This year, the most significant words to me were "Be still and know." This is actually a verse from the Bible, Psalms 46:10: "Be still, and know that I am God..." One of the churches that I pass regularly had "be still and know" posted on one side of their sign... One day in particular, I was passing it and read it. I'd probably passed by this sign for weeks and not noticed. This day, I needed it. I was frustrated at the person who had been going significantly under the speed limit, the radio wasn't playing anything good, nothing seemed to be going my way. After reading it, I paused. I breathed. I was still. In that moment, a sense of peace came over me. The radio didn't matter, I wasn't going anywhere that wasn't forgiving of being a minute or two late, my day was going exactly how I let it. I was still and knew that I wasn't in control and it made me feel completely content.
This also led to my next (potentially final) tattoo idea:
Physically, my body was broken, but now it's better, lol. I've had endometrosis for a long time and I found out I was "full o' stones" (my gallbladder). After 2 surgeries, I'm almost like new.
As for mentally broken.. I'm still struggling with the fact that Teh Bear is still not in MD. Usually, coupled with extreme PMS, I get very down about this fact. I try extremely hard to ignore this, but sometimes it just spills out and I get sulky and nasty and Teh Bear has to deal with down Teh Megan and no one likes that. After a few
I have a feeling that as I'm in the US for longer and longer, the thrill of all the things that I was so excited about in the past year will become less and less exciting. The flowers will still bloom in the spring, a cool breeze will still be refreshing on a 90°F day, the leaves will still put on an art show in the fall, and the snow will continue to fall in the winter.. but this past year, each time these things happened, I held my breath for a second because the excitement about these little changes made me feel like I might burst.
So, I hope that when next fall rolls around, I still appreciate how awesome the leaves are. That when Christmas #3 in the States happens, that I don't forget that one Christmas, I didn't have a tree to put up, I didn't have my decorations and I had to start fresh. Mostly, I want to remember the feeling of excitement, like I would burst, and the immediate gratitude to God for all the wonderful things that I'm blessed with, the leaves and the snow and the cool days and remembering to breathe when its all so wonderful and overwhelming.
Christmas lights above the bed was something that happened last February when Teh Bear came to MD to visit for my birthday. They weren't in this pattern, but I didn't take a photo of the lights, so that photo will have to suffice. I worked for part of his visit, but did take some vacation. There would be days that we'd just take a break from watching TV or playing on the computers to go and snuggle under the lights. I remember the feeling of contentment in just snuggling with Teh Bear whenever I wanted to. And yes, we just snuggled, get your dirty minds out of the gutter.
This year I did a lot of home decorating. I made the apartment MINE. Teh Bear and I decided on a color scheme so that way I wouldn't get out of control with the decorating colors (because when you don't have a favorite color and like ALL colors, you love all things). I made wall hangings even. Since I finally had a place of my own, I cooked so much delicious noms. I made Pinterest recipes. I visited the Grand Canyon and took photos so I could share them later. Also, I learned to appreciate (more than I already did) karaoke in the car on 8 hour drives and since music is art, I sang and sang and sang. I'm sure Phil was just like, stfu.
My body now has 6 distinctive scars on my belly from 2 surgeries. My feet got new blisters from starting to walk then moving on to running. My feet got some new dents from Phil stretching and his claws digging into the tops of my feet. My left hand middle finger got a bigger dent in it from signing so much paperwork due to my job as an assistant command security manager. My wrists got leash burned from Phil trying to chase squirrels. My feet got even more blisters when I broke in my new hiking boots for our November vacation. I got drenched several times from running out in the rain with Phil. I held hands with Teh Bear for longer than I have any other year. I got snuggles from Teh Bear more than any other year.
My heart has been fulfilled with travel to Australia and Scotland and Florida and Colorado and Arizona and North Carolina. I weathered frustration when I felt like the distance wasn't making me stronger. My heart was fulfilled when Phil entered my life, even though there were moments where I was sure that Phil was tempting fate. I felt relief at knowing that after enduring 2 surgeries, my body was more healed and better than it had been in a long time. I felt great relief the first time I got to go to medical and tell them I was on NO medication. My heart felt love every time I met Teh Bear at the airport and sadness every time we left each other. I was proud when Teh Sister graduated from college and Teh Stepsister joined the Army.
This panoramic represents many things:
Photography, a hobby that I love.
Dreams accomplished, I always wanted to visit Australia, but never thought I'd actually go... and then I did.
Sunrise, the start of a new day, holding new things.
Passion, for my hobby.
Devotion, for getting up before the sun rose to get this photo.
Skill, for learning to do panoramic photos and editing photos.
Companionship, for the company I was in when I took this photo.
Community, for the desire to share this photo (and all the other photos) with Gentle Readers/family/friends/etc.