I woke up Monday morning and got up and smell IT. The smell of poop in the house. I don't turn on the lights to get out of the bedroom, but I spied 2 dark piles on our nasty cream carpet. Pegged it, poops. I fed the dogs and put them out and cleaned up poop. 1 pile was definitely Phil's and the other belonged to a small dog (FYI: I'm a poop recce master). I only stuck my finger in 1 pile, but I washed my hands that problem was solved. When I was spraying the carpet, I ran out of spray. I eventually found a little bit more of the solution in the laundry room, but I was already done cleaning poop.
Then it was time to let the muddy dogs in... which is fine for my dogs, but Xero the spook dog was being a douche-mago and only let me wipe his front paws and then he kept running from me so I couldn't catch him, which meant he was going back to the yard to get muddier and I got angry-frustrated at him and yelled, "JUST GET ADOPTED!" I felt super bad about it later, but still just let me wipe your paws, dog, and don't be so afraid of every.single.thing.ever.
By this point, I'm running late. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. The one night that Mr. Scrooge didn't ask me if I had set my alarm, I hadn't. Not that it's his fault I didn't set my alarm, it's just amusing to me because he also asks me if my alarm is turned OFF every Friday night and I flip-out and tell him that my alarm is only for M-F. I mean, overreact flip-out. He found this part of my day extremely amusing and made sure to ask me if my alarm was set last night as we went to bed. He's cute, so very cute.
So I'm running 10-15 behind schedule, which means rush hour traffic. FML. Traffic backed up way sooner than it usually does and we were stopped and I'm keeping my cool. It's not so bad, Megan, you'll still get to work eventually, only 5 mins after your goal time. Just relax. Then I assessed that we were probably stopped for a train after I saw the lights flashing and the barriers raise. Le sigh, trains, ughhh. I finally get through the first clog and I'm on the 2nd to last road of my morning commute* and my Nemesis Train is in motion.. and by in motion I mean stopped in the middle of the road.
Now let me explain somethings about my Nemesis Train. Nemesis Train does this thing where the warning barriers go down and then a few minutes later you finally see the train appear from one side of the road. Nemesis Train is going as.slowly.as.possible. It's usually just 1-3 cars and an engine crossing As.Slow.As.Possible. After 5 more minutes, the train is finally blocking the entire road and 2 guys get off and unlock a gate and push the doors back and the train starts to back up! NO TRAIN, NO. It is now only halfway blocking the road. Then it starts to move forward again, still verrrrrryyyy slowly. 5 minutes later, it finally has completely crossed the road, but the barriers are still not raising, oh because Nemesis Train isn't done fucking with me. Nope, then it decides to back up till it's halfway across the street again, btw the backing up is as slow as the moving forward. Then it pulls forward and is finally across the street for good. The barriers finally go up and I'm now 20 minutes later than my goal arrival time.
Whatever, I get to work. I post on FB about how ridiculous my morning was. Little did I know, I was only jinxing myself. I figured it couldn't get worse than that... BAhahahahahahah. Oh Megan, bless your heart.
As I was waiting on Nemesis Train to complete it's movements, I realized that I had failed at fixing my lunch. Not that I hadn't brought it, but it wasn't right. Meaning, I brought chili to work, butttt I had failed to add sour cream, cheese, and chips and I had already had a rough start, so that wasn't going to work. Yes, #firstworldproblem, #dontcare. I messaged Mr. Scrooge and told him not to eat chili for lunch because I was going to bring my lunch home and eat it for dinner. We ended up agreeing to go out for lunch at Ye Ole Fashioned Cafe (he knows me so well) for BLTs.
After our lunch date, I was trying to make good time getting back to work so I decided to go the "fast" way back (via the interstate) instead of dealing with the highway and all the red lights. Yeah... did I mention it rained all day on Monday? I don't mind the rain, but it seems to make everyone else drive more "cautiously" and by cautiously I mean worse. I get on the interstate and proceed to my exit which is extremely backed up for some reason. As we crawl by the exit I needed to complete my "fast track" back to work, I notice a police car and cones blocking the exit. I keep rubber-necking to see an overturned 18-wheeler laying against the exit barrier wall, just hanging out there... blocking me.. So, I get back on the interstate and I'm trying to get off (that's what she said) at the next exit. As I approach the exit, there are 2 cars in the slow/right lane that are blocking my ability to merge into the lane to take the exit. In my defense, this exit is always a surprise exit. You never realize it's as close as it actually is. I missed my exit because these 2 fools were already going 45 on the interstate and I wasn't willing to stop in the middle lane to make the exit.
So, I pull out Suzy2.5 and rely on her guidance to get me back to work. She managed to get me back in a reasonable amount of time, thankfully, but that trip definitely took 10 more minute than it would have if I would have just been patient and sat through the red lights. Of course.
At this point, I realize I have a case of the Mondays. I hadn't ever believed in this before, but this was officially a thing. I posted on FB that I was appreciative for delays instead of disasters, ya know, trying to turn this day around. I believe that delays are God stopping bad things from happening to you, so I was still ok with this ridiculous day.
I felt pretty safe being at work. I wasn't safe, Gentle Readers. NO. At almost time for me to leave, I went upstairs to the cafe to refill my water cup (for my desk) and water bottle (for my run). As I was going to open the door to Company, I noticed a shadow behind the door and my ninja reflexes went into effect and I backed away and held up my hand to block the door from hitting me in the face. Since I had both hands full, it was the best I could do. I felt my finger get smashed, but was trying to just get in the door so I could sit down and nurse my wounds. The guy didn't even apologize until I was halfway down the hall (he wasn't a coworker, just a visitor). He just kept bumbling non-words as I was trying to get in the door, so I wasn't going to stand around and wait on him. Fortunately, I just had a small cut on my finger and there was no blood, but holy jebus. SLOW DOWN PEOPLE! He would have totally hit me in the face with the door had I not seen him, which would have been way worse. One of the guys I work with (the micromanager who I can't crack) had seen it all go down and when he came in, he walked over to my desk to ask if I was ok. I reassured him that it was just my finger, nothing was broken or bleeding and I was just startled.
I figured at this point, after a warning from a FB friend that the world was out to get me, it was time to leave work. I was kind of excited about this point in my day because I had new running shoes to break in. WOOT! Le sigh.
I finally leave work and I'm on my way to base to go on my run, despite the drizzle. Remember when I confessed that I crossed 18 sets of train tracks to get to work? So 5 sets of those tracks are all in the same place (poor Yurtle). This is also where Nemesis Train #2 resides. Oh yes, there are now TWO Nemesis Trains. Because Nemesis Train #2 does the exact same thing as Nemesis Train #1 except its got more cars and 2 engines and it's got a longer way to go. When I pulled up to Nemesis Train #2, it was already in motion, so I figured it wouldn't really be that long of a wait. HAHAHAHAH. I checked FB, I took photos and send texts to Teh Sister about the ridiculousness that was my day. I watched the train go forward and backward and forward and backward and finally forward and the only thing I could think was, "Go home, Train, you're drunk." I called Teh Mom to relay the story of my ridiculous day. I couldn't even contain myself anymore. When I had come to a stop at Nemesis Train #2 I had started to laugh then teared up to cry and then laughed more and almost weeped and then I was like, "Get it together, Megan."
|There's a train ahead of us...|
The train finally finished it's drunken track dance about 10-15 minutes later. I prefer not to get a specific time on these things because the length of time is exponentially linked to my rage. If I don't know, my rage can't be enabled. I eventually made it to base and parked. I got out of Yurtle and stretched and Suzy2.5 accidentally hung up on Teh Mom and I started my run.
I've still got some pretty gnarly shin splits, but I really want to break in my new shoes for my Bridge run, so it was a worth-it pain (I hope). Then.. I was presented with the mud puddles... I'm wearing brand new shoes, Gentle Readers and you don't know this about me, but I'm kind of a shoe spaz. Teh Mom used to always be amazed at how clean I could keep shoes (with the exception of my play shoes, which were different rules). Yeah, I watch where I'm stepping, it's a thing. So I was faced with running through these HUGE, deep puddles or running in the grass around them. Figuring it was less wet, I powered through the sopping wet mud/grass and still ended up with wet toes and feet. Not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES.. each way. So a total of running through 6 mud puddles in my new shoes. It was at this point that I realized that having a case of the Mondays was real. The universe was laughing at me. I was the joke.
I just pretended my moisture wicking socks would magically dry up any water and finished 4 miles with slightly damp toes. I headed home to shower and be lazy and when I got home, Mr. Scrooge was vacuuming and he suggested that I take the dogs on a walk so he could finish vacuuming then shampoo the carpets. Wanna know what wasn't on my agenda after the day that I had? Either one of those choices.
But, Mr. Scrooge is/was freaking out because our carpet was super muddy because our yard is kind of a swamp when it rains and the house owner is coming this evening to check on the toilets (I mean the repairs, but it was funnier to say toilets). So I told him I'd do the carpets and he was like, what? Because he couldn't believe that I'd rather vacuum/shampoo carpets than further aggravate my shin splints after running 4 miles by walking 3 dogs. Also, I admitted to him that I'm pretty much a professional carpet cleaner, which he believed after he returned and the mud was gone.
When I was done with the vacuuming, I made the dog's dinners so Mr. Scrooge wouldn't have to deal with that and I emptied the vacuum canister.. at which point I realized that Mr. Scrooge hadn't completely reassembled the vacuum before he started vacuuming. He had left out the foam filter. I have no idea what that does to the vacuum, butttttt I've decided that Mr. Scrooge is the reason I can't have nice things (towels, vacuum). I realized at that point that it was probably for the best that I'd said I'd do the carpet cleaning. I'm afraid of what he would have done to my machine. Did I mention how cute he is? My mechanical/nuclear engineer is so, sooo very cute, even if he tries to kill all my machine things.
By the time Mr. Scrooge returned with the dogs, I was about 10 minutes from being completely finished shampooing the carpets, but also completely stinky because I hadn't showered after my run. Mr. Scrooge warmed up the chili leftovers for dinner while I called Teh MD Adult Roomie and told her the tale of my Monday Saga, while sitting on the bathroom floor where I had been putting away towels but got distracted telling her my story (Mr. Scrooge was very confused about why I was sitting in the bathroom floor talking on the phone, but he doesn't understand how much I don't even care where I am, I was just glad to be talking to Teh MD Adult Roomie). I knew she could totally use the laugh and my day was completely laughable.
Then, oh then... when I thought it was over (my bad), Mr. Scrooge and I sat down on the couch for tv and dinner (because who eats at the table anymore?) and he turned it to HBO which was playing Mrs. Doubtfire which had me spasm giggling. I immediately messaged Teh Sister and told her that he'd turned on Mrs. Doubtfire and she cackled at me. Mrs. Doubtfire was one of those movies Teh Sister had watched on repeat and I could probably tell you most of the lines to this day. It was at this point, I accepted my case of the Mondays. Assuming the universe knew that I needed something to reinforce that tomorrow would come, I received an email with my bib number for my run this weekend, woot!
I finished my dinner and did more laundry and let the dogs out and got their food ready for this morning. I went outside and meticulously wiped off the paws of all the dogs, I taught myself a trick to shut the porch door so Xero can't escape to the muddy yard (#imagenius) and finally it was time for bed. I did finish Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me last night and I give it 4 stars. I liked it, but I'm not sure I'd ever reread it.
Either way. I hope your Monday wasn't nearly as ridiculous as mine. I brought Phil with me to work today to fend off any remaining Monday-ness that dwindled.
*There are alternative ways to get around the Nemesis Trains, but there are also tracks to cross when I go the other way, and I have been caught by those trains when going that way. I'm always torn between just being patient and waiting it out, because it can't take that long (hahhahahahaha). I know that turning around and going the other way will probably take just as long as waiting it out and if I wait it out, I can just check FB and text my homies and clean out the underneath of my fingernails, ya know shit people do in their cars that they shouldn't do when they are in motion. Whatevs.