Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Faded Southern Belle

When I was in college, I made a photo video collage thingy (new technical term) of Teh Sister and I (which can be found here).  It was mostly photos, but to add some complexity, as we had the entire semester to work on this project, and no other real assignments (hello very first COM 498 Digital Expressions class, I love you, I miss you), I also got a home video (VHS) digitized (not sure if thats the technical term or not, but it is now).  The shitty part, it was digital.. in 10 second increments.  An hour long VHS, cut up into 10 second files.  Yes, please be my guest to guess how many files that was, because I have no idea since I deleted most of the stuff that I remembered that most definitely was NOT going into a school project.  In this video I was prob between the ages of 6-8.  I'm not really good at projecting children's ages (what with the no kids and all).  I tried to watch some random clips.  OMG.  I really was sounded like a country bumpkin.  I remember going home on leave after I'd joined the Navy and I hung out with my clone younger cousin.  I corrected her grammar several times because she was saying things incorrectly, and it was driving me crazy.  But lets be honest, when bad is all you hear, it ain't so wrong, right?  :)  The other thing I most definitely noticed was the twang in every word that came from her mouth.

I went home and said to Teh Mom, please tell me I never sounded like that!  Teh Mom, crusher of all dreams, "oh yes, you used to talk like that."  Me: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking Southern is kinda like a language of its own.  And if you speak it fast, don't have any faith that anyone from above the Mason-Dixon Line will understand a word you're saying.  One of my goals in college was to lose some of my ridiculously Southern accent.  When you're in NC, its not so bad, but once you start venturing out into the world, when you talk like you are obviously from the South, people knock your IQ points down a few levels and assume that you're probably an idiot because they can't understand the intelligent words you are saying.  On the other hand, some people really like it.  Since I've been in the military, I've heard more guys say that a girl with a southern accent is the hottest thing ever.  Teh Bear jokes about the fact that when he did hurricane relief in Mississippi (or was it Alabama?), if he hadn't already been married, he prob would have married one of those girls just because of the way they talked.

But sometimes there is an obvious communication gap between his Yankee and my Southern.  Actually its probably just a gap between Southern and the rest of the world, but any opportunity to give him shit for being a Yankee is welcome.

Best example to date:
I live near 2 intersections.  One intersection has always had a red light, the other has a fairly new red light, and many of the locals aren't used to it yet, so they gun it after the first red light, only to realize they will be stopping for another red light in about 50 more yards, queue the brakes.  Recently, a truck jackknifed at the red light because he was trying to stop for the red light.  There was also a familiar thump of impact with a car.  And since I'm that nosey person that lives in the building beside said intersection, I, of course, peeped out my windows to see what had happened.

When it was video time with Teh Bear, I relayed the story to him.

M: So I was napping today, and all of a sudden, I heard tires squallin.  And it wasn't the short squall, like oops the light is red must stop squall.  It was the squall from red light to red light.  There were black marks from a dump truck that had tried to stop, from pretty much the prior intersection to the point at which he stopped.  There was also a car in the middle of the intersection, which I think was hit when the truck jackknifed, because the truck was taking up both lanes when it finally stopped and this car was not in the right place.
tB: Wow that sounds intense.
M: Yeah, it was a lot of brake squallin.
tB: Squealing?
M: No, tires squallin, like the sound when you press the brakes and come to a sudden stop.
tB: That's squealing.
M: Huh?
tB: Do you know what a squall is?
M (I didn't exactly know): Something nautical?
tB: You're in the Navy, you should know this!
M: Hey, I know its nautical, I've never been to a ship, don't get sassy.
tB: A squall is a storm at sea.
M: Well, squallin' is the sound that cars make when they are trying to make a sudden stop.
tB: I just thought you were saying squealing wrong.

At this point I send Teh BFF a text that said: what is the sound that brakes make when you come to a sudden stop?
tBFF: Well, I say squall, but you probably say squeal.
M: Nope, definitely just told Teh Bear a story about tires squallin to a stop and he thought I was sayin squealin wrong.  lol

I relay this information to Teh Bear.  He laughs.  He comments that my Southern is so cute.  I grimace.  Then the shit talkin started.

tB: So the tires were squallin in the desert.  Is this like a storm of tires in the desert?
At which point all I can envision is a hurricane of old tires swirling around in a dust storm.
M: Of course, only the best sand storms come with tire squalls.  Bowl (which is actually me calling him a butthole, but he says that when I say it, it sounds like I'm calling him a bowl, like what you eat cereal out of).
Teh Bear just smiles at me, with his victory smile.  I stick my tongue out at him and call him a jerk for good measure, so he knows that I'm trying to call him names, not kitchen items.

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