About making his weekly Instagram post before we'd even got out of the bed on a Sunday morning.
tG: I don't want to think about it later. Don't act weird, please.
tM: Let me remind you, you are constantly checking instagram.
tG: Too late, right? (about me acting weird)
tM: There is no financial incentive if you buy this truck. Are you ok with that?
tG: Think about the resale value.
After trying on approximately 1000 different helmets, Teh German Johnny Cash-es me.
tM: Ugh, it burns.
tG: And it burns, burns, burnnnssss....
We hum the rest of Ring of Fire together to the enjoyment of the cashier.
On not sharing the pretzel bag.
tG: Is it so weird? I like having my own stash.
tM: No, it's just funny to me.
tG: I don't like sharing the bag.
tM: That's definitely better.
Again with the pretzel bag. Teh German reaches into the pretzel bag.
tM: I thought you didn't like sharing the bag?
tG: It's not weird.
tM: I never said that.
tG: I'm just refilling my stash.
He places his handful of pretzels on the lid of the hummus container, aka his "plate".
tG: Hold on tree! Hold on to your needles!
About his crazy Santa hat vs my elf Santa hat.
tM: Wanna trade?
tG: No, I don't want funny ears.
The night Teh German proposed:
tM: Do you feel different?
tG: No. Did you put something in my food?
tG: Who put all the alcohol in my drinks last night?
tM: You did. I watched you
tG: I know.. but I'm just saying, WHO put all the alcohol in my drinks last night?!
tM: If you put that cookie in the microwave it will be softer.
Teh German glares at me while he goes through the process: Drops hard cookie on counter. Microwaves cookie. Takes it out of microwave. Breaks off a piece to eat. As he brings it to his mouth, a piece crumbles off. As he gets to his mouth, a large chunk falls off, leaving only the small chunk between his fingers.
tG: Yep. Now it's SUPER soft.
tM: Oo, you're going to join me in my office? You can tell me about your problems.
Phil walks in.
tM: Aww, that's mean.
Meri walks in.
Shit Teh German Said Edition 1, 2, 3, 4, 5