Sunday, June 17, 2012

Little Notes #2


Dear non-Americans,
Please stop trying to be "cool" like Americans.  We're actually not that cool.  Seriously.  Mullets aren't cool, rattails aren't cool, neon colors aren't cool are kinda cool.  We aren't really as "advanced" as you think we are.  I mean, we don't even have chips in our credit cards, we still sign those suckers old school style.

Dear Western Australia,
I wish I could have enjoyed being here more.  Truly.  Sadly, this trip didn't start out well and that bad beginning just kinda seeped into everything about this det.  I did enjoy the differences of not being in America.  But, it really isn't nice when you close the grocery store at 5pm on a Saturday.  Seriously, who does that?  Your creatures were interesting, although after a while, everything starts to look like a kangaroo. You guys can keep that.  PS.  Dr Pepper is better than Coke, that is definitely "cool" and you should start carrying it in the soda aisle instead of shunning it to the international section.

Dear America,
I miss you.  Being away really does make me grateful for the fact that our mayo doesn't look like semen, that internet isn't hard to come by and doesn't cost a fortune AND there aren't limits to data usage (and please don't let that happen anytime soon), and that stores are open 24 hours.  Also, driving on the left side of the road isn't really that bad, sometimes I even find it easier than driving on the right.

Dear sticky toffee/date pudding,
You are the most delicious thing I have ever consumed (probably, I mean, I eat a lot).  America isn't "cool" enough to have you, but I will create you in my kitchen.  I will bring the best of Scotland and Australia back to my house.  I will remember.  I will recreate.  I will prosper...  with sticky toffee/date pudding in my life.
(In Scotland it was sticky toffee pudding, in Australia it was sticky date pudding, thus the distinction)

Dear Teh Nikon D5000,
I love you.  I love that we go on adventures together.  I promise to cherish you and keep you safe.  You will always be my first DSLR.  You make me so happy.  I'm glad you let me choose you.  I'm proud that you handle my abuse so well.  You should thank Teh Bear for suggesting that I pick you though, he has really good taste.

Dear airlines that I will be on to get back to America,
I hope that you are well and we can get this trip off to a good start.  I expect no delays, no hassles, and preferably for myself not to lose any more ID cards (not that this would be your fault, I'm just throwing that out there).  I know the flight will be long, but I will be patient.  I would like to be compensated prior to the flight for my patience by receiving a window seat, preferably with no one in my aisle, but I will accept no one sitting beside me.  I'm not really picky about food since I usually come prepared.

Dear Teh Body,
I've been trying to treat you good.  I know we haven't worked out since we've been in Australia, and I hope you enjoyed the breaks, except for those days that we walked around a lot.  I gave you this break in hopes that would be fair compensation for a painless flight back to America.  I function much better when I'm not in pain or drugged up.  Also, I'm a nicer(ish) person when I'm feeling normal.  If it is workouts you wanted, no worries, those start back up soon.  Teh Phil-boy will be anxiously anticipating his evening jog and command PT calls your name.  Also, we will be starting the investigation of this mysterious pain when we get back, just so you're aware, so don't get shy now.

Dear Yurtle,
I've not deserted you in the parking lot of VX-1.  I swear it.  I'll be back for you soon and we'll have adventures.  Please bear with me when I get back.  I've been switched around for the past few weeks.  I may accidentally turn on your wipers when I'm trying to signal, but it won't take me long to get back in the swing of things.  I also pre-apologize for any sudden swerving I may have to do if I start driving on the wrong side of the road.  Also, I've seen your brothers and sisters in my travels, they always make me miss you more.

I still love this guy.

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