Browser Crashed: too many tabs open.

There's a funny meme that goes around about too many tabs.

So if you were wondering what happened to me, it was like that except my entire browser crashed and my computer was all BSOD (blue screen of death) and rather than deal with it, I just walked away.  

In the computer science world, you learn about threads.  Threads are processes that can run at the same time as each other, doing different tasks. Sometimes these tasks are related, sometimes they are not.  Sometimes your threads have to wait for processing power to run, sometimes they are waiting for another task to finish executing.  Threads share resources (memory) but do things independent of each other, which makes multi-tasking possible and why multi-processor computers are "fast".

But sometimes, threads have errors, usually caused by deadlock (infinite waiting) and have to be debugged (untangled).  And that was when I walked away.  I was tired of ALL the threads.  I was tired of the waiting/spinning.  I was tired of too many processes.  My processor done burnt out.  So I walked away from this blog.  I walked away from almost everything extraneous in my life.  I needed a hard reset.

I operated in high-power multi-threaded mode for 3 years.  I had three main threads, home, school, and work, and all the different processes within those main threads were all operating on high for 3 years.  Sometimes, there were errors, but I managed to debug them rather quickly and kept the rest of the processing running while in debug mode.  And then.. my number of main threads reduced by one and it was just home and work and my processor didn't know how to process just 2 threads anymore.

But then one of my two threads, work, started getting errors and the debugging process wasn't working.  So I decided that it was time to terminate that thread and start with a fresh work thread.  When you're new at coding (like me), it takes a LOT of work to create new code for threads... to mean, applying for jobs and interviewing and waiting for background checks (an absolutely tedious, long drawn out process that makes me frustrated and stabby) and it's just a matter of wading through it until something finally works out (i.e. you finally start a new job).

And like it happens in the tech world, when one thing fucks up, everything fucks up, so the home thread was also like, ehhh here's a few errors from us too, just to make sure you're still paying attention.  Nothing big, just like missing EOL (end of line) markers, simple fixes to the code that require a bit more attention than you're giving to the problem.

So yeah.  That's where I've been.. debugging/resetting my 2 threads.

I bunkered down because I wasn't sure I wanted anyone to know what was going on and there were specific people that I knew I didn't want to know and I have no way of knowing if they read this (it is an accepted risk that I take, even though I have like 5 confirmed Gentle Readers).  Truthfully, I wasn't looking for opinions or commiseration or advice, which is a large reason why I vanished.  Additionally, I felt like I was whining 98% of the time, which is fine since it is MY platform, but at the same time, there comes a point when you annoy yourself and I was there.

I've gotten to where I rarely leave "the compound" (home) these days just because the effort to go out is too much (some might call that... depression, as going out is not the only task that is "too much effort").  Grocery orders must all be picked up on the same day and going into the store is rarely worth it.  I do go to the Chiro out of absolute necessity, but I go on a day that I already need to go out for something else, if possible.

In my time away, I did a lot of running and had some interviews and applied for more jobs and we had some visitors and we took the bikes up to the Tail of the Dragon in TN/NC to ride and we came up with a life plan and I've played a lot of WoW and I've barely been reading anything (books, other blogs, anything that requires focus/brain power) and I've just been doing whatever the fuck I want... and it's fabulous in a limited life kind of way.  /shrug  At the same time, I've been dealing with overwhelming rage and stress and anxiety about the work thread, the current process and potential future processes related to that thread.

I haven't decided if I missed this space or not.  Part of me says yes, but part of me says no because it's one less pressure I put on myself.  IDK.  We'll see how it pans out.