Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Once, I drove a van into a house.

I've referred to this event a few times and I will finally tell you all about it.  So grab your popcorn and take a seat because in true Teh Megan form, this story is riiiiiiidiculous.  I collaborated with Teh Sister to provide you the complete story.  I'm sure Teh Mom's version would be slightly less hilarious in a OMG-my-kids-are-going-to-die-maybe type way.

So back in the day, Teh Mom, Teh Sister, and I lived in a house we called The Box. 

The Box was this older house that originally didn't even have a bathroom, they had to add it on later.  It was the first place we lived after my parents separated.  It would have been a perfect house for a newly married couple, but it was cramped with Teh Mom, kid Teh Sister, and teenage Teh Megan.  We called it The Box because without the bathroom, it was a perfect square. 

During the summer, sometimes Teh Sister and I went into work with Teh Mom, who's job was to coordinate volunteer activities for juveniles and deliver them these places to complete their court mandated community service.  We were returning home after one of these sessions when the van incident took place.

Almost the same as Teh Mom's work van.. it's just missing the side stickers.

The driveway to the box was downhill, then it leveled out where Teh Mom parked Teh Ghetto Mobile and her work van, a Ford Aerostar.  On this day, Teh Ghetto Mobile was somewhere else for some reason, prob getting maintenance or something, idk, I was teenager and didn't care.  Ghetto wasn't my favorite mode of transportation.  Ghetto wasn't anyone's favorite method of transportation.
On this particular day, Teh Mom decided to check the mail before going home, so she parked the van at the top of the hill and got out to check the mail. When she returned to the van a few seconds later, I looked over at her and she had this HUGE bug on her shirt. I screamed and pointed it out to her and she set down the mail (Teh Sister: There was no putting or placing the mail down she threw that shit everywhere which is why she had a few pieces in her hand when coming down the driveway) and backed up and started brushing the bug off her chest.

Teh Sister: I am not sure that I would call it brushing her shirt.. more of really BAD white girl break dancing almost... and her screaming GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!

At which point, Teh Mom started moving backwards...  Which was actually the entire van moving forward.

Yeah, apparently the van wasn't as serious about being in "park" as we were.  The van started rolling down the hill with the driver door open and NO DRIVER IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT. I was in the passenger seat and Teh Sister was laying on the middle row of seats taking a nap. She wasn't asleep for very long. (Teh Sister: I was actually awake when mom checked the mail and you screamed about the bug.) As we start to pick up speed, I knew it was on me to decide our destiny.

Teh Sister: You also left out the part of mom yelling, “Where are you going? Wait for me!” as we were rolling away... as if we had the choice of our final destination.

We had 3 options. Keep going straight down the driveway and we'd run into a field and hit a pregnant cow. If I veered us to the right, we'd hit a tree head on (and at a pretty good speed since we were going downhill). If I veered us to the left, we'd hit the big ditch and stop.

Now, please consider these facts, Gentle Readers:
-I was maybe 14.5.
-I was unlicensed.
-I was buckled up.
-The emergency brake was a floor push one, so it wasn't easily accessible.
-I had just read Hatchet where the kid rips out his finger nails trying to unbuckle himself when the plane crashed and the concept of the pain while reading it was enough to make me quiver, so the option to unbuckle handicapped me.
-Normally in a situation like this, I'd have just frozen completely and been unable to act at all.
-We weren't slowly rolling down the hill. No, no. We were FLYING down the hill, so I had to make a quick decision.

Teh Sister: You left out: Your yelling, “[Teh Sister] we cannot hit the cow that will be too big of a mess.”  And I asked about the flower bed, you said, “No, Mom would be upset.”
(Me: I don’t recall this conversation about the flower bed happening, but if you say so.)

I decided to go for the ditch. Then I wouldn't hurt the neighbor's cow and I wouldn't get my legs crushed from taking on a tree.

Teh Sister: You decided the ditch, yelled, “Hang on for your life..” bam ditch

I turned the steering wheel to the left a bit and we left the road and started the bumpy ride of going down into the ditch. We hit the ditch.. and we did.not.stop. That was not the plan. At that point, I was at a loss and just held the steering wheel to have something to hang on to. At some point, there was a screeching registering in my brain. I was later informed that screeching had been occurring the entire time the van was rolling down the driveway driverless, it was Teh Mom screaming, "HIT THE BRAKES!! HIT THE BRAKES!!!"

Once we hit the ditch, we popped right out of it and continued going. I was just hanging on to the steering wheel when the van rolled right up the front steps to the house and stopped when it slammed into the house. I don't remember hitting myself on anything, just being jiggled around a lot. Teh Sister and I had been buckled in, which probably saved us from demise. Teh Sister definitely woke up from her nap.

Teh Sister: You yelled, “OH SHIT WE ARE STILL GOING WHAT DO WE DO?” and I said, “ooh Hello house!  (Pause, crash)  Well that was the fastest way up the stairs everrrrrr.”

I just stayed in the van when we stopped. I wasn't sure what to do next. The nose of the van was in our living room. That was my fault. Oops. I was a clumsy kid, but this was probably going to piss someone off. Teh Mom was quickly at the scene after we stopped. She opened the doors and pulled us out.  She wasn't wearing shoes, she told me later she had ran out of them (they were slip-ons).  I think she might have had to unbuckle me, because I'd finally frozen up and wasn't functioning. She sat me down in a lawn chair (that I'd missed) and got Teh Sister out of the back of the van.

Teh Sister: Mom got us out of the van and you said, “OOPS.” and I said, “Well would you look at that.”

Apparently, all the people at the store at the top of the hill had gotten to witness the commotion since Teh Mom was screaming, "HIT THE BRAKES!!" people started to come to the edge of the hill to see what was happening. Someone had called emergency services that eventually showed up. It wasn't until the tow truck arrived that they moved the gear shifter from park to neutral so they could pull the van off the porch.

Eventually, they removed the van from the house and they covered the gaping hole with a tarp to keep out the weather until it could be repaired. Classy.

Teh Sister: After it was over and we could see the hole you and I sang Wide Open Spaces.

Later, Teh Mom inquired why I didn't just steer the van into the flower garden, since the soil was soft, we would have just sank right in.  With no hesistation I explained, "It wasn't a possibilty.  You had always told me to stay out of your flower bed.  I was just following the rules."  She was speechless.

And that, Gentle Readers, is the story of when I ran a van into a house.

The Box no longer exists because it burnt to the ground (several years after we'd moved out).

Monday, September 29, 2014

Music Monday #7 and Weekend Review {9/29}

Music Monday

can I decide another day?

I'm a pop music fangirl.  I can't help it.  I burned up plenty of rubber this weekend on the highways and the song that gets me every.single.time it comes on??  Boom Clap by Charlie XCX.  I wish I could fight it, but it's so catchy.  Teh Bear hated the fact that I loved pop music and now I don't have to worry about that anymore, BOOM BITCHES!

Let's get to the weekend, shall we?


So on Thursday I went to medical for an appointment to take care of some nasty body crap and it didn't get taken care of I was referred to a specialist surgeon at the hospital who also wouldn't take care of my problem.  Instead, he distracted me with a shiny new allergist referral because he wants to see if/how allergic I am to penecillin.  I'm that kid.

Side story: Teh Sister is NOT allergic to penicillin and she was a pretty sickly kid.  When she would get the pink stuff that tasted like bubble gum, I'd sneak into the fridge and shake it up and lick the lid.  When I told Teh Mom when I was an adult, she got quite upset with me.  Oops, my bad.

Anyways, the surgeon was able to make a call and get me an appointment at the hospital in Bethesda on Friday.  I left a little bit early and traffic didn't end up being as bad as I anticipated so I had time for lunch  (sushi) and dessert (cannoli)!


At my appointment, I learned that since I had been taking my allergy meds (since it's freakin' allergy season and all) that they couldn't do allergy testing on me.  Good talk, glad I drove the 2 hours up here to STILL get no medical attention.  We did make a course of action though, so my drive up and back on Friday was practice for next Friday's drive up to actually get the tests.  Le siiiigh.  Oh military medicine, I hate you so much.

I came home and really wanted a nap from dealing with Friday DC rush hour traffic, but didn't have time.  Instead, I lived vicariously through the brown dogs.

Aren't they adorable "broken" dogs?

While we were getting ready to leave, I filled kongs with PB and I had the cutest audience.

I lubs dem.
I'm especially fond of that big white one, even with his stinky breafs.

After feeding the beasts, we headed to Teh MD Teenage Roomie's homecoming football game.  It turned out to be an absolutely gorgeous day.  I kept marveling at it the entire drive to and from DC and then got to be in awe again as we watched the game.

Lub wispy clouds.

It eventually got chilly enough for my hoodie, woot!!!
Minnie is back out.

We got to watch the marching band and it was super awesome and nostalgic for me (and Teh Worldwide Jesus Lover).

Despite eating at the game, we were all still hungry afterwards.  So we headed to Olive Garden because I really wanted the summer dessert (panna cotta) that I'd had with Mr. Mystery when he came to visit over Labor Day weekend.  Sadly, it was seasonal and since Fall started Monday, they were out.  DISLIKE.  

Fortunately, I pinned some recipes to make it, so maybe one SC day I'll accomplish that deliciousness.

This classy lady (in blue) was wearing her napkin over her shirt.. for their entire meal.
Oh SoMD, I'll miss you.

We came home and got doggy snuggles and started smelling something and before I could even look down, I realized it was Phil's breath.. I was right:

It's good that I love him unconditionally....
He has really started being a dick lately with the garbage spelunking and his atrocious breaths. 


Gentle Readers I need to tell you a secret.  If you know me IRL, you may already know this, but I'm going to remind you.  I don't do math.  It's just better that way, for everyone.  I took ZERO maths in college because I had completed all my math requirements for college in high school.  I have a Bachelor of Arts.  I use an app to calculate tips.  It's just not my jam.  So Friday night, when I was trying to figure out when I should leave to make it to PA to hang out with my Raleigh Roomies, I did the math backwards and left an hour later than I should have.  Ooops.

They decided to love me anyways.  I arrived at their PA house a little after one and we hung out and had pizza and I played games with the girls.  I hadn't seen their youngest daughter and the last time I'd seen their oldest daughter, she was less than a year old.  They work at a place with an art gallery on the "campus" so they took me by there so I could see all the awesome art they get to hang out with every day of the week.  (Yes, I'm jealous.)  

Faces of Buddha made from NYC telephone books.

The center Buddha.
The artist was too poor to buy wood to carve, so he used phone books instead.  I think it's awesome.

This "hive" was above the elevator and it was made of pipe cleaners and beads.  

This book sculpture was of "super woman" aka a naked lady with hard nips dangling from the ceiling.

In the shark tank, the recycled tire shark tried to eat my head.

But then I acted normal.
The ladies!

Hold on, I need a selfie!!
I love them, they are so great, the littlest one kept saying "CHEEEESE" when we'd tell her it was photo time.

After our tour, we went to a relative's house for Rosh Hashana dinner.  Everything was delicious and it was awesome to get to meet more family members of my Raleigh Roomies.  I had met their parents back in 2007, but it was great to be included in something like that.  

Side story: I used to (ok and still do) call the Raleigh Roomies Mom and Dad because they took care of me (and Adolescent ZepZep) for my last semester of college.  They believed that I played too much World of Warcraft and didn't hang out with the family enough, so we had designated meal days.  

After dinner and socializing, we finally headed home and the girls had passed out in the car.  That didn't stop us from having a fire (mostly so I could toast marshmallows, I won't even pretend).  Also, I honed my toasting kills on square marshmallows.  Don't worry, my perfect marshmallow toasting skill is still on point.  Around midnight, the flames were out, so we called it and headed to bed.

I only need marshmallows, not smores... this time. 

These were the decorative pillows on the guest bed.  I counted.
Total number of pillows: 9 (+1 (mine)) = 10.
Total number of pillows I used: 1 (mine).
The Raleigh Roomie Wife and Teh MD Adult Roomie apparently are the same person with the similar taste in rugs and the same opinion on decorative pillows.**


First thing Sunday morning was breakfast and games with the girls, then it was church time.  The Raleigh Roomies go to a mega-church.  The service was a legit "production."  As in, there was dry ice and it was concert loud.  I had to take a photo because I found it amusing considering that many people at my church think that our contemporary service (that I attend) is a "production" because of the worship band.  Not.even.close.  OMG.  It was an interesting experience.  Pretty much the opposite (and kinda the same) of that one time Teh Worldwide Jesus Lover brought me to Tupper Baptist Memorial (an African-American Baptist church founded in the early 1900s, all of those significant details she failed to inform this Podunk-born-Catholic-all-her-life-girl about (she will never live this down and I like to bring it up as often as possible)).

After church, I met Mr. Voices and Mrs. Boomkin at the mall for lunch so we could hang out one last time before I headed south for the winter.  I couldn't be so close to them (and my Godson) and not get to see them!  

The mall with the most retail space in America.
Yay dollas spendin'!

Mrs. Boomkin and I took some ridiculous selfies.  WINNING.

We hit up a few stores and then Mr. Voices and Mrs. Boomkin needed to leave to get back home.  Sad that we only had a little time, we hugged it out.  I, then, headed back into depths of the mall to do some (much needed) shoe shopping.  I ended up getting 4 pairs of shoes for under $100, getting trapped in JCPenney, and eventually made it out alive.

The drive back to MD wasn't as bad as it could have been, which I was thankful for.  I came home and Teh MD Roomies and I had dinner and we did puzzle and chores and wrote blogs (ok, I wrote this blog, we did things).

It still hasn't hit me that I'm only in MD for one more week.  This is the first duty station that I've actually not been ready to leave.  There is a countdown, but only for the acknowledgement of how many days I have left to accomplish necessary tasks.. like checking-out at work.  There are irritating things about SoMD, like the lack of decent shopping facilities (#firstworldproblems) and the very tight-knit/small communities that are sometimes hard to break into, but overall, it hasn't been the worst place ever.  I met awesome people who I'm not ready to leave yet and I'm not going to be ready in a week when I drive away with the rest of my crap in suitcases (I'm leaving the dogs since we're going on the cruise and I'll be retrieving them at a later date).  

Fortunately, I know that Teh MD Roomies will be here or at least be contactable.  I know that my greyhound/sighthound groupies would definitely be willing to grab lunch if I happened to be in the area down the road.  I know that these relationships don't end just because I'm relocating.  That doesn't make it any easier to wrap my head around.

Is there an acceptable grieving period for transitioning?  I kid, I kid.. kinda..  Also, I still need a SC job.  Lee siiiiigh.

**PS.  I hate decorative pillows.  We have 4 pillows on the bed in SC.  2 for Mr. Mystery and 2 for me.  

Linking up with these ladies:

Music Monday w/ Stories, Songs, & Praise and Love Woke Me Up This Morning |
Monday Morning Gossip w/ Join the Gossip |
Weekend Recap w/ Dateless in Dallas |
Weekending w/ B Loved Boston

Friday, September 26, 2014

Five on Friday #32


Other than the one call on Tuesday for a job interview that I couldn't get to when they wanted me to (2 days later), no one else has called.  Not taking it personally is quite difficult at this point because time is dwindling and I'm a planner and not having a job lined up is absolutely killing me.

I need to know how I'm going to make Yurtle payments and feed the dogs and contribute to bills in SC.  Worrying about these things keeps me up at night, which is an recipe for disaster.


I had a dream last night about writing a blog about things Teh MD Roomies and I have said to each other.  It was hilarious, but I have a feeling if I wrote it, it would be one of those, you had to be there type funnies.


I'm PUMPED about going to Teh MD Teenage Roomie's homecoming game..  not because I'm a huge fan of football, no no no.  I get to wear a sweatshirt and jeans in valid (cool) temps and not look like a fool.  WIN.  I won't even wear flippy-floppies with my outfit.  Officially, it's fall.

Also, I don't care if you think flippy-floppies look ridiculous with pants.  I think it's awesome.


I'm headed to PA this weekend to visit my Raleigh Roomies.  I'm excited because it's been years since I've gotten to see them.  I'm hoping that I get some awesome scenery on the drive (what with my tree on base holding out on me).


Mr. Mystery and I are going on a cruise the 2nd weekend of October with a large group of his CA friends and after lots of team effort, we finally got everything squared away yesterday night.  Holy moly, the pain.  It became quite apparent last night when we were talking that we've been in the navy too long.  We expect things to work a certain way and we questioned why we weren't getting this information until the end of the month when emails started floating around about it at the end of August/beginning of Sept.  At least within our relationship we should be squared away, lol. 

In a completely honest admission, I knew about a year after being in the Navy that I would only be able to be in relationships/marry someone who had been in the military.  I was equally excited and dismayed at myself, as I was never the military type.  But after 6 years of Navy life, certain things have become ingrained and I like most of those things, oddly enough.  Additionally, only someone in the military/Navy would understand the context when I say things like, "I'll research that and get back to you," "Wait one," "Standby, Shoremate/Shipmate/Fuselage Friend," "Head call," "Time to hit the rack," "We need a piece of line," "Balls to ass," "I'm going to PT," "My appointment is at 1400," "I got my DD-214," "TIIIIIIIINNNYYY bubbles," "Was PPE part of your ORM," etc.

Happy Friday, Gentle Readers.

Linking up with these ladies since it's FFFFRRRRRRIIIIIIDDDDAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!!
http://meetatthebarre.blogspot.ca/ | http://www.thelaurenelizabeth.com/ | http://farmerbell.blogspot.com

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Battle of Britain 2014

Last year was the first Battle of Britain and it was an excellent time, so going again this year was an absolute necessity.

We had such a blast and this year Teh MD Adult Roomie and I were able to be there for the starting ceremony which explains the history of why there is a Battle of Britain celebration.  There was a older 1940s looking plane flying overhead as we were all standing outside waiting on the ceremony to start, which was awesome.

This year, not as many people focused on dressing 40's style, but it was still a great time.  Oh and you should definitely check out the video at the end of me trying scotch.  That shit is so nasty.


Oh Megan laughter, never to be missed...


Attempting to redo my ridiculous laughter photo.

I love "ethnic" food!  nomnomnom.

Couches in women's bathooms are so amazing.

Unsuccessful whiskey tasting.  Nope, give me the rum.

Don't worry, I came rum-prepared.

VX-1 Skipper and I.

The scotch/whiskey tasting station was quite popular.

And there was this Brit who I feel pulled off the best outfit of the night.

We figured if it worked on a house in Up that it would definitely work on a person, right?

Awesome 'staches!

The biggest thing I questioned from the night:
why don't women's heels have more padding in them?!?!

Is it because they are already uncomfortable, so why bother??

Me tasting scotch.  BTW, the 2nd one wasn't watered down, it was straight and it definitely made me cough.  Bleh.

I'm definitely going to miss these events when I'm in SC.