Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Sometimes you just gotta drop off the face of the planet... part 3

I am NOT a good liar.  Seriously.  The biggest issue with my surprise was that I was lying to everyone at home in telling them I wasn't able to come home or I wasn't coming home for the holidays.  The 2nd biggest issue was not telling the wrong people so that way it didn't accidentally get posted on FB or "mentioned" to my family by a random person.

Maybe its because I was raised Catholic that I have this HUGE guilt problem, but every time Teh Dad or Teh Granny or anyone would ask me if I was coming home for Christmas, it KILLED me on the inside to say no.  1.  I wanted to giggle, because yes, I was going home.  2.  I was lying!  Lying is hard.  It means keeping up with what you told someone in addition what the truth actually was.  I had so many lies and truths going on, my brain was drowning.  Once I knew I couldn't successfully lie anymore, I used evasion.  No jk.

Teh Dad called me on Saturday while I was in Orlando and I didn't answer, nor did I call him back.  I couldn't.  I knew I would give away the secret, or I'd have started giggling, or he'd have heard Teh Bear's voice and started asking questions and everything would have come unraveled... and at such a late point in the game, if Teh Family had found out the secret, I'd have been crushed.

Finally the day had come:

Spending the weekend with Teh Bear was amazing, but I was also ready to get home and finish off the surprises.  Teh Bear dropped me off with much less drama that I had dropped him off with previously.  It was also much easier than the last time he'd dropped me off at the airport, which meant that I was going to Bahrain.  It really is a comfort in a long distance relationship when you are at least on the same continent.  Just sayin', you probably shouldn't complain to me if your significant other lives an hour or less away.

Teh BFF picked me up from the airport with her boyfriend.  I noticed her car slowing driving down arrivals alley.  I stepped in the road so she could see me.  The windows were rolled down a little bit for me to hear her yell something.  It was later clarified, "OMG she cut her hair!"  That was the other reason I'd stepped out in the road.  I knew she wouldn't recognize me at first, because that was the other secret I hadn't revealed to my family.

^^                      to                              ^^
On the way home, we had an adventure to find a Cookout (don't judge this crappy website), because we were all in need of a milkshake.  It was my first Cookout milkshake since coming back to America.  If you're like, wtf is Cookout?  I'll tell you, Gentle Reader.  Cookout is a glorious fast food type place.  They have FORTY different milkshakes on their menu.  They are all probably delicious, but I stick with certain ones: strawberry cheesecake, peanut butter fudge, chocolate nut, pineapple, watermelon, strawberry...

What I'm trying to get across to you is this: if you're ever in NC, and you happen to be near a Cookout, it might be worth the 15 minute trip into no mans land to experience one of these milkshakes.  The food isn't bad, but the milkshakes are worth it.  Cookout is like the In-N-Out of the west coast, except only in NC.

But back to surprises.  We finally made our way to 'home, home."  This is different than just "home".  Home is where I currently live.  Home, home is where I grew up.  Since Teh Mom's was on our way to Teh BFF's house, we slowed down to see if The Ghetto Mobile was in the driveway.  It was.

So Teh BFF pulled in the driveway.  Then, we realized the passenger door was open.  Then, we realized that she was standing there.  NOT exactly as planned.  Teh BFF wasn't prepared with the camera yet.  We pulled into the driveway and Teh Mom looked very confused.  Then you could see the different realizations cross her face.  She recogized Teh BFF after a few seconds, then she kept looking at me.  After about 10 seconds, she realized who I was (knew that bad hair cut would pay off), and she started screaming and jumping up and down.  She wins the award for best reaction, most definitely.  I got out of the car and there was hugging and yelling and more jumping up and down, she even picked me up for a few seconds.  She was definitely excited.  She was getting ready to leave, so we weren't there for long, but mission accomplished.  1 down, more to go.

Once we left Teh Mom's, Teh Granny's was the next stop.  Everyone in my family lives on the way to Teh BFF's house ironically.  For Teh Granny, we were able to enact a plan.  Teh BFF went to the door and when Teh Granny answered, she said, I think I have something of yours.  I was hiding behind her car, so Teh BFF brought her around the car.  Teh Granny turned and saw me and got SUPER excited.  She couldn't stop smiling and she said I was the best Christmas present she got this year.  She also said, "You lied to me!"  I said, "Yes, I did.  It was for your own good."  She laughed and kept smiling.  After a few minutes we continued the trek, to finally arrive at Teh BFF's house.

Being patient.
Then it was time to wait for Teh Dad, Teh Sister, the Stepmom, and the Stepsister to get home.  They all usually work really late.  We'd arrived at Teh BFF's house around 5ish, and sometimes Teh Dad isn't known to get home before 10:30pm.  So, we had some time to plan.  Teh BFF called Teh Dad and said she wanted to bring Teh ZepZep over later and deliver their Cmas card, and if he'd call her when he got home, she'd come over.  After building a gingerbread house, watching part of Black Snake Moan, eating dinner, and starting another movie, I started to get impatient.  Couldn't he get home early for once?  No was the answer.  Finally, I had Teh BFF call the house to see who was home.  Teh Sister answered the phone, but she said that the Stepmom and Stepsister were also there.  Well, ok then.  I was tired of being patient.  They were killing me.  The hour was upon us.

Teh Dad would just have to be last then.  Patience isn't my virtue.  Since Teh Dad was throwing the kink in my plans, we'll blame that on him this time.

I talked Teh BFF into going ahead and bringing me to surprise everyone else.  She went in the front door, and I snuck around the back.  Teh Sister's crazy barking weenie dogs almost got me caught because they heard the screen door shut and started barking like crazy and running to the door, at which point Teh Sister almost could have seen me through the window, but I dropped like a ninja so she couldn't see me.  After a few seconds, I poked my head back up after the dogs had quieted down.  I then went and stood at the glass door.  I watched her read the card and then take out the piece of paper that Teh BFF had encouraged me to put it in.  It said:  LOL No jk.  :D

I accidentally hit the door, which set off the dogs again, and Teh Sister looked at the door and immediately saw me and knew what was going on.  The Stepmom couldn't figure out who I was and The Stepsister was also confused.  Once I stepped through the door, they got it.  I was home for Christmas!  The Stepmom's reaction was along the same lines as Teh Granny, "You lied to us!"  Me, "Yes I did."  I explained to them the elaborate set up, the execution that was going well until Teh Dad had decided to work so late and I was so impatient.

After a bit, the dogs started barking again (that got old VERY quickly), which indicated that Teh Dad was finally home.  Everyone told me to go hide in the bedroom and wait for him to come in to lay down his work equipment, which "he does every night."  I tried to tell them that since Teh BFF was there he wouldn't, but I did what they said anyways.

Teh Dad came in and instead of immediately going to his room "like he does every night" he stood there talking to Teh BFF and Teh Fam.  I was standing in the bedroom going STIR CRAZY.  I heard him read the card outloud and read my note, which he didn't get.  He did ask everyone why they were so quiet at one point.  THEN, he went downstairs to do something.  While he went down the stairs, Teh Sister came running to the bedroom and told me to come to the living room where everyone was.

I was trying to stay moderately hidden and still in plain sight, so I stood between the TV (which was ON) and the Cmas tree.  I was thinking, he'll probably look at the TV to see what is on and then see me.  Ok, here we go.  We all heard him coming up the stairs and everyone just looked at him and he was like, what is going on?  "Nothing," was the chorus.  The Stepsister started texting again, The Stepmom was just looking at Teh Dad and Teh BFF finally said, "That's a nice Christmas tree."

Blame Teh BFF for the sideways video, the audio is really all that matters anyway.

And surprises were had.

But then what?

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