FRIDAYFriday was a busy day. I skipped out on an AM gym session with Roux's Humom so I could get to work early since I knew I'd be leaving early. Just a reminder: standing is hard work. I stood at work for most of my time there, it was horrible, but my hip appreciated it.
We had an all-hands meeting at 1130 while we discussed the new projects we were taking on. Lunch arrived at noon, yay free Evo pizza! The meeting was supposed to end at 1230 (but our meetings always go longer than scheduled). I had to leave at 1230 for certain. I had an appointment scheduled for 1. I had ridden Bagheera into work since it was projected to rain all weekend (which it did). My appointment? A massage. #notsorry.
It was a super good massage. The guy worked on my hips, which are giving me all kinds of hell right now from an activity I do not recall. After my massage, I went home to drop off Bagheera and pick up Yurtle, then I headed to the Chiro's office. I had meant to go before the work meeting, but had gotten side-railed and then ran out of time.
I pulled up to the Chiro's office at 3. I noticed his car in the parking lot, but no other cars. No bueno. I then looked up the office hours online and they do not have afternoon hours on Tuesday OR Fridays. UUUUGGHHH. While I stared at the hours deciding whether or not I was going to be angry about this situation, I looked in the mirror and saw the Chiro come out the door. I opened my door and asked him if he had time for just one more session today. For me, he did. Have I mentioned lately how much I lurve my chiropractor?
While he aligned me, he explained that it was his anniversary and he was headed home to pick up his wife and they were going downtown to celebrate. Coincidentally, Friday also happened to be my 2-year anniversary with Company.
After pops, I headed home to wait on Teh German to come home. I finished up my first BAB (Broke Ass Bride) post (not sure when it's going live, but don't worry, I'll share it when it does). Teh German came home early, which was a surprise. Then shit started to go downhill.
I kinda wanted to go out and do something, but I didn't know if he was interested. I bounced some ideas off of him and got no response. Then I got irritated and told him that I was tired of making all the decisions and he should find something for us to do. He spent about 3 minutes searching somewhere on the internet for things to do then announced, "I can't find anything to do."
The rage... consumed me.
Now, I'm not sure if the very minimal progesterone levels of my new IUD (Merena) were effecting me or if me even considering them is me trying to blame my rage on something, anything beside legit reasons, but I was pissed. I would also add that the wedding decisions
As he sat in my office watching videos on social media, I stewed and got more and more pissed. I finally went upstairs to shower. While I was in the shower, I decided that I would go out on my own and find something to do (go to a movie, attend a comedy show that was in town, go walk on the beach, anything). After getting out of the shower and getting ready, I went downstairs and told Teh German I was leaving and he asked where I was going and I told him I didn't know yet. His response, "Ok, I'll come with you."
I couldn't even control it anymore. My face gave me away (I was holding back tears) and Teh German asked, "What is wrong with your face?" Then, the eruption happened. "YOU! YOU are what's wrong with my face!" My heat-of-the-moment game could probably use a little work. I tried to explain through my tears that I didn't think it was unreasonable to expect him to actually plan an event for us to do every once in a while. He explained he hadn't found anything and I countered with the fact that I had found no less than 3 things to do with a quick search. Crickets.
I am not mean enough to say, "Anyways, you weren't invited," nor was I willing to deal with whatever fallout would come from that situation, so I just clamped my mouth shut, blew my nose and wiped my eyes, while I waited on Teh German to change and come downstairs. When we left, he asked what we were doing. I said, I didn't care, he should decide. He said he was hungry and then suggested Mex 1. Mex 1 is something I suggested last week since they were having a special restaurant week deal. I didn't mention the lack of originality, I just let it all happen.
When we pulled up to Mex 1, they were slammed. There was obviously a wait. Since we didn't have anything else to do, I suggested (of course) that we try Page's Okra Grill for dinner, which was 30 minutes away, rather than deflect his suggestions that we have something close-by.
When we got to Page's I wasn't really in the mood to wait, so we sat outside under a heat lamp. Our food was delicious. We were having some serious communication issues and I'm sure that the people sitting near us could feel the tension.
We had some delicious noms. Teh German ordered the pimento cheese fries with bbq and coleslaw and they were AHHHMAZING.
Even my rage couldn't take away from how delicious they were. As we were advised, we only ate about half of them so we could save room for our meals. Teh German ordered a salad and I had the fried chicken. As we were finishing eating, I asked Teh German what he wanted to do next. It was only 8ish. He didn't know (of course). He asked about the info for the comedy shows I mentioned and I explained they were downtown. He picked one he said sounded better, but I could tell he didn't really want to go. I just knew. I also knew that I was in an epic-ly foul mood and that I wouldn't enjoy it very much in my current state. So I suggested that we just go home. As expected, Teh German jumped on this idea and agreed. I reminded Teh German that it wasn't lost on me that I had made all the suggestions for the evening and that I hoped he didn't tax himself with all these decisions.
When we got home, I started to get ready for bed almost immediately. Teh German was doing things downstairs and I didn't really care what. While I was getting ready, Teh German came upstairs, got ready for bed, and went to bed. He wasn't facing me when I got in the bed (abnormal) so I didn't bother to say anything to him as I crawled in bed and tried to sleep.
SATURDAYSaturday morning, I woke up and fed the beasts. Roux's Humom and I set off for the gym by 8:30. I was still so angry, I forgot to even tell Teh German that I was leaving. I did accidentally walk on him in the toilet closet and I was pretty sure he'd seen me getting ready in the clothes closet, so I wasn't overly concerned.
After a solid workout, we returned back home. Roux's Humom had asked if we wanted to join them for breakfast at a local diner that I hadn't been to. I told her I'd ask Teh German and we'd go from there. Much to my surprise, Teh German was awake. He was laying in bed social-media-ing (less of a surprise). I asked if he wanted to go to breakfast and he agreed.
Mr. Golfer and Roux's Humom were set to pick us up at 10:30. I had jumped in the shower first and was holding it hostage. I knew that Teh German had to shower and I also knew that he had to listen to me if we were in at the same time. When he was finally out of things to do to pass the time while I was in the shower, I finally told him to come in.
I tried to explain how I felt without being emotional. I feel like I make all the decisions and come up with all the entertainment. This is probably coming to a head right now because I've made a lot of huge wedding decisions in the past few weeks and I didn't feel like it was unreasonable to expect him to plan something for us every now and then. I also pointed out that he doesn't have a difficult life where he has to make a lot of decisions. He doesn't often help me even decide what we will eat for the week, rarely makes the decision to clean, and almost never comes up with activities for us to do. He didn't really have a response for that and actually said to me, "What do you want me to say?" I had no idea and I told him so. Truthfully, I wanted him to say that he would make the effort to contribute, but we both knew that if he said that it would probably be a lie. I wanted him to say something to make my brain quiet, but I knew it wasn't the right time to say something like that. As he finished his shower he said that he felt like I had attacked him Friday night with my outburst. I explained that when he had said, "What's wrong with your face?" I probably didn't have the best response and that I wasn't trying to attack him.
As we finished getting ready, I explained that I wanted this to be a conversation, not a one-sided statement and he made the excuse that it wasn't something we had time for since we were already late for breakfast (we weren't, for once). I let it go. We were at an impasse and I knew he needed some time to process.
We headed to breakfast once Mr. Golfer and Roux's Humom came to pick us up. Breakfast was pretty good. We all came home full and, for our house, in better moods. As soon as we got home, I realized my phone was missing. Teh German called it and got no answer. Then he called Mr. Golfer and Roux's Humom who also didn't answer. Then he got a text from my phone from our server that had picked my phone up and said he'd keep it until the owner came to claim it. Perfecto.
With the dogs in tow, I headed back to the restaurant to pick up my phone. There are approximately a mabillionty things I wanted to do on the way to the restaurant with my phone that I couldn't do because I didn't have my phone. I wanted to take a pic of Meri and Phil when we were stopped at the red light. I wanted to listen to my audiobook. I wanted to look up an address. Really, I'm handicapped without my phone. #firstworldproblems
It was a quick trip and when we got back home, Teh German and I had a skype session with his mom, chatted with Teh Dad for a bit after we ended the skype session, then we started cleaning. Teh German agreed to vacuum the entire house and I would clean all the bathrooms. These tasks take about the same amount of time for me since I'm very OCD. While Teh German didn't do all my OCD vacuum things (use the hose against the baseboards with lots of dirt/near the crate/dog areas), he vacuumed, so I did not say anything.
Once we were done with our cleaning, we settled on the couch and started watching Sherlock. Much to my happiness, Teh German really likes it. He sometimes struggles with how fast the actors speak, but we always have captions on (Megan preference) but he really enjoys the characters and the story lines. In excellent news, there aren't 24 episodes per season, so it won't take us long to get caught up and then move on to another series (Modern Family, unless I come up with a better idea).
I heated up leftovers for dinner and we ate in front of the tv, which is a rare treat for us. We conquered season 1 and then we started the process of getting ready for bed around 9, because #oldpeople.
SUNDAYSleeps were super rough on Saturday night. I was hot, I was cold, my hip hurt, my brain wouldn't stfu. I ended up sleeping through Roux's Humom's texts about going to the gym. We finally woke up around 0915. We stayed in bed for a bit scrolling through social media (like we do) and eventually got up and heated up some leftovers for breakfast.
I knew I had to edit photos from the Twin's birthday party last weekend, so that was my goal of the day. I started the laundry first. I also responded to blog comments that I'd gotten. Finally, I started on the photos. After an hour and a half, my head started to hurt so I took a break to eat leftovers for lunch (we seriously had an obscene amount of leftovers from the week/weekend). After I finished eating, I worked on the laundry and went back to photo editing. An hour later, I was finally done. Lesson: Never take more pictures than you are willing to edit, especially when using new equipment (a flash).
|The house was clean. Meri was helping decorate with all her toys.|
After I finished the photos, I had Teh German bring me his documentation and sign onto the tax website so I could do his taxes for him. Yes, I know this is ironic since I wanted him to come up with his own things, but I know that some things very much overwhelm Teh German and official government forms are one of them. I also knew that his taxes would take all of 5 minutes since he has zero deductions. It's literally just putting in his W2 info and his bank info for the return and then clicking submit. Since he had saved his password info, it took even less time than anticipated! With that done, I moved on to fun things: blogging.
I worked on a BAB post and then this post. I almost started doing Drupal lessons, but instead decided to be blog productive instead. All the while, Teh German had been watching the football game. When it was over, he asked if I was hungry, which means that he was hungry. I heated up leftovers (yes, again) for dinner.
After dinner, it was Sherlock and chill and laundry. Eventually, it was time for bed since it was a school night and we had both slept like shit the night before.
_____________________________________Overall, the weekend was meh. It started off rough and got progressively better. We were both very glad that Sunday was Sunday since we were both exhausted.
So, you may have noticed that I didn't go to the Women's March on Saturday and I'm feeling some sort of way about it. I was super conflicted about going, I am super conflicted (and disappointed) in not going. But I'll be honest and speak to what is on my heart..
I wasn't sure WHY I was going to the march. There were a lot of women that I know who attended marches, but I couldn't tell if I felt peer pressured or not. I also didn't have a specific reason I was going and that made me second guess myself. What was I fighting for? Was I attending just to say I attended? Was I attending because as an on-the-fence feminist I was expected to march? Was I going to fight for my rights that haven't been affected (yet/to my knowledge)? Who was I fighting for and why?
I couldn't answer any of those questions with a straight answer and it was embarrassing to me. If I couldn't answer those questions, why would I march? I also had a fear that the march would turn into an anti-Trump event and I wasn't interested in that.
Also, it was raining, shitty excuse since we totally have ponchos from Disney I could have used.
Then it was after the fact and I was almost sick with disappointment that I didn't go. Was I disappointed in myself because I knew others would be disappointed in me? Why should this even matter to me? Why did I need a reason to go stand up with other women around the world? I shouldn't need a reason to stand up for my gender, to be a voice among the crowd for others who are definitely marching for something. Maybe I just needed to do more research, but honestly, I didn't want to find more reasons to be pissed off. What if attending the march was the spark I needed to become more involved?
I've recognized the fact that Trump was full of hot air during the election process (as all candidates are, don't deny it). There are things that he said that I know will never come to fruition, even if I have no idea what those things are. My immediate example that comes to mind is President Obama saying he would close GTMO down when he became president. You guys, GTMO is still open for justifiable reasons. Not as a place to harbor terrorists that isn't on American soil so we don't have to apply due process.
At the end of the day, I think I didn't march because 1- I'm lazy and going downtown is a major pain in the ass, 2- I didn't have a personal reason, and most importantly, 3- I'm hoping that Trump isn't going to fuck us over in all the ways we think he might.
That said, I'm very scared I am wrong. I'm scared I'm going to regret not dealing with the inconvenience and attending a march for RIGHTS. Not women's rights, not LBGT(etc) rights, just rights. I am very aware that I have a blind faith in people and that I'm often disappointed, but I really, really hope I'm not putting my faith in the wrong place this time.
When I was reading through my blog subscriptions this morning, it made me extra sad that I hadn't attended the march. So many reasons were pointed out to me as reasons to march that I hadn't even considered. Live and learn.