Monday, March 11, 2019

Prequel to the 3/11 Weekend Review

Some of you may have noticed that I was MIA on Friday.  Some of you maybe didn't.  It's fine, my feelings aren't hurt.  Either way, I wasn't around and my normal Friday post wasn't drafted, so crickets from me.

But this post is to provide some explanation for the post you will see tomorrow.

From last week:
Gentle Readers... this last month has been a fucking roller coaster.  Like, from birthday festivities, to running, to drama between Teh German and I, to the midterm slam at school (homework in every class compared to homework in maybe 3 classes), to incessant stupid shit at work because FORMS (I wish I was kidding), to hurting all over because running+massage+working out... and it was weighing on me in an oppressive way that meant taking a lexapro to sleep.. To the point, I gave myself a stress neck rash (this is not the first time in my life that this has happened to me).

I was gritting my teeth and bearing it.  I can do this.  I've ridden this ride before.  I know this cycle well.  I am burnt out and a break is on the horizon but it's so far away.  And there are so many things in a hold pattern than I'm waiting to fall into place.. which feels like a constant state, but sometimes those things I'm waiting on are HUGE and sometimes not so much... but this time, those things are HUGE and that means anxiety and stress and an oppressive weight that feels like it's crushing me.

See image for accurate depiction:

And, finally, this last week, I started to see the light.  My patient digging finally coming to fruition.  But Tuesday.. Tuesday I finally made a break in the rubble and popped my head out from under the pile.

Homework was plodded through and got accomplished with the help of partners and professors.
A green card was printed and put in the mail.. and received.
A scholarship was received.
The Laundry Fairy even came to visit (despite warnings that she'd went on Spring Break early).

It was the kind of day that makes you question why you ever thought it was a shit week/month.  It was the kind of day that took the top half of the rock pile off my shoulders.  It was the kind of day that makes you grateful for every struggle.  It was the kind of day that makes you realize, your prayers were heard, even if they were quick mumbles and sometimes in jest (but really, Jesus, take the wheel is something I say so frequently, it is a real prayer at this point).  The kind of day you worry about telling people about, because what if you jinx yourself?  The kind of day that is actually completely unbelievable that it happened to YOU.

But, it did.

Teh German's green card is in the mail.  IT IS ON IT'S WAY TO OUR HOUSE.  TO BE IN HIS HANDS.  A process he's been working on since last April.  Teh German's green card has ARRIVED.  I've held it in my hands.  I've never seen him more relieved/excited than when he held that card in his hands.  It's a moment I will remember.  I wish I could have gotten a photo.

I received a scholarship for my study abroad this summer.. a $6000 scholarship!  I was maybe expecting a $1000 scholarship, maybe.  But $6000?!  I happy cried.  This means no needing to take an online class while I'm in Germany, for the GI Bill money.  It means getting to completely let myself study abroad without flexing my work hours or having to take an online class for the money.  It means I'm 100% getting to do the study abroad I've dreamed about doing for my ENTIRE life and I will not be pulled in 100 different directions.. which will kinda be like a vacation for me, lol.

Later in the week, when I signed the award letter, I discovered the scholarship was for up to $6000, which is definitely different than actual $6000.  This was disappointing.  I'm still not sure how much I'll be getting exactly, but I also applied for German scholarships.  I know in the end, this will all wash out, but the meantime is stressful.

So the roller coaster analogy?  100% accurate.

That said.. when you see the weekend review, now you'll understand..

Final note: It is now officially spring break and really the most pressing thing on my mind is getting homework done so I don't have to worry about it.  May 2020 cannot come soon enough.


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