new travel soap dish.
Maybe since this one is green and not clear I won't lose it?
Fingers crossed.

I tried to make my own boba tea at work.
Lesson: Do not add regular creamer to boba tea to make it milk tea.
That's not how it works.

IDK why he doesn't appreciate my afternoon radio sing-along.  I listened to him chatter away each morning.
Although, once he falls asleep, I turn on my audiobook... I mean, I'm benefiting here.

I made salmon patties for the first time ever.
Super simple, if you don't include the part where I had to debone the canned salmon.

Lawd, I missed snuggles with my Monkey-Doodle.

Literal street art.
By Patch Whisky, based on a general assessment of other works around town.

When your mexican street corn sauce becomes HOLY FUCK CILANTRO mexican street corn...
Oops, #SorryNotSorry

After a week's worth of experiments and adjustments and purchases (no bend straws)..

VIER - From the Internet Shit

And here you are,
after everything you endured for far too long.
You did not know you could be this strong.
You did not know after all that went wrong,
you had the courage and strength all along.

And as for as the mountains up ahead?
I cannot tell you where they will lead you but I can tell you,
grace will meet you,
and give you the strength to make it through.

For all of the things that were never said and all of the places you would rather be instead,
there is a reason you are here and why you made it another year.
Through all your weary wonders,
and things you did not know,
Light is shining on this path and there is still more road to go.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

  1. My routine.  Well kinda.  I've been toting Teh PT Kid to and from summer camp at The Citadel this week, but that's not really be a disturbance to my regular operations.
  2. Bojangles gravy biscuit for breakfast after Teh German forgot to go by Sam's to pick up my breakfast sammiches.  AND they have Tap-To-Pay and I didn't have to fetch my wallet from the backseat.  #GameChanger
  3. Signing up for the city gym.  I can pay more for classes if I want to commit to going at specific times or not.  
  4. Having to leave work by 2:45 to pick up Teh PT Kid.  Shorter days don't hurt my heart.
  5. A coworker letting me borrow a Security+ study guide.  I don't have to have this certificate yet, but I will need this certificate eventually.  Also, I no longer have the ability to NOT do things when I'm not swamped with doing EVERYTHING.  
  6. Sitting outside at work.  Despite the swamp ass.  Getting to chat with my lady coworkers.  We're not super close, but we're close enough to be able to share things, which is always nice.
  7. The Very Worst Missionary: A Memoir or Whatever by Jamie Wright.  This is the book I needed RIGHT.NOW.  It's got Jesus and cussing and struggles... and I'm not crying, you're crying... because we're not alone when small things add up to be too much to handle.
  8. Boba tea.  Simple things.
  9. REUNITING WITH OUR LUGGAGE.  Look, I was playing it cool, but on Thursday night, I realized my engagement ring was in Teh German's suitcase, in my bathroom bag, in a tiny little container.. and I 100% refused to tell Teh German that it was in the lost luggage until the luggage was returned or it was officially missing.  He was already stressing me out stressed out enough about the liquid shit in the suitcases being broken.. I couldn't handle more of his angst with that additional kernel of knowledge, so I kept it to myself until the situation was resolved.  Thanks to Teh Running Bestie for keeping my secret... and also to Royal Air Maroc for getting our shit back to us...
  10. It being Friday.  Fuck this has been a long ass week.  Almost as long as the final week of class/first week of exams.. and that was a LOOOOOONG week.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry you are in the dark place :( That's a tough. And I hope you & Teh German are able to talk. Not sure why "we need to talk" is such a scary statement, because talking needs to happen every now and then for relationships.

    I used to read The Very Worst Missionary's blog, didn't know she had a book now.


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