-I figured that one day in the future, I might have sex again and I should invest in some condoms. Ya know, thinking like a smart, safety-conscious, adult. I went to Amazon because free shipping and straight to my door. I searched condoms and Amazon was quite pushy with their economy size packages. No Amazon, I just need the "I might get laid at some point before these expire" pack, not the "FUCKING FOR DAYZZZZ" pack. Jesus. But then there was this bad boy. I felt violated. (That link might not be safe for work, if you care about things like that.. unlike me). #YouCanFindAnythingOnTheInternet #woah
-Apparently this is the week the creepers are popping up on the online dating front. I've gotten these gems this week (from all different dudes):
Dude: Is your mind as dirty as your mouth?
Dude: My kind of gal ;) I have to ask, you're not into anything weird are you?
Me: I'm not really sure what that means.
Dude: I met a chick that was into some really freaky stuff.
Me: If you're asking me about freaky bedroom stuff, it's already going to fast for me.
Dude: I would hug a cactus then swim thru shark infested salt water to the arctic to do battle with an angry mother polar bear on a 2x2 foot iceberg for the chance to share a spaghetti dinner with you on a webcam over a dial up connection.
Me: haha, but what if it was just spaghetti-os?
Dude: hahaha... I come up with the most random stuff, comes in handy when writing papers for classes lol. Basically, the more we talk the higher your standards will be raised, and I don't know if that's healthy. I have a bad effect, if you get to know me more everybody else will seem bland and boring, and you'll get "the hunger" that won't be filled unless you get your fix of me. You have had your opportunity to turn around now without taking the red pill and finding out things you might wish you could've been left without. Ignorance can be bliss, and I'm the wake up call, you sure you can handle that?
Me: I can't tell if that is a horrible innuendo gone wrong, you're serious, or completely insane, but I'm intrigued, none the less... and not just because there was a Matrix reference all that.
Dude: haha... Also I was thinking bodies like mine were meant to be on top of bodies like yours, but I'm a pretty lazy guy so you're going to have to be on top sometimes.
Dude: What are you up to?
Me: Just finished lunch with coworkers.
Dude: Thanks for the invite.
Me: Our quad does tasty Tuesday. We're an elite group who give no fucks about snubbing the rest of our coworkers.
Dude: You curse like a pirate too! Do you f@#$ like one too? hahaha jk!
To all of these douchebags: #byefelicia
-My favorite conversations with strangers have included:
+The greatness of Cookout milkshakes
+Singing to Disney movies as a child and it being a staple of our childhoods
+Where to find cannolis
-Miss Reflective is coming to see me!!! #cuegirlyscreams
-After my super busy weekend, sitting at home on Monday afternoon (since I worked from home after lunch) made me stir crazy. AND it was a rest day, so no running. #whoamI
-I bought 4 pairs of new running shoes Tuesday night. I'm planning on returning 3 pairs. #CreditCardsRock
-In a (dog) blog I read, she referenced her readers as "Gentle Readers" and I was THRILLED. Too bad she never responds to comments.... :( #yunorespond
-This is probably the latest my confessions have ever been posted. This is what happens when this post isn't mostly complete by Tuesday night. #bloggerprobs
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Life with Lolo