Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Ways my parents scarred me... FOR LIFE.. 3

So, at some point, we've all had to loose those baby teeth... so this story applies to all the Gentle Readers.

I hated loosing teeth.  Loathed it.  The tooth would wiggle and wiggle and wiggle and the pain of actually removing it and the blood just made me dread the entire process.  THEN, there'd be a very non-cute hole in my mouth for an undetermined amount of time.  Just a dreadful process all around.

Teh Parents, particularly Teh Dad, were always bubbling reservoirs of suggestions on how to get those stubborn teeth out.

Of course the first suggestion was tie a string to it an pull.  Which NEVER worked.
Then there was more wiggling the tooth.
Then there was yanking.
Then there was letting someone else pull the string or yank it.
Then there was eating hard foods (apples, carrots).
Then there was chewing gum.

Apparently, I had the world's most stubborn teeth.  So Teh Dad suggested on a really loose tooth that we take a string and tie it around the tooth and then tie the other end of the string to a door knob so that the door being pushed shut would pull the tooth out. 

You remember being a kid and being like, "Ok, well Dad said it was a good idea, so why not?"  Yeah, that was dumb.  I'm not sure how this parent approach works so well since kids are generally smart, but yeah, it still works.

So, of course, I let Teh Dad tie my tooth up and then tie the string to the door knob.  And I'm already nervous and uncomfortable, but add to that looking completely ridiculous standing on the back porch with the door open, bent over (since the string wasn't long enough to reach the knob when I was standing), and trying to talk (because Kid Teh Megan rarely ever shut up). 

Teh Dad asked me if I was ready and I kept saying no.  Who is EVER ready to have a door slam yank a tooth out of your mouth?  Truly?  No one.  Eventually, I gave a not-at-all-confident, extremely weak, yes.  He gave the door a push.. and my face just went with the door.  Yeah, not ready.  I didn't actually hit the wall with my head, so there was that positive.

Teh Dad grilled me again, "You have to stand still for this to work!  Are you ready?"  At this point, I'm just tired.  I think that's actually how this trick is supposed to work, the kid gets tired, and gives up fighting, mean while, the parent has been thoroughly amused the entire time.

I'm still tied to the door knob and hunched over, so I backed up and Teh Dad made me step back 2 extra steps as he opened the door.  Scared I'm going to loose more than one tooth, but exhausted at this entire situation over pulling a stupid tooth, I decide I'm just going to stand there.  Teh Dad asks if I'm ready, and I just shrug.

"1... 2.... 3!"  And again, I move with the door, because no sane person uses a door to pull their tooth out!  Tired and frustrated I tell Teh Dad that I give up, I'll just keep wiggling it until it falls out.  He somehow manages to talk me into "just one more time..." at least 3 more times.  Each time, I move with the closing door.

Extremely tired, extremely irritated, and extremely sore from bending over all this time, I tell him that its the last time.  I can only imagine the joy Teh Mom was getting from hearing the door slam over and over.  The mabillionth final door slam happened and I actually stayed put in my hunched over state and despite the door slam and the string.. I was still attached to the door knob and there was still an attached tooth in my mouth.

I gave up at that point.  There was no getting this tooth out.  I'd just be miserable.  I made Teh Dad untie me and went inside, wiggling my even looser tooth with my tongue.

I didn't even realize I had a perm this young.
Teh Parents = Awesome.

We might have forgotten it was school picture day....

PS. Before the night was over the damn tooth finally came out.  Uggggghhhhh.

Even more scarring than the door slamming experience?
Teh Dad still has all our baby teeth.  I've already expressed to him how excited I am for him to die so I can go through all his stuff and find some creepy ass teeth.......  NOT.

ANDDDD not only does he have mine and Teh Sister's teeth, he also has his own!  ANDDDD he would have asked for the tooth that was removed prior to my braces, "but the dentist shattered it to pieces trying to get it out, so I didn't bother."  I can't even make this stuff up, Gentle Readers.

You are welcome.

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