Monday, June 1, 2020

Weekend Review {6/1}

Even I, who often consider myself as "living under a rock", could not avoid the shit that went down this weekend.  My heart hurts.  My SOUL hurts.  My brain hurts.  I can't sleep.  My stomach is upset.  I want to find comfort in anything but that feels like cheating.  So I sit with my discomfort and gnaw on it. I want to find ways to BE BETTER.  I want to find ways to soothe my soul and comfort my heart and make my brain quiet, but this isn't the time for that.  This is the time to remind people to acknowledge your privileges and your differences and be kind to each other and support each other. 


Friday was fRUNday!  As I mentioned on Friday, I met my personal goal of 50 miles for the month.  Woot.  After my run, I put Sandy's boots on her and we went on a neighborhood stroll, then I took Meri and Pax out for their stroll as well.  They had a special walk since we got to walk with Roux and his Mom!

After walks was shower then work time.  I actually ended up going to Commonhouse for Lunch Beers with some coworkers.  I'ma be honest.  Some people being on video and some people being in person did not work.  Because if anyone is on video, only one person at a time can speak and some of my in-person coworkers (who haven't really socialized since March) don't comprehend the idea of SHUT THE FUCK UP so people can hear and be involved in the conversation.  Ugh.  I was over it.  Also, it was a mabillionty fucking degrees outside and I had sweat trickling down all my nooks and crannies and I did not like it.

I spoke with someone about my work woes and confidently explained that the management idea of "documenting the process" is NOT going to solve the problem for me, nor will it solve the problem for the next unfortunate soul who has to do the job.  Later I realized that documenting the process may also have something to do with the fact that I updated all my job site profiles/resumes.. soooo an intelligent individual could have deduced that I'm open to opportunity.

I ended up taking my sweaty ass home at 2:15 and came home to shower and check on work emails one last time (since I took half days WHF) and then signed into WoW (World of Warcraft) and enduring grinding out levels for the evening.  Teh German ordered Chinese for dinner, which didn't hurt my heart, and it was delivered.  We spent the evening on our screens.


Saturday morning I woke up with a pressure headache from hell and went right back to sleep.  I slept until 1030/11 and finally decided to get up and medicate.  I went downstairs for breakfast lunch with Teh German and checked the internets.  It's good I did this, as I was reminded when I looked at my calendar that I had a hair appointment I had forgotten about.  Oops. 

Teh German had put on the SpaceX/NASA launch on the TV, so we watched that while we scrolled.  When it was time to go, I headed out, picked up sweet teas for myself and my lady, called Teh Bestie to poll her about if I should go back to blah blah brown or continue with the blue (I had already polled Teh PT Wife and Teh German).  When I sat down, my stylist and I discussed the fact that soon I would have to lighten my hair again if I wanted to keep doing the blue and I explained to her that was the point at which we would definitely be going back to blah blah brown.  Soooo, we did the blue again. 

Let me just say, I LOVE the blue.  LURVE IT.  BUUTTT I hate the expense and I hate feeling like I shouldn't wash my hair because of the blue and how it's literally wasting money to wash it too often because it strips the blue out and then I have to go more.  I mean, it's a classic over-thinker situation.  Blah blah brown might be boring, but it's at least stress free.

I stopped at Walmart on the way home to pick up a hair brush and raised feeder for Sandra Dee.  I couldn't find the $5 feeder and I didn't pay attention to the cost of the only other option because I had to pee sooooo bad.  When I checked out, the feeder I had picked up was $25, soooo that will probably be getting returned because that's ridiculous.

When I walked in the house, Teh German announced, "15 seconds till launch!  Come on!  You're gonna miss it!!"  I had to pee sooooo bad, but I didn't want to miss it, so I stood in the living room literally holding my pee in by pressing my hands to my crotch while I watched the rocket take off.  It was worth it because it was soooo cool.  IDK why, but everything about going to space is cool. 

After I peed, I set about the task of brushing Sandy.  Lawd, I should change her name to Tingle-Tangle Bob.  First, I used the hair brush on her, which she didn't love, but did tolerate... BUT THENNN, I used a rake on her after reading somewhere that was a good idea for Irish Wolfhounds.  She hateeeeeedd it and kept switching couches and walking away from me, but I just kept going.  We had almost half a trash can of Sandy when I was finished/gave up.

Also, I have to admit that I blatantly lied to Husband when he complained about me brushing Sandy while she was on the couch.  I told him I'd vacuum and it was a LLIIIIEEEEEEEE.  Actually, at first it wasn't a lie.  I did intend on vacuuming the couches, but then I had to fight with her for 45 minutes to get her all brushed out and then I wasn't in the mood to vacuum.  Also, fun fact, Teh German is a capable adult and if he's really worried about it, he, too, has the ability to run the vacuum cleaner!  Crazy concept, I know.  I'm not sure if he's aware, but I didn't want to scare him off, so I didn't mention it.

While I groomed Sandy, Teh Dad messaged me that one of my young cousins, who I didn't actually know, but have watched grow up via Facebook, had died in a motocross accident. 

After getting Sandy semi-defuzzed, I went to the computer and grounded out some more levels in WoW, because I lead a real riveting life. 

In the evening, Teh German went over to Teh PT House for socializing and came home at 11 to announce, "The Apple Store is empty!" 

Gentle Readers, I have to tell you something.  I don't deal well with people trying to vaguebook me or try to make me inquire about a topic they obviously want to discuss with vague statements.  You see, I took an editing class, which included a period on headline writing.  I know how it works.  I don't like it being used on me.

I responded to Teh German, "What are you trying to say to me?"
Teh German, "They broke all the windows and there's nothing left in the store."
Me, with zero patience, "Are you trying to tell me that there are riots and looters?"
Teh German, "Yes."
Me, "Then say that."
He was exasperated with me, expectedly, but we did ultimately discuss the riots that were happening in downtown Charleston.

We went to bed and ended up having a conversation about privilege before we fell asleep.  To his credit, Teh German acknowledged that in Germany, the minority population is so small that it never really affected him in anyway.  So we had to have a culture lesson about how, yes, non-white members of American society have the "same opportunities" as white members of American society... in theory.  Teh German argued that there are successful people of color (doctors, nurses, lawyers, etc) and I had to explain that they are more like the exception.  Maybe this wasn't the most accurate way to describe it, but it was almost midnight and I needed to make a point about cultural opportunity disparity.

To drive the point home with an example, I took it back to 2004 Sociology 101 at NC State style.  I asked him, "When you go to the store and buy band-aids and you don't want cartoon characters, can you get something that matches your skin tone?"  He said, "Yes."  I said, "Now, let's say you were black and you wanted something that matches your skin tone.  Can you go to any store and find matching skin tone band-aids?"  He said, "They have to make those."  I explained, "They do now, but they didn't used to.  Someone had to be like, 'Why are there no 'flesh colored' band-aids for people of color?' and then someone made them.  But I bet they aren't easy to find.  There is NEVER a shortage of 'flesh colored' band-aids for white people." I also explained how self-perpetuating some part of low income society are, in relation to people of color.  I can't attest that my explanations were 100% accurate and didn't make some generalizations, but I am going to tell myself that Teh German went to sleep chewing on our conversation and having some light shed on his ignorance.  Or maybe he just went to sleep.  Either way, I shared my favorite sociology lesson with him and tried to explain why people of color protest and how being color-blind is less helpful that being cognizant and aware of your privilege because of your skin color.

While Teh German fell fast asleep quickly, my heart was hurting for people that are hurting and my anxiety over the riots plus my toes being cold kept me WIDE-AWAKEEEEEE.  So, I dragged my ass out of bed, took a Xanax and tried sleep again.  It was a success.


Sunday I woke up with the beasts and went back to bed after breakfast.  We slept in and woke up about 15 minutes after Dragon had docked at the International Space Station (ISS).  I was kinda disappointed, but oh well.  We got up and Teh German loaded the space stream on his laptop so we could watch while we ate breakfast. 

Teh German ended up going on a ride with a friend, which I turned down going because 1- he needed man time, and 2- it was too fucking hot for me to go sit on an engine with a helmet, coat, jeans, and boots on.  Instead, I gamed until Teh PT Wife invited us over for pool time.  Teh German left on his ride and after taking care of the laundry, I headed over to Teh PT House for socializing.

These beasts.

Teh German came home around 5:30 and came over to socialize.  I headed home at 6:30 for doggy dinner time and to take a shower.  I was gaming when Teh German came home and gamed until about 11, when it was finally bed time.

Again, I couldn't sleep from the anxiety of watching Charleston protesters for most of the afternoon.  I didn't end up falling asleep until after 1, ugh.  At 0545, I was up for my run with Teh Running Advisor.


It was a roller coaster of a weekend.  Good things and absolutely heartbreaking things happened.  I sat at the computer/TV just thinking, "That is soooo cool!" over and over and over in my head during all the space things.  It doesn't matter that we've done space things before, every.single.time it's awesome.  This is my hill.  If it hadn't been for space things, this weekend would have crushed me.

I hope that lessons from this weekend are taken to heart and that white people begin to be better advocates for people of color, to include myself.  I cannot say I've been the best advocate, but I do at least try to be cognizant of my privilege.  I know this is not enough, but sitting with my discomfort is also something that I'm adjusting to as well.  I'm like a deer, I can't look directly at me, or I might get startled and run off.  What this really means is that I'm definitely going to make it a priority to read these books about white privilege that have been sitting on my bookshelf for a year (maybe more, can't actually remember when I got them, but it was while I was in school).

Unrelated to that, I'm back to work this week and it's depressing.  A weekish of vacation was delightful.  I miss it already.

Oh yeah.. and it's JUNE.  DAFUQ happened?  It was like yesterday it was March and we were facing never ending days of staying at home.. and while 1 of those 2 things hasn't changed.. we're magically in June and I cannot comprehend so much time passing since I was in Denver catching snowflakes with my tongue.  But here we are.

1 comment:

  1. -That first paragraph. I'm there with you. Every single bit of it.
    -I am hoping that those little conversations, however tired or frustrated we are, make a difference. The hubs & I have talked about this a lot, and he's come back saying that he shared some things with friends...I wish I had an answer on how to make a big, massive, all-encompassing ripple...but this little baby ripples are more than anyone in my family has made, so hoping they will come together to make something.
    -Also yes to wtf about June. Did someone slip all of us some new drug that is both marijuana & LSD? Because it's taken forever and also been insane, but it's June and I don't get it.


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