Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Humpday Confessions #7

I miss short weeks.  This 5 day work week is for the birds.  Ok, truth is, I didn't have to work yesterday because I had an endoscopy, but I don't consider that a beneficial trade-off.

Vodka and Soda


-I find it obnoxious that working out makes me less worried and less stressed and happier than anything else, even drinking.  Drinking is so much easier... and doesn't often require a shower (unless you're clumsy.. like me).

-The Ex-Fiance' could sing all the words to One Week by Barenaked Ladies.  I remain jealous of that ability to this day.

bahahah this is ridiculously funny to me.

-I read somewhere recently that using conditioner THEN shampooing makes your hair more bouncy cause you don't have product weighing it down.  I'm not sure if that's actually true, but I love ALL.THE.BUBBLES! when I use shampoo 2nd.

-Teh Sister has a memory of a steel trap and she's able to remember all these things from when she was SUPER little, like when she was 2 years old, and I'm pretty sure my first memory is from when I'm like 6 or something.  Which leads to my confession, and it's even related to the shampoo confession.  I used to tell Teh Sister that the conditioner was the shampoo and vice versa.  I thought I was "getting her."  Apparently, I was helping her out.  The joke is always on me.  She probably remembers me telling her that the bottle with the creamy stuff was shampoo and the runny stuff was the conditioner.  Steel trap.  I don't even get it.  Teh Mom only caught her once and she just thought she was taking a long time in the bath tub so she kinda got in trouble for taking too long (at least as much trouble as the favorite kid gets into).  HA!  Small victories, people, small victories.

-The McDonald's driveway on base is on the same street as the gym.  I judge the shit out of all the people who pull into McDonald's rather than go straight for the gym.  Especially people who get in the really long line at the drive-thru knowing that its going to take about 30 minutes to get through rather than just go inside.  I'm a judging judger.


-I usually arrive at the gym around 12:30ish.  I went to the gym at 11:30 one day last week and it's a completely different crowd.  I was in the weight room a little after noon and OMG all the freakin' people.  I'd rather hang out with the old people crowd a little after 1.  No one obviously stares me down, everyone wipes down their machine, every.single.time (TYVM!), there is no rush if I'm on a machine they want to use since there are lots of other free machines, and I don't feel like I don't meet the standards of the other gym goers...  Old people at the gym rock (and make me feel better about myself).

-Dear lady at the gym with your hair cascading down your back in the tank top and size negative 1 yoga pants, zero beads of sweat anywhere on your body, and perfect makeup in the weight room.  GET THE EFF OUT.  No, just get out.  I'm not staring at you, I'm glaring at you.  This isn't jealousy, it's hatred.  You're probably the lady who goes on runs along the side of the street and doesn't put your long hair back in a ponytail.  WHO DOES THAT?


-I finally started catching up on Downton Abbey (SPOILER ALERT) this past week and I watched the episode where Anna was raped/attacked.  Even when I've been fine for a long while, sometimes, it's still too soon.  It just sneaks up me and I question everything about that night and I always have to remind myself, I was asleep/potentially blacked out drunk (or at least drunk) and shock determined my reaction.  I didn't ask for it, I didn't approve it, and I was too confused to fight it at first.  Essentially, I have to tell myself, "YOU are not at fault."

This was my "asking for it" outfit.
I didn't smile like that for a long time after that night.

-I hate when it's me, not you/them.  As in, for the entire day people have been really annoying and the dogs have been obnoxious and little things that normally don't bother me are infuriating.. and it's me.  #PMSisreal

-I found these in my gif searches and I had to share them here because Loki Tom Hiddleston is my man crush.

Why can't I be here, sans that eye shadow?


-I think I'm getting the hang of this gif thing down.  #WINNING #Ilovegifs  Except that I spend more time finding gifs than I do writing the post.  #firstworldproblems

This is me about everyone else's gifs:


-I had an endoscopy done yesterday and I took a selfie when I came to.  I have no shame, Gentle Readers, no shame AT ALL.  Also, to the RN who prepped me, you should get better at your job.  You seemed to have minimal responsibilities.  You bring patients in from the waiting room, ask them questions that they've already answered (and some they haven't), you take their blood pressure and weight, and prep them for their procedure, to include starting an IV.  These don't seem like such hefty responsibilities to me, but I'm going to assess that most of the patients haven't eaten in at least 12 hours, which could result in some hangar (which we know I often suffer from).  So really my advice would be: smile more, pretend like your job isn't herding cattle (which is how I definitely felt), if you're going to "numb" the area where you are planning on inserting an IV, numb THAT area, not somewhere else, because that's definitely what you did to me.  When I say, "OUCH!  That hurts, I definitely felt that."  You should exhibit at least a meager amount of sympathy since you are the one poking me with sharp objects.  When I saw this nurse before and after my procedure she looked at me like I was ruining her day.  I dare them to send me a survey asking my opinion about the services.  PS.  I can't even wait for the huge ass bruise to pop up on the back of my hand.

I even tried to smile around the bite guard.


  1. gifs rule all. i have a folder full of my favorite gifs that i use all the time :)

    thanks for linking up!

    Vodka and Soda

  2. I will neeevvverrr understand the girl who runs with long hair and doesn't pull it back...can we say sweaty mess?! Also...I just don't understand women who choose to think that the gym is the right place to hook up with guys...just no...leave the three pounds of makeup at home!

  3. I think those gym girls are there to make the rest of us feel bad! Damn them!

  4. So, I recently joined a gym for the first time ever. It definitely matters what days/times you are able to go. I went yesterday and there was almost no one except old ladies & slow girls. Amazing. No Barbies running pretty on the treadmill & no huge guys making me feel inadequate. So I probably did way more than normal because I wasn't stressed.

  5. I totally know (fine, knew) all the words to One Week. I'm still proud of that.

    One of the reasons I'm so glad I work out at home is exactly what you talked about. Especially the people who blatantly didn't wipe down machines. You're disgusting and go home, please. Also, the Barbie women.

    GIFs ARE awesome!


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