Thursday, October 29, 2015

Feminism or Female Pride

Back in the day of Google Reader (RIP, I still hate you for that Googly), I subscribed to Feminste.  They write articles promoting feminism and about culture and women and things that repress women and lots of rape culture articles, which were all too soon for me, which is what ultimately led to me unsubscribing from their feed.

There is a part of me that is ALL THE FEMINIST! ALL THE TIME!  But there's also another part of me that has never wanted to burn my bra (which btw, isn't even a real feminist movement thing), enjoys it when a man holds the door for me or opens my car door, I don't mind cleaning the house (as long as it's not expected of me), I don't really enjoy doing yard work..  But at the same time, I don't enjoy being repressed because I have boobs instead of a penis.  Like that one time when the the property management rep asked me if my boyfriend had tried to remove the stuck toilet seat..

Back story: BTW, I never told you the ending of the toilet seat story from last spring...  So a plumber came to fix the wobbly guest toilet and he was also tasked with changing the toilet seat in the master bath.  Yeah HE couldn't get the screws unscrewed either..  Why?  Because the freakin' screws were too rusted.  EXACTLY what I said was wrong.  He had to SAW off the screws to change the seat.  Yeah, I felt totally vindicated and I played the adult and did NOT call the lady and give her a verbal smack down even if it would have felt VERY good.

Anyways, recently I've come across some articles about women that kinda struck a chord with me (don't judge my Buzzfeed articles, mmkay).

This Is What Happens When Women Actually Accept A Compliment From A Man Online

18 Struggles Of Being A Girl Who Sometimes Actually Likes Herself

I don't suffer from a lack of self-esteem, Teh Mom made sure of that.  I sometimes wonder if I suffer from too MUCH esteem, but I don't worry about it for too long and instead turn to the logical explanation that I'm awesome, no matter what.  Let me just put that out there.

I'm not absolutely hideous, but I'm not the prettiest girl in the land either.  I'm not fat, but I'm the "thickest" woman in my office or the skinniest.  I'm not a nuclear engineer, but I'm a college graduate who is entering into a 2nd career, both of which I was/am successful at.  I don't know all the things ever about dogs, but I know all the things ever about MY dogs. See all the esteem that drips from those comments?  It's practically in a puddle below this paragraph.

All that said, there articles kinda hit home with a lot of blogging topics I've seen on my feed recently from women who suffer from practically hating themselves and that is something very difficult for me to understand because I think I'm pretty awesome.  Part of how awesome I am though, is how I am able to accept different perspectives and experiences and be able to sympathize.

Also, I don't understand what "Can I live?"/#canilive means.  It sounds catty and bitchy to me.  I'd much rather go with the common #sorrynotsorry, because I am almost never sorry for any of this (unless of course I was being an asshole and then well, possibly sorry):

At my worst, I'm a force to be reckoned with.  At my best, I'm a force to be reckoned with but I'm on your side.

I loathe and abhor how hard women are on each other.  We're critical and mean and even I'm not exempt.  One minute I'm poking fun of SUPER obese women and the next, I'm defending the pudgy woman in spandex who is out walking her dog to someone who says she shouldn't be wearing that (at least she not sitting on her butt eating potato chips while she watches TV).

We can do better. 
We SHOULD do better.
I should do better.

There are things that I am uncomfortable wrapping my head around, transgender things for instance.  That said, I don't go out of my way to discriminate these people or meet these people.  If I were to meet someone that is transgender, I would be the only one that is uncomfortable and I'd keep that to myself because that is on me.  Just because I'M uncomfortable with something doesn't mean I need to project that onto someone else.  I feel like people need to be reminded of that.

My problems aren't your problems.  If they are, we have something in common, but you don't need to take any responsibility for my problems.  I need to deal with my own problems like the adult that I am.  That means keeping my opinions to myself if I disagree with someone and no one asks my opinion, or agreeing to disagree if the subject is broached. 

We need to face our problems and not make them the problem of the person/thing we have a problem with.  

Back to my point, I call myself an on-the-fence-Feminist because I fall on both sides of the fence regarding different women's issues.  Maybe that makes me a feminist, maybe not.  I don't need to claim a title to know and support women who are discriminated against.  I just want to be better about supporting my fellow vagina-owners.


  1. I think you're totally a feminist. Being a feminist doesn't have to mean being ONE thing, or following a specific set of rules. It took me a long time to realize this and feel comfortable with the label- but just as there is no ONE way to be a woman, there is no one way to be a feminist, and I don't have to agree with everyone who claims the label to realize that women get treated really terribly a lot of the time and think that's bullshit.

    For the confidence thing- I do struggle with that at times. Insecurity is hands down my weakest characteristic. That being said, I am kind of over everyone telling me to get over it. Being told "You are totally wrong about the way you feel about yourself" isn't helpful when a bout of insecurity hits and makes you...doubt everything about yourself- it actually just confirms how wrong about everything you are! At this point in my life, it just is what it is. I know these periods are going to hit- but I also know that I am a fun, witty, creative, caring, strong, and organized person who will GTFO by tomorrow. I've grown up enough to realize my many great qualities, and focusing on those makes me feel better than pretending those other lesser qualities just don't exist. So I hesitate to "pity" people also because's just a dark period and you're totally fine later.

  2. Agree with Brittany ^ - people hear the word 'feminist' and automatically assume stereotypical things like man-hating or being against chivalry or gender roles or whatever. Meanwhile, being a feminist just means that you want equality of the sexes. I wrote a post earlier this week about how I could "use a man around," and at first I was nervous it'd be construed as sexist or setting women back...but there's nothing wrong with saying "shit, I'm a girl and I can do a lot of things but sometimes it's nice to get some damn help." Or, "yeah I'm a bad ass but I am NOT killing that daddy-long-legs."

    Now that I'm in the single/dating world (and more mature than I was the last time I was here) I see so much misogyny and things that show we still have a long ways to go. That Buzzfeed article was an excellent point of that.

    You SHOULD have all the confidence in the world, lady - you're a rockstar. CAN I LIVE?

  3. I am going to be honest. The word feminist is used so negatively here in the south. The thing is, I like to come home and cook dinner for my husband. I like sparkly, girly things. I am pro-life. I liked being "courted" when I was dating. Yet....I lived on my own for many years and didn't need help from anyone. I still want to be paid the same as a man and vote and shit. So I guess I understand how you are on the fence about the whole thing.

    I just want to get to the point in our country where we aren't labeled anymore. Where we are all the same. Guys and girls, blacks and whites, gays and straights. We are all people. Who cares what we like, who we date, all that stuff. The media literally has us divided on every subject.

  4. My thoughts: I don't need a label. I believe in equality. I believe a person should be able to live their life, like what they like, love what they love as long as they aren't hurting another living being. If that means that my mom likes making her man's tea and taking it to him as he sits his lazy ass in his chair because my mom really does like feeling like she is taking care of her loved one...then let her do it. (even if I think he can get his ass up and make his own tea, but he never does. never. she gets it for him every single time.) But, it took a while for me not to be like "hey mom! stand up for yourself! you don't have to wait on him! be stronger than that!" I took me a long time to realize that makes my mom happy. So, good for her. But, if that doesn't make me happy, then so be it. We should be allowed to navigate our relationships, personal and professional, in a way that makes us happy and fulfilled. And we shouldn't have any other barriers or obstacles just because we are vagina owners.

  5. I agree with everything except the confidence. I with my parents instilled that. Instead they did the opposite... :-( but yes I like doors held for me and other common courtesies! I do like the work from home, no bra thing. It is pretty darn amazing to be in your jammies all day.

  6. I agree with everything except the confidence. I with my parents instilled that. Instead they did the opposite... :-( but yes I like doors held for me and other common courtesies! I do like the work from home, no bra thing. It is pretty darn amazing to be in your jammies all day.


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