This is not a new struggle for me.
But what had happened was...
When I was sitting with the tax dude while he was doing our taxes, he said something about having 2 kids and I said, "I have 2 fur kids, it's a shame I can't get a tax credit for them." He said, "So no human kids... yet."
Queue some Megan rage.
Just because my body contains the tools to reproduce doesn't mean I am obligated to use them.That's the thing about humans, we can make choices about our bodies (ya know, for the most part, barring any government regulation, which is a can of worms we're not getting into right now).
Obviously, this is not the first time I've heard this comment, nor will it be the last. "Yet," it really, really irks me... because at the end of the day, my reproductive business is no one else's business. That's just how that works.
And then.. a few days later, a coworker brought her month-old infant to a work party so we could all meet him. He was adorable. I wanted to hold him, NBD, but I wasn't going to push everyone out of the way to be like, MY TURN BITCHES. And after the other interested parties held him, he was passed on to me.. and never taken away. He was cute and he wasn't crying and he was like a little lump.
And then what had happened was:
1- I waffled between being tired of holding him and wanting to put him in his carrier and just wanting to hold this cute, not crying infant because he was adorable and I hadn't gotten to meet him before and it's a baby, there's nothing shameful in holding a baby.
2- I felt (mysteriously) obligated to hold him. Like, if I put him down my coworkers would think me heartless. But I knew that by continuing to hold him, my coworkers were all thinking, "I know who is next! Tehehe."
3- I would move the baby around and everyone would hold their breath or comment that I was going to drop him. Cue Megan rage. Several times I had to say to someone who made a comment, "Is he crying? Is he still alive? Yes, and yes.. So he's fine and I'm fine and we're fine. Thanks."
And then, Mom and Dad were ready to leave and I handed the baby back and guess what.. my uterus didn't explode from wanting. I continued on about my day like I do. Holding that infant didn't change my mind about my reproductive choices. In fact, it kind of cemented my feelings even more.
|There's even photographic evidence!|
Maybe my reproductive choices are the problem. And by THE problem, I mean MY problem. Because I don't really want kids, but I'd be willing to use my tools maybe. Teh German and I have discussed it several times and right now, we've both agreed that we do not want kids at this time. I think what really gave Teh German pause was when I asked him why he wanted kids. Because society/his family said so? I'm not interested in that reasoning.... and here's why...
I told Teh German that if he really wanted to have kids, we would do it. But it would be after I finished school. Because I MATTER. My priorities matter and, let's just be real for a minute, my body and time will be the most effected for the immediate time. I also had to explain to him that all the fun stuff we do now (which he really enjoys) would definitely taper off. Not because we're not awesome anymore, but because our priorities will have to be reevaluated to meet the demands of a tiny human. The reality is, I'm not going to be the only one "sacrificing" because of a spawn.
Coincidentally, while I was typing this up waiting on my math class to start, a cadet was asking our professor about his day as "Mr. Mom." I happily interjected and said, "Most people just call that, 'being a dad.""
These attitudes needs to change.
Because someone has a uterus doesn't mean it is their SINGULAR PURPOSE to create offspring and take care of those offspring. Oddly enough, it takes two individuals to (naturally) make an offspring (in the case of humans at least) and "the nuclear family" is actually a pretty new concept. People used to live in villages and everyone took care of everyone else, to include other's children. Example: infants being fed from whatever female could nurse the baby. It didn't have to be the mother. Milkmaids were real. They are not just from a song.
Additionally, the working woman has been around for forever. Except that, women.had.help. It's maybe amusing to imagine the caveman always being away hunting and the woman staying home to tend the farm and children.. but it wasn't like the man and woman lived all alone. They.had.help.
Today, that same type of help isn't as prevalent. This very much influences my decision to procreate. Would I mind having a child if I know that I could go to work (which I do because I enjoy working) and someone I trust would be around to take care of the baby? Maybe not as much. Except that I still don't know WHY I should have a kid. There is no reason that I, Megan LastName, NEED to procreate.
I don't need to pass on my genes for the human race to survive.
I don't feel an obligation to see what Teh German and I could create in a tiny human.
I mean, yeah, the science is cool, but the whole, still having to take care of it for forever and it getting to a stage where it talks back and acts like me doesn't surpass the thrill of "ooo, what could we make?" It never will for me. And also, I've seen our Snapchat face-swaps. We should not procreate.
So this is me saying, fuck it. Fuck whoever tries to make me feel less for not wanting children. Especially fuck anyone who expects me to procreate because I have a uterus. Fuck anyone who tries to tell me that I'm missing out/kids are worth it/it will fulfill me/whatever other possible reason/blah blah blah.
In case you were waiting on it (because I sure was for a long time), this is your permission to reflect on your desires and make your own decisions.
This is your permission to be honest about YOUR desires, to tell society and whoever else to STFU because you will do what YOU want to do with YOUR body and that you have NO obligation to do whatever they did or what they expect you to do.