Monday, June 27, 2011

"You can't fight country" Part 1

Ok, let me start this off by saying a few things.
1.  Teh Dad is from UPstate, New York.. And by UPstate, I mean like, "hello, Canadian Border, how are you today," close.  
2.  Since Teh Dad is from UPstate, NY, he is a Yankee.
3.  Teh Dad moved to North Carolina in the early 80s.  I wasn't here yet, so I don't know the year.
4.  Most of Teh Dad's relatives that are now in NC are displaced Yankees.  They all came from UPstate, NY.
5.  Apparently, being in the South for too long means that you're Yankee disposition starts to fade.
6.  When your Yankeeness goes away, it must be replaced with something.
7.  Usually the "something" is redneckness.  
8.  :(

**I purposely made it UPstate, to empahize just how NORTHERN Teh Dad is could be was.

There is a lot of set up involved in this story, so be patient, I promise its worth it.


Red Diamond = where all the action takes place.  It is actually the end of the road I grew up on.  When Teh Dad bought a house, he bought a house literally across the street.  
Red Circle = VERY bad place to pull out into traffic.  You can't really tell from the image, but its actually halfway down a small hill, meaning when you turn out onto the street, you have to gun it and hope that no one is coming.  Have I/we pulled out in front of people before?  Yes, often.  Its a REALLY bad place to have a driveway.
Orange Arrow = Teh Dad's house
Yellow Arrow = TC/TT house
Green Line = Directions from Teh Dad's to TC/TT's house.

Ok.. so part 1.

TC is my cousin.  His son is TT.  My Yankee NC family likes to raise their sons to be "hell raisers", simple explanation.  Most of my Yankee NC family is VERY into racing, be it NASCAR or local races.  When I was growing up, Teh Dad was on a different cousin's racing crew.  Teh Dad drilled a hole through his finger once while working on the car, no jk.  

Things haven't changed since I was little.  People have moved (like Teh Dad moving across the street), but as much as things are different, they are still the same.

TC apparently participates in demolition derbys.  He has a hollowed out car, called The General (Lee).  Some of you have already got a picture of this car in your head, because you recognize the name.  But let me show you.
The General Lee from Dukes of Hazzard (photo)
This is the car from Dukes of Hazzard.  A show that I have NEVER EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, but I know ALL about it because my last name, which will become more important in part 2.

Because The General is for demolition derby, the car is hollowed out on the inside, with the appropriate steel piping laid down, there is only 1 seat, no seat belt, no lights...  NOT street legal.  But because I'm from Podunk, and there's plenty of places to drive around where I grew up, TC often puts TT on his lap and they take The General for a spin.  They always say on the dirt road, because cops don't go there.

One day last summer, TC and TT decided to go visit Teh Dad.  They decided that since it was such a short drive, they'd just take The General, no big deal, right across the street, easy day.  From TT/TC's house to the red diamond, the road is dirt.  From that intersection, you can see what is coming from both directions, so they arrived at Teh Dad's with no issue.  They were there for a while, then it was time to return home.

Because the red circle intersection is so tricky, TC decided to just gun it out of the drive way, spinning tires and fish tailing into the opposite lane.  There was a car coming, but he was out of the way in time.  And it about 8 seconds from Teh Dad's road to the dirt road... Then TC realized the car that was passing him was the sheriff's deputy as he then fishtailed into the dirt driveway.  Immediately, the blue lights turned on and the deputy turned his car around on Teh Dad's road.  TC was smart enough to just stop at the Red Diamond, realizing that there was no getting out of this one.  The deputy pulled in behind him.

Summarized convo:
Deputy: I don't even want to get started.  Who are you supposed to be, Bo and Luke?
TC: I don't really want you to get started.  But I know there's many problems with this situation.  And I know there's no seat belts, and only one seat, and no windows, and no lights and no signals..  But let me explain.  My cousin lives right across the street (he pointed for emphasis) and we went to visit him.  This has never happened before and it will never happen again.  I know this is wrong.

I'm not really sure how or why, but he told TC it better never happen again, and let him go.  As the deputy was walking away, TT (who is under the age of 10) said in true son of a NC Yankee fashion, "Damn pig."  Reminder: there were no windows in the car.  Before the deputy could reconsider, TC started the car and went home.

Oddly enough, this is a normal adventure for my family members.  But, usually, I expect my yankee relatives to uphold a higher standard.  Apparently, they've assimilated and adapted to NC culture (very well) and the redneck is now undeniable...

Which leads us to part 2....


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