Usually, I get most inspired to write when I'm feeling angsty or ranty. I'm, apparently, very good at being snarky. As for inspiration for other things.. well, it just depends. Inspiration to clean usually comes from the fact that when something is dirty, it irritates me. It's constantly on my mind. How easy it would be to just take care of the chore that is plaguing me. Then I do it and feel like a weight has been lifted. It's crazy. Lub inspiration comes from watching cheesy movies or reading cheesy books. I'm not sure if anyone else is like this, but watching a TV show (ok, Grey's Anatomy or How I Met Your Mother usually) or movie (romantic comedy because sometimes even Teh Megan is a walking cliche') can put me in a more lovey mood. Teh Bear has noticed this. I'm not sure if it scares him or if he appreciates it, he hasn't really complained either way. That said, the only reason I get "lovey" while watching Lord of the Rings is because I just want it to end faster...
I feel like this is a trick question. I honestly don't wish I could omit anything.. Do I have things that happened that I wish I could change? Yes. But omit? No. Outcomes would be so much different if things were changed, but omission doesn't really do anything but hide a situation in my opinion. If I had anything I wish I didn't have to remember it would be all the times that I've gotten down about still being in a long distance relationship. Sometimes, I'm on FB and see people posting that they're moving in together or engaged or married or having kids (seriously, though, if you're a Fertile Myrtle, maybe more on the birth control?) or any number of life events like seeing Teh Humanitarian and Teh Coast Guardian kiss while making dinner or while playing games on the wii, big or little things with a significant other that I feel like I'm missing out on. I wish I could omit these moments of jealousy that bring me down and poison my attitude, which usually gets taken out on Teh Bear. Hopefully, it would lead me to a more positive perspective. To include the fact that I have a pretty sweet life that probably makes some people jealous. Not that, that is what my intentions are, but I'm also sure that's not the intentions of the FB posts I'm seeing from my FB friends.
For the first time this year, Teh Bear and I flew together. This isn't really a momentous event, but usually we are flying to each other, not flying together, so in the fact that it was out of the norm, it was special.
I had arranged for our flights to actually meet in at the Minneapolis (MSP) airport so we could fly the rest of the way to Denver together. Teh Bear was all like, "Rawr, free baggage on Southwest!" While I was all like, "WAAAHHH, holding my hand on American!" I won. :)
I remember hurrying through the day, rushing at RDU even though I had enough time to check in and make it through security with more than ample time. I was impatient with boarding and waiting on the plane to take off. I was fidgity, distracted, and knew that vacation, vacation wouldn't start until I was with Teh Bear. Once we finally landed at MSP, I was anxious and excited and felt lost almost. Because I was looking for Teh Bear. I knew he was there somewhere. I went to our concourse and he wasn't there and then I set out looking for him (since our concourse was at the very end of the terminal). As I was walking away from the terminal I spotted Teh Bear... and then I tried to hide behind the very tall dude I was walking behind to see if Teh Bear would see me. There was a lot of people traffic and I'm pretty little, so I didn't want him to miss me and I side-stepped directly into Teh Bear's walking path. He was looking down at his iPod for just a second and looked up and then I was there, he almost ran into me. Being little means being good at being sneaky.
We hugged. Note: hugging with backpacks on is hard. It's like, where do you put your arms? Ok, maybe its hard for me because for Teh Bear, he can just set his arms on my backpack, but I either have to reach around his backpack (with my midget arms, not happening) or just awkwardly try to slip them under his backpack, which doesn't usually work out so well. So backpack hugging = awkward/hard.
At that same moment, vacation, vacation had started. There was no more hurry or rush. There was hand holding and kisses and shared flying stories. The people of the terminal had been so loud before and now they were quiet.
We did learn that we have very different plane boarding priorities. I based it off the fact that I'm short and he's tall because Teh Bear's reasoning for trying to board ASAP (yep, he's one of those people that stands in front of the door until his zone is called) is so that way he doesn't get stuck having to put his carry-on under the seat so he has leg room. "I fly economy for all the leg room," said no one ever. I'm more like, "Well, I got a seat number and it will be there when I get there, so I'm going to let all these fools go ahead of me and I'll just continue sitting here and enjoying the free wi-fi while they stand there for 20 minutes."
For Teh Sister's graduation, Teh Bear and I went to NC for the celebrations. This was Teh Bear's first time meeting Teh Family. My (not really) surprise was that Teh Family welcomed Teh Bear immediately. I like to believe that Teh Family isn't really that hard to fit in to, but we do seem to have a certain dynamic that some prior boyfriends struggled to fit in to. They just didn't feel fully comfortable, etc. With Teh Bear, it was like he'd been there for a long time. There was no awkwardness (to me at least, maybe there was for him). Teh Dad was even "normal." In the past, Teh Dad has sometimes tried a little too hard and things would start to feel awkward. He always claimed that the "man bond" made it ok, but it was awkward. Really. For everyone. Ok, me. But that's what matters here. :)
When it came to vacation, vacation.. I did everything I/we desired to do. There was little consideration to cost (which I haven't really regretted like I normally do) and my goal was just to enjoy myself with Teh Bear for two weeks. No, I'm still not done with vacation recaps, because I really just needed some down time and photo editing really lost all joy when it came down to it. Working with a handful of photos is fun, but working with 300 photos, it all just starts to blend together and then you just apply the same settings to each one and try to tweak them and then it's almost midnight and you need to go to bed but you just want to finish one more but you're too tired and they all look the same and they aren't even that good and who even cares and you should just go to bed because you have to work/do something in the morning and you can just start photo editing again the next day.. even though you'd rather vacuum and mop the entire apartment and even clean the bathrooms than photo editing, so you don't ever get back to it and then you feel guilty that you're a bad blogger and someone might have wanted to see your Grand Canyon photos except that you are lazy and have no motivation and every time you open Lightroom part of you dreads even having the icon on the taskbar...
Oops, that got out of control. Relishing.
I told Teh Bear that we could do anything we wanted and we did. In the planning stages we hit some roadblocks, but once we got past those everything panned out exactly how it was supposed to, which I knew it would. It was nice to be able to see the vacation vision come together so nicely.
Show me the beauty of your choosing, what it is that you have embraced this year that made you feel gratitude for your life.
|Biltmore house orchid|
What I have embraced:
-Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
-Beauty isn't always physical.
-I have skills that I don't believe are as awesome as they probably are.
-I often underestimate myself.
-I'm not actually as much of a bitch as I'd like people to believe.
-I may not be where I thought I was going to be, but here isn't so bad.
-Purple isn't my favorite color, but all my best flower pics from 2012 seem to be purple.
Sweet stuff is the best. Like pumpkin cake with cream cheese icing.. which I made 3 times this year. The pumpkin brings that taste of fall and the cream cheese gives you the sweetness of Christmas to come. It makes you feel like snuggling up with a blanket and a book in front of a fire.
I've seen a lot of change in myself over the past few years. Where in my early 20s I was a snarky, mean, cold-hearted, bitch.. Now I'm just a snarky, cold-hearted, woman. I'm still sarcastic, but I'm no longer viciously sarcastic towards people. As I've reached my late 20s, I've realized that friendships are stronger when you have good intentions and are good on your word. Saying "we should hang out" is different than saying "Hey, tomorrow, let's have lunch." I've realized the difference and I'm more pointed in my relationships with others because of it.
Also, maybe I'm not as cold-hearted as I want to be because I've realized more and more as of late that I'm quicker to tear up about sad/lovey/depressing stuff and I used to be that stonewall of emotion. I'm becoming Teh Dad and Teh Gramps... oh noes. Sometimes though, it's still hard for me to express my feelings to Teh Bear when I want to be cheesy or have hard to discuss with him. It's easier to be nonchalant than upset over something, which I've realized doesn't really help the situation like I wish it did. Emotionless Teh Megan is just a hard contender to deal with.
When 2012 started, I was feeling very overwhelmed with being back in America again and with having a new job that I'd never done or trained for. I was feeling like I was going to fail at work and that they would never respect me for who I am as a person and the work that I had done before (which didn't even apply to this job).
At some point, everything just came together. One day, I realized that people were asking me questions I could answer. That flowers were blooming and it wasn't 100°F outside and I could go take pictures without being miserable. That I was drive-able hours away from my family if I needed to go home. That I could be there again. That I'd get to see Teh Bear more than 2 weeks a year. That work was rewarding because I knew enough to get through and started to impress people because I am a hard worker and do know what I'm doing and I'm responsible and I don't sneak around to avoid work.
I really think the tipping point was right before I left for Scotland when people were worried that I was going to get to go on the DET and that I was needed. I mean, I was just standing watch, which isn't all that impressive, but I was needed. Sometimes, that alone is empowerment enough for me to step it up. When I came back to MD, every thing had clicked into place. Work just worked. I didn't feel lost as much, and eventually, I didn't feel lost at all. Soon enough, I didn't care about any judgement I received from asking questions because most questions I answered on my own.
Sometimes, I just have to struggle for a bit to realize that I am doing just fine.. and once I make that realization, stepping up isn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be.
This year, my "reason" was to learn to be grateful. Being back in America for the first full year was overwhelming and delightful. I realized while being overseas all the things that I had taken for granted. I hope there are still days in 2024 that I still stop, look around me, take a deep breath, and thank God for where I am and what I'm doing and all that has been provided for me. I learned this year that I don't have to do it on my own and there are great things all around me, most of the time that I don't even notice. But when I do notice the tiny details, a weight is lifted and I can breathe easier for a few moments because nothing on my to-do list really matters, all that matters is the moment.