Thursday, April 8, 2021

Whose Fucking Rules Are These?

I force myself to do a LOT of things.  I tell myself it's because that's just what you, those are the rules, that's how it's done.  But yall... WHO FUCKING CAME UP WITH THIS FUCKING RULES?  

Also, why am I so unbelievably strict on myself regarding the following of arbitrary rules

Literally NO ONE is forcing me to follow these rules but myself, but I will TORTURE myself trying to adhere to them as strictly as possible... but WHHYYY??  I cannot comprehend this.  

For instance.  The Morning Pages thing.  Writing 3 pages.  Doing them before your realize you have morning breath still.  Not reading them.  Are these ACTUAL rules?  Why do I have to follow THESE "rules"?  What happens if I only write two pages instead of three?  

Spoiler alert: NOTHING HAPPENS.  NOTHING!  No one dies.  No one is even slightly inconvenienced.  In fact, I actually benefit because I get MORE of my morning back!  WUT!?  

Why is three pages even the magic number?  What happens at 3 pages that can't happen at 1.5 or 2 pages?  Asking for a friend.  

For instance #2.  Recipes.  Ok, I'm a little less strict on this than I used to be.  But I'd follow a recipe to the motherfucking T because that's what it says to do.  Yall, I don't like spicy food, but recipes I'd find would call for a mountain of chili powder and cumin.  I'd add it and my GERD would be like, how do you like me now bitch?  You enjoying those spices you know this weak ass meat sack can't handle?  No?  Well, STOP IT THEN.  

Spoiler alter: Listening to my body is something I'm not very good at.  Please see any workout that is actually too hard for me, but I insist on doing it, through the pain and tears, to the detriment of my meat sack (body) AND mind AND spirit.  I don't listen to my mind, telling me, hey this hurts you should stop.  My body is just being tortured, and my spirit is crushed when I ultimately don't listen to my body and I'm broken/sore for days.  On the other hand, my spirit is crushed because my body sucks, but that's what we're working on.

So I'm trying to make an effort to remind myself, those aren't MY rules.  I will explore the rules and, if necessary, make my own fucking rules.  I will rewrite the script because sometimes, it doesn't work for me and I shouldn't need to punish/torture myself to follow someone else's plan.  

As Glennon taught me, I can do hard things.
Even if that hard this is as simple as saying, NO.  That does not work for me.  That way is not MY way.

1 comment:

  1. Yes! This! I am so... bad? at that. Like I'm currently doing another 101 in 1001 list, that I said I'd never do again, because I was so strict/hard on myself the first 3 times. I was like oh you messed up one day or one task... it's all over now! Now I'm like... meh let's just change that one, or make up something I missed, or ok you did 75-90% of a goal but didn't quite hit 100%? Ok, you still did most of it & it doesn't mean you failed the whole thing just cause you didn't hit 100%.

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