Friday, January 11, 2019

Five on Friday #178

EINS - Random Shit

-I officially have a shit stick.  Let me explain the most redneck thing I've ever said that statement...

A while ago, I purchased a poop funnel.  It's essentially a funnel you screw onto the exposed pipe that goes to the sewer line of your house.  So rather than bag dog poop and throw it in the trash can (which are you are not supposed to do), I scoop all the poop into a bucket and then dump the bucket and lots of water into the poop funnel and it washes away with the rest of the neighborhood's poop.  TADA.

Wellllllll, my poop drain got clogged on Sunday and didn't drain as it normally does.  So Monday, I acquired a skinny piece of the pallet wood that Teh German has stored in the garage and SHOVED THAT SHIT DOWN!  It drained right away, like shitty magics.

And since now I know that piece of wood is perfect for shit smashin... I now keep it by the poop funnel in case of future emergencies. 

-I discovered coconut balls in Teh NY Chef's candy delivery.  They are so derichious.  It's too bad the coconut get stuck in my teef gaps and plagues me for hours.  Yet, I will still eat them all!

-Netflix created You (yes, the book) as a show.  It's like people completely forgot that the book You existed and Netflix is like, sooo awesome for this... except, IT WAS A BOOK FIRST!  Like most great things.. it was a book first.  Siiiiiigh.

-Emails with the Coworker last week?  Yeah, they resumed this week and I told the PM to handle it.  I'm not sure who told this Coworker to "harass" someone until something gets done, but he picked the wrong bitch to harass.  I will straight up ignore you.  #NOFUCKSTOGIVE

-School has finally started.  Of course, I slept like shit the night before class started because of anxiety about all the things I cannot control.  My classes are going to be fine.  It will be a difficult semester, but C's get degrees and that's the name of the game this semester.  Especially with retaking a course I failed last summer.

-Teh German has a sickness and I really, really, REALLY need him to not give it to me, kthx.  I'm hoping it's whatever knocked me down at Thanksgiving, but I have a sneaky suspicion that he picked this up during our airplane travels from some germ bucket.  Rah.

-I ordered my textbooks a week before classes started.  One of them still hasn't shipped.  So much rage.  I forgot that textbooks are usually shipped via media mail since it's cheaper which generally takes at least a week, if not two to arrive.  FML. 

-To the instructor who said, "Does anyone want an electronic copy of the textbook?"  Thank you.  Thank you for saving me at least $75 and thank you for being real. 

-I'm excited to pick up my packet for the Charleston half marathon today since I didn't pick up my packet last year, so I didn't get to experience the expo.  I will also be signing up for the Myrtle Beach half marathon because MEDALS.  I don't really care about the MB race, but Teh PT Wife knows a person there, so we can get free lodging, which makes the trip for a challenge medal worth it.  For running the CHS race and the MB race, you get an extra "Bless Your Heart" medal which is a 3-way spinner... and it says "Bless Your Heart" like a proper Southerner.

-The other fun thing about the expo is seeing all the other races.  I know I said I was done, but I know I'm not.  Teh Running Bestie has said she's done, but I think she's going through a season.  Shhh, don't tell her I said that (she reads this, so I know she's seen it, but still... this can't be the end).

-YOU GUYS.  IDK if you follow me on Snapchat, but my sleeping coworker made an appearance this morning.  Complete with snoring, sleep vaping, and picking his nose in his sleep.  I cannot make this shit up.

-My desk organizers made my OCD dreams come true.  For real.  I wish I would have taken a before and after.  The best analogy would be: Before: My brain before making a list; After: My brain after making a list.

ZWEI - Money Shit

-German class book (that might arrive between now and the end of the next week month semester.
-Bojangles x2
-ON1 (of the 5 programs I tested to replace Lightroom and Photoshop, this one was the winner and it doesn't require a subscription.  #WIN)

I'm about to redo my direct deposits since I've got some feelings on the House account situation.  Not bad, just realignment of priorities.  Being the Suga Momma is hard.  I'm only like a part-time Sugar Momma, Teh German is sometimes my Sugar Daddy.. it all washes out in the end, but it's time to see MY accounts grow rather than OUR accounts.

DREI - From My Phone Shit

Professional development in progress!
I told him no fish tank things until it's done.
#NotSorry #Motivation #DelayedGratification

Tell me I'm not the only one.

What do you call a fish with 2 knees?
A two-knee fish.
(A tuna fish).


If this doesn't melt your hearts, you're probably a serial killer.
They didn't do this before they stayed with their Other Momma for a month.
I'm going to send them to her for a month more often if they come back with all these delightful habits!

VIER - From the Internet Shit

FÜNF - Things that made me happy this week

  1. The start of another semester.  This means time is ticking down now.
  2. Hoodies.
  3. The return of the beasts.
  4. Sweet tea.
  5. Getting to do tech writer things this week for like half a moment.
  6. Teh Running Bestie being in town.  We prob won't see each other again until March and that's like, a SUPER long time from now...
  7. FREE textbooks.
  8. The ability to work from anywhere, which makes school possible.
  9. Blue hairs.  Yes, it's fading pretty bad, but I still like it.  BUT really, I should make an appointment to use the last of the blue up and I probably need a trim.
  10. It being Friday.  Someone posted on FB that this week felt 2 weeks long.  A-fucking-men.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

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