Saturday, October 10, 2020

Five on Friday #244

EINS - Random Shit

Unless I really like you, if you ask me "When are you moving out?" I will literally walk away from you... especially if I've told you we close on 30 OCT.  This is my fucking house until then.  MINE.  No you may not come in the day prior to closing and set up your wifi.  GET THE FUCK OUT WITH THAT SHIT.

Who the fuck asks if they can come in the day prior to do move-in things?  How fucking rude.  Again, these are all things I'd never ask anyone for if I was buying their house.  Does it suck to have to wait? 100% yes.  Is that the way it fucking works?  100% yes.  I couldn't even get estimates for a fence for our house until we closed.  Contractors wouldn't come out once they heard Dan Ryan still owned the house.  It was over 3 weeks after we closed that our fence was put in, because even though we got someone to come do an estimate, NO paperwork could be filed until we closed and that shit takes time.

So guess fucking what.  We had to wait.  YOU WILL ALSO WAIT.
Later our realtor said she thinks maybe they have kids that are doing virtual school and I should have said, "They still have THEIR HOUSE with THEIR INTERNET.  What the fuck is the problem?"  Instead, I said, "No, they cannot come early to set up wifi that only take 20 minutes."


I'd say moving on, but definitely didn't happen.

The above situation later escalated QUICKLY when our agent said the buyers were no longer ok with us repairing the drip pan because it might void their home warranty that we purchased for them.  She sent me some image of the warranty details with the line regarding the "condensation unit pad" being highlighted.

Yall, I'm not a fucking genius, but "condensation unit pad" and "drip pan" don't sound the same.  Soooo, I took to the googly and searched for "condensation unit pad" because I've seen a drip pan.  It's the fucking slab under the outside HVAC unit.  So NO WHERE did the warranty say anything about the drip/drain pan. 

During this text exchange, Teh German pulled out his inner Papa G and said it was very unprofessional to be texting about all these matters.  This was all fine until SHE CALLED ME because her texting was unprofessional.  I was ready to fucking kill him.  And of course, he's still upstairs working so it wasn't like I could go throw my phone at his head (I didn't want to be the subject of scorn, kthx).  You see, Teh German has been handling many of the text situations because he knows our agent makes me get my hackles up.  Just seeing the notification that I have a text from her makes me go rigid and my shoulders rise to my ears and I'm instantly angry.  So that has been a nice reprieve that he just handles it, usually while also texting me (since we're both in our work spaces which are not within speaking distance).

So she calls me to discuss this situation.  She offers to pay for a professional to come out and inspect our repair work.  I said that was fine, but what if the professional said it wasn't fine.  Then I'd already be out what I'd spent to repair it and my time fixing it, so there was NO WAY I'd be replacing it at that point. 

But the underlying problem was this:
EVERYONE ALREADY AGREED AND SIGNED A CONTRACT stating that we could repair it and it was fine.


To come back after the fact when you have regrets and try to renegotiate?  AW HELL NO.
Maybe this is one of those "just the way things are", but based on the reactions of individuals I was sharing this drama with, it is not, this is just actual fuckary.

I explained that when we agreed to the last contract, it was because we were done with negotiating.  I agreed to selling our washer/dryer for cheaper and cleaning the carpets and repairing the drip pan to be done with negotiating.  I stated that we had been nice and flexible about everything to this point.  We let them come view the house a 2nd time (even after they put in their offer (still weird)), we are leaving them a list of apps for the smart home things, we are leaving all the documentation associated with anything related to the house, we had agreed to do the repairs the inspector THEY HIRED had suggested we do, we sold our washer/dryer to them so they didn't have to wait on something that was backordered, we are leaving all the etc house maintenance/repair things (extra carpet, paint, trim), we let in BOTH their appraisal persons after they switched lenders for the 3rd time, and we were willing to renegotiate the contract the first time around without issue, but I (we) were DONE.  They are asking for shit I'd NEVER ask for as a buyer.  After my offer was accepted and the terms were agreed on, that's that.  As a buyer, I wait for closing, that's how it works.  I would never try to renegotiate terms that had already been agreed on and a contract had been SIGNED.  That's not how it works.  Personally, I feel like they are trying to put us out of our home, WHICH IS STILL IS, with all these requests. 

I think it was when I told our agent, verbatim, "I leave for Barbados on the 17th.  If anyone dares comes at me with ANYTHING related to negotiating or house selling or when I'm moving out, I will call their agent, whose card is on my island, and tell her and her clients to go fuck themselves," that she understood I was DONE with this shit. 

Ultimately, the agents agreed to split the cost of replacing the drip pan themselves.  I'm sure that'll be rough to pay with the $18k they are splitting from our sale.

As I told Teh Bestie, I don't HAVE to sell my house.  I'm not in a hurry.  Would it be nice to move forward?  Yes.  But I'm 


2020, the year I said, FUCK YOU to all irritants tags.

For real.  From my wash cloths (why did I even leave tags on those anyways?) to my shirts.  If it has a tag that won't lay flat or irritates me in any way, IT FUCKING GOES.  It's a release every time I cut one off or rip it out.  Like my brain sighs. 

And I do question why I've always left the tags.  For my clothes it is so I can go back and reference what size the item was if I like the way it fit and I order another from the same brand.  As for linens/towels/etc.  I have NO idea.

Actually, I have a figment of an idea.  When I was a kid, I had a comforter with a tag on it that said, "ONLY TO BE REMOVED BY CONSUMER," and I was like 8 or something and I knew I wasn't "CONSUMER" (nor did I know what "consumer" was).  That line was followed by, "Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law," which I assessed to mean, I'd go to jail for removing the tag.  And so, I just dealt with the annoying ass tag and used it as a means of determining which end was "up" (which is also absolutely ludacris in relation to a blanket that can be flipped and flopped).

But it is so liberating to be free of itchy/annoying tags!


Dear Google,
Ludacris was a WORD before it was a NAME.  GTFO of here with your suggestion to capitalize the word so it is spelled correctly. DAFUQ is wrong with you?


I did my first GEGR Applicant interview(s) this weekend and it was awesome.  I would totally do it again, even though it required effort and me talking to strangers.  The family I interviewed totally needs a greyhound and I want to be their friends, not just because the greyhound thing, but also because they are runners and they were awesome when I spoke with them.


I posted that link about viewing Blogger with the legacy view last week.. and now it no longer works.  FUCK YOU BLOGGER.


Oh, you guys thought the house strife was over for the week?

After dealing with the drip pan debacle, we were informed that the house only appraised at 298k.  I mean, we weren't far off asking for 300k, in that regard, and people pay over appraisal value all the time, but they wanted us to cover 6k of their closing costs and our agent suggested we up the price to 304k and then it was only 2k coming out of our pockets and they'd pay the 4k on the backend of their home loan (i.e. shit that is not my fucking problem).

Our agent was angry about it and challenged it and we've yet to hear back from the bank, despite being told we'd know by Thursday.  Our agent claims that they used comps that were not similar to our house, which is logical.  

In various conversations with multiple people, 4 individuals had suggested that the bank didn't want them to get the loan and informed said appraiser of such information and thus the appraisal value being what it is.  This was after we learned that the buyers couldn't afford to pay ANY amount of money out of pocket.  Later, our agent informed us of different details (as she has done multiple times throughout this whole fucking disaster), but our opinions were not changed.

It was a hard discussion to have, but Teh German and I talked about our bottom line.  We have never wanted to pay their closing costs, but swallowed the "that's just how it is" pill with the cost adjustment.  I won't even lie, I'm the queen of petty hill right now because of the shit that went down on Monday over a signed motherfucking contract, and I'm not overly sympathetic to your situation when..

ONE- We will be buying our own house in the next few months.  I NEED MY FUCKING MONEY.  Yes, it's "only" a "few" thousand dollars, compared to whatever the total number is we walk away with, but the place we are moving to is DOUBLE the price of Charleston, that is not an exaggeration, that is not me being dramatic, that is the TRUTH.  

TWO- I refuse to pay you to buy my stuff.  That's not how selling things fucking works, no matter what any sales(wo)man tells me.  I learned that lesson the hard way when selling my Civic in Bahrain and the guy tried to tell me I was paying for his car insurance for the upcoming year (since it had to be paid in advance) as we were on our way to handle the paperwork at the Bahrain DMV equivalent and I absolutely refused.  Then he couldn't scramble to get all the money and I ended up having to pay for some of his insurance because otherwise I'd be stuck with a car that I couldn't get back to the US since that ship had sailed (literally).

THREE- If you can't afford something, i.e. a 300k house, you shouldn't be buying it.  This IS what I know about how this whole house buying process works...  If you are in the market for a house, you should have a down-payment or an option for the least amount of penalty for the least amount of money down.  If you are penalized in all the ways because you can't afford a down-payment, then it is not time.  Save some money, come back to the table later.  In addition to not having a down-payment and then having ZERO dollars to put down towards the closing costs and expecting the seller to pay them for you/have to accept a higher price to have them covered on your loan?  UNACCEPTABLE.  

I say all these things having only ever purchased new construction.  There was NO negotiation.  We covered ALL the costs.  So this idea of the seller covering the buyer's costs absolutely incenses me.


Oh yeah.. and it gets even better.  Within a few hours of our agent informing us the appraisal value was lower than the agreed upon price, I started receiving emails from a lawyer and Navy Federal congratulating us on being under contract for the house.

The phone conversation I had went like this:
Me: Hello, this is Megan.
Navy Fed Person: Hi, Ms. [Lastname], this is blah blah from Navy Fed and we heard that your house is under contract, congratulations!
Me: Uhhh.. awkward since we were just informed that the house didn't appraise at our agreed on price and now we're having to renegotiate this crap.
Navy Fed Person: Uhhh.
Me: Yeah, this isn't a good time.
Navy Fed Person: Ok, I can just email you!
Me: That's probably best.

Megan, being Queen of the Awkward, since 1986.


Jamie the Very Worst (formerly: Missionary) posted something in September that popped up on my Feedly and when I went to her site to reference it, it didn't exist.  This makes me extremely sad because the post was absolutely everything I didn't know I needed and I wanted to share it, but it doesn't actually exist on the internet.  Well, it does, but only because I emailed it to myself from my Feedly, but I can't actually share the link and tell you to read it because it's not on her site and I'm not going to post it here because that's stealing and I'm not down with that.  I keep hoping it will eventually get posted on her site, but I haven't seen it yet and that makes me sad.


I've been incrdibly stupid this week.  That's not a euphimism for anything, it's the truth.  Here's the situations that helped make this assessment accurate:

Monday morning: 

I ordered new collars for Sandy for her birthday (Oct 12th) and they arrived last week.  I put them on her Monday since I had given her a bath... but her martingale wouldn't fit, despite my adjustments.  I messaged the seller to explain that I loved the collars, but one wouldn't fit and she said, the collars are the same size, then started to explain the process of adjusting them... and I realized I hadn't adjusted the collar to make it bigger... but smaller.

Yall, I've been adjusting dog collars for a REALLY LONG TIME.  I didn't even think to go the other way.  /facepalm times infinity.

Monday evening: 
While talking to my GEGR interviewee, he said, "My wife is a cancer."  My brain immediately was like, "WTF?  Is she trying to KILL him?  Who says that about their spouse!?!"  And then I tuned back in to hear him saying, "She's loyal and caring and loving..." and I interrupted with a, "OMG, I GET IT!  You mean astrology cancer, not abnormal cell growth cancer!"  He was so stunned and I was laughing so hard and we cackled together.

Tuesday at lunch:
I decided to make dinner for lunch so I didn't have to cook dinner, this is a new thing we've been doing.  I like it.  Anyways, I was cooking a PF Chang's frozen bag dinner and couldn't figure out why the food wasn't cooking properly.  Then I realized.. I was using the double burner.. for a triple burner pan.  

Yall, Jesus needed to take my wheel.  I was a mess.

ZWEI - Money Shit

-all the packing things.  Ugh.  At least the boxes were free.
-new running shoes.  My knees were hurting, I couldn't do it anymore.
-Allie Brosh's new book, which I would have preordered if she hadn't already fucked me once, so I didn't preorder it this time, just in case it didn't come out... again.
-More packing shit.
-Travel meals
-dog/political shirt
-Grocery stuff in MD for taco soup.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

This toy did not make it.

I won 3rd place during my last Former Company Disney Trivia night and winners received a mask with their favorite character.  I was super pumped about it, until I put on the mask and realized how bad it sucks.  Siiiiigh..

The dog cabinet was emptied to make the journey up to MD.

The temp when I arrived to MD.
(insert all the praise hands emojis here)

First official day working in the office... even though it was only for a few hours and then I went home and did more work things.


The cutest head tilt.

How is she comfortable?  One will never know.

Shortly thereafter followed by this position, which included a head slamming against the floor.

This guy only got ONE bully stick and he was upset about it, so he came to me for consoling.

The cutest little Monkey-Doodle you ever did see.

When ALL the girls HAVE to sit together.  Preferably ON TOP of each other.
Facepalm for days.

This goof.  He makes me lol.

Sometimes, you are your Wuff's chair.

Bitches on the move!

New neighborhood patrol duties!

Old lady snoozes.

VIER - From the Internet Shit

I said this prior to COVID.
I'll continue to say it now.

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

  1. Being so emotionally drained by Monday's re-negotiation debacle that the punches from later in the week were barely nudges.
  2. Being on the same page with Teh German and talks after the lights are out.
  3. Alexa playing certain songs on repeat without judgment.  That bitch still can't hear tho.
  4. A solid audiobook for my drive to MD.
  5. Going into the office and getting to meet 2 of my coworkers face to face.  It's the little things these days.
  6. A Christmas amount of packages waiting for my arrival in MD (my running shoes and book and new employee mail things).
  7. Cute dogs.
  8. Packing 4 boxes.
  9. #BarometerHead meds kicking in quickly (by quickly, I mean, I could minimally function within the hour).
  10. Getting the beasts moved up to MD.  As sad as I will be to drive away without my fur-therapy, I know that it will be easier this way.

Happy Friday Saturday, Gentle Readers.

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